Throwing in the towel

[funkyrobot]

Long story short. I have a daughter who starts school in September. I only get to see her properly at weekends due to work. I miss her dearly.

I'm not enjoying work at all at the moment. This is through no fault of my own. I'm being messed about with hours and pay, and my department is being pressured more and more to cover another department who are, quite frankly, awful. My manager asked me yesterday if I'm ok as I've not been myself recently. I don't want to turn into an office grump!

Plan is to resign. This will cover a month and means I see off a big project with the company. I'll then take the summer off with my family and work part time somewhere to cover the mortgage. I want to change career, so could be an opportunity to see another environment.

We have the finances to cover the summer (and longer if needed). My wife is also supporting me and said she will stand by any decision I make.

Anyone else done anything similar? Did it work out ok?

Thanks all.

[funkyrobot]

What a nice reply. Shows there is hope and these things can work out.

Oh yes, we are also planning on moving somewhere else for good too. Better to do it now while our daughter is young.

Thanks.

[funkyrobot]

snake_oil said:

Not meaning to piss on anyone's chips, but depending on your financial situation I would exercise a certain amount of caution. If I were you I would secure your next position before leaving your current one. Easier to find a job when you're still in one. You can always arrange a gap between the two roles to spend extra time with the family.

Duly noted. However, it will be very difficult to find anything else whilst I am in this role.

We are currently on leave lockdown, I am struggling to get the time to go to our daughter's school events (one hour in the day on two consecutive Wednesday's), I am being asked to book weekends out for work purposes and I'm getting bad vibes because I don't want to come in early and leave late every day. It's become quite a suffocating experience.

I won't make any decisions without talking it over with my wife. Financially, because we don't do a lot with our money, we are ok. We are fortunate enough to not have massive outgoings, so even getting a temp part time job will help with the financials.

The timing for me is important at the moment. As mentioned above, my daughter means the world to me. School is looming and if I don't get this time with her now, I'll never get it back.

Thanks for your post.

[funkyrobot]

bobmcgod said:

Could you trying putting in for reduced working hours? Just go down to 3 days a week or something for now?

I will ask this, yes. Can't hurt, can it.

Not sure it will happen though because I'm doing so much already. When they replace me, they will need someone doing it full time. I don't think part time is even an option with them.

I will ask though. Thanks.

[funkyrobot]

Podie said:

funkyrobot said:

bobmcgod said:

Could you trying putting in for reduced working hours? Just go down to 3 days a week or something for now?

I will ask this, yes. Can't hurt, can it.

Not sure it will happen though because I'm doing so much already. When they replace me, they will need someone doing it full time. I don't think part time is even an option with them.

I will ask though. Thanks.

If you are on leave lockdown AND being asked to do weekends, why would they agree to reduced hours?

Out of curiosity, what do you do? (and rough geographic location)

I'm software testing. When I took the job I said it was because I wanted to do my hours, then go home to the family. It's spiralled since then.

I'm in lincolnshire.

Yeah, the leave lockdown is a pain. It's not great either when I have to say I can't work so much overtime. I do have a home life. My manager doesn't.

[funkyrobot]

BluePurpleRed said:

Leave lockdown? That sounds awful. Free overtime and pressure to work weekends etc. Sounds like a team / company that has lost control.

I would say it won't improve itself and so you are better of getting out early as you say and starting to look during your notice period.

I also expect that they won't be able to hire in someone within the month and even if they do that new person won't be as cheap or as willing to have the urine extracted in quite the same way so it will get pretty nasty.

You will need to ignore all of that and make sure HR will give you the correct reference. Then don't kill yourself in the last month and start ramping down the hours to those contracted (but not in a spiteful way) and watch the world implode a little bit from a Zen bubble.

Without giving anything away, it is awful.

It went out of control towards the end of last year.

My department is also being asked to do more. I had a chat with my manager about it all the other day. He said you basically have to like it or lump it. At least I know where I stand.

Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 31st May 11:40

[funkyrobot]

Podie said:

funkyrobot said:

I'm software testing. When I took the job I said it was because I wanted to do my hours, then go home to the family. It's spiralled since then.

I'm in lincolnshire.

Yeah, the leave lockdown is a pain. It's not great either when I have to say I can't work so much overtime. I do have a home life. My manager doesn't.

OK, well there are certainly jobs out there in that area (sorry, London based so can't really help) so that's a positive.

In reality I think you know what you're going to do - but as someone else said try and do it on decent terms and without burning bridges. You may want to go back one day...

That's why I want to go now. I can feel myself getting down at work and getting frustrated. I want to nip it in the bud while everything is ok.

As mentioned above, I told my manager the other day. I gained nothing from this and it will only get worse as others are leaving the company too.

[funkyrobot]

Thanks for all of the responses.

Spoke to my wife at lunch. She said go for it. She has been wanting us to evaluate moving somewhere else for a while now and thinks now is a good time.

She said she can't imagine anything nicer than me being around more for summer.

Will speak to her in more detail tonight and will make a decision then.

[funkyrobot]

55palfers said:

Phone in sick for a while.

Do you have a friendly GP - tell them about workplace stress.

I wouldn't want to do that. I'd rather just take the clean break.

I don't want to piddle the company off.

[funkyrobot]

Thankyou all. Some interesting posts. It's all very positive too.

I'm reading and re-reading through them to make it all sink in.

I've pretty much made up my mind that I'm off, but I will sleep on it (it's something I do nowadays). If I wake up in the morning feeling the same, I'll be having a chat to my manager tomorrow. Tomorrow will be difficult as we have staff off, so i may need to wait until Monday. I'll see. I don't want to do anything that would incite any bad feeling on their part.

To those who have said talk to your manager, I already have. I had a very frank and very open conversation with him the other day. To sum up, I was told that nothing will change, nothing will get better and I need to suck it up and get on with it. He has, so why can't I? Well, my manager currently works 12 hour days pretty much each and every day. He seems to have no home life and isn't interested in spending time with his wife. He can't understand why I don't think the same. That was when the like it or lump it bomb dropped.

I had a lovely evening with my family tonight. I'm not sure if my daughter has some sort of sixth sense, but she was extra cuddly with me. Most of the time when I get home, I have a bit of time with her and she is tired etc so we don't really get to do a lot. Tonight was quite different and it just reinforces how much I value my time with her and my wife.

On a side note, we found out today a work colleague is seriously ill in hospital. That's hit me too as she is a lovely woman. Life is far too short to be miserable.

Thanks again all. Still reading through all of the posts.

[funkyrobot]

rog007 said:

Not seen it mentioned yet so don’t forget to keep your development going (book a couple of short, relevant courses) if you take a break and maybe do some voluntary work in your specialism. This covers your CV off if you go looking for a perm role; less of an issue if you go contracting. Some hiring managers can get sniffy about breaks in employment regardless of the circumstances.

Thanks.

If i'm honest, I want to do something different. Will need to evaluate if it can be done after the summer in terms of financial stability. However, I really fancy a career change.

I've been around IT stuff since I was at university and I'm sorry to say this, but it bores the living poop out of me now. Lately, I've become quite interested in astronomy, engineering (I would love to learn car mechanics) and the science behind stuff like future energy sources (battery cars etc.). If I can make it work, I'd like to find something that enables me to learn and develop in these areas.

A change of scenery would be nice too. We are heading off to a few other parts of the country (when we get the time) over the next few months to scope out job prospects and property in other areas. This is something my wife has been wanting to do for a while. I like Lincolnshire, but going somewhere completely different and new would be scary, but quite interesting.

[funkyrobot]

Minemapper said:

I think you're getting all the signals you need, from here, home and the workplace. Do it.

I've made some major moves several times now, both workwise and geographic. Every single time it has worked out very well in the end. Not without the odd sleepless night here and there, but I have never regretted a single move.

[funkyrobot]

Anubis said:

Always go with your gut feel OP. I think it’s clear what that is - leave and don’t look back.

You can always earn money. The problem isn’t money; it’s time. It’s impossible to earn back time but people always seek more money. Once they get enough perceived money, they then want their time back - but its often too late by then.

You only live once buddy.

Thanks.

Money does nothing for me. Well, I need it for the bills etc, but apart from that I find most pleasure in family time.

The only thing I really want money for is to buy an old barge. Gosh I would love an e39. I like the simple things in life.

[funkyrobot]

biggiles said:

I'm in a similar industry. Probably better to negotiate/discuss now with the company while they NEED you, rather than after a go-live/milestone when they just won't care that you are leaving (along with the rest of your knackered colleagues).

From their point of view it's much better to have you working a better routine e.g. 9-5 four days a week, than having quit and walked out.

That is a very good point.

Thanks.

[funkyrobot]

I'm going ahead with it.

Woke up this morning feeling the same as I did last night. Then walked into the office and noticed I had received an email giving me a telling off - for not 'fluffing' stuff up enough for a customer.

Basically, I gave a customer some facts in a polite and waffle free manner. I haven't done it 'fluffy' enough though. No mention of the issue to my face.

[funkyrobot]

WinstonWolf said:

I did it in 2003, good luck, you'll probably end up time rich and cash poor but it's a good tradeoff

Thanks.

I'm not running a TVR, so should be ok for the moment.

Saying that, I did see a nice red one near the local morrions yesterday.

[funkyrobot]

jeff666 said:

Well done OP,

You will feel like a weight has been lifted.

Their was a chap who turned up for work early one morning,

At the same time his boss arrived in a brand new sports car, the chap said "wow that car is stunning" the boss replied "Well if you work really hard and put in the hours I can buy myself another one next year"

Thanks.



Well, it looks like Monday is going to be the kickoff day. Notice written and printed and ready to go, then my manager disappears all afternoon. Interviewing more people as we have had leavers.

I will catch him first thing Monday morning.

[funkyrobot]

Done.

Manager was shocked. Immediately countered with reduced hours rather than leaving.

I've been given an option of three days a week which they want me to take, rather than leaving full stop.

I said I'd let them know tomorrow. Just need to talk it over with the wife.

[funkyrobot]

Vanordinaire said:

I remember your thread from last year. You were in a pretty bad state back then. Is this the same job and things got better, or is a new job and the same stuff is happening again?
Either way, you're not a happy chappy. Its no way to live your life and if you just try to make things a little better, it won't last.
You need to work out what you want in life and go for it.

I'm at a company linked to the old company. I managed to move to a different site and took a slightly different role.

As you say, I'm still not happy. I do believe I need a complete change. I have had issues with confidence all of my life though (even though people don't realise this). I have always put up barriers. Recently, I've started to break the barriers down and this is leading to me finally deciding to do something about it.

The reduced hours will help. Yes, nothing will change, but it will give me enough time to look elsewhere whilst (while? ) keeping a chunk of money coming in.

[funkyrobot]

I'm using the extra time off to find something else too. I will put up with the three day option as it gives me some income and gives me time to look around.

They want a review in August to see what I wish to do. I hope to have my plans sorted by then.

Thanks.