What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
My friend blew out all four tyres of a rented Buick luxo-barge when returning it to Hertz at Boston Logan, by reversing it ineptly over a tank trap. This was the same friend that had spent almost an hour stuck at a petrol station not long after renting the car (the first car he had ever rented), thinking the Buick was SNAFU because he did not know that to start an automatic you have to put it in N or P.
My friend also has such a bad memory that he cannot remember is this story appears already in this thread, and he is so lazy that he CBA to check.
My friend also has such a bad memory that he cannot remember is this story appears already in this thread, and he is so lazy that he CBA to check.
My "friend" almost set fire to his clothing and his car, in the following bingobrained circumstances.
The glovebox on his old jalopy won't close, owing to the catch being shagged, and the light in the glovebox was pishing him off when driving at night, so he shoved his scarf into the aperture to blank the glare. This worked just fine, but Mr Numbnutz then spent the rest of the journey wondering which part of the car was on fire, owing to the smell that he later realised was the smell of burning wool. Bare nekkid light bulb (cover had fallen off) = hot = quite big scorchy hole in scarf, and smoke in cabin. To make matters worse, the scarf was a Paul Smith number that was given to my "friend" a decade or so ago by some hot barrister bird with whom he may or may not have been enjoying some extra curricular entertainments; and so had some sentimental value to the fool.
My diagnosis: f
kwit.
The glovebox on his old jalopy won't close, owing to the catch being shagged, and the light in the glovebox was pishing him off when driving at night, so he shoved his scarf into the aperture to blank the glare. This worked just fine, but Mr Numbnutz then spent the rest of the journey wondering which part of the car was on fire, owing to the smell that he later realised was the smell of burning wool. Bare nekkid light bulb (cover had fallen off) = hot = quite big scorchy hole in scarf, and smoke in cabin. To make matters worse, the scarf was a Paul Smith number that was given to my "friend" a decade or so ago by some hot barrister bird with whom he may or may not have been enjoying some extra curricular entertainments; and so had some sentimental value to the fool.
My diagnosis: f
kwit.
TATOR said:
The Nur said:
How long has your friend been driving? 5 times in 3 weeks, even with a speed awareness course, is a ban isn't it?
Ermm, 4 years i think, yea i would think he will be getting banned, apparently he is off to court though. not driving car at present now as took off road. Also has sent his liscence off.My friend has just realised that he left his coat on the train to London this morning. In the coat pocket were the keys to his car, that is parked at the railway station near his pad. He has some spare keys in a drawer at home, and a somewhat grumpy wife who is looking for them in a grumpy way, and pointing out that one of the brake lights on her car is knackered and he still hasn't fixed it like he said he would, and now she will get nabbed and thrown in jail by the cozzers while attempting to rescue him.
My friend claims that this instance of numptitude is because he has pulled two all nighters this week due to heavy work pressures, but it is my opinion that this is an excuse, and the real problem is that he has st for brains.
PS: He also spilled oil on his suit this morning when ineptly topping up the motor on his cranky old grid. It's not his best suit, but it's one of his better ones.
My friend claims that this instance of numptitude is because he has pulled two all nighters this week due to heavy work pressures, but it is my opinion that this is an excuse, and the real problem is that he has s
t for brains.PS: He also spilled oil on his suit this morning when ineptly topping up the motor on his cranky old grid. It's not his best suit, but it's one of his better ones.
GC8 said:
Your friend should spend less time on the internet... 
Truer than a true thing, and so I have often told him, but he claims that when he is busy at work he needs to flick from screen to screen, if only to silence the strange voices shouting in his head. At this point I usually give up.Anyway: an update. Despite the network of roadblocks and APBs, my friend's wife evaded the ring of steel thrown up by the bumbling rural constabulary, and made it to the station with her crime undetected. At this point, my friend discovered that the spare set of keys did not include the key for the cheapo old fashioned anti-stealage device that he had bunged on the steering wheel (yeah, and who'd want to steal THAT heap?).
There was then a full and frank exchange of views, and home they went in the wife's car, leaving the friend's car at the station where it shall no doubt become the origin of a 97 page "I gotted a parking ticket from Greedco PLC. Does I have to pay it innit?" thread in S,P&L.
Not long after arriving home, my friend looked in his briefcase, and found there some car keys, including a krooklok key. From nought to spare room in under three seconds. Is this a PH record?
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