Best smoker barges 1-5 large [Vol 15]

[TurboHatchback]

mondayo said:

Nice XJR.

But for the same money you can have this.....
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1996-Buick-Roadmaster-e...

Apparently it's just a "minor project"

I quite like American cars but that is one of the most vile abominations I've ever seen.

That red xjr looks delicious. I'm fine with the red interior, it clashes rather horribly with the greenish dashboard but I have no issues with red door cards in isolation.

[21st Century Man]

SlowV6 said:

LS430 5.02m
LS460 5.06m
LS460 L 5.18m !!!

(Range Rover L322 is 4.98m)

I'm on 5.27m.

Our campervan is 5.54m. The longest car I've had though was 5.63m (and 8.2 litres).

[TyrannosauRoss Lex]

mondayo said:

Nice XJR.

But for the same money you can have this.....
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1996-Buick-Roadmaster-e...

Apparently it's just a "minor project"

I'll leave the bidding on that ta, so you can go for it

[Krikkit]

Etypephil said:

True enough, but a clean engine bay, without a layer of decomposing vegetation blocking drainage channels inspires more confidence in maintenance standards than one which is dusty or covered in a film of oil mist, such as the one owner, full history, recently serviced 5 series which I recently declined.

I'm never much good at cleaning, but would a dusty engine bay in generally fine fettle really put you off? I'd rather it be that way than steam cleaned and hiding myriad leaks.

[TommoAE86]

Sterillium said:

Barge musings...

From any and all of the cars you have driven, which was the vehicle with the most luxurious, most quiet and most comfortable of all...?

Shockingly I'm going to say my old Jaguar S-Type, ridiculous levels of quiet and serenity inside the cabin of it, the seats were also pretty comfortable. Of course the quietness meant you could hear all the internal bits that were breaking/broken (there it is).

The Legnum

[TyrannosauRoss Lex]

Krikkit said:

Etypephil said:

True enough, but a clean engine bay, without a layer of decomposing vegetation blocking drainage channels inspires more confidence in maintenance standards than one which is dusty or covered in a film of oil mist, such as the one owner, full history, recently serviced 5 series which I recently declined.

I'm never much good at cleaning, but would a dusty engine bay in generally fine fettle really put you off? I'd rather it be that way than steam cleaned and hiding myriad leaks.

Yup, me too. Blocked drain holes are never something I've thought about until the sunroof ones got blocked on the E65 I shall be all drain holes cleared in a few weeks out of precaution!

[anonymous-user]

TurboHatchback said:

I quite like American cars but that is one of the most vile abominations I've ever seen.

That red xjr looks delicious. I'm fine with the red interior, it clashes rather horribly with the greenish dashboard but I have no issues with red door cards in isolation.

Someone within Jaguar, who must be a longstanding employee, has got a thing for really ugly and tasteless two tone interiors. Back when this was made you could also get a black and tan mess in the S-Type, and I'm sure I've seen black and white/silver. They also only offered Mk2 XF interiors in either black or ugly two tone for the cream and tan seats, at least until the last time I looked, and they were all absolutely horrible.

[bmthnick1981]

SlowV6 said:

Sterillium said:

SlowV6 said:

Also for all you LS460 lovers, all 5.18 metres of bmthNick1981's LS460-L steering rack has been replaced according to the history on the ad. Surely due a berth on this thread soon.

If the foldy mirror and the boot closer were fixed, I'd find it very hard not to buy this.

Could be negotiating points. If the boot still opens on the plipper I don't think I would care too much about auto close. The LS430 I looked at at the weekend seemed to need awkward fiddling with a key to open the boot (apparently "just happened") which did put me off, but if the plipper worked to open it that would have been adequate. Foldy mirror fail I could live with. Better if passenger side fails I guess as you parallel park mostly on LHS of road, so good to fold driver side in.

Bmthnick1981 does seem open to offers. If you want the LWB model it seems a bargain and as I mentioned earlier it has had a replacement steering rack already. Despite this car being about 5 miles from me I am sticking to my LS430 plan!

I am open to offers. The car has sat not being used lately and it makes no sense to keep it, i'd like it sold before Christmas.

To clarify - the boot does open on the plipper and on the button on the dash, just to close it you need to press the boot closure button and then manually pull the boot closed - oh, the hardship!

Drivers side mirror does not fold in, and is slightly loose - much like Ross's - passenger side works well.

I have not investigated the cost of rectifying either issue as neither interrupted the enjoyment of using the car.

Also it seems my car is NOT the LWB version - this was a mistake by me in the initial listing. It is the standard wheelbase but the rear leg room is still huge!

Full new steering rack and assembly replacement by Lexus at circa 80,000 miles with paperwork to prove.

[TyrannosauRoss Lex]

bmthnick1981 said:

I am open to offers. The car has sat not being used lately and it makes no sense to keep it, i'd like it sold before Christmas.

To clarify - the boot does open on the plipper and on the button on the dash, just to close it you need to press the boot closure button and then manually pull the boot closed - oh, the hardship!

Drivers side mirror does not fold in, and is slightly loose - much like Ross's - passenger side works well.

I have not investigated the cost of rectifying either issue as neither interrupted the enjoyment of using the car.

Also it seems my car is NOT the LWB version - this was a mistake by me in the initial listing. It is the standard wheelbase but the rear leg room is still huge!

Full new steering rack and assembly replacement by Lexus at circa 80,000 miles with paperwork to prove.

I will be interested to see what can be done about the loose mirror. Not fussed about the folding, like you. RE not being a LWB....as you say, the rear leg room is absolutely massive, definitely bigger than my old E38 or E65, without a doubt.

[ElectricSoup]

JOB2.5-16 said:

ElectricSoup said:

My barge has smoked its last. 2005 Merc E320 CDI estate. I have poured thousands in to repairing it in the last 3 years, and now it needs a turbo and injector work. Could be the thick end of £2k, and the car isn't worth that. So it's bye bye time.

I'm afraid I shall be departing bargeage entirely. I have put a deposit on a 2016 Honda Civic estate. It is a 1.8 petrol automatic, but is neither a barge, nor a smoker.

Done with some measure of regret, I shall miss the hilarious torque and the waftiness on the motorway. But I only do a 2-3 long trips in a year.

Farewell, fellows. May the road rise up to meet you and may the RAC be always at your back.

Edited by ElectricSoup on Monday 18th November 10:36

Is the 320 CDI spoken for? (I might be the idiot to take on the borkfest)

It's being traded in, that's the current plan.

Other problems include; broken parking sensors (I've just removed the fuse to stop them blaring hysterically all the time). One faded headlight. Minor dents and scratches (some down to the white on the rear bumper) . Squeaky blower fan (intermittent). Rear end is one centimetre lower on the offside - Merc indie who replaced the airsprings can not for the life of him work out why. Otherwise runs well, and the limp mode only seems to appear rarely when the engine is really hot, after a long run. Although it did it once when cold. No EML displayed. Simple turn off and on again clears it. One injector (3) is black deathing, but indie said it's best left as the black death seems to have sealed the leak for now and it isn't chuffing.

Other than that, goes like the wind. MOT until late April. It's light blue, with beigey/bluey/not really cream leather interior. Avantgarde, only part electric seats, no memory or heating. One private owner from new before me, FMDSH up until my ownership, I have home serviced it. Very good matching tyres all round (replaced this year, only done a few thousand, but they're budgets (OVATION). New non-AGM value brand battery last year (living life on the edge). Refurbed torque converter 18 months ago. New discs and pads about 5k miles ago.

I suppose I should ebay it with the trade-in as reserve. But I want to sort the new car this week, it's just easier to take the hit and put it through the dealer.

Edited by ElectricSoup on Tuesday 19th November 09:55

Edited by ElectricSoup on Tuesday 19th November 10:21

[MR2 Steve]

Happy Jim said:

Response is, “You haven’t been in one of these have you?”

Nuff said :-)

Jim

Response: You’re not a car guy are you? What do you drive? Then belittle their stbox. 😂

[TurboHatchback]

bmthnick1981 said:

I am open to offers. The car has sat not being used lately and it makes no sense to keep it, i'd like it sold before Christmas.

To clarify - the boot does open on the plipper and on the button on the dash, just to close it you need to press the boot closure button and then manually pull the boot closed - oh, the hardship!

Drivers side mirror does not fold in, and is slightly loose - much like Ross's - passenger side works well.

I have not investigated the cost of rectifying either issue as neither interrupted the enjoyment of using the car.

Also it seems my car is NOT the LWB version - this was a mistake by me in the initial listing. It is the standard wheelbase but the rear leg room is still huge!

Full new steering rack and assembly replacement by Lexus at circa 80,000 miles with paperwork to prove.

£2.50 (cash today innit), an Xbox (obviously) and a 25% share in a moderately affectionate cat? It's probably a good thing I can't sensibly afford it or I'd be on the phone. I wouldn't be put off by either of those issues though the mention of paint fading on the bonnet and roof merits further pictures to gauge the scale of the issue I would say, this is much more likely to affect future resale value and impossible to correct DIY style.

[Krikkit]

TurboHatchback said:

bmthnick1981 said:

I am open to offers. The car has sat not being used lately and it makes no sense to keep it, i'd like it sold before Christmas.

To clarify - the boot does open on the plipper and on the button on the dash, just to close it you need to press the boot closure button and then manually pull the boot closed - oh, the hardship!

Drivers side mirror does not fold in, and is slightly loose - much like Ross's - passenger side works well.

I have not investigated the cost of rectifying either issue as neither interrupted the enjoyment of using the car.

Also it seems my car is NOT the LWB version - this was a mistake by me in the initial listing. It is the standard wheelbase but the rear leg room is still huge!

Full new steering rack and assembly replacement by Lexus at circa 80,000 miles with paperwork to prove.

£2.50 (cash today innit), an Xbox (obviously) and a 25% share in a moderately affectionate cat? It's probably a good thing I can't sensibly afford it or I'd be on the phone. I wouldn't be put off by either of those issues though the mention of paint fading on the bonnet and roof merits further pictures to gauge the scale of the issue I would say, this is much more likely to affect future resale value and impossible to correct DIY style.

I wouldn't be put off either.

The only thing I might change in your ad Nick is to add the bit about the steering rack into the initial blurb - it's the big-ticket item on these, and might help the skim-reader realise how well it's been looked after.

[TyrannosauRoss Lex]

MR2 Steve said:

Happy Jim said:

Response is, “You haven’t been in one of these have you?”

Nuff said :-)

Jim

Response: You’re not a car guy are you? What do you drive? Then belittle their stbox. ??

They drive a Toyota Auris. Bloody Toyota hatchback drivers

[Etypephil]

Krikkit said:

Etypephil said:

True enough, but a clean engine bay, without a layer of decomposing vegetation blocking drainage channels inspires more confidence in maintenance standards than one which is dusty or covered in a film of oil mist, such as the one owner, full history, recently serviced 5 series which I recently declined.

I'm never much good at cleaning, but would a dusty engine bay in generally fine fettle really put you off? I'd rather it be that way than steam cleaned and hiding myriad leaks.

Not in isolation, and certainly not if it was in "fine fettle"; there were several reasons for not buying the Beemer, mostly to do with an obvious lack of owner's care, despite having spent serious money over the years. Nor do I like to see any signs of "ponced up for sale", such as obviously recent steam cleaning, tyre black etc.
Apart from the peeling warning stickers (now fixed), I hope to find a bay like this:

stickleback123 said:

Someone within Jaguar, who must be a longstanding employee, has got a thing for really ugly and tasteless two tone interiors. Back when this was made you could also get a black and tan mess in the S-Type, and I'm sure I've seen black and white/silver. They also only offered Mk2 XF interiors in either black or ugly two tone for the cream and tan seats, at least until the last time I looked, and they were all absolutely horrible.

Also red / black seats coupled with piano black console etc. and Alcantara headiling.

[ajguk]

SlowV6 said:

Also for all you LS460 lovers, all 5.18 metres of bmthNick1981's LS460-L steering rack has been replaced according to the history on the ad. Surely due a berth on this thread soon.

This has me checking flight prices down south...

[mondayo]

TyrannosauRoss Lex said:

mondayo said:

Nice XJR.

But for the same money you can have this.....
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1996-Buick-Roadmaster-e...

Apparently it's just a "minor project"

I'll leave the bidding on that ta, so you can go for it

It cropped up in my "classic estate" search on the bay. I'm not sure what's classic about it though?
At five grand it's too rich for me...... I'm not sure I'd want it at £5 either though.

[cornershop]

I think a clean engine bay could be quite easily created spending £20 at hand wash place - just before you sell - doesn’t mean it’s been kept in that condition.

[RicksAlfas]

mondayo said:

TyrannosauRoss Lex said:

mondayo said:

Nice XJR.

But for the same money you can have this.....
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1996-Buick-Roadmaster-e...

Apparently it's just a "minor project"

I'll leave the bidding on that ta, so you can go for it

It cropped up in my "classic estate" search on the bay. I'm not sure what's classic about it though?
At five grand it's too rich for me...... I'm not sure I'd want it at £5 either though.

"Massive 24"wheels drives surprisingly well"


The seller also has 66.7% positive feedback. I think that's the lowest I've ever seen!

[Etypephil]

cornershop said:

I think a clean engine bay could be quite easily created spending £20 at hand wash place - just before you sell - doesn’t mean it’s been kept in that condition.

A clean engine bay does not guarantee good maintenance, but a scummy one does guarantee that it has been slipshod.
Nothing about used car buying is certain, but door, bonnet and boot shuts, engine bay etc condition are almost as much an indicator of a car's previous life as decent tyres, everything working, a history folder complete with parts / work invoices in date order, fasteners which aren't missing / butchered, and a clean tidy seller, with a clean tidy home / sales site.