What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
Talk above of manscaping reminds my friend that he once went on an internet date with a very crazy American woman who was like Ann Coulter's hotter but more right wing and nutso sister. Despite strong disagreements on matters of politics, the date ended up in my friend's flat, where the crazy lady announced that she disapproved of all forms of intimate foliage and proceeded to do radical trimmage with my friend's razor. When my friend awoke the next day he was pretty stunned that he had allowed a very drunk and very crazy stranger lady to tackle his undergrowth with a blade. The date did not have a follow up.
Breadvan72 said:
Talk above of manscaping reminds my friend that he once went on an internet date with a very crazy American woman who was like Ann Coulter's hotter but more right wing and nutso sister. Despite strong disagreements on matters of politics, the date ended up in my friend's flat, where the crazy lady announced that she disapproved of all forms of intimate foliage and proceeded to do radical trimmage with my friend's razor. When my friend awoke the next day he was pretty stunned that he had allowed a very drunk and very crazy stranger lady to tackle his undergrowth with a blade. The date did not have a follow up.
Well I can't see how *that* could have gone bad...My 'friend' when learning to drive was kindly offered by a colleague to maneuver his car out of work's car park as a bit of practice. Mistook 1st for Reverse as they were both in the top left being a 6 speed. Went to reverse and very slowly rolled straight into a hedge, forwards, while trying to go backwards. Lack of experience led to me not stamping on the brakes as soon as i realised, leading to rolling further into said hedge, painfully slowly. Cue laughter from colleague as he shakes his head in disappointment
FiringOnThree said:
My 'friend' when learning to drive was kindly offered by a colleague to maneuver his car out of work's car park as a bit of practice. Mistook 1st for Reverse as they were both in the top left being a 6 speed. Went to reverse and very slowly rolled straight into a hedge, forwards, while trying to go backwards. Lack of experience led to me my friend not stamping on the brakes as soon as I he realised, leading to rolling further into said hedge, painfully slowly. Cue laughter from colleague as he shakes his head in disappointment
FTFY!! 
Breadvan72 said:
Talk above of manscaping reminds my friend that he once went on an internet date with a very crazy American woman who was like Ann Coulter's hotter but more right wing and nutso sister. Despite strong disagreements on matters of politics, the date ended up in my friend's flat, where the crazy lady announced that she disapproved of all forms of intimate foliage and proceeded to do radical trimmage with my friend's razor. When my friend awoke the next day he was pretty stunned that he had allowed a very drunk and very crazy stranger lady to tackle his undergrowth with a blade. The date did not have a follow up.
More on manscaping...My friend once got tired of trying to shave his gentleman area, and decided to use his girlfriend's veet.
He told me he had to squat in a cold bath for some time.
"My friend" ran a shop front financial services firm and was became increasingly irritated that what had started as a source of amusement, leaving a video entitled Ben Dovers Butt Bangers Bonanza on a colleagues desk, had become a war of attrition between staff and management.
"My friend" after an extended lunchtime "meeting" decided to focus solely on solving this problem. After ringing a number of his friends found someone that wanted it. Job done and tape sent to Mr XYZ in Herefordshire. Next morning "my friend" was asked to take a call from Mr XYZ and was stunned to find in his drunken state had sent video to a client, Mr XYZ in Hertfordshire. Helpfully "my friend" had accompanied tape with a compliment slip that stated "I hope you go blind you W!".
"My friend" said that the two most surprising aspects were the client was neither angry or amused just, meh, a person responsible for keeping my chattels safe has once again sent me porn in post. Tape was returned having been watched half way through and was then sent to correct Mr XYZ.
"My friend" after an extended lunchtime "meeting" decided to focus solely on solving this problem. After ringing a number of his friends found someone that wanted it. Job done and tape sent to Mr XYZ in Herefordshire. Next morning "my friend" was asked to take a call from Mr XYZ and was stunned to find in his drunken state had sent video to a client, Mr XYZ in Hertfordshire. Helpfully "my friend" had accompanied tape with a compliment slip that stated "I hope you go blind you W!".
"My friend" said that the two most surprising aspects were the client was neither angry or amused just, meh, a person responsible for keeping my chattels safe has once again sent me porn in post. Tape was returned having been watched half way through and was then sent to correct Mr XYZ.
About 10 years ago my friend was in Sydney. He was staying with an old uni friend who was on secondment in Australia, and after spending several months travelling across the country with two Israelis he was enjoying a little bit of relative normality. One evening he went out drinking in the CBD with said uni mate and a couple of his work colleagues. After a few pints he received a text from the Israelis- they were on the same street, in a pub called The Duke, and wondered if they fancied meeting up. They did, so they drunkenly set off in search of the pub.
Half an hour later they are in a rough looking bar in Kings Cross that definitely isn’t called The Duke. A few texts later they are sure they’re in the right place, and one of the party suggests that there may be another bar in the basement of this one. So my friend approached two large bouncers stood either side of a promising looking door.
“Is The Duke down there?” Asked my friend.
“He might be…” glowered the bouncer.
Even in his addled state my friend was sure that this answer wasn't a good one.
It turned out that the Israelis were in Bondi, in a pub called something completely different to The Duke.
Half an hour later they are in a rough looking bar in Kings Cross that definitely isn’t called The Duke. A few texts later they are sure they’re in the right place, and one of the party suggests that there may be another bar in the basement of this one. So my friend approached two large bouncers stood either side of a promising looking door.
“Is The Duke down there?” Asked my friend.
“He might be…” glowered the bouncer.
Even in his addled state my friend was sure that this answer wasn't a good one.
It turned out that the Israelis were in Bondi, in a pub called something completely different to The Duke.
Edited by Alfa numeric on Tuesday 18th December 13:53
My friend has just been reminded by an ex of an escapade in the lift of a Paris hotel, during which they accidentally took the lift to the reception. A crowd of people standing chatting did not notice my friend and his then squeeze frozen, er, stiff in the lift, and the doors closed allowing a hasty retreat to the room. My friend recalls that ex to have had quite a thing for PDAs in hotel stairwells, corridors, and cupboards.
My friend has left his locking wheel nut on the wheel when going for a drive.
My friend thinks he would learn when paying for a replacement.
My friend then tried jacking the car up on an exhaust bracket (do not blame him, it was late, cold, dark and looks just like the plate infront of where he did jack it up.
My friend then drove with the new locking key still in the wheel to get the noise of a broken dif looked at by someone cleverer than he.
(the key stayed in the wheel, and a bent exhaust bracket being hit by the exhaust sounded like a dif)
My friend is a fool who never learns.
My friend thinks he would learn when paying for a replacement.
My friend then tried jacking the car up on an exhaust bracket (do not blame him, it was late, cold, dark and looks just like the plate infront of where he did jack it up.
My friend then drove with the new locking key still in the wheel to get the noise of a broken dif looked at by someone cleverer than he.
(the key stayed in the wheel, and a bent exhaust bracket being hit by the exhaust sounded like a dif)
My friend is a fool who never learns.
My friend lives in a faraway place that is a bit of a s
thole really, and whilst there he drives a slightly dishevelled 2007 Nissan Skyline AWD saloon that he bought for US $5000. It is OK, and has reasonably withstood the local habit of parking by Braille.
Hear is the Yarmouth, on its good side -
My friend lent his ride to his neighbour, a local person, while he went away for three weeks on a business trip. This was a quid pro quo for her checking up on his cat (and while she was at it empyting his freezer and his booze cupboard, yeah cheers yeah).
After one day away on the trip, a thing occurred.
The damage is worse than it looks in the photos. Underneath the duct tape there are chunks of jaggedy metal. The idiot neighbour drove into a metal post of some kind. The cost to repair looks like about US$1200.
The neighbour has told my friend that she has no driving licence, and so was not insured to drive the car.
My friend observes that no good deed will go unpunished.
thole really, and whilst there he drives a slightly dishevelled 2007 Nissan Skyline AWD saloon that he bought for US $5000. It is OK, and has reasonably withstood the local habit of parking by Braille. Hear is the Yarmouth, on its good side -
My friend lent his ride to his neighbour, a local person, while he went away for three weeks on a business trip. This was a quid pro quo for her checking up on his cat (and while she was at it empyting his freezer and his booze cupboard, yeah cheers yeah).
After one day away on the trip, a thing occurred.
The damage is worse than it looks in the photos. Underneath the duct tape there are chunks of jaggedy metal. The idiot neighbour drove into a metal post of some kind. The cost to repair looks like about US$1200.
The neighbour has told my friend that she has no driving licence, and so was not insured to drive the car.
My friend observes that no good deed will go unpunished.
Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 13th October 13:56
One door needed, and probably two, although one might be fixable with a hammer and swearing. As for swearing, there has been some of that. The neighbour, who used to cadge a lift to work in the morning with my friend, has moved house, which is just as well.
Oh, did I mention that my friend also trusted the neighbour's boyfriend to do some repair work on his motorbike? It's a Chinese Ninja knockoff that he bought from a local copper. BTW, local law sets a 125 cc limit on bikes. Have you ever seen a 125 cc bike with two mahoosive exhaust pipes coming from two chunky cylinders, which goes up very steep hills with a fat bloke on it at mucho MPH? Hey, it says 125 on the side, so, legit, eh? NB: bought from a copper.
Anyway, the boyfriend of the ex-neighbour is now the ex-boyfriend of the ex-neighbour, and has vanished. So has the bike, despite a handshake agreement that boyfriend would buy it from my friend and pay in instalments. My friend is wondering if he CBA to talk to the copper who sold him the bike. The copper is a very cool dude and packs a Glock 19. My friend knows where that copper goes drinking every Tuesday. Island life.
Oh, did I mention that my friend also trusted the neighbour's boyfriend to do some repair work on his motorbike? It's a Chinese Ninja knockoff that he bought from a local copper. BTW, local law sets a 125 cc limit on bikes. Have you ever seen a 125 cc bike with two mahoosive exhaust pipes coming from two chunky cylinders, which goes up very steep hills with a fat bloke on it at mucho MPH? Hey, it says 125 on the side, so, legit, eh? NB: bought from a copper.
Anyway, the boyfriend of the ex-neighbour is now the ex-boyfriend of the ex-neighbour, and has vanished. So has the bike, despite a handshake agreement that boyfriend would buy it from my friend and pay in instalments. My friend is wondering if he CBA to talk to the copper who sold him the bike. The copper is a very cool dude and packs a Glock 19. My friend knows where that copper goes drinking every Tuesday. Island life.
Er,....I am not sure that you are quite getting this thread.
BTW, if anyone here is interested in cars (and I realise that few will be), this particular POS has its own thread here -
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
BTW, if anyone here is interested in cars (and I realise that few will be), this particular POS has its own thread here -
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
My friend decided to show of back as a teenager in the local council carpark back in the 1980s. There was nothing in the carpark so it was cool to reverse fast and then head for the exit.
So full speed behind and BANG!!! In a panic expecting another car with a massive dent but no, it was the poor unexpected ticket machine.
The pole was at an angle for years and "friend" was too ashamed to tell anyone.
So full speed behind and BANG!!! In a panic expecting another car with a massive dent but no, it was the poor unexpected ticket machine.
The pole was at an angle for years and "friend" was too ashamed to tell anyone.
My friend has had a few car orientated escapades.
1. He was trying out his soon to be brother in laws Mk1 Escort Mexico when they were nearly current. And Rusty.
Flat out over a quiet country road near where he lived. It was thick fog. Road was on an elevated dyke with massive ditches. He became a bit disorientated due to lack of vision, dabbing the brakes for what he thought was the gentle right hander coming up. Actually, he was a lot further down the road and it was a 90 degree right hander. Realising he was NEVER going to slow down enough to take the band, he nailed it and soared, Dukes of Hazard stylee over the 7ft wide and at least as deep ditch that lay in wait for him, maintaining enough momentum to bounce out of the ploughed field with no visible damage. Until the bonnet was opened when the front end down stance was explained by the top mounts having punched through the rusty inner wings. Oops...
2. Another (different) Mk1 Escort Mexico escapade, again in the fog, country lane, 90 degree right hander.
Bit too fast approach, handbraked the car, went backwards through the hedge, landing some feet from the hedge on a lovely lawn, not enhanced by the car beached in the soft turf. My friend and his friend sat there a little stunned as the hedge slowly straightened itself back to vertical, followed a few seconds later by a dog walker who asked if we wanted a hand pushing the car out of he garden. The occupants of the house never materialised and as they were probably busy watching telly, he didnt want to disturb them as he quietly pushed the car across his very soft lawn to the driveway and then to the road.
He went back the following day to have a look and noticed the deep ruts where the car had landed some feet away from the hedge as though dropped from a helicopter.
What a bad boy my friend was.
1. He was trying out his soon to be brother in laws Mk1 Escort Mexico when they were nearly current. And Rusty.
Flat out over a quiet country road near where he lived. It was thick fog. Road was on an elevated dyke with massive ditches. He became a bit disorientated due to lack of vision, dabbing the brakes for what he thought was the gentle right hander coming up. Actually, he was a lot further down the road and it was a 90 degree right hander. Realising he was NEVER going to slow down enough to take the band, he nailed it and soared, Dukes of Hazard stylee over the 7ft wide and at least as deep ditch that lay in wait for him, maintaining enough momentum to bounce out of the ploughed field with no visible damage. Until the bonnet was opened when the front end down stance was explained by the top mounts having punched through the rusty inner wings. Oops...
2. Another (different) Mk1 Escort Mexico escapade, again in the fog, country lane, 90 degree right hander.
Bit too fast approach, handbraked the car, went backwards through the hedge, landing some feet from the hedge on a lovely lawn, not enhanced by the car beached in the soft turf. My friend and his friend sat there a little stunned as the hedge slowly straightened itself back to vertical, followed a few seconds later by a dog walker who asked if we wanted a hand pushing the car out of he garden. The occupants of the house never materialised and as they were probably busy watching telly, he didnt want to disturb them as he quietly pushed the car across his very soft lawn to the driveway and then to the road.
He went back the following day to have a look and noticed the deep ruts where the car had landed some feet away from the hedge as though dropped from a helicopter.
What a bad boy my friend was.
My friend approves of your friend. My friend’s brother once woke up with a warm Honda engine in his lap when he decided after several refreshments to test the interface between a Rover 216 Vitesse and a large oak tree. He and his friend were not even scratched. They scattered before the rural constabulary could investigate, and were never consequenced for their escapade. My friend’s dad ended up paying for the tree.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 14th October 20:51
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