What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
The Wookie said:
Jasandjules said:
My friend has got up at 5am, got himself showered and shaved and made his way to the station. He then waited around for about 15 mins on a fairly empty platform before the dozy b***rd realised it was a Saturday...
I'm sure we've all got somewhere along that path and stopped at least once, but to end up standing on the empty platform wondering why it was so quiet is a good effort 
The Wookie said:
I'm sure we've all got somewhere along that path and stopped at least once, but to end up standing on the empty platform wondering why it was so quiet is a good effort
In my friend's defence he had been out on the p**s the night before and got about 4 hours sleep.................. But not only did he wonder why it was quiet, he couldn't work out why the 6.27am train wasn't listed on the board.......... Jasandjules said:
The Wookie said:
I'm sure we've all got somewhere along that path and stopped at least once, but to end up standing on the empty platform wondering why it was so quiet is a good effort
In my friend's defence he had been out on the p**s the night before and got about 4 hours sleep.................. But not only did he wonder why it was quiet, he couldn't work out why the 6.27am train wasn't listed on the board.......... 
Alfa numeric said:
When 17, my friend decided to try to get the tail of his parents Volvo 240 out on a deserted roundabout. A combination of camber, slow steering and complete absence of skill resulted in the car facing the wrong way with a rear wheel folded underneath it. Somehow he made it home and told his parents he'd swerved to avoid a fox.
My friend's parents also had a 240 that they still believe was driven into a ditch while avoiding an oncoming car. What actually happened was that my friend forgot that tanks and landrovers have more ground clearance than a Volvo, and "going for air" results in a nasty coming together of ground, steering rack and sump if you go "rallying" on Salisbury plain.
My friend's dad later had a company 316 and when he handed it back boasted that he'd seen 110 out of it."Really" said my friend, "I saw 120."
My "friend" has amongst other things:
Piloted his freshly rebuilt Corrado G60 through a chainlink fence, and into a conservatory showroom (straight through 1 dwarf brick walled conservatory like a hot knife through butter, parking in a second with a rather fetching rattan 3 seater soafer parked on the bonnet). The old lady that pulled out in front of - errrrr, him - went to hospital in the first ambulance after going into shock and hyperventilating, leaving said "friend" waiting on a spinal board for the second ambulance to arrive
In a hire car at the ripe age of 21 with 3 work colleagues shouted "watch this" in a business park on a Saturday (after a heavy friday night out) and attempted to handbrake into their offices car park entrance. Not being used to an estate car with a WORKING handbrake, managed to complete a swift 180, travel sideways and smash the rear wheel into the kerb, go through a hedge, and parrallel park next to the MD of the neighbouring businesses Ferrari 360 - so close that I (I mean he) could not open the door to get out
Punt a speedboat through the side of a vintage Gaffer boat at a festival infront of about 500 onlookers (it was very noisy), and had to do the walk of shame up the slipway to the harbour master's office to leave his details and admit his f***wittery
Said "friend" also managed to leave the expansion chamber cap off his R5 GT Turbo after topping up, and finding that a golfball just about sat in the top of the bottle. Thinking the bonnet would hold it in place, he smiled at his genius, and slammed the bonnet with gusto. The golfball shaped dent remained in the bonnet until the car was sold
Piloted his freshly rebuilt Corrado G60 through a chainlink fence, and into a conservatory showroom (straight through 1 dwarf brick walled conservatory like a hot knife through butter, parking in a second with a rather fetching rattan 3 seater soafer parked on the bonnet). The old lady that pulled out in front of - errrrr, him - went to hospital in the first ambulance after going into shock and hyperventilating, leaving said "friend" waiting on a spinal board for the second ambulance to arrive
In a hire car at the ripe age of 21 with 3 work colleagues shouted "watch this" in a business park on a Saturday (after a heavy friday night out) and attempted to handbrake into their offices car park entrance. Not being used to an estate car with a WORKING handbrake, managed to complete a swift 180, travel sideways and smash the rear wheel into the kerb, go through a hedge, and parrallel park next to the MD of the neighbouring businesses Ferrari 360 - so close that I (I mean he) could not open the door to get out
Punt a speedboat through the side of a vintage Gaffer boat at a festival infront of about 500 onlookers (it was very noisy), and had to do the walk of shame up the slipway to the harbour master's office to leave his details and admit his f***wittery
Said "friend" also managed to leave the expansion chamber cap off his R5 GT Turbo after topping up, and finding that a golfball just about sat in the top of the bottle. Thinking the bonnet would hold it in place, he smiled at his genius, and slammed the bonnet with gusto. The golfball shaped dent remained in the bonnet until the car was sold
Asterix said:
My friend in his teens decided the Chorleywood criket pitch would be an ideal place to practice handbrake turns in his Mini 850.
It was but nearly sparked a manhunt to catch the culprit - silly friends I have...
Jesus that takes me back.It was but nearly sparked a manhunt to catch the culprit - silly friends I have...
Mine decided that the 900 yard butts at Bisley was a good place, and found that a Volvo 240 did quite acceptable power slides on grass. Given the security carried SLRs at the time it was really not clever
My 'friend' has a rather long history of being somewhat stupid that began before he could drive...
My friend fell off his bicycle and landed on the bootlid of his dad's immaculate 23k miles from new Austin Healey Sprite...
My 'friend' dropped an axe on the front wing of his dad's freshly painted 911...
He was savagely b
ked and banned from the field he was 'learning to drive' in when the owner of said field caught my friend ripping up the grass performing donuts and powerslides in a Mk2 Escort whilst another friend clung to the outside of the roof...
When my friend was finally legally allowed to take to the Queens highway, things didn't get much better.
My friend was somewhat irresponsible and often found himself engaged in high speed pursuit with other friends on the way home from the pub... one of these occasions resulted in a race that saw my friend's VW Beetle undertake so many handbrake turns that the vehicle suffered brake fade and the handbrake crucially failed to lock the wheels at a required moment resulting in said Beetle stuffing into a hedge. My friend had pulled the handbrake so much and so hard that night that he damaged the tendons in his wrist and was unable to grip anything for 4 weeks.
Many years ago, very late at night/early in the morning my friend achieved vmax in his parent's Maserati BiTurbo on the M4 from Swindon to Reading, completing the journey in a shade over 13 minutes...
He also rudely overtook a Mazda MX5 in an extremely brash and loud Beach Buggy as said MX5 dawdled along a country road. The MX5 driver took exception to my friend's manoeuvre and drifted across the road, forcing my friend onto the verge where he promptly lost control of his Beach Buggy, spun a full 360 on the road in front of said MX5 before he left the road backwards coming to rest in a ditch. It was only then that my friend spotted the somewhat startled horse and rider the aforemnetioned MX5 had slowed down for and was attempting to pass....
My friend has been stopped by the police whilst he and his passenger were wearing illuminated flashing deely-boppers and piloting a Reliant Robin decorated to resemble an inter-continental rally car...
This same friend later decided that said Reliant Robin would make an excellent boat, duly converting it before setting sail for Henley Royal Regatta for its maiden voyage...
My friend has done some very foolish things.... hopefully he knows a bit better now.
My friend fell off his bicycle and landed on the bootlid of his dad's immaculate 23k miles from new Austin Healey Sprite...
My 'friend' dropped an axe on the front wing of his dad's freshly painted 911...
He was savagely b
ked and banned from the field he was 'learning to drive' in when the owner of said field caught my friend ripping up the grass performing donuts and powerslides in a Mk2 Escort whilst another friend clung to the outside of the roof...When my friend was finally legally allowed to take to the Queens highway, things didn't get much better.
My friend was somewhat irresponsible and often found himself engaged in high speed pursuit with other friends on the way home from the pub... one of these occasions resulted in a race that saw my friend's VW Beetle undertake so many handbrake turns that the vehicle suffered brake fade and the handbrake crucially failed to lock the wheels at a required moment resulting in said Beetle stuffing into a hedge. My friend had pulled the handbrake so much and so hard that night that he damaged the tendons in his wrist and was unable to grip anything for 4 weeks.
Many years ago, very late at night/early in the morning my friend achieved vmax in his parent's Maserati BiTurbo on the M4 from Swindon to Reading, completing the journey in a shade over 13 minutes...
He also rudely overtook a Mazda MX5 in an extremely brash and loud Beach Buggy as said MX5 dawdled along a country road. The MX5 driver took exception to my friend's manoeuvre and drifted across the road, forcing my friend onto the verge where he promptly lost control of his Beach Buggy, spun a full 360 on the road in front of said MX5 before he left the road backwards coming to rest in a ditch. It was only then that my friend spotted the somewhat startled horse and rider the aforemnetioned MX5 had slowed down for and was attempting to pass....
My friend has been stopped by the police whilst he and his passenger were wearing illuminated flashing deely-boppers and piloting a Reliant Robin decorated to resemble an inter-continental rally car...
This same friend later decided that said Reliant Robin would make an excellent boat, duly converting it before setting sail for Henley Royal Regatta for its maiden voyage...
My friend has done some very foolish things.... hopefully he knows a bit better now.
) Luckily, 
larrylamb11 said:
My 'friend' has a rather long history of being somewhat stupid that began before he could drive...
My friend fell off his bicycle and landed on the bootlid of his dad's immaculate 23k miles from new Austin Healey Sprite...
My 'friend' dropped an axe on the front wing of his dad's freshly painted 911...
He was savagely bked and banned from the field he was 'learning to drive' in when the owner of said field caught my friend ripping up the grass performing donuts and powerslides in a Mk2 Escort whilst another friend clung to the outside of the roof...
When my friend was finally legally allowed to take to the Queens highway, things didn't get much better.
My friend was somewhat irresponsible and often found himself engaged in high speed pursuit with other friends on the way home from the pub... one of these occasions resulted in a race that saw my friend's VW Beetle undertake so many handbrake turns that the vehicle suffered brake fade and the handbrake crucially failed to lock the wheels at a required moment resulting in said Beetle stuffing into a hedge. My friend had pulled the handbrake so much and so hard that night that he damaged the tendons in his wrist and was unable to grip anything for 4 weeks.
Many years ago, very late at night/early in the morning my friend achieved vmax in his parent's Maserati BiTurbo on the M4 from Swindon to Reading, completing the journey in a shade over 13 minutes...
He also rudely overtook a Mazda MX5 in an extremely brash and loud Beach Buggy as said MX5 dawdled along a country road. The MX5 driver took exception to my friend's manoeuvre and drifted across the road, forcing my friend onto the verge where he promptly lost control of his Beach Buggy, spun a full 360 on the road in front of said MX5 before he left the road backwards coming to rest in a ditch. It was only then that my friend spotted the somewhat startled horse and rider the aforemnetioned MX5 had slowed down for and was attempting to pass....
My friend has been stopped by the police whilst he and his passenger were wearing illuminated flashing deely-boppers and piloting a Reliant Robin decorated to resemble an inter-continental rally car...
This same friend later decided that said Reliant Robin would make an excellent boat, duly converting it before setting sail for Henley Royal Regatta for its maiden voyage...
My friend has done some very foolish things.... hopefully he knows a bit better now.
Brilliant! My friend fell off his bicycle and landed on the bootlid of his dad's immaculate 23k miles from new Austin Healey Sprite...
My 'friend' dropped an axe on the front wing of his dad's freshly painted 911...
He was savagely b
ked and banned from the field he was 'learning to drive' in when the owner of said field caught my friend ripping up the grass performing donuts and powerslides in a Mk2 Escort whilst another friend clung to the outside of the roof...When my friend was finally legally allowed to take to the Queens highway, things didn't get much better.
My friend was somewhat irresponsible and often found himself engaged in high speed pursuit with other friends on the way home from the pub... one of these occasions resulted in a race that saw my friend's VW Beetle undertake so many handbrake turns that the vehicle suffered brake fade and the handbrake crucially failed to lock the wheels at a required moment resulting in said Beetle stuffing into a hedge. My friend had pulled the handbrake so much and so hard that night that he damaged the tendons in his wrist and was unable to grip anything for 4 weeks.
Many years ago, very late at night/early in the morning my friend achieved vmax in his parent's Maserati BiTurbo on the M4 from Swindon to Reading, completing the journey in a shade over 13 minutes...
He also rudely overtook a Mazda MX5 in an extremely brash and loud Beach Buggy as said MX5 dawdled along a country road. The MX5 driver took exception to my friend's manoeuvre and drifted across the road, forcing my friend onto the verge where he promptly lost control of his Beach Buggy, spun a full 360 on the road in front of said MX5 before he left the road backwards coming to rest in a ditch. It was only then that my friend spotted the somewhat startled horse and rider the aforemnetioned MX5 had slowed down for and was attempting to pass....
My friend has been stopped by the police whilst he and his passenger were wearing illuminated flashing deely-boppers and piloting a Reliant Robin decorated to resemble an inter-continental rally car...
This same friend later decided that said Reliant Robin would make an excellent boat, duly converting it before setting sail for Henley Royal Regatta for its maiden voyage...
My friend has done some very foolish things.... hopefully he knows a bit better now.
My friend went to a Volvo dealership somewhere in London many many years ago to collect his bosses brand new 244DL - dont ask as never could understand such a st choice of car. (i mean my friend could never understand such a st choice of car).
Anyway, having never been to London on his own before my friend got lost & arrived at the dealership 3 hours later than he should have done.
He picked up the car, left the dealers who were waiting to go home...... & after a few miles realised that the car didnt have either the radio or cassette player that had been specced when the car was ordered.
My friend was concerned by this omission so he stopped the car by a phone box (this was pre mobile phone days) to call his boss to see what should be done.
My friend was mortified to see the brand new 244DL being driven at some speed away from the phone box...
My friend, the chump, had left the keys in the ignition with the engine running because it was November, cold & he wanted to keep the car warm....
My friend, the chump, had to make his own way back to Birmingham after spending some time with plod who thought it was funny - apparently. Tossers.
My friend got a huge bking from his boss & didnt get to drive a company car for 3 months as punishment.
The Volvo was found a few weeks later - or rather than chassis & body shell were found as everything else had gone.
My friends boss then got hold of a Ford Cortina 2.3 V6 Ghia, had it for a month & then had it stolen.
My friends boss had stopped at a phone box, left the keys in the ignition & he had left the engine running.....
My friends boss bought a very slice of humble pie for my friend. How we (or rather my friend) laughed at my bosses expense!!!!
My friend enjoyed the humble pie.
t choice of car. (i mean my friend could never understand such a st choice of car).Anyway, having never been to London on his own before my friend got lost & arrived at the dealership 3 hours later than he should have done.
He picked up the car, left the dealers who were waiting to go home...... & after a few miles realised that the car didnt have either the radio or cassette player that had been specced when the car was ordered.
My friend was concerned by this omission so he stopped the car by a phone box (this was pre mobile phone days) to call his boss to see what should be done.
My friend was mortified to see the brand new 244DL being driven at some speed away from the phone box...
My friend, the chump, had left the keys in the ignition with the engine running because it was November, cold & he wanted to keep the car warm....
My friend, the chump, had to make his own way back to Birmingham after spending some time with plod who thought it was funny - apparently. Tossers.
My friend got a huge b
king from his boss & didnt get to drive a company car for 3 months as punishment.The Volvo was found a few weeks later - or rather than chassis & body shell were found as everything else had gone.
My friends boss then got hold of a Ford Cortina 2.3 V6 Ghia, had it for a month & then had it stolen.
My friends boss had stopped at a phone box, left the keys in the ignition & he had left the engine running.....
My friends boss bought a very slice of humble pie for my friend. How we (or rather my friend) laughed at my bosses expense!!!!
My friend enjoyed the humble pie.
My "friend" drove three miles down the road before realising that he had not paid for the full tank of V Power he had put in his heap. He drove back to the garage at leptonic speed, expecting to have the cuffs slapped on him, and, worse, expecting to feature on "Chav Moron Cop Geezer Bustatron" on 24/7 Idiot TV; but in the event he shamefacedly apologised, paid, and went off again.
My 'friend' has previously decided that flying a helicopter low over a sinkhole in a lake in a small European country reminded him of Dambusters and encouraged his crewman to drop some bouncing bombs (2 litre water bottles) out of the load hatch to try and destroy the dam! Little success and no medals followed!
My friend decided to take his Caterham for an Italian tune up on the way to the MOT station. As he pulled out into the outside lane of the motorway in light rain the back went, he thinks on a white line, and after getting a right tank slap on he hit the central reservation and span across three lanes of rush hour traffic before coming to halt facing the wrong way on the hard shoulder. Apparently people getting out to check he was ok seemed surprised to see him leap out and jump up and down shouting "fkity fking fk".
The previous time he'd driven it he'd crashed at Spa. In the rain.
kity fking fk".The previous time he'd driven it he'd crashed at Spa. In the rain.
One of my less bright friends has:-
- fallen asleep at about 4am on the M6 for an unknown length of time until woken by the rumble strips at the side of the road
- driven his dads Saab down the beach at high speed, forgetting all about the raised concrete pipeline running out to sea, until hitting it at about 50mph and doing a pretty passable impression of the General Lee
- tried to do a doughnut in Tescos car park in a car with an open diff, resulting in massive understeer into a kerb and some serious tracking issues
- tried to overtake a coach on a blind bend soon after pasing test. Car coming the other way was unimpressed. Girlfriend in passenger seat even less so.
- not motoring related but he stuck his finger in an empty light socket in a furniture store when about eight and managed to hide the resulting shakes and twitches from his parents for the next couple of hours for fear of the resultant rollocking
My 'friend' used to tear around everywhere on big Superbikes without a care for his own safety or those around him.
It came to a head 10 years ago, whenI um my friend got caught doing 144 in a 60 limit single carriageway on an 1,100cc Honda Blackbird bike.
He copped an 18 month ban with an extended re-test plus a £1200 fine.
That taught me, err I mean him.
It came to a head 10 years ago, when
He copped an 18 month ban with an extended re-test plus a £1200 fine.
That taught me, err I mean him.
I almost wrote what my friend did, and them I realised he could go to prison as could I for pretending I knew something which I know nothing about, which I don't because it never happened and if It did he never told me about it, and I'm just guessing that what must of maybe happened or maybe i dreamed it or not. not guilty your honour.
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