One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4

[anonymous-user]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

This latest eBay knob.

1 new message.

Hi Rob
Thanks for providing measures.
I like the jacket a lot but is is very likely to be small for me and probably will end up in a box in my wardrobe.
Therefore I will not offer more than £120.
Let me know if you are interested

For a Vivienne Westwood coat, BNWT, £440 on the the tags.

No. You can borrow our Doberman if you want a coat too small for you. If you stick a sausage to your bum he'll chase you around the town until you're trim enough to get in to it. That will save you having to try and bid 75% off on designer gear. Yours truly.

I'll give you £75 -dog owning home ain't good for a sale tactic. You still have the tags - did you nick it ?

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

doog442 said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

This latest eBay knob.

1 new message.

Hi Rob
Thanks for providing measures.
I like the jacket a lot but is is very likely to be small for me and probably will end up in a box in my wardrobe.
Therefore I will not offer more than £120.
Let me know if you are interested

For a Vivienne Westwood coat, BNWT, £440 on the the tags.

No. You can borrow our Doberman if you want a coat too small for you. If you stick a sausage to your bum he'll chase you around the town until you're trim enough to get in to it. That will save you having to try and bid 75% off on designer gear. Yours truly.

I'll give you £75 -dog owning home ain't good for a sale tactic. You still have the tags - did you nick it ?

tags as in barcode/ particular tags, not the security ones

And dog owning is the reason for sale, much like flogging my cherished electrostatic Sennheisers to a fellow PH'er..... said Dobe dick-head landed us with a £3000ish vets bill.

[alpha channel]

The bell end in a white Polo who took an age to overtake an, effectively, miniture tanker on the dual carriage section south of Sedgefield. Fine not an issue as I had seen that there was a Transit in front, turns out the Tansit had toddled off into the distance. After pulling back in said plonker held station so that pulling in behind him wasn't a safe thing to do due to the gap, thankfully with a bit of welly there was enough to get past and pull in safely before getting to the roundabout.

Heading on to the A689 from said roundabout a coach is in front I overtake in a brisk fashion (why spend more time in a large vehicles blind spot than you need? something which I'm seeing more of - dawdling alongside HGV's when overtaking). Pull back in and head off up the road, guess who is closing as I approach some vehicles in front (after crawling past the coach)?

[Blown2CV]

Zetec-S said:

Other knob was the guy in front who started to brake when they saw a deer run out from the side of the road, then stop braking when they saw the deer pause and sailed on past. Seconds later another 3 emerged, not sure how they avoided collecting at least one of them.

go on you're going to have to explain this one... are you saying the driver should have predicted there would be more than one or something?

[Graveworm]

Blown2CV said:

go on you're going to have to explain this one... are you saying the driver should have predicted there would be more than one or something?

"Where there is one their may be more" is a commentary cliche, but still not a bad mantra.

[Blown2CV]

Graveworm said:

Blown2CV said:

go on you're going to have to explain this one... are you saying the driver should have predicted there would be more than one or something?

"Where there is one their may be more" is a commentary cliche, but still not a bad mantra.

never heard that in my life. Maybe this is corn-pone wisdom from Jethro types...

[jdizz]

Graveworm said:

Blown2CV said:

go on you're going to have to explain this one... are you saying the driver should have predicted there would be more than one or something?

"Where there is one their may be more" is a commentary cliche, but still not a bad mantra.

Was going to say this too. I live in the rural parts of southern England, and if a deer runs out in front of me 9 time out of 10, its followed by 1 or more.

[Blown2CV]

jdizz said:

Graveworm said:

Blown2CV said:

go on you're going to have to explain this one... are you saying the driver should have predicted there would be more than one or something?

"Where there is one their may be more" is a commentary cliche, but still not a bad mantra.

Was going to say this too. I live in the rural parts of southern England, and if a deer runs out in front of me 9 time out of 10, its followed by 1 or more.

you can't really call someone a knob for not being a countryfile checked shirt wearer on the way to stick his arm up a cow's arse.

[yellowjack]

Blown2CV said:

jdizz said:

Graveworm said:

Blown2CV said:

go on you're going to have to explain this one... are you saying the driver should have predicted there would be more than one or something?

"Where there is one their may be more" is a commentary cliche, but still not a bad mantra.

Was going to say this too. I live in the rural parts of southern England, and if a deer runs out in front of me 9 time out of 10, its followed by 1 or more.

you can't really call someone a knob for not being a countryfile checked shirt wearer on the way to stick his arm up a cow's arse.

Yes. You can. because part of driving is assessing risk and adapting your driving to take account of it. Deer are funny things. One or two introduced species (usually the smaller species in my experience) are solitary, but the vast majority of Deer are most likely to be encountered in either pairs, or in larger groups or herds. Just recently I witnessed a herd of 100+ individuals in the New Forest. Just little old me on my bicycle was enough to see them take flight, which split them into two groups. When I stopped to take photographs of them, they soon took advantage and reformed into a single herd again. Which involved charging across the gravel road behind me at speed.

So yes, it is entirely knobbish to take a risk when encountering a single Deer to proceed at anything resembling "normal road speeds". Because the fear of being separated from the herd overrides any fear of the danger posed by traffic. It boils down to evolution. Deer evolved over thousands of years (evidence of Roe Deer has been recorded back to 10,000BC) to fear predators. The motor car has only been around for 130 or so years. Arguably less than 100 years in numbers large enough to threaten the safety of such a large mammal. It's not hard-wired into a Deer's evolutionary responses yet. So it fears being separated from it's herd more than it fears being run over, even though we've hunted all it's effective natural predators into extinction in the UK.

My advice to anyone seeing a Deer anywhere on or near a road is to slow down and exercise caution. Where there is one there are often more. Sometimes big herds, sometimes just the two or three, but if one makes a bolt for it across a road, there's a big chance that the rest of the group will go too. And a full grown Roe weighs about 25 kg, with a high CoG, so if you're happy firing a 25 kg side of venison at your windscreen at up to 60 mph (presuming you're driving at the speed limit on a NSL road) then crack on. Although it'll more likely be caved in than cracked...

[Blown2CV]

people don't know the risk surrounding deer. It's unreasonable to expect that everyone is like you.

[anonymous-user]

Dropped my son off at nursery and was in the Audi. Fairly busy roads with a speed of 30mph moving traffic.
Out of nowhere shot a silver diesel insignia and he was extremely aggressively tailgating me, must have been within 2 feet.
Decided to take it nice and steady as I didn't feel the need to go any faster considering the traffic, if I didn't make the green lights because I wasn't doing over 30mph then so be it. Could see him getting more and more pissed off, kept creeping out to my right so I could see him in the mirror.
I eventually turned off and he beeped his horn and then sped up to the car ahead of me and presumably did the same to them.
Massive chav wker.

[Dagnir]

Not a single thing....this hideous being had the lot.

Fat.
Still thought she was glamorous.
Ignoring her child.
Spent 15 minutes frantically trying to apply 'her slap', to the point she genuinely looked demented.
Constantly on her phone everytime we slowed down.
Causing people to miss the lights as she wasn't paying attention.
So ludicrously unorganised that even watching her maniacally flapping about her car behind me was irritating me.
The icing on the cake being that she had her wipers going proper full pelt for about 15 minutes (it was dry) before she noticed.

How? Just how?

Pretty much everything I despise in a human being? All in one package.

Hideous human and a full blown knob!

[yellowjack]

Blown2CV said:

you can't really call someone a knob for not being a countryfile checked shirt wearer on the way to stick his arm up a cow's arse.

And you don't need to be a rural vet to understand the danger. The Highway Code and 'Statutory Signs & Signals' are your friend...

Blown2CV said:

people don't know the risk surrounding deer. It's unreasonable to expect that everyone is like you.

Well they should, because it's a fundamental part of driving to recognise and assess hazards/potential hazards. In fact, here's (some of) the Government's published advice on the subject... https://www.gov.uk/government/news/motorists-urged... ...which includes such advice as follows...

Highways England advice said:

The advice to drivers is:

1. when you see deer warning signs or are travelling through a heavily wooded or forested stretch of road, check your speed and stay alert

2. if your headlights are on, use full-beams when you can, but dip them if you see deer as they may ‘freeze’ on the spot instead of leaving the road

3. if you see a deer, look for another. They often gather in herds and follow each other as they move through the landscape.

This is easily found driving advice. And the path to enlightenment, and to being a better driver, is, among other things, recognising that you don't, in fact, "know it all" but that you need to continuously learn to improve. Although there are plenty of 'Driving Gods' about who have a pathological inability to follow safety advice because "they know better", I'm not one of them. The only animal I've hit on a road was a Pheasant, and that was entirely unavoidable as it landed (or tried to) directly in my path after flying over a hedgerow. Made a nasty mess of the radiator in my Cortina too.

Edited by yellowjack on Tuesday 3rd March 10:11

[Blown2CV]

yellowjack said:

Blown2CV said:

you can't really call someone a knob for not being a countryfile checked shirt wearer on the way to stick his arm up a cow's arse.

And you don't need to be a rural vet to understand the danger. The Highway Code and 'Statutory Signs & Signals' are your friend...



Oh, and don't forget the Government's published advice on the subject... https://www.gov.uk/government/news/motorists-urged... ...which includes such advice as follows...

Highways England advice said:

The advice to drivers is:

1. when you see deer warning signs or are travelling through a heavily wooded or forested stretch of road, check your speed and stay alert

2. if your headlights are on, use full-beams when you can, but dip them if you see deer as they may ‘freeze’ on the spot instead of leaving the road

3. if you see a deer, look for another. They often gather in herds and follow each other as they move through the landscape.

This is easily found driving advice. And the path to enlightenment, and to being a better driver, is, among other things, recognising that you don't, in fact, "know it all" but that you need to continuously learn to improve. Although there are plenty of 'Driving Gods' about who have a pathological inability to follow safety advice because "they know better", I'm not one of them. The only animal I've hit on a road was a Pheasant, and that was entirely unavoidable as it landed (or tried to) directly in my path after flying over a hedgerow. Made a nasty mess of the radiator in my Cortina too.

and just who the fk is going to read highways england's advice on how to deal with rural wildlife if, like most of the country, they live in urban locations? I am not trying to argue against this advice, i am saying it is unreasonable to expect some random person to know it, stupid mnemonic rhymes included.

[Monkeylegend]

yellowjack said:

This is easily found driving advice. And the path to enlightenment, and to being a better driver, is, among other things, recognising that you don't, in fact, "know it all" but that you need to continuously learn to improve. Although there are plenty of 'Driving Gods' about who have a pathological inability to follow safety advice because "they know better", I'm not one of them. The only animal I've hit on a road was a Pheasant, and that was entirely unavoidable as it landed (or tried to) directly in my path after flying over a hedgerow. Made a nasty mess of the radiator in my Cortina too.

Trees, don't park under trees in high winds, also helps you along the path to enlightenment.

YJ, you are the ultimate PH driving and cycling guru, practising near perfection on your daily travels, we all have so much to learn from you.

Thank you.

[jagnet]

jdizz said:

Was going to say this too. I live in the rural parts of southern England, and if a deer runs out in front of me 9 time out of 10, its followed by 1 or more.

In January I had a car coming the other way avoid the first and not account for the two following - made a proper mess of the car.

Quite often when leaving the house in the morning I have to let anywhere between two and eight cross the drive in front of me but never one on its own.

It doesn't surprise me that people don't know this though. I doubt many driving instructors point it out, or even pass deer warning signs unless outside urban environments. How many people then ever give conscious thought to improving their driving skills once passing their test.

[yellowjack]

Blown2CV said:

and just who the fk is going to read highways england's advice on how to deal with rural wildlife if, like most of the country, they live in urban locations? I am not trying to argue against this advice, i am saying it is unreasonable to expect some random person to know it, stupid mnemonic rhymes included.

What a bizarre and thoroughly unpleasant life you, and "most of the country" must lead if you never drive through a rural area to get from one conurbation to another.

Seriously? You expect me to believe this? Just getting from one town or village to the next, for most people, will involved driving along a rural road with either open fields or enclosed woodland on either side. And that's before we even consider that Deer have encroached into many urban areas too. We're talking about common native and invasive Deer species here, not stalking The Monarch Of The Glen with Archie the gamekeeper, while dressed in your very best Harris and wielding £5k's worth of rifle and scope.

If you (or perhaps more generously - the majority of UK drivers) are happy to wear ignorance as a badge of honour, then great. I'm happy for you. I, on the other hand, whilst not owning or driving a particularly 'PH-worthy' car, will continue to read and inwardly digest any hints, tips, and driving safety advice I find myself exposed to, in the hope that it will make me a better, safer, and more considerate driver.

I'll be sure to wave to y'all as you stand beside your cars, hazard lights forlornly blinking, wrapped in foil blankets, waiting for a recovery truck to pull the car out of a ditch all covered in a dead Deer's internal organs...

[Yadizzle1]

I've been doing a lot of m'way driving recently and have started to get to the point of wanting to cut myself every time I encounter an idiot. I genuinely don't know how to calm down after seeing such stupid driving.

Knob 1 - Corsa Driver on the M25. Barely any traffic at around 11 at night, i'm on the inside lane with my cruise control set to 70, Corsa ahead sat in the middle lane doing probably a bit less. I edge closer to him over the course of about 5 minutes, still sat in the middle lane. Now what I did may have been somewhat wrong but I decided to stay in my lane and continue doing 70, Corsa boy waited right until I was next to him and swerved into my lane without any indication and with less than half a cars gap, then proceeded to brake check me twice. WTF? If you're that offended by an undertake, why not sit in the correct bloody lane??

Knob 2 - VW Golf on the M1. Again hardly any traffic and going through the 60mph average speed zone, sat once again on the inside lane with cruise set to 60. VW Golf takes about 2 minutes to overtake me doing about 61mph and then as soon as his car is ahead of me, pulls into my lane leaving probably a quarter of a cars gap, I couldn't see the rear reg plate, that's how little of a gap he'd left. This caused my adaptive cruise to slam the anchors on. Again, why??

Knob 3 - Once again M1 on the same day as Golf guy, again inside lane doing 60 on cruise. People sat in the middle lane doing 55, cruise past them no issues. Pass a Mazda 6 also sat in the middle lane doing 55 too, all of a sudden he's so offended that he speeds up, overtakes the 55mph cruisers ahead of him, then comes to the inside lane and slows right down to 50 to box me in. Why do people drive like such aholes?

Then you've got all the wkers that will sit right on your rear bumper and flash an honk when you're doing 70 overtaking traffic sitting in the middle lane doing 60/65. People that will try and undertake/overtake you and then do 10mph less than the speed limit for absolutely no reason. i.e on Sunday a Range Rover at the lights in the wrong lane for taking the first exit overtook me, then did 30 in a 40mph dual carriage way and as I went to turn off he all of a sudden booted it and sat on the rear bumper of the van ahead.

Anyone have any advice to calm down, I just can't see why people behave like this? It's genuinely winding me up because I just can't think what the though process is behind any of the above actions? It's driving me bonkers. It's getting to the point that I'd be better of joining in being a middle lane moron.

[yellowjack]

Monkeylegend said:

yellowjack said:

This is easily found driving advice. And the path to enlightenment, and to being a better driver, is, among other things, recognising that you don't, in fact, "know it all" but that you need to continuously learn to improve. Although there are plenty of 'Driving Gods' about who have a pathological inability to follow safety advice because "they know better", I'm not one of them. The only animal I've hit on a road was a Pheasant, and that was entirely unavoidable as it landed (or tried to) directly in my path after flying over a hedgerow. Made a nasty mess of the radiator in my Cortina too.

Trees, don't park under trees in high winds, also helps you along the path to enlightenment.

YJ, you are the ultimate PH driving and cycling guru, practising near perfection on your daily travels, we all have so much to learn from you.

Thank you.

Precisely. You attempt to mock, but actually make my point for me. I made an error of judgement, and parked within "falling tree range" of a very small tree in a supermarket car park. partly as a result of my desire to be further from the store, and thus further from bell-ends who would open their doors onto my car. It backfired. So I learned from the experience, and don't park under trees, or in fact anywhere near trees now, unless it is entirely unavoidable.

I also learn from other people's mistakes. So I don't park with my driven wheels in a big muddy patch, in order to avoid having to be towed or pushed out of a parking space.

And your point about "practising near perfection"? I'd absolutely agree. Because I'm trying to achieve perfection, but I'm intelligent enough to realise that I'll probably never achieve it. although i'd wager that i'm far closer to it than someone who believes that achieving a driving test pass is the end of their learning process. Because I'd humbly suggest that passing the driving test should be just the beginning of a lifelong learning process...

jagnet said:

jdizz said:

Was going to say this too. I live in the rural parts of southern England, and if a deer runs out in front of me 9 time out of 10, its followed by 1 or more.

In January I had a car coming the other way avoid the first and not account for the two following - made a proper mess of the car.

Quite often when leaving the house in the morning I have to let anywhere between two and eight cross the drive in front of me but never one on its own.

It doesn't surprise me that people don't know this though. I doubt many driving instructors point it out, or even pass deer warning signs unless outside urban environments. How many people then ever give conscious thought to improving their driving skills once passing their test.

Careful now, jagnet. Several posters will shortly be along (on this supposedly driver-centric forum) to tell you that you are being ridiculous to even suggest that any "normal" person would consider the driving test pass to be anything other than the absolute end of the learning process.

It's truly shocking, and saddens me to see, that so many people have such little regard for themselves and others on the roads these days. Most drivers seem incapable of applying even that which they learned in preparation for their test, let alone doing anything to proactively improve their driving abilities after gaining their test pass. That in itself is enough to make me think "Knob!"...

Edited by yellowjack on Tuesday 3rd March 10:49

[Blown2CV]

yellowjack said:

Blown2CV said:

and just who the fk is going to read highways england's advice on how to deal with rural wildlife if, like most of the country, they live in urban locations? I am not trying to argue against this advice, i am saying it is unreasonable to expect some random person to know it, stupid mnemonic rhymes included.

What a bizarre and thoroughly unpleasant life you, and "most of the country" must lead if you never drive through a rural area to get from one conurbation to another.

Seriously? You expect me to believe this? Just getting from one town or village to the next, for most people, will involved driving along a rural road with either open fields or enclosed woodland on either side. And that's before we even consider that Deer have encroached into many urban areas too. We're talking about common native and invasive Deer species here, not stalking The Monarch Of The Glen with Archie the gamekeeper, while dressed in your very best Harris and wielding £5k's worth of rifle and scope.

If you (or perhaps more generously - the majority of UK drivers) are happy to wear ignorance as a badge of honour, then great. I'm happy for you. I, on the other hand, whilst not owning or driving a particularly 'PH-worthy' car, will continue to read and inwardly digest any hints, tips, and driving safety advice I find myself exposed to, in the hope that it will make me a better, safer, and more considerate driver.

I'll be sure to wave to y'all as you stand beside your cars, hazard lights forlornly blinking, wrapped in foil blankets, waiting for a recovery truck to pull the car out of a ditch all covered in a dead Deer's internal organs...

yellowjack you are, and i say this through direct experience of your posts through the volumes of this thread, the Sultan of all knobs. I genuinely cannot be arsed to do anything other than skim read your self-important posts, at best. You are without a doubt the most pompous person in this forum.

No one is wearing anything with a badge of fking honour - i am saying that not everyone is out there wearing fking driving gloves, dictating their own driving manoeuvres to themselves and polishing their advanced driving framed certificate from 1973. I am talking about the real world, where things are not black and white, and not everyone knows deer travel in little groups. Even those on a fking motoring forum.

I, as yet, have not written a car off through ploughing through a pack of deer (or whatever the collective noun is, although i am positive you will correct me). It really is not something which keeps me awake at night, and i have more than enough to do in my "bizarre and unpleasant life" than to revise and self-test on the mating and migrating behaviour of every native species in the UK just in case I might encounter one while pootling along the road at 10 mph under the speed limit, in 15 years time.

Just wind your neck in and stop being a total tit!