Best smoker barges 1-5 large [Vol 13]

[Prinny]

E65Ross said:

Prinny said:

Made me chortle too. As good as ever SJ.

Ross, YHM.

Replied

And you should now be somewhat richer...

I know it’s slightly premature- so best of luck for April!

[E65Ross]

Prinny said:

E65Ross said:

Prinny said:

Made me chortle too. As good as ever SJ.

Ross, YHM.

Replied

And you should now be somewhat richer...

I know it’s slightly premature- so best of luck for April!

Wow, that is incredibly generous!!! I'm now poorer again, just popped it as a donation, used my email address but donated in your name Nice one!!!

[Patrick Bateman]

JF87 said:

This might cheer up a certain recent thread vendor - 745i on LPG for £1,800.



https://www.gumtree.com/p/bmw/bmw-745i-lpg-convers...

Russian roulette with 6 rounds in the cylinder.

[BigBen]

SpeckledJim said:

josh00mac said:

Salmonofdoubt said:

Anyone feeling brave? £1695 CL500!

https://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201...

|https://thumbsnap.com/3B1DFfGJ[/url]

If I said I’m tempted by a cheap CL500 with the aim of fitting a set of yellowspeed coil overs for (potentially increasing the chances of) trouble free smoking, what would thread opinion be?

As long as it doesn't get too low (and the wheels go back to silver) I'd be a big fan of such an idea.

They're such a handsome car, and as yet have mostly survived the image disasters generally befallen by middle-aged German cars.

The active suspension is very very good so it would be a shame to lose it, also not 'that' complicated a system and well supported in the aftermarket.

Sure getting a main dealer to look after it will ruin you but the price of a set of coil overs provides a great starting point for a fighting fund.

Ben

[JOB2.5-16]

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

[E65Ross]

JOB2.5-16 said:

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

I think the word to describe that is "phwoar" bloody lovely!

[PowerslideSWE]

JOB2.5-16 said:

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

• Playing online lottery as I type*

Just. Fantastic. In. Every. Way.

[Krikkit]

JOB2.5-16 said:

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

Tremendous.

I'm always reminded of C'etait un Rendezvous when looking at a 6.9.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJYOMFayruw

Yes, it's a 275 dubbed over, but the car was an SEL.

[SimonConnell]

JOB2.5-16 said:

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

OK, ‘fess up. Which one of you wrote the ad copy for this - or is there an Austrian chapter of the losers club?

“Nobody had mastered the art of crumple zones and cold forming like Barényi, who was born in Austria to a Hungarian family.”

[JOB2.5-16]

Krikkit said:

JOB2.5-16 said:

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

Tremendous.

I'm always reminded of C'etait un Rendezvous when looking at a 6.9.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJYOMFayruw

Yes, it's a 275 dubbed over, but the car was an SEL.

I never knew the car behind the camera was a 6.9! That makes it even cooler, I almost wish we'd have been allowed to hear the M100 roaring and spinning its wide MXV's up in third gear!

[Max M4X WW]

Zonergem said:

Threadists of a nervous or sensitive disposition are advised to look away now.



Don't know about you but I feel the parking sensors could have been done in a more sympathetic way...

https://online.handh.co.uk/m/lot-details/index/cat...

Volvo rear screen?

[nobrakes]

Max M4X WW said:

Zonergem said:

Threadists of a nervous or sensitive disposition are advised to look away now.



Don't know about you but I feel the parking sensors could have been done in a more sympathetic way...

https://online.handh.co.uk/m/lot-details/index/cat...

Volvo rear screen?

Volvo hearse roof rails?!

[Dr Interceptor]

Volvo 960 Estate rear screen... The Bentley badge is stuck over the rear wiper hole.

[mccrackenj]

E65Ross said:

JOB2.5-16 said:

Surely this is the ultimate barge, the barge to end all barge antics and Tom foolery? Is a trip to Austria on the cards, and is this the ultimate car to leave the outside indicator on and bully every plastic car in Western Europe out of the way?

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1054637

I think the word to describe that is "phwoar" bloody lovely!

Auction estimate £22k? Surely way too low? Given the rarity and (if the ad is to be believed) the history and condition, it's got to be at least double that?

[SpeckledJim]

The tailgate isn't too bad. Functional but not ugly. Rather too flat to match the rest of the car, but it's ok.

The real crime is down the sides. Very difficult to use saloon doors on an estate body successfully, as various manufacturers have tried and proved over the years. Then we get to the rear window itself. Gosh.

[mccrackenj]

r129sl said:

mccrackenj said:

Johnny R's lovely 190e needs a Bornite W124 E320 to go with it. One for town, one for touring.

Anyone know a threadist who might have one for sale?

Come on: price, spec, pictures, link... Your cars are always pretty special.

Kind words indeed Jonathan, too kind. And boy is this one "special"!

Truth is, I've completely fallen out of love with it and can only see it's faults and none of it's qualities.

Anyway:

1995 E320 saloon in Bornite with grey leather
5 speed, auto climate control, electric driver's seat
135,000 miles. Resprayed by previous owner

I bought it sight unseen and paid way over the odds for it on the assurance that it was all 100%.

It wasn't, not even close! Seller was full of bullsh!t.

First job the minute I got it home was to change all 4 springs. Owner assured me it was all standard. This was technically true - the springs were the standard springs, at least they were before they were crudely cut! So 4 X new correct specification Sachs springs (thanks again Jonathan and others on here for help in steering me through the labyrinth that is Mercedes spring rates etc to get the correct ones) and 2 new front dampers & top mounts.

And all 4 tyres were only fit for the bin. So now it's on a set of proper W124 refurbed 8 hole alloys with a matching set of Continentals.

Then, the day I drove it home form the workshop on it's new springs (inexplicably I never got the dampers & top mounts fitted, or the new ARB bushes I'd bought, when the springs were being done; why? I haven't a clue) the fan came on and wouldn't go off. Started it up next day and once again, fan on and wouldn't go off, and I suspected it was running a bit rough. Cue a check of the wiring loom. Yep, the dreaded crumbly loom! How much for a replacement loom from the dealer, part only? £1,850! I'll say that again. £1,850 quid!

Then the odyssey began. Won't bore you with the details, but 16 months and £900 later I had it back with a replacement loom and a new MOT (no advisories, surprisingly). By this stage I absolutely hated the thing and wished I'd just sent the vendor the money for the car and never actually picked it up. The stress and frustration that dealing with the autospark over that period had caused me wasn't worth it anymore.

After I got it back I used it about once a fortnight just to keep some oil flowing round the bits and stop things siezing up. I had the 260E during all this time and it was a better car in every way except outright bhp. (But who buys an old car for performance anyway?)

Then after a few weeks of this the gearbox started playing up. The previous owner but 1 had had a gearbox rebuild at £800 and assured me (I found the previous ad on Ebay and mailed him) that it was all good after the rebuild, but now it was missing 4th or only going into 4th very briefly on it's way to 5th, and it wouldn't kick down out of 5th. Still changes down to 3rd using the gearlever but that's not much good is it? Reading up online it looks like it's a problem with the solenoid that controls 4th/5th on this box? So maybe an easy fix but so far the only solid recommendation I've had for a good gearbox specialist is in Dublin!

So that where I am with it now basically. I drive it to work and back roughly once a week, clean it fortnightly and that's about it. The wife hates it - because of the frustration it's caused me really - and just wants me to put on Ebay for £99 no reserve. But it owes me over £5,500. I've done maybe 600 miles in it in 2 1/2 years.

I only bought it for the colour really - sort of on the rebound after the disaster of the Bornite 190e 2.6 Sportline Auto that I bought sight unseen from Middlesborough and never managed to actually get home. (I've tried to blot that whole long miserable day from my memory, but still wake up in the night, twitching.) That wasn't really the vendors fault to be fair. Minor fault that just had to happen at the worst possible time. Huge thanks again to you Jonathan for offering to come down from Newcastle and try to fit a fuel pump at the side of the road in the pi$$ing rain! Sorry we never did get to meet up for lunch as planned.

And yesterday the heater fan packed in!

So what now? Fix the gearbox and the fan and get the dampers, top mounts & ARB bushes fitted and have it all working for the first time in my entire ownership - and then see if I feel any better about it in the Spring? We always feel better about our old heaps once the Spring arrives don't we?

Or just advertise it for sale now at a silly price to get rid?

I'm leaning towards throwing more cash at it and sorting it - but I'll probably not get that money back will I?

Selling it at a huge loss once the wiring loom problem cropped up would have been the cheapest option and certainly would have been the best option for my fragile mental health these last 2/3 years, but how many of us can honestly say they would have been able to do that?

This car is the reason that I can't and won't be having any more old Mercedeses(eses), or any more old cars of any kind; and the reason I've just bought the least bargey car I've ever owned - an Abarth 500.

A large part of it is my own fault of course. If I'd simply kept the Blauschwartz with black cloth 230TE (or the pre-Sacco Almandine 300TE, or the ex Mark Taylor Tourmaline E320T!!) and maybe the Silver 190e 2.6 Sportline, and ignored all other temptations I wouldn't be where I am now. But no, we have to keep chopping and changing don't we? And trying out other cars, and finding minor faults with the ones we have in order to justify changing. The 230TE and the 190e were belters, especially the 190e. What a total, 100% plonker!

Anyway, that was cathartic - counselling and virtual hugs gratefully received!

Edited by mccrackenj on Thursday 15th November 10:36

[SpeckledJim]

Sad story. Commiserations.

[tobinen]

Indeed a nightmare. The five-speeds have a repulation for being chocolate-made. Sending barge empathy your way

[Bonefish Blues]

You've been playing car roulette and found the live bullet, as it were. Painful indeed

[Marty Funkhouser]

mccrackenj said:

What every barge lover thinks, says and does.

Bravo sir. You are an inspiration.