Make up your own special editions

Make up your own special editions

Author
Discussion

Cock Womble 7

29,908 posts

177 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
The Caterham Seven "Cock Womble" Edition.

Just as stripped-out and performance-focussed as your average Caterham, but with bigger bks.

Ozzie Osmond

21,189 posts

193 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
No need to make up a shocker - Lotus have already done it for you!

The lovely, Harrods edition

in nappy green, with "scoobychav" wheels....


AKACrimson

74 posts

101 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
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VW Golf R - "Supercar Edition"

Comes with free advanced driver training course

monthefish

19,397 posts

178 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
GBDG said:
Harry Flashman said:
Audi A6 “Company Director” special edition
An Audi with a simple name - yeah right. It would be:

Audi A6 2.0 TDFSI S-line CDTF Company Director special edition Tdfsi+

And whenever people posted on forums about it, they would include the full name.
grumpy

Feck - I may have to update my profile now...


(in my defence, this is a car forum and I though it would be of interest to the viewers, as opposed to just "Audi Estate" ) hehe

azzzah

70 posts

122 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
AKACrimson said:
VW Golf R - "Supercar Edition"

Comes with free advanced driver training course
this!

or

Toyota Prius V8:

Hands out a F**K you leaflet to any 'green' people.

Noesph

839 posts

96 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Six Fiend said:
rj1986 said:
Ford Transit Trade Ed.

Comes with 97,000 already on the clock, McDonalds chip containers pre installed, and a 4 day old copy of the Daily Star on the dash.
And extra small seats to cram as amny people in the front as humanly possible whilst making Homophobic comments.
Plus automatic horn activation on sight of young ladies.
Audio enhancement so all voices emanating from the van appear "Irish"

wink
I think I have one of them already wink

mig25_foxbat2003

5,015 posts

158 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Toyota Prius "Eco-NO!"

Pitched at those unfortunate souls who have a Prius inflicted upon them as a company car, this edition comes with:

- Toyo semi-slick tyres, which the brochure would list as "Super-Low Rolling Resistance smooth-faced iEco-tyres"
- Variable-geometry turbocharging and VVTI, which marketing would boast would "allow drivers to make equivalent power at lower engine speeds, which everyone knows is more efficient".
- Lowered, stiffened suspension with magnetorheological dampers which the bumf would suggest was "invaluable in reducing the Cd factor for greater gains in efficiency... you know, like those Polo BlueMotion things with the tiny wing mirrors".
- Stripped down, lightened interior with sports seats. The brochure would insist that "Excess weight is the enemy of fuel economy, obviously. No, it's not at all boomy on the motorway."

... and here's the killer feature...

- A hidden mode in the software, which would be activated by a sequence of pedal presses, light flashes, indicator-stalk woggles and incantations to the Prophet. This mode would change the entire profile of the car: Motors into KERS-boost mode, rev limiter raised, fuel-air mapping set to a special "Hemel Hemstead" mode, magneto dampers stiffened up, and for some reason, the OBC would address the driver as "Michael" in a somewhat camp voice. Power would be raised to around 250bhp, with 300bhp available in short bursts using the KERS. This mode would be discussed by nobody, denied by Toyota, and only known to a select group of lucky individuals.

If only.

DannyScene

5,421 posts

102 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Ozzie Osmond said:
No need to make up a shocker - Lotus have already done it for you!

The lovely, Harrods edition

in nappy green, with "scoobychav" wheels....

Whoa whoa, this is a production car?
Holy fking christ who the fk thought that would look anything like good

Negative Creep

20,879 posts

174 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Vauxhall Zafira Indignant Mother Edition

Child on Board sign as standard
every bumper scuffed
1 working brake light
2 bald tyres (but a 5 star NCAP rating. I would never put my child's safety at risk)
pre buckled wheels (to make swerving all over the road easier)
Auto locking (to protect from THE PEADOS)
Subscription to the Daily Mail
Internet ready stereo, that will send an update to Facebook every 5 minutes telling everyone what your child just did

BoostMonkey

566 posts

132 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
mig25_foxbat2003 said:
Toyota Prius "Eco-NO!"

Pitched at those unfortunate souls who have a Prius inflicted upon them as a company car, this edition comes with:

- Toyo semi-slick tyres, which the brochure would list as "Super-Low Rolling Resistance smooth-faced iEco-tyres"
- Variable-geometry turbocharging and VVTI, which marketing would boast would "allow drivers to make equivalent power at lower engine speeds, which everyone knows is more efficient".
- Lowered, stiffened suspension with magnetorheological dampers which the bumf would suggest was "invaluable in reducing the Cd factor for greater gains in efficiency... you know, like those Polo BlueMotion things with the tiny wing mirrors".
- Stripped down, lightened interior with sports seats. The brochure would insist that "Excess weight is the enemy of fuel economy, obviously. No, it's not at all boomy on the motorway."

... and here's the killer feature...

- A hidden mode in the software, which would be activated by a sequence of pedal presses, light flashes, indicator-stalk woggles and incantations to the Prophet. This mode would change the entire profile of the car: Motors into KERS-boost mode, rev limiter raised, fuel-air mapping set to a special "Hemel Hemstead" mode, magneto dampers stiffened up, and for some reason, the OBC would address the driver as "Michael" in a somewhat camp voice. Power would be raised to around 250bhp, with 300bhp available in short bursts using the KERS. This mode would be discussed by nobody, denied by Toyota, and only known to a select group of lucky individuals.

If only.
The sounds truly awesome smile

Dave Hedgehog

11,705 posts

151 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
BMW Veyron edition, any basic oil burner, stage 1 mapped to produce upwards of 2000nm+ of torque

Audi G Line edition, low powered engine eco range with special sensors to allow the G Line to be glued to the back bumper of any car in front of it

Vauxhall INNAC edition, open to all vauxhall models the new I Know Nothing About Cars add on pack


ROB2828

2,393 posts

96 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Audi A3 Tdi Idiot's Edition

Comes with sensors mounted on the front bumper so you can see how close you are to the person ahead. The closer you get to them, the more satisfying it is for the driver. This system can also be fitted to Transit vans.

ROB2828

2,393 posts

96 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
ROB2828 said:
Audi A3 Tdi Idiot's Edition

Comes with sensors mounted on the front bumper so you can see how close you are to the person ahead. The closer you get to them, the more satisfying it is for the driver. This system can also be fitted to Transit vans.
Note To Mr. Hedgehog - Think i've just accidently copied your idea... Sorry!

Edited by ROB2828 on Thursday 2nd February 18:31

al1991

4,538 posts

127 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
morgrp said:
BMW 3 series "try hard"

Cloth trim, steel wheels, bottom spec, 1.1 litre engine, extra BMW badges everywhere - also when you switch the ignition on it brings up a selection of messages on a digital display including "well done mate!" "You've made it" "see, aren't you glad you didn't buy that high spec bigger engined mondeo?" "don't forget to say BMW instead of car in every sentence - eg I'm taking the BMW to the shops"
rofl

morgrp

4,127 posts

145 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Negative Creep said:
Vauxhall Zafira Indignant Mother Edition

Child on Board sign as standard
every bumper scuffed
1 working brake light
2 bald tyres (but a 5 star NCAP rating. I would never put my child's safety at risk)
pre buckled wheels (to make swerving all over the road easier)
Auto locking (to protect from THE PEADOS)
Subscription to the Daily Mail
Internet ready stereo, that will send an update to Facebook every 5 minutes telling everyone what your child just did
rofl

morgrp

4,127 posts

145 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Is anyone else seriously loving this thread?

drivin_me_nuts

17,949 posts

158 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Audi A4 Picolax

'The mid range steed of choice for the hard suited, hard living young thrusting exec.

Ownership synergy is guaranteed for those carving a life and identity of their own. This insipration model reflects the moods, intentions and output of the most prolific owners.

It is the car to be seen in. It is the business park car of the moment'.


The A4 Picolax*


  • comes in S line variants with optional MPower badging for the ultimate in discerning ownership.
Technical details:

Engine 2.0 l Diesel

Co/2 output 4,785 g/km
3.1 seconds 0-100kph (photocopier corridor bragging rights official EU test)

Chris Peacock

815 posts

155 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
morgrp said:
Negative Creep said:
Vauxhall Zafira Indignant Mother Edition

Child on Board sign as standard
every bumper scuffed
1 working brake light
2 bald tyres (but a 5 star NCAP rating. I would never put my child's safety at risk)
pre buckled wheels (to make swerving all over the road easier)
Auto locking (to protect from THE PEADOS)
Subscription to the Daily Mail
Internet ready stereo, that will send an update to Facebook every 5 minutes telling everyone what your child just did
rofl
+1

matthias73

2,808 posts

97 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
VW camper greenmotion
Comes with low level greenhouse on top with plants of dubious legality growing inside.
VW sign replaced with hippy peace logo.
Diesel engine runs best on chipfat
Fattening, middle aged nudist wife comes free.

shipley

266 posts

202 months

Thursday 2nd February 2012
quotequote all
Peugeot 206 'Playboy' edition.

Factory fit extras include:

75000 miles
Dents and scratches on every panel
1.1 litre engine (thoroughly pre-thrashed)
Pink fluffy steering wheel cover and matching fluffy dice
Tie-wraps on pre scratched non matching wheel trims
Rear screen tinting badly applied with air bubbles
'porn star on board' sign on rear - several locations available
Engine management light already on
Steering wheel lowered to facilitate texting while driving

Available to scary looking, Inappropriately dressed 20 something girls with scraped back hair smoking fags and eager to display V signs



Edited by shipley on Thursday 2nd February 20:09