Does anybody know how tall Chris Goffey is ?

[morgrp]

scubadude said:

I wonder what % UK PistonHeads readers don't instantly know who Chris Goffery is?

More importantly who is wider- Chris or Quentin Willson?

Not sure, but in terms of casual driving loafers with gold trim and stonewashed denim, Count Quentula has the edge
As for casual yet smart chunky knitwear, Chris has it in the bag

[morgrp]

Getting back to Chris' height - I've heard he is 20hands tall unless you're measuring in jeremy beadle hands in which case he is 32

[EnglishTony]

Ok class pay attention. Who can tell me how many chaffinches there are to the hand?

[gonnagetyoursBenny]

I think Chris once biffed Tiff over an argument over who was taller. So one Tiff Needles +/- 10%

[MDMA .]

EnglishTony said:

Ok class pay attention. Who can tell me how many chaffinches there are to the hand?

it used to be a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. not sure if that was metric or imperial.

depends on hand size and what bush. I think I could fit 2 birds in my hand. so 4 in a bush ?

[FredClogs]

williamp said:

He drove the bed in the video of his son's band, if that helps...



You can tell because there's no oversteer Powerrrrrr nonsense. Just steady, precise driving and a personal opinion on the quilt design

He also inspired the lyrics "Can you hear us pumping on your stereo"

Chris Goffey will not fit in the boot of an A4 Avant, you'll have to cut his legs off.

[SimonTheSailor]

FredClogs said:

Chris Goffey will not fit in the boot of an A4 Avant, you'll have to cut his legs off.

So normally your legs are roughly half your body length so is Chris Goffey twice the width of an Audi A4 Avant boot ?

[TartanPaint]

MDMA . said:

it used to be a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. not sure if that was metric or imperial.

depends on hand size and what bush. I think I could fit 2 birds in my hand. so 4 in a bush ?

From personal experience, one in the bush is worth two in the hand.

[Power Junkie]

I Have met the man while working with his son's band. I can confirm he is 2 hands shorter than me!

[EnglishTony]

TartanPaint said:

MDMA . said:

it used to be a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. not sure if that was metric or imperial.

depends on hand size and what bush. I think I could fit 2 birds in my hand. so 4 in a bush ?

From personal experience, one in the bush is worth two in the hand.

And then how many chaffinches in a beard? C'mon class, you know this. We had it last week.

[KTF]

EnglishTony said:

Noel Edmunds doesn't keep chaffinches in his beard. He keeps them in his wig.

Looks more like he keeps them in his pants from that photo.

[FredClogs]

SimonTheSailor said:

FredClogs said:

Chris Goffey will not fit in the boot of an A4 Avant, you'll have to cut his legs off.

So normally your legs are roughly half your body length so is Chris Goffey twice the width of an Audi A4 Avant boot ?

If I've learnt nothing from the study of A4 avant boots and the Da Vinci code bit about the Vetruvian man and the Fibonacci sequence, it's that to transport Chris Goffey post morten is going to require removal of at least "part" of the lower limbs.

Nice website by the way, nice life. If you want a woman Friday my missus is for sale.

[LP670]

KTF said:

EnglishTony said:

Noel Edmunds doesn't keep chaffinches in his beard. He keeps them in his wig.

Looks more like he keeps them in his pants from that photo.

Those arnt chaffinches, its chris goffey

[TartanPaint]

Hey guys, listen up. Guys, listen. Guys. Hey guys.

What we do is this. We all pretend we don't believe in Chris Goffey. Within 20 minutes, somebody will post a photograph of Chris Goffey with a packet of custard on his head.

Then it's just a matter of measuring custard packets, counting pixels and extrapolating.

[Shakermaker]

Is this the latest way in which we are all going to win Best of the Best?

[EnglishTony]

Shakermaker said:

Is this the latest way in which we are all going to win Best of the Best?

Yes. Now post a picture of yourself with a packet of custard on your head.

Disclaimer. If people accuse you of being Goffey it's not my fault

[mellowman]

The man is indeed a legend, and known for his encloyclopediac knowledge of all kinds of cars, bikes and...campervans!

Enjoy his critique of this Ford Tourneo Custom camper conversion...

https://youtu.be/9IhpZHcpfPc

[MDMA .]

Good review. Another here -

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

[DonkeyApple]

SimonTheSailor said:

Hyde said:

If Clarkson is approx 6ft 4", then Chris Goffey appears to be about 3ft 2"

I never realised Clarkson was an amputee ? Maybe he said something to Goffey about his road tests ?

Are you sure we want to mess with this f*cker ??

Chuck Norris is only a half Goffey in size.

[CS Garth]

Ten Top Chris Goffey Facts*

-Chris once punched a horse unconscious when it stole his Cheesey Wotsits on location near Mexborough during a Maestro road test to Flamborough Head.
-Chris holds the world record for eating the largest number of scotch eggs in a minute - an unbelievable 16
-Barrel-chested Chris wears a 44 inch jacket with an impressive 34 inch waist and 36 leg. He dresses to the left.
-If you unravelled all of Chris' knitwear and laid it end it would stretch from Eastbourne to 3 miles West of Eastbourne.
-Once on holiday in Tuscany with the early 90's TG crew, Chris rolled his hire car 3 times on the way back from a late night meal, landed it on its wheels, drove back to the villa and then buffed out the damage using nail varnish and Tony Mason's chest wig.
-Chris has 3 false teeth made from the enamel on 1 tooth of a T rex he found on a youth hostelling trip to Doreset's beautiful Jurassic coastline.
-Chris sensationally turned down the role of Indiana Jones as the role clashed with the annual meat draw presentation for the Rotarians in Stow-on the Wold and he doesn't like letting people down.
-Past girlfriends have included Michelle Pfeiffer, Annabelle Giles, the girl itching her bum on that tennis poster and Spinderalla of Salt'n'Pepa fame.
-Chris is credited with the invention of meals on wheels, poptarts and the dwarf Japanese maple. Bonsai indeed.
-Chris is also credited with the fastest 9 dart finish in modern darts after besting Eric Bristow and Rod Hull during a marathon 36 drinking session in Swaffham. During the same session he also scratch-modelled the SS Great Britain from bar snacks and talked a man down from the Empire State building during the world's first transatlantic mobile telecommunications call.

• None of these are true