Dealing with an alcoholic. – Grandma.
Discussion
Hello. I’m now looking to PH for help as the information I’m getting from my local GP is not helping.
The story goes; it has recently come to light that my grandma likes one too many whiskies per day.
She has been drinking for possibly years but this has always been covered up by my Granddad, who has recently passed away. He obviously dealt with a great deal before being diagnosed with cancer (whether it was helped on by this stress we’ll never know) possibly including some domestic abuse.
Since he passed away, the family has spent a lot of time looking after her when we can, outside of work hours. We often turn up after work to her lying on the floor, left the cooker, doors opened but no one in, or just unwashed for multiple days.
It is becoming more dangerous and she is a danger to herself.
We have been close to the family doctor particularly during my granddads final weeks but they are well aware of my grandma’s issues too.
All they suggest is that she needs more looking after which is a struggle as all nearby family work full time. We cannot look after her 24 hours a day, which is what I feel she needs right now.
She is quite capable of walking down to the local shops and buying 2 bottles of whisky each morning.
I’m trying to research any organisations that can help? Rehab, AA, care homes etc… Surely there is some health organisation which can help with this but I just cannot find the information.
All of what I read or I’m told is that she can only get help from somewhere if she agree’s to it. There is very little chance of this happening. She thinks there is no problem but cannot remember a thing when sober.
Thank you for reading and any help.
The story goes; it has recently come to light that my grandma likes one too many whiskies per day.
She has been drinking for possibly years but this has always been covered up by my Granddad, who has recently passed away. He obviously dealt with a great deal before being diagnosed with cancer (whether it was helped on by this stress we’ll never know) possibly including some domestic abuse.
Since he passed away, the family has spent a lot of time looking after her when we can, outside of work hours. We often turn up after work to her lying on the floor, left the cooker, doors opened but no one in, or just unwashed for multiple days.
It is becoming more dangerous and she is a danger to herself.
We have been close to the family doctor particularly during my granddads final weeks but they are well aware of my grandma’s issues too.
All they suggest is that she needs more looking after which is a struggle as all nearby family work full time. We cannot look after her 24 hours a day, which is what I feel she needs right now.
She is quite capable of walking down to the local shops and buying 2 bottles of whisky each morning.
I’m trying to research any organisations that can help? Rehab, AA, care homes etc… Surely there is some health organisation which can help with this but I just cannot find the information.
All of what I read or I’m told is that she can only get help from somewhere if she agree’s to it. There is very little chance of this happening. She thinks there is no problem but cannot remember a thing when sober.
Thank you for reading and any help.
I used to work in a corner shop and we had a concernd family member come in with a picture of a local and asked us not to sell him too much, by too much I mean the third or 4th 2 litre bottle of cider in one day, it might be worth a try. I doubt they will stop serving her completely as they will be loosing money. ofcourse if there is a local supermarket or multiple shops she can get to this isn't going to work.
You can't force help upon her, the doctor can prescripe tablets that make her sick when she drinks alcohol but she won't take them if she doesn't want help.
A tricky situation. Good luck.
You can't force help upon her, the doctor can prescripe tablets that make her sick when she drinks alcohol but she won't take them if she doesn't want help.
A tricky situation. Good luck.
I can only really suggest that the only way to help your grandma is for her to help herself...
Easier said than done....but the only way you can 'stabalise' the situation is to pursuade your grandma to give up the sauce..she'll have to do it (i.e. want to give up) although there are plenty of organisations to help... your GP would be the best place to start...
Get the booze issue sorted first then you'll be able to access further services...but from working in these further services I can tell you that nobody will really be able to help until she is off the pop...but as I previously said there is plenty of help but the bottom line is that she has to want to stop...which may be hard after probably 60+ years on it..
PM me if you require any further help..or I'll happily reply on here if you prefer..
Easier said than done....but the only way you can 'stabalise' the situation is to pursuade your grandma to give up the sauce..she'll have to do it (i.e. want to give up) although there are plenty of organisations to help... your GP would be the best place to start...
Get the booze issue sorted first then you'll be able to access further services...but from working in these further services I can tell you that nobody will really be able to help until she is off the pop...but as I previously said there is plenty of help but the bottom line is that she has to want to stop...which may be hard after probably 60+ years on it..
PM me if you require any further help..or I'll happily reply on here if you prefer..
Thanks for the replies. Much appreciated. I've heard about these tablets and will follow this up but whether she'll take them is another question
I agree that she will get more help when she recognises the problem and wants help.
However she is not at that stage yet and I'm not too sure she will ever be before it kills her off.
As it stands - there is an elderly lady who is living on her own, very quickly shortening her lifespan, drinking more in a day than most of us could in a week, is an absolutely danger to herself and a nuesence to the local GP and her neighbours.
Yet - it appears there is no help she\we can get until something bad happens or she accepts the problem...
I agree that she will get more help when she recognises the problem and wants help.
However she is not at that stage yet and I'm not too sure she will ever be before it kills her off.
As it stands - there is an elderly lady who is living on her own, very quickly shortening her lifespan, drinking more in a day than most of us could in a week, is an absolutely danger to herself and a nuesence to the local GP and her neighbours.
Yet - it appears there is no help she\we can get until something bad happens or she accepts the problem...
It is difficult.
My mother has a cousin who was by the sound of it similar to your Gran. It came to a head when I was staying with them (the lived in Cornwall), and she had an episode of drunkenness, fell over and banged her head. Ambulance was called by me, and the guys that came knew her.
Basically me seeing it happened brought her to realise that it was not just herself that it was affecting, and she ended up in some kind of home for a good few months to dry out. Her husband had tried to get her to get help, but couldn't get her to see what was happening. No-one could force her, she had to realise herself.
Perhaps there is a family member who she would really take notice of who could talk to her and tell her what has been seen etc and see if you can get through to her.
Alternatively, as suggested above, can the docs organise some kind of mental assessment?
My mother has a cousin who was by the sound of it similar to your Gran. It came to a head when I was staying with them (the lived in Cornwall), and she had an episode of drunkenness, fell over and banged her head. Ambulance was called by me, and the guys that came knew her.
Basically me seeing it happened brought her to realise that it was not just herself that it was affecting, and she ended up in some kind of home for a good few months to dry out. Her husband had tried to get her to get help, but couldn't get her to see what was happening. No-one could force her, she had to realise herself.
Perhaps there is a family member who she would really take notice of who could talk to her and tell her what has been seen etc and see if you can get through to her.
Alternatively, as suggested above, can the docs organise some kind of mental assessment?
K77 CTR said:
Could you get a mental health assessment? Is she leaving the cooker on etc because she's drunk or got some form of dementia?
This won't work...they won't perform any mental health assesment whilst the person is under the influence of booze or drugs...nor will they attend if you tell them that the person is drunk...and they (Mental Health team)sometimes carry breathalisers on them to determine this...As I've previously stated she needs to get sober first....
Sorry to be harsh but that's the long and the short of it...
Benjurs said:
This won't work...they won't perform any mental health assesment whilst the person is under the influence of booze or drugs...nor will they attend if you tell them that the person is drunk...and they (Mental Health team)sometimes carry breathalisers on them to determine this...
As I've previously stated she needs to get sober first....
Sorry to be harsh but that's the long and the short of it...
Harsh and hard to belive but greatful for you input.As I've previously stated she needs to get sober first....
Sorry to be harsh but that's the long and the short of it...
Adult social services might be worth a try. They're overloaded and therefore can't always cope with providing help, but they will often assist with elderly who cannot look after themselves and with problem alcoholics, so she should fit some criteria somewhere.
edited to add: you have my heartfelt sympathy. My dad is a "functioning alcoholic" in his 70s, only just retired a few months ago. He dries out now and then but not normally for very long. He's fairly harmless as he generally just sits in front of the tv until he falls asleep but I'm not looking forward to managing him if he outlives mum and has to manage things like clothes and meals.
edited to add: you have my heartfelt sympathy. My dad is a "functioning alcoholic" in his 70s, only just retired a few months ago. He dries out now and then but not normally for very long. He's fairly harmless as he generally just sits in front of the tv until he falls asleep but I'm not looking forward to managing him if he outlives mum and has to manage things like clothes and meals.
Edited by oldbanger on Tuesday 24th July 18:09
Mt Father In Law died as a direct result of alcoholism, it was a bitter painful struggle with him, as he was actually quite an intelligent chap, just toatlly lost his way when he retired.
Actually he was probably an alcoholic way before retiring, but work and the need to drive every day had imposed some kind of discipline on it.
We had various help from different agencies, but social services were the main point of contact.
However they will want and encourage the family to be as actively involved as possible, also I am sorry to say that in my experience getting people to mend there ways at that age is very very difficult.
Actually he was probably an alcoholic way before retiring, but work and the need to drive every day had imposed some kind of discipline on it.
We had various help from different agencies, but social services were the main point of contact.
However they will want and encourage the family to be as actively involved as possible, also I am sorry to say that in my experience getting people to mend there ways at that age is very very difficult.
I would hope a GP would not prescribe Antabuse (disulfiram) without referring her to some form of alcohol clinic for an assessment first. For starters the meds would need to be held and administered by a third party in part to monitor the patient is following the course as well as to prevent abuse ie taking too many tablets and more importantly that she is bone dry sober when she takes the tablet.
What is causing the depression leading to the self-medication via the alcohol. Loneliness & bereavement? Does she talk about it? If not then that is one step she needs to take, but she will mosty likely bottle it away (unintentional pun!).
What is causing the depression leading to the self-medication via the alcohol. Loneliness & bereavement? Does she talk about it? If not then that is one step she needs to take, but she will mosty likely bottle it away (unintentional pun!).
How old is she?
There must come a point in someone's life where you think "f
k it, let them get on with it, if it makes them happy."
My friends mum has been an alcy for 40 yrs. He's been trying to keep her on the straight and narrow for ever, since he was about 9, but a couple of years back, when she turned 80, he just let her get on with it.
He pops his head round the door every couple of days, gathers up the empties, bandages up her bumps where she's fallen over or walked into the wall, and leaves her to it.
There must come a point in someone's life where you think "f
k it, let them get on with it, if it makes them happy."My friends mum has been an alcy for 40 yrs. He's been trying to keep her on the straight and narrow for ever, since he was about 9, but a couple of years back, when she turned 80, he just let her get on with it.
He pops his head round the door every couple of days, gathers up the empties, bandages up her bumps where she's fallen over or walked into the wall, and leaves her to it.
She's 74, mentally fine and when she has a dry spell she is relatively fit and capable. After days of drinking she quickly becomes frail and struggles to walk without help.
I'd have said its probably worse due to bereavement but it was a lesser problem before losing her husband. I personally feel she thinks theres nothing left to live for now and this passes the time. She's quite happy to talk about funeral plans and after she has gone!!
We've thought about "if it makes her happy leave her be"... but it is putting much strain on doctors, neighbours and family.
Adult social services is something I'll ask about.
I'd have said its probably worse due to bereavement but it was a lesser problem before losing her husband. I personally feel she thinks theres nothing left to live for now and this passes the time. She's quite happy to talk about funeral plans and after she has gone!!
We've thought about "if it makes her happy leave her be"... but it is putting much strain on doctors, neighbours and family.
Adult social services is something I'll ask about.
Torquey said:
She's 74, mentally fine and when she has a dry spell she is relatively fit and capable. After days of drinking she quickly becomes frail and struggles to walk without help.
I'd have said its probably worse due to bereavement but it was a lesser problem before losing her husband. I personally feel she thinks theres nothing left to live for now and this passes the time. She's quite happy to talk about funeral plans and after she has gone!!
We've thought about "if it makes her happy leave her be"... but it is putting much strain on doctors, neighbours and family.
Adult social services is something I'll ask about.
Might be worth pointing out to her that while a premature death may not be much of a concern, repeatedly making herself unsafe will sooner or later lead to interventions she won't like - I'm thinking particularly of what happens if you guys 'burn out' from coping with repeated near-emergency situations and find yourselves so low on resources that residential care starts looking like a good option.I'd have said its probably worse due to bereavement but it was a lesser problem before losing her husband. I personally feel she thinks theres nothing left to live for now and this passes the time. She's quite happy to talk about funeral plans and after she has gone!!
We've thought about "if it makes her happy leave her be"... but it is putting much strain on doctors, neighbours and family.
Adult social services is something I'll ask about.
I would see if she can possibly be persuaded to make use of some sort of day centre - it won't directly address the alcoholism but perhaps if she's a bit less lonely/bored then a) she won't have as many hours in the day to be drinking and b) her life might start feeling a bit more worth living again.
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