Prior Convictions: Guilty as charged
Why you should never feel guilty about your motoring pleasures...
But some cars are so much worse than others that the other day, on the other mag for which I work, I was asked to name my guilty pleasure. Which car, I was asked, do I really like, despite the fact that it is either poor, or dated, or embarrassing, or, well, I dunno, for some reason generally despised.
So I thought of a car that apparently wasn't very good but that I've got quite a lot of time for - a Volvo 360, incidentally. I like the Volvo 360. The improper Volvo, the one with DAF bits. I like it. There, I said it.
Perhaps you have a car like this too. Perhaps you're slightly ashamed or embarrassed to admit that you have a soft spot for the automotive equivalent of James Blunt. Maybe it's a Range Rover Evoque convertible or a Chrysler PT Cruiser or a Vauxhall Corsa that's 40 per cent filler, and you don't want to admit it in case somebody who only respects GT Porsches and M BMWs or Type R Hondas mocks it.
Well, sod that. Because you know what? I think all cars are fabulous. That any car is terrific. Because every single car in the world offers its driver a sense of freedom and liberation that taking the bus doesn't. The motor car is The Machine That Changed The World, according to MIT's $5m book, and largely it has changed it for the better. The car has brought liberty, prosperity, trade and freedom to more people than every other human invention. You probably already know this, but anything on four wheels deserves to be celebrated.
I've seen in the past fortnight alone what a car can do for somebody, even in middle England, because my 17 year-old has passed her driving test. She's not particularly into cars, but she will love forever a supermini that's as old as she is because of what it means to her today: freedom, liberation, the ability to go wherever she wants, whenever she wants, without being beholden to the inflexible timetables of either railways or her parents.
So no matter how bad the car, no matter what the colour, what the noise, what the powertrain or condition, or whether it's slammed or wrapped or has purple neon lights underneath it, if somebody likes it, that's a fact worth celebrating and cherishing, not ridiculing and embarrassing.
There are enough people in the world who want you to feel guilty about liking cars at all. There aren't enough of us to be divided. So I'm damned sure I'm not going to make you feel guilty about liking a specific car. Even third-class driving is still better than first-class public transport or walking. No guilty pleasures here.
Sure, today it's pensionable, but at the time it had a reasonably competitive 115bhp, build quality that made the average Ford of the time feel like a cereal packet, and actually reasonably linear handling. No, not VERY sporty, but back then an equivalent 320i wasn't exactly going to set the world alight either. iirc, the price was ok too. I'm going to suggest the biggest problem with the Volvo 360 was the people who drove them.....!
(it took another 10 or so years before Volvo jumped on the "performance bandwagon" with cars like the 850R)
My favourite guilty pleasure is the Honda Jazz, particularly the original 1.4 S. OK, so the handling was terrible, but there's fun to be had in absolutely caning something and the speeds still being legal. Plus the 1.4 engine was a willing partner and the gearchange was a proper rifle-bolt - it did feel like the DNA of the Integra type-R was in there somewhere. The biggest problem is people seeing a Jazz, assuming you're a pensioner and doing mad overtaking manoeuvres to get past in case you hold them up for 30 seconds No wonder pensioners are nervous drivers - driving a Jazz is like having a target painted on your back.
I've owned quite a lot of terrible 'non PH' cars in the past and none have left any endearing memories. I can only see them for what they were. Hopefully every last one of them rotted and now live on as fridges or something.
At my age nostalgia has made me like all sorts of old junk that I wouldn't have considered back in the day. Cars like the Dolomite, Renault 15 and Fuego, Marina 1.8TC, Triumph 2000, Rover P6 and 3 litre Granada's.
2 cars really spring to mind though and they were both pretty pants. The Simca 1000 GLS and the Austin Metro, both of which I owned in the past. The Simca was my first car and therefore has a special place in my memory with many adventures had around north London and the Essex countryside. We used to kid ourselves that it was a peasant spec' 911 as it had a rear engine and overlight steering.
The Metro I bought when my Golf 1.5 GLS died and I needed a car for work. For 5 years it never missed a beat, taking everything I could throw at it in its stride from shopping and school run duties to pounding back and forth from London to south Devon on a regular basis. It was slow, cramped and desperately uncool, but it cost pocket money to run, could be driven on the (very low) limit all day and had terrific handling like any small go-kart sized car. Ultimately it's exactly as the article says, these cars were my independence, my freedom to go where I wanted, when I wanted at any time of the day or night and for that I loved them as if they were an Aston or Rolls Royce or Mercedes etc.
I remember smokin an inside rear off a roundabout on my commute one day and the face of a lorry driver coming the other way was a picture as he probably expected some grandad behind the wheel!
It was very comfortable and not fast so you couldn't really get into trouble.
I was fond but knew it was pants really. I had people take the pi55 but didn't care. It was free!!
My favourite guilty pleasure is the Honda Jazz, particularly the original 1.4 S. OK, so the handling was terrible, but there's fun to be had in absolutely caning something and the speeds still being legal. Plus the 1.4 engine was a willing partner and the gearchange was a proper rifle-bolt - it did feel like the DNA of the Integra type-R was in there somewhere. The biggest problem is people seeing a Jazz, assuming you're a pensioner and doing mad overtaking manoeuvres to get past in case you hold them up for 30 seconds No wonder pensioners are nervous drivers - driving a Jazz is like having a target painted on your back.
Bet it's even got aircon!
I've a 2006 1.2 Sheddy McShedface with >100k under its wheels.
Engine is smoother and even revvier than the 1.4. Also quieter as the gearing is higher (oddly).
I find the handling rather fun, even unstuck the back once!
Agree bout the mad overtake syndrome though.
Perfect for nipping along single track muddy Cotswold lanes.
If I could find another one in good nick I'd have it in a heart beat - Mrs Morgrp would kill me then run off with the milkman but I reckon on balance it would be worth it...
It also taught me a lot about drifting. Hell, it was still on the original tyres when I bought it!
JAR 663Y you are sorely missed.
I have always liked weird and wonderful cars including the Fiat Multipla, Matra Rancho, Volvo 480 and Callaway Aerowagen. Also this Citroen H Van as a camper.
http://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C628462
Bet it's even got aircon!
I've a 2006 1.2 Sheddy McShedface with >100k under its wheels.
Engine is smoother and even revvier than the 1.4. Also quieter as the gearing is higher (oddly).
I find the handling rather fun, even unstuck the back once!
Agree bout the mad overtake syndrome though.
Perfect for nipping along single track muddy Cotswold lanes.
My guilty pleasure - mk5 Escort GTI. Yes it only had 113 BHP from the 1.8 engine. Performance wasn't blistering at 9.2 seconds to 60 MPH - but to me it just made sense. My dream car as a child was the Escort Cosworth. The mk5 GTI (don't laugh I was a child) had the same looks but was much more attainable. So it was a car I always wanted.
It had done 165,000 miles on one clutch when someone T-boned it. There wasn’t much damage, natch, but enough for the insurance company to call it a day.
I wanted something solid as he had written off his two previous cars in accidents .
He absolutely loved it , first car that he had ever had with all the toys , electric windows , central locking , PAS , sunroof .
He managed to destroy lots of local scenery with it before he killed it . Replaced it with a SAAB 9000 .
Such independence. First job. First commute and fondly remember one time driving up Moel Famau hill, North Wales, in the snow, with the clutch burning so much I’d to open the manual sun roof and open the windows to let the smoke out. Fabulous giggle.
It led to a series of ‘classic car experiences from Citroen 2cv’s to VW Beetles to Morris Minors before getting more proper modern, slowly.
There was an affinity to Citroen for a while that took a time time to shake the addiction to their quirkiness.
I did early Citroen Visa and BX’s too that we’re both great alternative fun.
Not driving a classic now. But miss them all.
http://www.rs6.com/pics/Various/Volvo-Racer-82.jpg
MG Metro - complete with red seat belts - this was my mum's car just before I went to university. Enough power not to be embarassing and fun if slightly bouncy handling (meanwhile I spent my own money on a motorbike) - never mind that it rotted into history at an unbelievable rate
Metro 1.4 GTi - my first company car (seriously !) - gem of an engine, great handling, utterly, utterly unreliable, appauling dealer service which sadly needed to use several times a month due to the poor build quality and unreliability - got into this from an Astra GTE and had a lot more fun (when it was running) - if I'd owned it I might have a very different abiding memory of it (the pain and cost !) but being a company car took away most of the pain
Ford Ka - had 2 or 3 of these as 2nd company car's (along size a Mondeo V6) (I worked in the car industry, hence the unusual situation of more than one company car at the same time) - no power, noisy engine, average fuel economy, laughable interior (materials, fit/finish), not much interior or boot spacefantastic handling, adequate brakes - loved thrashing the nuts of it without even breaking the speed limit - embarassed a few more powerful cars many times
The common theme is: small, good handling, fun which made me love them despite their other glaring flaws
(sorry no pictures - all "passed in the night" )
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