Notes from the road - Audi A5
Discussion
Audi A5 today...
White. S-Line. Big wheels. Diesel. Auto. 190.
The full Brent.
I have to say, seldom have I hated a car as much as I hated this one. I loathed it. It was shockingly awful in every regard. It gave me a feeling of existential nausea so intense I fear even several pints of Landlord may not banish it.
Why? Well it's just so utterly ghastly. Let's consider first principles. The bloke I picked it up from also hated it. He'd had it for a week and could not figure out the relationship between the two screens - the one a virtual cockpit that replaces the standard dials, the other an ugly tablet thing stuck in the middle of the dash like a some cold-sore of late capitalist insanity. You see, they both show the same thing. The same information on two screens. He had become mildly obsessed with why Audi have done this - thinking that there must be a whole subset of menus to make it necessary. But there isn't and, when I told him this, he sighed, with the melancholy of a distant Caspian gull. Ah! The ennui! It flowed from him like water. Not only that but you could, if you were an absolute moron, also spec this car with a head up display. Then you could have exactly the same data in three places. That is just indicative of what a muddled, poorly thought through piece of design this car is.
The TT (which, with a petrol motor and small wheels plus DSG is a very good car indeed) proves this point. It has just the virtual cockpit. And it's fine.
So you start the thing with it's silly button. Of course they all have silly buttons. You've got the silly steering wheel - flat bottomed for no good reason on Earth. The seats are not too bad and they go pretty low but the are afflicted with the lamest massage function in the world - the operation of which eluded me even after twenty minutes of buggering about. Strong heaters though. Audi do that very well.
And then, alas, you must drive it. Audi cars are incredibly spec specific in the way they drive. Please bare that in mind if you are interested in one. Basic rule of thumb - petrol/small wheels good, anything else, bad. Lord alone knows why the S-Line suspension is so mind numbingly poor. Avoid it at all costs. If you drive a standard XF, as I did this morning, you marvel at how JLR can be so, so far ahead. Much better body control and and infinitely superior ride. It is night and day.
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse. Impossible to modulate. No denying the power, but not far off a Citroen SM in their binary nature.
The ride. Well, very, very far off a Citroen SM.
Steering? Sweet Jesus! Appalling. Just plain outright bad. Once you have selected your driving mode, whichever you choose, you will find the steering absolutely s
te. That's all there is to it. It may go round the corner in a way vaguely related to your intention, or it may not.
The thing is, this car is entirely configured around showroom appeal. Audi have realised that showroom appeal sells many, many more cars than the quality of said cars. At least in the short term, and beyond the next quarter they dare not look!
Everything inside and out is designed, not to make the driver comfortable or to entertain them but, rather, and this is key, to make them feel important. In charge. The way the seat belts tighten once underway, the shiny, shiny dials, the drive modes, the beeps bells and whistles - the way the steering, brakes and ride are configured to seem instantly impressive (rather than actually work in any way) - all this is a massive appeal to vanity. Not utility and certainly not real quality.
It's endemic of where we are. Instant showroom appeal and looking moody on the drive are all. ALL.
The car feels cheap if I'm honest. Certainly the list price of 41k is a bit mad. That price is, obviously, wildly inflated to make the lease deals seem cheap. Which they are but, then, that surely means this car - certainly the way most people will 'buy' it - that means this car IS cheap. And it bloody well feels it.
The A5 is, in short, a confidence trick. Don't fall for it.
Apologies for any spelling/grammar ssues. I knocked this up on an I-phone in a break at work. Waiting for an XC90 to have the driver's electric window motor replaced.
Ah, the slings and arrows!
White. S-Line. Big wheels. Diesel. Auto. 190.
The full Brent.
I have to say, seldom have I hated a car as much as I hated this one. I loathed it. It was shockingly awful in every regard. It gave me a feeling of existential nausea so intense I fear even several pints of Landlord may not banish it.
Why? Well it's just so utterly ghastly. Let's consider first principles. The bloke I picked it up from also hated it. He'd had it for a week and could not figure out the relationship between the two screens - the one a virtual cockpit that replaces the standard dials, the other an ugly tablet thing stuck in the middle of the dash like a some cold-sore of late capitalist insanity. You see, they both show the same thing. The same information on two screens. He had become mildly obsessed with why Audi have done this - thinking that there must be a whole subset of menus to make it necessary. But there isn't and, when I told him this, he sighed, with the melancholy of a distant Caspian gull. Ah! The ennui! It flowed from him like water. Not only that but you could, if you were an absolute moron, also spec this car with a head up display. Then you could have exactly the same data in three places. That is just indicative of what a muddled, poorly thought through piece of design this car is.
The TT (which, with a petrol motor and small wheels plus DSG is a very good car indeed) proves this point. It has just the virtual cockpit. And it's fine.
So you start the thing with it's silly button. Of course they all have silly buttons. You've got the silly steering wheel - flat bottomed for no good reason on Earth. The seats are not too bad and they go pretty low but the are afflicted with the lamest massage function in the world - the operation of which eluded me even after twenty minutes of buggering about. Strong heaters though. Audi do that very well.
And then, alas, you must drive it. Audi cars are incredibly spec specific in the way they drive. Please bare that in mind if you are interested in one. Basic rule of thumb - petrol/small wheels good, anything else, bad. Lord alone knows why the S-Line suspension is so mind numbingly poor. Avoid it at all costs. If you drive a standard XF, as I did this morning, you marvel at how JLR can be so, so far ahead. Much better body control and and infinitely superior ride. It is night and day.
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse. Impossible to modulate. No denying the power, but not far off a Citroen SM in their binary nature.
The ride. Well, very, very far off a Citroen SM.
Steering? Sweet Jesus! Appalling. Just plain outright bad. Once you have selected your driving mode, whichever you choose, you will find the steering absolutely s
te. That's all there is to it. It may go round the corner in a way vaguely related to your intention, or it may not. The thing is, this car is entirely configured around showroom appeal. Audi have realised that showroom appeal sells many, many more cars than the quality of said cars. At least in the short term, and beyond the next quarter they dare not look!
Everything inside and out is designed, not to make the driver comfortable or to entertain them but, rather, and this is key, to make them feel important. In charge. The way the seat belts tighten once underway, the shiny, shiny dials, the drive modes, the beeps bells and whistles - the way the steering, brakes and ride are configured to seem instantly impressive (rather than actually work in any way) - all this is a massive appeal to vanity. Not utility and certainly not real quality.
It's endemic of where we are. Instant showroom appeal and looking moody on the drive are all. ALL.
The car feels cheap if I'm honest. Certainly the list price of 41k is a bit mad. That price is, obviously, wildly inflated to make the lease deals seem cheap. Which they are but, then, that surely means this car - certainly the way most people will 'buy' it - that means this car IS cheap. And it bloody well feels it.
The A5 is, in short, a confidence trick. Don't fall for it.
Apologies for any spelling/grammar ssues. I knocked this up on an I-phone in a break at work. Waiting for an XC90 to have the driver's electric window motor replaced.
Ah, the slings and arrows!
W124 said:
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse.
Having driven a number of Audis (I even owned a couple), and having familiarity with who Pete Doherty is, I wholeheartedly concur with this most evocative of statements. 
So, the Audi A5, then... Did you like it, or not?
I deliver cars when I'm not making music. For what it's worth I'll post some of ramblings here. I get to drive pretty much everything. And on similar journeys to the dull, glamour free rides most people take. I have no axe to grind and no 'issues' over journalistic integrity - that said so was a motoring journalist once.
Don't expect anybody to care though!
Don't expect anybody to care though!
Is it PH anti Audi though? I consider that I take as I find, yet we had a manufacturer demo loan of an A7 when they first came out. Ignoring the issue that the standard of presentation of a vehicle to a fleet customer was utterly abysmal, eg tyre pressures, 3 were way over inflated, 1 was dangerously low, plus some other irritating stuff, both the fleet manager and I couldn't imagine anyone spending 70k on the vehicle we had. It was, as you put it, the full Brent version, the options ticked list was stupendous, what a hateful pile of awfulness.
Yet we also had an A1 on loan for the other end of the fleet, considering it was only the 1.6D, when you figured it out and got it wound up, was half decent, though a petrol and not on silly tyres woukd gave been better.
Yet we also had an A1 on loan for the other end of the fleet, considering it was only the 1.6D, when you figured it out and got it wound up, was half decent, though a petrol and not on silly tyres woukd gave been better.
I have a 2015 A5 S/B and quite like it, although I have a new one on loan today from Audi as mines in for service and must agree on the the below 2 points:
Steering in the new one feels all sorts of wrong.
Nav Screen is much better in the dash on the older model, not a fan of the ipad design.
Heated seats are pretty good on mine to be fair, this loaner hasn't got them in.
One thing you missed, the radio stays on until you lock the car on the new one, very annoying,
Steering in the new one feels all sorts of wrong.
Nav Screen is much better in the dash on the older model, not a fan of the ipad design.
Heated seats are pretty good on mine to be fair, this loaner hasn't got them in.
One thing you missed, the radio stays on until you lock the car on the new one, very annoying,
I have always liked the old one looks wise and the new one looks alright but they are kind of a mobiles sales presentation with pink shirts, cufflinks, chunky watch and lashings of aftershave, guy at work had one, decent chap but definitely thought he was a bit of "Player".
Good write up though, been driving a BMW X1 this week and it does everything sort of ok, well even, but left me cold, got back in my aging Merc CLS and it felt wonderful and I even welcomed the creak from the front suspension and lolloping, fat labrador with JATO rockets road manners.
Some cars just get it right, the A5 sounds like the ingredients are right but it misses the mark, I think diesel engines dont help, so effective and frugal, I can totally see the appeal, but mostly a bit boring, exciting for those used to cooking petrols who discover torque for the first time but I dont want one.
Good write up though, been driving a BMW X1 this week and it does everything sort of ok, well even, but left me cold, got back in my aging Merc CLS and it felt wonderful and I even welcomed the creak from the front suspension and lolloping, fat labrador with JATO rockets road manners.
Some cars just get it right, the A5 sounds like the ingredients are right but it misses the mark, I think diesel engines dont help, so effective and frugal, I can totally see the appeal, but mostly a bit boring, exciting for those used to cooking petrols who discover torque for the first time but I dont want one.
Edited by J4CKO on Friday 14th July 15:29
I've always thought Audis were largely style over substance and after having a couple recently as hire cars (A4 S-Line and A1 Sport), I maintain that opinion. They're "nice", but that's about it. The interior feels nice and is pleasing to the eye. But they don't have any real sense of driver dynamics - everything is so insulated - and the ride quality is awful.
MrBarry123 said:
Re: the interior...
They're really quite lovely cars inside so I'm not sure what was wrong with yours*.
*Probably nothing but it is bhy-bhface PH where anything Audi is st and wk and crap.
I don't think PH is particularly anti-Audi, but more anti-2.0TDI with big wheels, extra bling, etc.They're really quite lovely cars inside so I'm not sure what was wrong with yours*.
*Probably nothing but it is b
hy-bhface PH where anything Audi is st and wk and crap.The modern trend is more and more buyers like the whole style over substance, Audi happen to do this very well and so people are attracted to the bling and the badge. Hence a lot of these identikit boxes on the road, which in turn attracts the PH ire.
By and large, most people here have more respect for the S/RS versions.
Not anti Audi, just not a fan of the fking idiots that tend to gravitate to the brand (sorry, image, sorry - imagine!).
I know several people who drive Audis, two of them even own them! None of them are people I like spending much time with, they all drive them for status, one even hates the way his drives!
king idiots that tend to gravitate to the brand (sorry, image, sorry - imagine!).I know several people who drive Audis, two of them even own them! None of them are people I like spending much time with, they all drive them for status, one even hates the way his drives!
Seen one on the roads and my former neighbour had the previous version, so did my godfather. My godfather's though had small wheels and the ride was good, my neighbours always looked a little like a pram on the larger wheels. The new one is just a lazy remodelling of the old one with different engines from the outside.
I have to defend HUD though as my 640D has it. I find it superb and it does keep your eyes on the road ahead very nicely without looking down, I miss it when driving the MX5.
Regarding the virtual display though that does make it completely pointless.
As for the ipad stuck on the dash they are all at it now in some form. One thing I do like about the 6 at least is it avoids the stuck on appearance entirely despite being on "top of the dash" as the dash sweeps towards it.
I have to defend HUD though as my 640D has it. I find it superb and it does keep your eyes on the road ahead very nicely without looking down, I miss it when driving the MX5.
Regarding the virtual display though that does make it completely pointless.
As for the ipad stuck on the dash they are all at it now in some form. One thing I do like about the 6 at least is it avoids the stuck on appearance entirely despite being on "top of the dash" as the dash sweeps towards it.
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