Make up your own special editions
Discussion
VW Transporter T5 Clitoris (because every c**t's got one) Comprises 3 yr old T5 van in bright shade of green/yellow, oversize replica Audi S Line alloys, Halfords LED DRL kit, Billabong/Quiksilver transfers, Checkerboard bonnet decals, random "dubscene" stickers in rear windows. Target audience: middle aged dads who like to think they are down with the kids, but actually just like driving a van because it has the high driving position and "get out of my way" attitude that they have missed since since their X5 became socially unacceptable at the school gates....
Astra "Geyser" Estate
Available in metallic Sludge Green or Doom Blue, fitted with a fag end ejector, every 100 yeards a lighted dimp it sent flying as if you have stylishy flicked it yourself, the options list includes which team you want for the mini football kit fitted to the rear window, choose which three wheels will have trims fitted as well, no rear seat belts so junior "Geysers" can stand up and display their lovely cropped hair whilst "Tyson" the Staff is in the back.
Mondeo "Old Phleger"
A remake of the classic Mk1 Mondeo from the late nineties, specially for the jobbing handyman, available in two colours "For Cash Blue" and "Not Corgi Registe-red", Comes with some ladders mounted to a badly fitted roofrack attached by a medeival style metal torture add on with a huge spike protruding, fitted as standard with four bald Wanli tyres and one headlamp bulb, the entire front and rear bumpers on this version are made exclusively from genuine 3M "Duck Tape", choose from silver or black, the interior has a unique dimp pattern and has been infused with the aroma of cheap paint, Golden Virtginia, flux, chips and sweaty arse crack.
Available in metallic Sludge Green or Doom Blue, fitted with a fag end ejector, every 100 yeards a lighted dimp it sent flying as if you have stylishy flicked it yourself, the options list includes which team you want for the mini football kit fitted to the rear window, choose which three wheels will have trims fitted as well, no rear seat belts so junior "Geysers" can stand up and display their lovely cropped hair whilst "Tyson" the Staff is in the back.
Mondeo "Old Phleger"
A remake of the classic Mk1 Mondeo from the late nineties, specially for the jobbing handyman, available in two colours "For Cash Blue" and "Not Corgi Registe-red", Comes with some ladders mounted to a badly fitted roofrack attached by a medeival style metal torture add on with a huge spike protruding, fitted as standard with four bald Wanli tyres and one headlamp bulb, the entire front and rear bumpers on this version are made exclusively from genuine 3M "Duck Tape", choose from silver or black, the interior has a unique dimp pattern and has been infused with the aroma of cheap paint, Golden Virtginia, flux, chips and sweaty arse crack.
VW Polo Old Duffer edition.
In Senile Silver with 'Should See Us Out' patterned cloth upholstery.
Standard Features include:
Auto lane wander - the car will detect if you've stayed too long in your marked lane and gently weave sideways without indicating.
Auto stop for roundabouts - especially useful when nothing's coming the other way.
Intelligent Sat Nav limits speed to 45mph in NSLs.
In Senile Silver with 'Should See Us Out' patterned cloth upholstery.
Standard Features include:
Auto lane wander - the car will detect if you've stayed too long in your marked lane and gently weave sideways without indicating.
Auto stop for roundabouts - especially useful when nothing's coming the other way.
Intelligent Sat Nav limits speed to 45mph in NSLs.
Kia Picanto "It's my girlfriends car honest" edition. Also available on the 107/Aygo/C1.
Features extended rev range to keep up in lane 3.
Uprated Xenons to dazzle other road users to draw attention to the fact that "my other car's an S-line Audi so i have evry right to be stuck up your arse".
Intelligent climate control to cool down irate red faced driver who can'tanticipate the road ahead and doesn't have the usual foot/lbs of torque from his disel repmobile.
Memory seat to revert back to "inches from wheel" position for OHs convenience.
Self-servicing vehicle - no need to check anything on it, ever!
Features extended rev range to keep up in lane 3.
Uprated Xenons to dazzle other road users to draw attention to the fact that "my other car's an S-line Audi so i have evry right to be stuck up your arse".
Intelligent climate control to cool down irate red faced driver who can'tanticipate the road ahead and doesn't have the usual foot/lbs of torque from his disel repmobile.
Memory seat to revert back to "inches from wheel" position for OHs convenience.
Self-servicing vehicle - no need to check anything on it, ever!
KrazyIvan said:
The Honda MLM
Comes with 57.5mph limiter, no wing mirrors or indicators, Radio 4 only stereo and life time supply of "Worthers" in the glove box.
Easy on Radio 4! One of the few things I don't resent my license pennies funding! Comes with 57.5mph limiter, no wing mirrors or indicators, Radio 4 only stereo and life time supply of "Worthers" in the glove box.
Oh and I drive a TVR, but don't listen to R4 when in it...as it hasn't got a radio ATM.
Citroen Picasso "bounce" Edition
For that added bit of drama as your piece of s
t people carrier won't get any faster as it lurches/bounces down the outside lane of the motorway at 93mph, despite the fact that "it's got loads of torque though this ere diesel, faster than me mates beemer innit, clarkie said so, e's a great lad"
For that added bit of drama as your piece of s
t people carrier won't get any faster as it lurches/bounces down the outside lane of the motorway at 93mph, despite the fact that "it's got loads of torque though this ere diesel, faster than me mates beemer innit, clarkie said so, e's a great lad"I fear I may be degrading this thread slightly by introducing some reality.
I did make my own special edition.
The Saab 90,000 - at the time it seemed obvious. It was the only combination of 9s and 0s which Saab haddn't done already.
+ a big lump of nitrous which delivered full effects within the space of 400rpm, and if you can read dyno-charts then you'll note too the large cloud of black smoke.
Everything done badly and cheaply on purpose because it was a free car and it was fun. Everything painted black.
And sorry once again.
I did make my own special edition.
The Saab 90,000 - at the time it seemed obvious. It was the only combination of 9s and 0s which Saab haddn't done already.
+ a big lump of nitrous which delivered full effects within the space of 400rpm, and if you can read dyno-charts then you'll note too the large cloud of black smoke.
Everything done badly and cheaply on purpose because it was a free car and it was fun. Everything painted black.
And sorry once again.
Subaru Impreza Council Estate Hero edition. 6 inch exhaust, neons, broken front splitter, two speed gearbox, ebay HIDs and a matching jacket all as standard
Ford Transit Honest, Salt of the Earth Traveller Edition - fully taxed, insured and road legal. Comes with handy storage spaces for your VAT invoices. Also has a tow hitch for your legitimately aquired carvan and enough room for two whole reels of copper wiring you just bought from Network Rail
Ford Transit Honest, Salt of the Earth Traveller Edition - fully taxed, insured and road legal. Comes with handy storage spaces for your VAT invoices. Also has a tow hitch for your legitimately aquired carvan and enough room for two whole reels of copper wiring you just bought from Network Rail
Angry Repressed Dad edition people carrier.
Comes with:
Comes with:
- Sport badges, but no other sporting parts except:
- 'Sporty' Alloys
- Driving Lamps (front fogs to me and you)
- 'Sport' button that does virtually nothing
- Wheezy 1.6 petrol engine, or woeful 1.4 diesel engine
- Re-enforced passenger seat for fat ugly life controlling wife
- Automatic accelerate function for when somebody overtakes
Range Rover Sport 'Penis Extension'
Standard features are the 22in chrome alloys on low profile tyres, half a million watt headlights on constant main beam to usher people who dare be in your way along, bull bars to ram the fkers if they don't get the message from the main beams and lowered suspension for that gangster rap look. Also available are the darkest tints on the market, no one can see what's going on in the back, but you'll look cool as fk with your complimentary Ray-Bans, still embossed with sticker, on at night. Show plates also come as standard, spaced however you like, in whatever font you like and in whatever colour you like. Black background with white letters seems to be favoured amongst our clients. Car comes wrapped in matt black or matt white vinyl for that extra finish.
Perfect for the man who needs to compensate.
Standard features are the 22in chrome alloys on low profile tyres, half a million watt headlights on constant main beam to usher people who dare be in your way along, bull bars to ram the f
kers if they don't get the message from the main beams and lowered suspension for that gangster rap look. Also available are the darkest tints on the market, no one can see what's going on in the back, but you'll look cool as fk with your complimentary Ray-Bans, still embossed with sticker, on at night. Show plates also come as standard, spaced however you like, in whatever font you like and in whatever colour you like. Black background with white letters seems to be favoured amongst our clients. Car comes wrapped in matt black or matt white vinyl for that extra finish.Perfect for the man who needs to compensate.
Edited by Spanna on Thursday 2nd February 23:09
mattmoxon said:
Angry Repressed Dad edition people carrier.
Comes with:
Very similar to my Angry Man Meriva on P2 Comes with:
- Sport badges, but no other sporting parts except:
- 'Sporty' Alloys
- Driving Lamps (front fogs to me and you)
- 'Sport' button that does virtually nothing
- Wheezy 1.6 petrol engine, or woeful 1.4 diesel engine
- Re-enforced passenger seat for fat ugly life controlling wife
- Automatic accelerate function for when somebody overtakes
VW Golf E MK4 "Epic Fail Edition"
19" Audi rims, TT dashboard, TT leather seats, S3 steering wheel(flat bottomed), R32 bodykit (off eBay), quad exhaust (de-catted obviously), chopped springs, resprayed in Brilliant Orange, and oh yeah, a standard 75BHP 1.4 engine with a K&N air filer that's relocated to the front bumper.
19" Audi rims, TT dashboard, TT leather seats, S3 steering wheel(flat bottomed), R32 bodykit (off eBay), quad exhaust (de-catted obviously), chopped springs, resprayed in Brilliant Orange, and oh yeah, a standard 75BHP 1.4 engine with a K&N air filer that's relocated to the front bumper.
lazystudent said:
Citroen Picasso "bounce" Edition
For that added bit of drama as your piece of st people carrier won't get any faster as it lurches/bounces down the outside lane of the motorway at 93mph, despite the fact that "it's got loads of torque though this ere diesel, faster than me mates beemer innit, clarkie said so, e's a great lad"
That's where you're wrong For that added bit of drama as your piece of s
t people carrier won't get any faster as it lurches/bounces down the outside lane of the motorway at 93mph, despite the fact that "it's got loads of torque though this ere diesel, faster than me mates beemer innit, clarkie said so, e's a great lad"
My Mum's C4 Grand Picasso 1.6 HDi managed this on an Autobahn on the way to Hockenheim, 4 up with a boot rammed with camping equipment. My mate following me in his Audi A3 1.6 SE on the other hand, was still trying to cross the French border, as it was fractionally uphill at that point
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