Misfits, Dad's Army Types et al...

Misfits, Dad's Army Types et al...

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wildcat45

Original Poster:

7,161 posts

137 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Where do they come from? How do they not end up getting punched?

Two incidents recently. All very funny, and I've just been recounting them to a friend.

Last night I went to a public meeting to do with local services. Like a Parish council thing I suppose.

Centre stage in the audience a bossy passive aggressive chap. Interjecting, challenging the speakers - who were just delivering a report - making loud stage whispers hinting that he was or had been very important.

People just let him get away with it until
One speaker on the stage told him to save his questions for the Q and A. When that time came, he was as quiet as a mouse.

A few weeks ago I went to an induction day for volunteers who are needed for a big public event in the summer. They need liaison people to work with participants. I thought it could be fun.

fk me! What a freak
Show.

Several contingents of Walts in some sort of unofficial uniform based around a Royal Navy theme. Some sort if maritime based volunteer group I guess. Very self important and trying to assume control.

A chap who arrived with a clutch of lanyards and ID cards round his neck. He kept trying to collar the organizers saying things like. 'I'm very experienced and I feel we really need a one to one meeting rather that me being with the general public.'

Then there were the disabled. Not their fault, but know your limits. This event won't be suitable for someone in an electric wheelchair. But one guy rocked up, ran across several
Sets of feet - including mine - with no apology and kept interrupting the proceedings with various statements and questions starting with 'I am disabled and....'

Another aggressive man kept shouting 'My daughter is a teacher and she can't be here today but.....'

The final straw for me was registration. They needed five people at a time and one guy decided to divide the group up by tapping people on the shoulder saying '1,2,3,4,5, you lot stand there. Now you five wait there...etc'

The organizers had it all in hand.

Needless to say I ignored him and joined a registration queue. He approached me, tapped me in the shoulder and ordered me away.

'Please don't touch me again.' I Said quietly. He continued to shout orders at me. My response again very quietly: 'I told you once to leave me alone. Now please fk off before you make me angry. '

He went red in the face, made some indignant noises then went off to bully some people standing around drinking coffee.

Why do certain events attract these freaks? I'm probably a freak and I don't even know it!

All posted in good humour.

wildcat45

Original Poster:

7,161 posts

137 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
And let's hear your funny stories of Dad's Army types.

EnglishTony

2,552 posts

47 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Whitehall Directive No 1473.852.65 sub section 478 of the 456th addendum sub paragraph 87b, footnote III, c states all local non governmental meetings must contain the following members to be quorate.

1 x nitpicking old biddy
1 x protocol Nazi
2 x pompous ässes
1 x self proclaimed leader of public opinion
3 x uniformed special interest group members

Didn't you get the memo?

wildcat45

Original Poster:

7,161 posts

137 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
I did not and if I may say it is quite remiss of the committee not to have sent this to me.

I propose a communications (internal) sub-committee to report to a steering group on this to prevent future occurrences. As I have held a middle-management position at Mole Valley Valves for some 23 years, I feel it incumbent upon me to proffer my services as chair.

austinsmirk

3,621 posts

71 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
not much will top a meeting of council tenants on an estate, airing whatever issue they have.

the meeting may start with:

Right, we've X million to spend on yr homes: yr all getting bathrooms, kitchens, central heating, alarms, re-wires et al- for free.

and it will descend into utter carnage from there.


All hosted in a flat roofed community centre, with a flat roof pub nearby.

Ultimately you'll fail to deliver 100% of a scheme because varying nutters won't let you do the works: because they're having some weird battle with the system that you don't know about. They think you care, the reality is you don't. But it would be nice if future occupants of the houses did have those works done that were once available.

ClaphamGT3

7,861 posts

191 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
austinsmirk said:
not much will top a meeting of council tenants on an estate, airing whatever issue they have.

the meeting may start with:

Right, we've X million to spend on yr homes: yr all getting bathrooms, kitchens, central heating, alarms, re-wires et al- for free.

and it will descend into utter carnage from there.


All hosted in a flat roofed community centre, with a flat roof pub nearby.

Ultimately you'll fail to deliver 100% of a scheme because varying nutters won't let you do the works: because they're having some weird battle with the system that you don't know about. They think you care, the reality is you don't. But it would be nice if future occupants of the houses did have those works done that were once available.
This group will always want the works done by magic, last year and to a standard that would make Candy & Candy look down-rent. This is their right apparently and anyone who dares to suggest to the contrary is an out of touch, plutocratic self-pleasurist

toohuge

3,066 posts

164 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
wildcat45 said:
The final straw for me was registration. They needed five people at a time and one guy decided to divide the group up by tapping people on the shoulder saying '1,2,3,4,5, you lot stand there. Now you five wait there...etc'

The organizers had it all in hand.

Needless to say I ignored him and joined a registration queue. He approached me, tapped me in the shoulder and ordered me away.
Why did you ignore a perfectly reasonable and possibly logical way of organising a large group of people? Or are you a dad's army type too? hehe

Ari

15,733 posts

163 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
toohuge said:
wildcat45 said:
The final straw for me was registration. They needed five people at a time and one guy decided to divide the group up by tapping people on the shoulder saying '1,2,3,4,5, you lot stand there. Now you five wait there...etc'

The organizers had it all in hand.

Needless to say I ignored him and joined a registration queue. He approached me, tapped me in the shoulder and ordered me away.
Why did you ignore a perfectly reasonable and possibly logical way of organising a large group of people? Or are you a dad's army type too? hehe
It was you doing the shoulder tapping wasn't it..? boxedin

EnglishTony

2,552 posts

47 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
wildcat45 said:
I did not and if I may say it is quite remiss of the committee not to have sent this to me.

I propose a communications (internal) sub-committee to report to a steering group on this to prevent future occurrences. As I have held a middle-management position at Mole Valley Valves for some 23 years, I feel it incumbent upon me to proffer my services as chair.
Mole Valley Valves?

I attempted to do business with them once. Utter shower.

However I am prepared to overlook this matter and 2nd you for my normal conditions vis a vis unmarked 20s.

Crossflow Kid

11,271 posts

139 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Don't tell 'em your name Pike!

If you want a real laugh take a look at the numerous "4x4 Response" groups that have sprung up in recent years, apparently to assist the emergency services in times of need by providing 4x4 transport, or maybe it's to turn up and tell senior fire officers of thirty years standing that their disaster plan is all wrong.
The key thing however, is to offer up a battered low-spec Land Rover Discovery, weigh it down with ten tonnes of pointless crap like shovels, ropes and stuff, add as many flashing yellow lights as you can lay your hands on and write "Emergency Response Unit" across every panel or window.
The most amusing bit is to ask Head Scout "Who put you in charge then?"

Edited by Crossflow Kid on Thursday 12th May 15:17

wildcat45

Original Poster:

7,161 posts

137 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
EnglishTony said:
Mole Valley Valves?

I attempted to do business with them once. Utter shower.

However I am prepared to overlook this matter and 2nd you for my normal conditions vis a vis unmarked 20s.
Martin Bryce worked for them in BBC TV's. 'Ever Decreasing Circles.'

patmahe

5,270 posts

152 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
wildcat45 said:
'Please don't touch me again.' I Said quietly. He continued to shout orders at me. My response again very quietly: 'I told you once to leave me alone. Now please fk off before you make me angry. '
Did anyone else see this man or was it just you? eek

crankedup

21,881 posts

191 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
This is Cameron's Big Society at work. laugh

nicanary

7,062 posts

94 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Crossflow Kid said:
Don't tell 'em your name Pike!

If you want a real laugh take a look at the numerous "4x4 Response" groups that have sprung up in recent years, apparently to assist the emergency services in times of need by providing 4x4 transport, or maybe it's to turn up and tell senior fire officers of thirty years standing that their disaster plan is all wrong.
The key thing however, is to offer up a battered low-spec Land Rover Discovery, weigh it down with ten tonnes of pointless crap like shovels, ropes and stuff, add as many flashing yellow lights as you can lay your hands on and write "Emergency Response Unit" across every panel or window.
The most amusing bit is to ask Head Scout "Who put you in charge then?"

Edited by Crossflow Kid on Thursday 12th May 15:17
Loads of these types round my area. Lots of that anti-skid flooring stuff riveted down the sides. Just reminds me of The Fast Show - "Let's off-road!". Do they belong to some national organisation, or are they simply self-important and delusional?

PS It was Mole Valley Tools. (Like the 4X4 response guys.....)

wildcat45

Original Poster:

7,161 posts

137 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
I looked it up before I posted: Said in a pedantic adanoidal tone.

http://www.tvcream.co.uk/?p=1095

I believe I am correct and you have made an error which I will overlook on this occasion.

Prev

383 posts

131 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Crossflow Kid said:
If you want a real laugh take a look at the numerous "4x4 Response" groups that have sprung up in recent years, apparently to assist the emergency services in times of need by providing 4x4 transport, or maybe it's to turn up and tell senior fire officers of thirty years standing that their disaster plan is all wrong.
The key thing however, is to offer up a battered low-spec Land Rover Discovery, weigh it down with ten tonnes of pointless crap like shovels, ropes and stuff, add as many flashing yellow lights as you can lay your hands on and write "Emergency Response Unit" across every panel or window.
The most amusing bit is to ask Head Scout "Who put you in charge then?"
We have this in Guernsey, they are branded the Civil Protection. Appear to do all the jobs the police are too lazy or deem below them. Few of them take it far too seriously and appear to think they are a 4th emergency service....

Eric Mc

108,201 posts

213 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Are you guys saying volunteering is wrong?

Is being civic minded a despicable attribute?

EnglishTony

2,552 posts

47 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Prev said:
We have this in Guernsey, they are branded the Civil Protection. Appear to do all the jobs the police are too lazy or deem below them. Few of them take it far too seriously and appear to think they are a 4th emergency service....
Are they allowed to set fire to Jersey?

Crossflow Kid

11,271 posts

139 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
nicanary said:
Loads of these types round my area. Lots of that anti-skid flooring stuff riveted down the sides. Just reminds me of The Fast Show - "Let's off-road!". Do they belong to some national organisation, or are they simply self-important and delusional?

PS It was Mole Valley Tools. (Like the 4X4 response guys.....)
There is now a national response network of local area groups, and yes, it's very Fast Show.
I did consider getting involved as a way of redressing the anti-4x4 lobby and offering something back to the community but fk me...
I was expected to actually pay to take part, and got a condescending email about how my vehicle (a Defender 90) would be "assessed" along with my own abilities and the kit I carried and then given a graded response role accordingly. I must admit to being quite curious how 24 years on front line military helicopters might prepare me for a meeting with Akela.
I dared to ask under what remit the assessor worked, to what standard any recovery kit would be rated and how it would be certified and so on.
Never got a reply to that so didn't go along.
In the end I was invited to participate in Hampshire Fire and Rescue's own scheme where the 4x4 Have A Go Hero Squad were viewed for what they were.

Edited by Crossflow Kid on Thursday 12th May 19:23

Dr Jekyll

18,332 posts

209 months

Thursday 12th May 2016
quotequote all
Eric Mc said:
Are you guys saying volunteering is wrong?

Is being civic minded a despicable attribute?
Volunteering for the right reasons is fine. But volunteer organisations by their very nature get infested with people who enjoy meetings for their own sake and therefore should never be put in charge of anything. Also the types who insist on 'taking charge' when everyone else is getting on perfectly well with doing something useful.