What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
I hope that a theme for today can be sex injuries. My friend's brother claims that he lost a tooth when accidentally headbutted by a friend during intense Ugandan discussions. He may of course just have been chinned in a pub, but the story carries some degree of conviction given my friend's brother's fondness for hopped up rocker chicks.
Breadvan72 said:
I hope that a theme for today can be sex injuries. My friend's brother claims that he lost a tooth when accidentally headbutted by a friend during intense Ugandan discussions. He may of course just have been chinned in a pub, but the story carries some degree of conviction given my friend's brother's fondness for hopped up rocker chicks.
My friend may have, on more than one occasion, snapped a banjo string. Also, coils are not an old chaps best friend - as my friend has found out on a few occasions!Breadvan72 said:
Q: How do you know that you've just met a Yorkshireman?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: Who is the World's Greatest Living Yorkshireman?
A: Always the last Yorkshireman you've met (according to that Yorkshireman).
A: He'll tell you.
Q: Who is the World's Greatest Living Yorkshireman?
A: Always the last Yorkshireman you've met (according to that Yorkshireman).
To be fair, you dared to hope for injury stories. Besides. It's my 'friend' that had them, not myself...
A old school friend of my friend was enthusiasticly and rather ineptly banging away on a girl who can only be described as eager to enjoy as many of her fellow students as she could before a levels.
My friends friend was chucking the ferret down the rabbit hole as only an eager youth is want when he missed and the ferret head butted the couch upon young lovers were frolicking.
My friends friend let out a sound that my friend described as what a banshee must sound like when it comes upon an ulster unionist in the dead of night.
Upon inspection my friends friend had put quite a split in said ferret and the claret was doing a fair impression of ol faithful in full flow after the rainy season in yosemite national Park.
All my friend could offer him was a roll of toilet roll and a band aid.
My friend did feel a large dose of schadenfreude how ever as it was supposed to be his turn with the girl.
My friends friend was chucking the ferret down the rabbit hole as only an eager youth is want when he missed and the ferret head butted the couch upon young lovers were frolicking.
My friends friend let out a sound that my friend described as what a banshee must sound like when it comes upon an ulster unionist in the dead of night.
Upon inspection my friends friend had put quite a split in said ferret and the claret was doing a fair impression of ol faithful in full flow after the rainy season in yosemite national Park.
All my friend could offer him was a roll of toilet roll and a band aid.
My friend did feel a large dose of schadenfreude how ever as it was supposed to be his turn with the girl.
Continuing the theme....
Another friend of mine was once "entertaining" a young maiden in a field and as she was rather fond of replicating domestic animals shall we say, my friend was playing his part and was being quite rough as this young maiden was enthusiastic about roughness.
said friend thrusted out of sync, slipped out and as he was pushing forward to go back in, said young maiden moved and this friend full on piled into the wrong hole. The young maiden was rather overwhelmed by this and spent some time crying and calling my friend all the names under the sun.
Another friend of mine was once "entertaining" a young maiden in a field and as she was rather fond of replicating domestic animals shall we say, my friend was playing his part and was being quite rough as this young maiden was enthusiastic about roughness.
said friend thrusted out of sync, slipped out and as he was pushing forward to go back in, said young maiden moved and this friend full on piled into the wrong hole. The young maiden was rather overwhelmed by this and spent some time crying and calling my friend all the names under the sun.
citizensm1th said:
A old school friend of my friend was enthusiasticly and rather ineptly banging away on a girl who can only be described as eager to enjoy as many of her fellow students as she could before a levels
Had a feeling for a moment that upon missing the rabbit hole, she was about to be introduced to A-Levels... 
ked in the car before it got f
In order to celebrate passing his driving test the day before, my friend took his ugandan research assistant for a jaunt around the back lanes in his crusty but much treasured old Mini, parking up beside a railway bridge somewhere in Warwickshire. My friend's research continued with quite some gusto in the back of said crusty old Mini until the already knackered and decidedly droopy headlining came adrift and settled at an awkward angle upon the two ugandan researchers within, leaving the sharp end of one of the metal stretcher bars embedded in the male researcher's right buttock during a pivotal moment in the proceedings. Naturally, my friend was in some discomfort, a situation not helped by his research assistant's uncontrollable guffawing as he tried to reverse away, remove said metal stretcher bar and regain some semblance of decorum. Since my friend's research assistant couldn't drive at the time, my friend had to drive the ten miles or so home sitting sidesaddle, bracing himself against the door panel with his elbow when turning left. My friend has owned fourteen other Minis since then and always checks for the possibility of a droopy headlining before engaging in any form of research.
bigyorkshire said:
citizensm1th said:
A old school friend of my friend was enthusiasticly and rather ineptly banging away on a girl who can only be described as eager to enjoy as many of her fellow students as she could before a levels
Had a feeling for a moment that upon missing the rabbit hole, she was about to be introduced to A-Levels... My friend's second P5B Coupe which had been restored by the previous owner came with a stiletto sized hole in the headlining, my friend decided to leave it be and not restore the headlining. My friend can report that the rear bucket seats are fine for general canoodling purposes but not quite so good for the purposes of ugandan research.
My friend would contend that the rear seat of a '94 Fiat Cinquecento Sporting offers less options for variations of Ugandan Discussion with regard to space, than a classic Mini.
Given that my friend is 6'3", and his then girlfriend (now wife) is 5'6" he now considers it amazing that any such discussion was ever satisfactorily concluded.
I understand that both parties (now being older, wiser and in degrees of constant aches and pains from old sporting injuries (not a euphemism!)) agree that large comfortable beds are much more suitable these days.
edit: Sorry, no injuries occurred..........at least not that the effects were felt then........it's entirely possible that some of the longstanding aches and pains originated around those contortions.
Given that my friend is 6'3", and his then girlfriend (now wife) is 5'6" he now considers it amazing that any such discussion was ever satisfactorily concluded.
I understand that both parties (now being older, wiser and in degrees of constant aches and pains from old sporting injuries (not a euphemism!)) agree that large comfortable beds are much more suitable these days.
edit: Sorry, no injuries occurred..........at least not that the effects were felt then........it's entirely possible that some of the longstanding aches and pains originated around those contortions.
My friends on/off girlfriend (back in his yoof) went to get in his car, and queried the milky coloured stain on the passenger seat.
"bought a pint of milk yesterday and the foil cap was leaking" - got him out of it.
Reality being he had offered to pick a female friend up from a bar, rather than her catch the last bus home. She replied to the text 'you better bring a condom with you'
"bought a pint of milk yesterday and the foil cap was leaking" - got him out of it.
Reality being he had offered to pick a female friend up from a bar, rather than her catch the last bus home. She replied to the text 'you better bring a condom with you'
bigyorkshire said:
My friends on/off girlfriend (back in his yoof) went to get in his car, and queried the milky coloured stain on the passenger seat.
"bought a pint of milk yesterday and the foil cap was leaking" - got him out of it.
Reality being he had offered to pick a female friend up from a bar, rather than her catch the last bus home. She replied to the text 'you better bring a condom with you'
Ahhh the old split condom trick"bought a pint of milk yesterday and the foil cap was leaking" - got him out of it.
Reality being he had offered to pick a female friend up from a bar, rather than her catch the last bus home. She replied to the text 'you better bring a condom with you'
My friend had a friend who was renowned for being quite the large chap and one night, this fellow was trying to entertain a young lady.
He described it to my friend like this
Christ she was tight, then it stung quite a bit but got much easier, so off i went. When we finished, decided i needed a leak, went to the loo and didnt think to turn the bathroom light on but thought....ouch, that's really sore. So i turned the light on only to find the bowl full of claret.
Turns out that he tore a hole in his foreskin and asked my friend what he should do. My friend suggested bathing it in salt water but only put in a pinch.Daft bugger put half a table salt in water and dropped his chap into it. This fellow's older brother told my friend the scream was epic and my friend being a proper friend to this fellow, took the michael big time
He described it to my friend like this
Christ she was tight, then it stung quite a bit but got much easier, so off i went. When we finished, decided i needed a leak, went to the loo and didnt think to turn the bathroom light on but thought....ouch, that's really sore. So i turned the light on only to find the bowl full of claret.
Turns out that he tore a hole in his foreskin and asked my friend what he should do. My friend suggested bathing it in salt water but only put in a pinch.Daft bugger put half a table salt in water and dropped his chap into it. This fellow's older brother told my friend the scream was epic and my friend being a proper friend to this fellow, took the michael big time
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