Losing a mate.
Discussion
One of the s
t things - the really, really st things - about being disabled, being active in the disabled people's movement and therefore having almost all your mates come from that community, is that you lose people. Often and easily. Everybody's more fragile, even the people whose conditions aren't 'meant' to shorten life expectancy. Little stuff gets bad faster than usual. The first disabled people's movement friend I said goodbye to was when I was 12. She was 13. There were 10 of us in the first disabled childrens group I was a part of, 3 of those are now dead.
Tonight I'm staring down the barrel of the possibility of losing another friend - this time not just a 'comrade' but a close friend, a really really close friend. A mentor and advocate and role model, someone with a very direct hand in the creation of pretty much every bit of law protecting disabled people's rights in this country, and someone I owe a great deal of my own identity and sense of wellbeing to.
In summary: the world feels a bit st right now.
Active 30-somethings with young children shouldn't be brought to the brink by a chest infection.
t things - the really, really st things - about being disabled, being active in the disabled people's movement and therefore having almost all your mates come from that community, is that you lose people. Often and easily. Everybody's more fragile, even the people whose conditions aren't 'meant' to shorten life expectancy. Little stuff gets bad faster than usual. The first disabled people's movement friend I said goodbye to was when I was 12. She was 13. There were 10 of us in the first disabled childrens group I was a part of, 3 of those are now dead.Tonight I'm staring down the barrel of the possibility of losing another friend - this time not just a 'comrade' but a close friend, a really really close friend. A mentor and advocate and role model, someone with a very direct hand in the creation of pretty much every bit of law protecting disabled people's rights in this country, and someone I owe a great deal of my own identity and sense of wellbeing to.
In summary: the world feels a bit s
t right now. Active 30-somethings with young children shouldn't be brought to the brink by a chest infection.
Small improvement from friend. Brink slightly less close than initially thought. Not out of the woods yet but neither am I currently panicking about not getting to say goodbye etc right now. Cheers guys. Middle-of-the-night drama like this is stty and lonely, especially when stuck in bed myself and not able to zoom up to the hospital like I wanted to.
PS am definitely not in need of miracles myself, ta, but I'd really like this one to go the way that doesn't involve someone having to have That Conversation with mate's 7 year old twins.
tty and lonely, especially when stuck in bed myself and not able to zoom up to the hospital like I wanted to.PS am definitely not in need of miracles myself, ta, but I'd really like this one to go the way that doesn't involve someone having to have That Conversation with mate's 7 year old twins.
It is just coming up to the anniversary of losing a good friend of mine. He had health problems too, and had experienced a longer and far better life than he possibly could have in any other time in history. And yet. And yet it really doesn't help to know that. It is impossible to avoid the thought that there should be something which can be done.
That crappy awful time (doubly bad at night when it feels like nobody else on the planet is awake, and even worse on a Sunday) when all you can do is wait and hope that the drugs do their thing, and the docs can just help sway those 50:50 chances in the right direction, and give them a chance.
All I can say is, if you can, talk to people. Real people if you can, otherwise people on the phone or over the Internet. It doesn't matter what about. That human contact is what gives us the strength to deal with things, to hold it all together.
That crappy awful time (doubly bad at night when it feels like nobody else on the planet is awake, and even worse on a Sunday) when all you can do is wait and hope that the drugs do their thing, and the docs can just help sway those 50:50 chances in the right direction, and give them a chance.
All I can say is, if you can, talk to people. Real people if you can, otherwise people on the phone or over the Internet. It doesn't matter what about. That human contact is what gives us the strength to deal with things, to hold it all together.
BlackVanDyke said:
Tonight I'm staring down the barrel of the possibility of losing another friend - this time not just a 'comrade' but a close friend, a really really close friend. A mentor and advocate and role model, someone with a very direct hand in the creation of pretty much every bit of law protecting disabled people's rights in this country, and someone I owe a great deal of my own identity and sense of wellbeing to.
Turn the situation around in your head, and think how fortunate you've been to have a friend like that in the first place.Some people will go their whole lives without that kind of friendship.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
BlackVanDyke said:
Tonight I'm staring down the barrel of the possibility of losing another friend - this time not just a 'comrade' but a close friend, a really really close friend. A mentor and advocate and role model, someone with a very direct hand in the creation of pretty much every bit of law protecting disabled people's rights in this country, and someone I owe a great deal of my own identity and sense of wellbeing to.
Turn the situation around in your head, and think how fortunate you've been to have a friend like that in the first place.Some people will go their whole lives without that kind of friendship.
An update - now nearly 24 hours on from original crisis and friend is holding their own. Still very poorly - person normally able to talk and (sort of) walk can currently do neither - but things are looking a lot less desperate. If they've got the right antibiotics (how long does it take for an urgent culture to come back to find stuff like that out?) then they should be feeling a LOT better in a couple of days.
Again, thanks for your support, lads.
Thanks for checking in guys... remarkably she's actually doing really quite well. She's had The Talk about really seriously not smoking, anything, ever ever again (her condition is reducing her lung function anyway!), the antibiotics are working - it looks like she's going to get away with this one.
Relieved is not the word.
Well it is 'cos I can't think of a better one.
Relieved is not the word.
Well it is 'cos I can't think of a better one.
BlackVanDyke said:
Thanks for checking in guys... remarkably she's actually doing really quite well. She's had The Talk about really seriously not smoking, anything, ever ever again (her condition is reducing her lung function anyway!), the antibiotics are working - it looks like she's going to get away with this one.
Relieved is not the word.
Well it is 'cos I can't think of a better one.
Relieved is not the word.
Well it is 'cos I can't think of a better one.
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