What's the best/worst car related fib you've ever heard?

[Orb the Impaler]

A very charming Alfa salesman told me that the Alfa Spider I was looking at buying (new) had tremendous residuals - better than an E Class Mercedes, in fact.

The fking lying bd!

[Moley RUFC]

My friends sister's boyfriend told us all at her 21st that his Westfield pulls that hard that he has 2 x 10kg ballasts by the engine to stop the nose lifting off the floor! What a cock, last seen selling England flags and scarves outside Wembley before the Croatia game

[sadako]

We have someone at work who is convinced that he has never had an oil change in his interstellar milage laguna because he put slick50 in it. He also says that he started a car that had a flat battery because it had 4 point plugs, and therefore had enough from the alternator to spark when they bumpstared it...

[Mat Hammond]

My mate is super intelligent but when it comes to the basics he can fall a bit short...

A couple of weeks after passing his driving test he was on a dual carrageway in 5th gear and I suggested that he overtook as the cars in front as they were going slowly, he thought his Sierra was a dog until I said put your foot on the clutch!

I slammed it into third and the car accelerated quite fast.....

He was shocked and had no idea about dropping down the box, tee he

Edited by Mat Hammond on Tuesday 30th September 09:10

[_DeeJay_]

aciddrop616 said:

a friend of mine is blindily convinced that engine capacity has nothing to do with speed its how many valves it has.

he has a 16 valve 1.25 zetec and reckons it will beat 8 valve 1.4's and 1.6'

I realise that he's generally misguided about the number of valves. However, IIRC the 1.25 zetec Fiesta was more powerful than the 1.4 equivalent at the time it was launched (I assume the 1.4 was a generation behind). Although hardly scientific - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbKz6XuQufg does show it can give some 1.4's a run for their money.

I attempted to find the stats on the 1.25 on the web but failed.

Edited by _DeeJay_ on Tuesday 30th September 09:16

[Mat Hammond]

Wedding talk (@brother in laws wedding) his 25 year old school mates at the bar, he knows I am a petrolhead so I play it cool and talk about my classic MK1 GTI that I'd just had restored.

"mate, see that Cooper S out there it's mine", "good car I say"...

"I've got a Boxster S too", "cool" I say....

"I've ordered my Ferrari" ...... "I've got two properties"

OMG it was so funny when I just walked away.......

What a tit!

[Mat Hammond]

About 4 years ago, my neighbour had a son who drove around in a fully race stickered touring 1.8 Vectra. He drove everywhere at 100mph, even past my house in a small close. He suggested he should be racing as a pro driver.

I race karts around the UK and thought I would put his driving ability to the test in a Club100 TKM event.

The kid was loosing control on the straights, spinning, had no ability and drove really badly. It made me think this kid is going to have a big one on the road one day....

I moved away and still wonder if he is still alive....

Edited by Mat Hammond on Tuesday 30th September 09:33

[mister.t]

A college guy reckoned he got 140 out of his X Reg 1.2 Polo the other day

Then the best one was a mate who has a Polo 1.2 (55 :hehe), and he said its the fastest Supermini that you can buy

Never have I laughed so much

[Mr POD]

shadowninja said:

Louisa911 said:

My so-called friend (a 17 yr old girl) owned a Fiat Cinquecento, apparently capable of hitting 90mph on a small straight near my house. I once sat in as a passenger, needless to say it didn't do anything like this, although I can safetly say I've never been so scared in my life. It was like sitting in a tupperware box on wheels and I swear I'm never getting in a car with her again.

But you can hit 90mph if it's downhill and you're in the Sporting model. They're not that bad. Good fun, too, once you're used to the fact that a 4'6" dizzy mother in her Cayenne would kill you in the blink of an eye while she's telling her wonderful Joshua off for dropping his lolly on the rear leather passenger seats.

I once got a Fiat 126 up to 90 mph down ROSE Hill, Near longbridge. Stopping was not fun.

[jatinder]

I like the owner of this video
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wEf2FdZGMVQ&feat...

I posted this message

At 0:04 he drives off, he hits about 62-63mph at 0:12 sec. (which would equal 60 mph, all Speedos over read by a few mph)
With my basic maths skills that adds up to 8 seconds, how did he manage to lope two seconds of his time?
I quite like Mondeo's don't get me wrong. The St200 I drove was excellent.

Bullst car owners on the other hand............

He replied:
hill, k&n, resistor over air temp sensor etc

[istoo]

semi related, have to repeat as it was funny.

Was in my local indy garage, know half of them well, one mechanic in particular is a real VAG nut, genuinely good but cants see past them.
story care of sales guy... its a phonetic one but funny...

background, doing an pre MOT check on a C5...

mech: huh huh, only the french... (chuckles to self)
sales: ignores, whilst sitting in the car testing the steering.
mech: stupid french.. huh huh (louder chuckles)
sales: ignores again...
mech: looks at the sales guy dead pan, only the french would name there are after a fruit.. (belly laugh)
sales: eh! What are you talking about...
mech: lemon...
sales: EH!
mech: aye, lemon... citroen, thats french for lemon...

[Mr Gear]

A guy (who I didn't like anyway) claimed his totally standard Honda CB750 could do 9-second quarter-miles.

Anyone who knows bikes and drag racing will be laughing at this.

[Tampon]

jatinder said:

I like the owner of this video
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wEf2FdZGMVQ&feat...

I posted this message

At 0:04 he drives off, he hits about 62-63mph at 0:12 sec. (which would equal 60 mph, all Speedos over read by a few mph)
With my basic maths skills that adds up to 8 seconds, how did he manage to lope two seconds of his time?
I quite like Mondeo's don't get me wrong. The St200 I drove was excellent.

Bullst car owners on the other hand............

He replied:
hill, k&n, resistor over air temp sensor etc

Just posted this on his little video

It isn't 6secs, it is more like 7-8sec. Seeing as you would need around 20bhp at the wheels, not flywheel, extra to gain -0.5 sec 0-60, you "extra mods" would only at best bring it down to 7.2.

Mondeo ST24, bhp=171, 0-30=2.8, 0-60=7.9, 0-100=21.9, 1/4 mile sec=16.5, 1/4 mile speed=88. These are figures from ford.

You would need a indicated 105-110 on the speedo to actually be doing 100mph, and you never get to 100mph, I would say that you car is running exactly the same figures as normal ST24.

Stupid man, posts up evidence contrary to the facts he is claiming, durrrrrrrrrr

[jollygreen]

Engineer in my office was overheard claiming his Westfield had 400bhp!

Me - "Really? 400horses?"
Him - "Yep"
Me - "What engine's in that then?"
Him - "Ford Zetec 2.0"
Me - "Must have a monster of a turbo on it to be making 400 bhp! How does it feel, with about 800bhp/tonne?"
Him - "No"
Me - "Well how does it make 400bhp?"
Him - "It's 400bhp/ton actually"
Me - "Twat"

[LeoSayer]

A friend of mine was convinced his 1.8 Sierra would hit 160mph as when he drove at 80mph, his foot was only halfway down the accelerator pedal.

[jollygreen]

LeoSayer said:

A friend of mine was convinced his 1.8 Sierra would hit 160mph as when he drove at 80mph, his foot was only halfway down the accelerator pedal.

Similar to the "It's doing 80mph at 2000rpm in 6th, therefore it can do 240mph at 6000rpm" bullshet.

[mat205125]

jollygreen said:

Engineer in my office was overheard claiming his Westfield had 400bhp!

Me - "Really? 400horses?"
Him - "Yep"
Me - "What engine's in that then?"
Him - "Ford Zetec 2.0"
Me - "Must have a monster of a turbo on it to be making 400 bhp! How does it feel, with about 800bhp/tonne?"
Him - "No"
Me - "Well how does it make 400bhp?"
Him - "It's 400bhp/ton actually"
Me - "Yeah, right until the second you put oil, fuel and your fat arse into it it might be."

Edited for a better put down.

[jollygreen]

mat205125 said:

jollygreen said:

Engineer in my office was overheard claiming his Westfield had 400bhp!

Me - "Really? 400horses?"
Him - "Yep"
Me - "What engine's in that then?"
Him - "Ford Zetec 2.0"
Me - "Must have a monster of a turbo on it to be making 400 bhp! How does it feel, with about 800bhp/tonne?"
Him - "No"
Me - "Well how does it make 400bhp?"
Him - "It's 400bhp/ton actually"
Me - "Yeah, right until the second you put oil, fuel and your fat arse into it it might be."

Edited for a better put down.

Hindsight's great eh?

[VladTheDad]

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

[tim2100]

Years ago was out in westfield, overtook some crappy honda (old crx i think)

At the next lights the guy stops next to me
Him - "nice car, how fast is it"
me - "not very , it is quick more than fast due to the gearing"
Him - "yeah man, my cars the same, will out accelerate anything upto 120"
me - "really what engine is it"
Him - "1.6"
me - "ok bye" and flew up the road with him desperatly trying to keep up