Make up your own special editions

Make up your own special editions

Author
Discussion

offendi

244 posts

94 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Codswallop said:
McLaren MP4-12C Ultimate Speed Edition

Features over and above standard;

  • Bigger turbos for more power and even less noise from the engine
  • Less weight through removal of non-functioning infotainment system
  • Even wider tyres for more cornering grip
  • Deletion of steering wheel, pedals, and any space for a driver to allow the on board computer to lap faster than a Noble M600, Ferrari 458 or Lamborghini Aventador.
Comes with a free Creepy Uncle Ron leather look blouson for that authentic market trader 'dun gud' chic

Harry Flashman

Original Poster:

13,426 posts

189 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Lamborghini Aventador "Arab Prince"

Chrome finish. Number plate mounting points deleted. Teflon coated windscreen, so parking tickets cannot stick. Very low gearing for immense noise at town speeds, maximum speed 50mph. (Car's maximum ever speed 45mph (in first gear) around Knightsbridge). Hardpoints for mounting tie-downs for transport on private airliner. Hidden storage for very expensive alcohol and drugs. More hidden storage for large denomination banknotes for paying overzealous officials throughout the world. Lamborghini special "Mechanical Sympathy" Service pack: new clutch every 2000 miles, Free engine rebuilds every 6000 miles, 3 free Russian hookers a month.

LuS1fer

35,433 posts

192 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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The MINI "Distraction"

This vehicle comes with a fake arm on the driver's door panel which coincidentally allows you to store your mobile phone on the hand which coincidentally presses the phone to your ear.

On the driver's seat is a periscope mirror system which allows sight of the road while looking down texting.

The rear view mirror is permanently fixed at 45 degree "Let's apply make-up" angle.

The car features an inflatable passenger so you idly chat to them while driving which provides automated random responses like "I know!", "Shut Up!" and "No way!"

The solar-activated sunblinds automatically extend a pair of Moschino huge sunglasses at face level.

The steering can be "locked" to straight ahead so the driver can root through the handbag on the conveniently huge "massive handbag shelf" in between the seats.

Useless extras like door mirrors have been removed.

The interior light is on all the time and comes in a choice of bronzed lights to emulate a tan so those envious looks aren't wasted.

The MP3 player comes pre-loaded with ghastly pop songs or tuned to "Radio Vacuous".

Needless to say the car comes with automatic gearbox only.

rj1986

1,100 posts

115 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Ford Transit Trade Ed.

Comes with 97,000 already on the clock, McDonalds chip containers pre installed, and a 4 day old copy of the Daily Star on the dash.
And extra small seats to cram as amny people in the front as humanly possible whilst making Homophobic comments.

Six Fiend

6,067 posts

162 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
rj1986 said:
Ford Transit Trade Ed.

Comes with 97,000 already on the clock, McDonalds chip containers pre installed, and a 4 day old copy of the Daily Star on the dash.
And extra small seats to cram as amny people in the front as humanly possible whilst making Homophobic comments.
Plus automatic horn activation on sight of young ladies.
Audio enhancement so all voices emanating from the van appear "Irish"

wink

Parabola

1,753 posts

144 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Ford Mondeo Gaffer Edition.

Bumpers come pre installed with various coloured Gaffer tape 'aerodynamic aids'


PaperCut

640 posts

94 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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The (mail-order only) SAAB 9-5 'IKEA kit car edition' - the administrators will send you the 15,000 parts to build your own SAAB.


...what too soon?

Chrisw666

22,655 posts

146 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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VW Golf TDI Innit bruv wikkid mapped edishun.

Based on a special re-tooled MK4 Golf 1.9 match, this remapped special has window tints that fade from black to silver to match the jewish racing gold paint, the no cost option gold plated tissue box sits on top of the parcel shelf holding it down due to the power from the 3 18inch sony X plod subwoofers.

Power is taken care of by an extra special combination of a resistor chip, a remap and a huge 6 inch exhaust.

To finish the car is dropped 80mm by cutting the standard springs and runs on 22inch Bentley alloys that have been chrome finished.

Vocal Minority

8,582 posts

99 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
LuS1fer said:
The MINI "Distraction"

This vehicle comes with a fake arm on the driver's door panel which coincidentally allows you to store your mobile phone on the hand which coincidentally presses the phone to your ear.

On the driver's seat is a periscope mirror system which allows sight of the road while looking down texting.

The rear view mirror is permanently fixed at 45 degree "Let's apply make-up" angle.

The car features an inflatable passenger so you idly chat to them while driving which provides automated random responses like "I know!", "Shut Up!" and "No way!"

The solar-activated sunblinds automatically extend a pair of Moschino huge sunglasses at face level.

The steering can be "locked" to straight ahead so the driver can root through the handbag on the conveniently huge "massive handbag shelf" in between the seats.

Useless extras like door mirrors have been removed.

The interior light is on all the time and comes in a choice of bronzed lights to emulate a tan so those envious looks aren't wasted.

The MP3 player comes pre-loaded with ghastly pop songs or tuned to "Radio Vacuous".

Needless to say the car comes with automatic gearbox only.
This is a direct competitor for the Ka 'Green One' isn't it?

k15tox

1,680 posts

128 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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citroen picasso 'dad'

2.0 hdi engine for lot of 'torque'
auto on fog lights
'stay in middle lane assist'
auto insult featuring '2 finger salute'
race mode
giant front magnet to make tailgaiting easier
'angry pack' including 'chip on shoulder' 'must act hard' 'swearing in front of kids' 'nobodys faster than me'

Carless Fury

455 posts

107 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Range Rover Sport.

Must be in black with a personalised number plate. Has a special feature that causes it to pull out in front of people without warning and park diagonally across straight spaces, preferably disabled only spaces.

Wait... oooooh we have to make one up ourselves? Damn, Range Rover already produce this one, sorry.

mrtwisty

2,547 posts

112 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Audi Q7 'fk You' edition.

Comes only in 'Fashionable White'.

Sold only to men under 5 feet 6 inches in height, sporting a shaved head and a permanently angry expression.

Fitted with foglights sourced from an Airbus A380, that cannot be turned off.

illmonkey

12,220 posts

145 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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I'm pretty sure all of these cars exist, you guys just don't know the correct names for them. Again, its make UP special editions.

For instance: Nissan Micra 60

A Nissan micra that will actually sit at 60mph on roads, rather than 47.

J4CKO

28,404 posts

147 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Behold the Audi R8 Pistonheads/Red Bull tie in, this is the protoype shown without the missile alert/awacs system.


900T-R

20,240 posts

204 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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The then-Editor of the Dutch Citroën CX Club mag did make a spoof limited edition up many moons ago that he 'spotted' in France:

The Citroën BX Malheureusement.

It had:

A 954 cc engine.
Only one sunvisor.
No tach, but no dashboard clock either.
No wheel trims.
No headrests.
Special body colour 'Brun Merde'

Etc. etc.

I think you could get early Citroën XMs with the 'Pack Panique' (dashboard warning lights all blinking at random times and sequences) and 'Pack Feu' (which made the car randomly set fire to itself), too...

Fartgalen

5,851 posts

154 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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Bentley GT 'Gulzar' ? wink

Y8RSP

201 posts

146 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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GBDG said:
How about the Vauxhall Corse Bell end edition. 1.1 litres of unadulterated power, 19in Khan style alloy wheels, only available in platinum white with carbon look roof and bonnet and Fog lights that are impossible to turn off. Optional large bore exhaust.

Sales brochure could read "Real head turner, car is mint, has embarrassed porches at the lights. Must be seen to be believed"
biglaugh first class!

Tango13

5,406 posts

123 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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The Harley Davidson MLCE (Mid Life Crisis Edition)

A bike with an excessivly loud exhaust designed to be ridden by an accountant in his late 40's wearing an open faced crash helmet with 'shades' not sun glasses, blue denim jeans and an extra soft leather jacket.

The suspension has been specially set up to make the bike unstable at walking pace so the rider has to ride with both feet down. The crap as standard brakes are designed to stop the rider from riding at speeds beyond his talent, about 50mph.

The bike uses the same technology as rain sensing windscreen wipers coupled with real time updates via a live internet feed from the national meterology office to prevent use whenever rain is forcast.

The engine is warrantied for 1000 miles per annum.

EDLT

15,210 posts

153 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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morgrp said:
BMW 3 series "try hard"

Cloth trim, 20" M-sport alloys, bottom spec, 1.1 litre engine, extra BMW badges everywhere - also when you switch the ignition on it brings up a selection of messages on a digital display including "well done mate!" "You've made it" "see, aren't you glad you didn't buy that high spec bigger engined mondeo?" "don't forget to say BMW instead of car in every sentence - eg I'm taking the BMW to the shops"
Fixed that for you, no badge snob would be seen dead in a BMW without the just-like-an-M3 wheels.

MrKipling43

5,788 posts

163 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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The Pick Any Performance Car You Like 'Journalist Launch Edition'.

  • Weird-smelling, suspiciously racecar-like exhaust emissions
  • Subtley wound-up boost
  • Blue-printed engine
  • Every single optional extra known to man (£26k OTR, £75k as tested)
  • 'Optimised' suspension set up