Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
jdw100 said:
Vipers said:
Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veterans cap when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired trips to Wally World to look at the "Walmartians" is always good for some comic release. Besides I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent this establishment.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
![smile](/inc/images/smile.gif)
What is this American nonsense? How is it a joke?Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
![smile](/inc/images/smile.gif)
Employee:
Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss:
Sure, come on in… What can I do for you?
Employee:
Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:
Yes.
Employee:
I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss:
A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee:
I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade..
Boss:
Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.
How does that sound?
Employee:
Great! It's a deal Thank you, sir!
Boss:
Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you?
Employee:
Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss:
Sure, come on in… What can I do for you?
Employee:
Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:
Yes.
Employee:
I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss:
A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee:
I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade..
Boss:
Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.
How does that sound?
Employee:
Great! It's a deal Thank you, sir!
Boss:
Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you?
Employee:
Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
LordGrover said:
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
cjb1 said:
LordGrover said:
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
K12beano said:
cjb1 said:
LordGrover said:
blinkythefish said:
Tycho said:
I went to the shop and said, "I need a battery so I can tell the time."
The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Did he miss his dentist appointment at 2.30?The man said, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't bloody know, that's why I asked you for a battery!!
Jonboy_t said:
My best mate has just bought a new Z4. I need to take the piss out of him, but have no Z4 based jokes.
HELP ME PH!!!
They already did..... http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=116...HELP ME PH!!!
Troubleatmill said:
Jonboy_t said:
My best mate has just bought a new Z4. I need to take the piss out of him, but have no Z4 based jokes.
HELP ME PH!!!
They already did..... http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=116...HELP ME PH!!!
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