Grievance

[surveyor]

My wife has committed a faux pau at work having lost it with a colleague. There seems to have been a verbal confrontation (where the colleague apparently gave as good as she got),

The background is a colleague who is not friendly with the team, has a relation high up in the organisation, and pushed my wife's buttons at the wrong time.

As background my wife is going through the menopause and is struggling to sleep.

This was day 6 of only a couple of sleep a night. She snapped essentially. She can't remember what was said during the 'discussion' but has been told by a witness that she did not swear, did not physically assault the colleague, and pretty much the worst thing she said was "Nobody likes you". Not great but it is what it is.

After a meeting where my wife apologised the colleague has said she wants to take it further and file a grievance with HR.

My wife has taken time out, not least to go to the doctor and sort out HRT.

What are the next steps and what action should my wife take? Is this possibly a career ending mistake?

Grateful for any advice.

[surveyor]

Mr.Chips said:

If the other party “gave as good as she got,” then if I was Mrs.OP, I would be looking at HR to be more of a mediator to try and resolve any underlying problems. I would be disappointed if it was more than a verbal warning. OP is your wife in a union? If so, it would be advisable to get her union rep to attend any HR meeting, if not, it may be worth getting a “neutral” friend to attend the meeting to take notes and ensure your wife doesn’t get steamrolled into accepting a resolution that she doesn’t want.

Thanks all.

She has been advised to join her union ASAP!.. Not sure how that will go..

[surveyor]

Yes it does. NHS trust so fully HR’d up

[surveyor]

macron said:

surveyor said:

Thanks all.

She has been advised to join her union ASAP!.. Not sure how that will go..

Unlikely a union can help if they join after the incident, defo check with the rep first. Might be able to give general advice, but specifics at this point are often ruled out for obvious "no one would join until they needed to" type reasons, as opposed to because they wanted to.

I tend to agree!

[surveyor]

Bonefish Blues said:

Is your wife seriously affected by the symptoms and has she been over a reasonably lengthy period? Menopause is now being taken increasingly seriously in the workplace, to the point that it can in some circumstances be considered a disability.

https://www.partnerslaw.co.uk/news/new-guidance-co...

Your wife has been to her doctor and they have indicated that it could have driven or exacerbated her response which I assume was totally out of character.

If the person hearing the grievance (and what outcome does the other party actually want?) is well advised by HR (if) then this is a scenario where your wife could be given extra support or adjustments to help her in the workplace.

Annoyingly yes. Unfortunately she was on HST, but could not get an appointment for a repeat prescription. The 'withdrawal' broke her body a bit, to the extent that we had an a&e visit.

She has consequently been trying without HST, but now realises that she really does need it! Sleep deprivation is a real issue,

The other person has been asked what they want. Which is 'never to be spoken to again like that'. This is the person who in the informal meeting said 'I don't give a fk what others think', and has been known to say things like 'I'm untouchable because my relation is **big boss**).

My wife is taking a little time out, and hopefully off to see the doctor today....

[surveyor]

Jasandjules said:

surveyor said:

Grateful for any advice.

Who started it is the first question.

Your wife apologised so I assume she did.

What did the other person say when they "gave as good as they got".

Has anyone else in the area complained about the "dispute"?

Your wife "may" have a disability and/or certainly a reasonable excuse given her condition (she may have medication etc) which would also need to be taken into account..

Edited by Jasandjules on Tuesday 9th April 18:41

1. Wife started it after colleague joined the conversation.
2. Wife cannot remember all the details. She lost it. She has been told by colleagues that she did not swear etc . Bolshy wife opinion was counted by Bolshy colleague
3. No one else has complained, albeit other members of the team have moved locations to avoid the colleague.

[surveyor]

Bit of progress.

HR have declined to get involved, and say that this is a falling out between colleagues and should be dealt with informally.

Which is good news.

[surveyor]

Squadrone Rosso said:

Nice result.

The menopause is tough. My wife is 50 and has been struggling for a while. Our GP was quite ineffective.

Here work provide BUPA so for a £150 excess, she say a dedicated Doctor who was brilliant. She’s really good now.

I hope she gets it sorted. It’s tough on husbands too. And certain colleagues lol

My wife has been trying to see her GP all week. Tuesday morning she called then 67 times and did not get through.

She's now day 3 waiting for a call-back form the online form.

It is why she fell off HRT originally as the doctor wanted to see her before renewing the prescription but getting an appointment is next to impossible.

I guess private healthcare is an unlikely option given her NHS trust employer!

[surveyor]

CHLEMCBH said:

surveyor said:

My wife has been trying to see her GP all week. Tuesday morning she called then 67 times and did not get through.

Unless the practice answering (?!!) system cuts her off after a certain wait period, she needs to wait on the line until answered. Hanging up calling again just gets you to the back of the queue.

Your assuming they have an answering system.. I believe it just shows engaged... Welcome to the North!