Suggestions rqd - Cleaner suspected of beating off in house.
Discussion
A quick one for you.
For reasons I won't go into I have fairly good reason to believe that my v attractive cleaner has been beating off in one of my spare rooms.
The evidence isn't that damning but after a couple of pints it's become absolutely bomb-proof and hence I need to know more.
I'm after a trap, a trap which leaves evidence to prove or disprove that this is happening.
All suggestions will be considered and the best (and most subtle & realistic) acted upon next week to report back.
I await the PH advice.
For reasons I won't go into I have fairly good reason to believe that my v attractive cleaner has been beating off in one of my spare rooms.
The evidence isn't that damning but after a couple of pints it's become absolutely bomb-proof and hence I need to know more.
I'm after a trap, a trap which leaves evidence to prove or disprove that this is happening.
All suggestions will be considered and the best (and most subtle & realistic) acted upon next week to report back.
I await the PH advice.
simpo two said:
You can get wallclocks with pinhole cameras in them...
- then connect to the internet and share with your friends
These are all things I'm keen to introduce at a later date when the evidence is a bit more concrete.
Can you think of an easy yet subtle way of ensnaring the beatee without forking out?
My first thought was to leave a whopping great dildo on the side with a hair leaning against it - if the hair moves, we've got her!! However, I dismissed this as I don't really want to leave a whopping great God shocker lying around.
nel said:
Give us some idea of the evidence here - all very curious, though I like the prawny doorhandles suggestion. 
Are you sure she's not inviting a boyfriend or a neighbour in and using your place as a knocking shop?
She could well be - But why though as she lives locally anyway...I guess it could be someone other than her boyfriend.
The evidence points towards solo work though...and it's not fishy doorhandles unfortuantely. If it was she'd have made a silly mistake as everyone knows I make a point of sniffing all my door handles on a daily basis.
blindswelledrat said:
You can get wallclocks with pinhole cameras in them...
- then connect to the internet and share with your friends
These are all things I'm keen to introduce at a later date when the evidence is a bit more concrete.
Can you think of an easy yet subtle way of ensnaring the beatee without forking out?
My first thought was to leave a whopping great dildo on the side with a hair leaning against it - if the hair moves, we've got her!! However, I dismissed this as I don't really want to leave a whopping great God shocker lying around.
instead of the hair you could borrow nervous's dixie air horn and wire it up to a microswitch so when the "god shocker" is removed she and the rest of the neighbourhood get a rendition of the dixie tune
>> Edited by omitchell on Friday 16th December 14:02
I love that idea but presumably the idea is not to embarrass her away but more to capture this beautiful act on film at some later stage.
My idea is as follows:
1)Cover your cock in a plastic coating
2)Hide under the mattress with a hole cut in it
3)Poke plastic coated cock through said hole thus resembling a God-shocker laying innocently on the bed.
4)Remain motionless for several hours until the fun begins.
Enjoy
Another variation of your Burglar Angler-Fish trap. Brilliant
B17NNS said:
The evidence isn't that damning but after a couple of pints it's become absolutely bomb-proof and hence I need to know more.
so what is the evidence (and more importantly how has a couple of pints confirmed it?
www.iviewcameras.co.uk/SpyCameras.htm
The evidence pertains to some sheets, a moved blind and a bottle of moisturiser.......
....the pints simply made me want to believe it all the more.
allnighter said:
You still didn't tell us how you came to the conclusion she was beating off crazy? what's the evidence? is she a squirter?any wet patches?
Have you considered a simple voice activated recorder,any self respecting solo guitarist will play tunes naturally
The evidence is fairly circumstantial at the moment but I for one believe it - I dont' want to say more on it at this stage and cause mass hysteria.
However, I like the idea of the voice ativated recorder...I like it a lot. The only possible drawback is if she's somehow using the hoover on herself and it drowns out her moans.....
It's still the No.1 choice of snare so far!!
Plotloss said:
This mosturiser.
How about emptying half of it and replacing it with horseradish?
That should flush her out (perhaps in more ways that one...)
We've discussed putting a line on the bottle to see if it 'goes down'... the thing is I don't want her to stop, I'd just like to know
B17NNS said:
We've discussed putting a line on the bottle to see if it 'goes down'... the thing is I don't want her to stop, I'd just like to know
Is we you and your wife/girlfriend or are you single. If its the latter this opens up a whole new series of opportunities.
We is me and Blindswelledrat - chatted at lunch.
I have a girlfriend but live alone....
Cyberhuss said:
You need to buy a "Check Mate Semen Detection Kit"
Features:
• Detects invisible semen stains
• Quck, easy and affordable
• Laboratory proven results in a home test
• Accurate results in 5 minutes or less
• Discreet and confidential
• Easy to follow instructions
• Test 10 items with each kit
Do you suffer from the nightmare of suspicion and doubt caused by the infidelity of a cheating cleaner? Find out what's really going on the quick and easy way with the Infidelity Test Kit™ from CheckMate.
• More info here - www.getcheckmate.com/
• You also can buy it from these stores,
www.spysupplystore.com/testing.html
www.uspystore.com/product.phtml?productid=305
www.divorceprep.com/html/get_checkmate.html
www.crimescene.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&zenid=79f4c909ced34d157d074a69eb4f8da1&products_id=67
• More expensive professional Kit
www.crimescene.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=120
If she produced semen we wouldn't be having this discussion - I'd have sacked her for wearing testicles to work.
NoisyGriff said:
Bloody hell!
I interviewed a cleaner a month or so ago and all got was a ropey single mother of 4 looking to add to her benefits with some £10/hour tax-free cash.
I broached the subject of having her laid about the house, emptying bottles of anything slipperier than ajax. She wanted £15/hours for that. What a rip off.
C2, it seems like much of the need for this is based on her appearance - if she's a 20-stone munter with a beard, you'll whittle down the interest level (although not all the way to zero, I suspect). If, though, she narrowly missed out on a modelling deal with FHM, you might have a hit on your hands.
So - model or munter?
>> Edited by NoisyGriff on Friday 16th December 16:34
If she weighed 20 stone I wouldn't let in her. Seriously.
She's not model material but she's very nice - put it this way, she's worth hoping that she beats off in your spare room.
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