What's fair? Dividing living expenses with the girlfriend

[EB89]

Girlfriend and I have been living together for around a 14 months. During which our rent & bills have been around £1000pm, also spending approx £100 PM on the dog, say £200 PM on food also.

Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.

This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...

So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...

What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.

So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...

[EB89]

Thanks for the opinions so far. I feel like I have been very selfless with finances so far - We've lived in two nice places together, enjoyed good food etc.
I've always had a car allowance for the last few years, I had a nice £25k lease car at £285 a month BEFORE we lived together. But found that when we moved in together I could no longer afford it so had to downgrade to a £2k motor. I found it a bit ironic as she then had a much better, more valuable car then me (Funded by her mum, bought before our relationship.)
You can probably detect I have a bit of resentment for that...

So I am looking for something back now that a reasonable income is in sight for her. It is in the form of a bursary, but I don't see that any differently to a salary really.

If there was none of the aforementioned history (IE myself paying over 90%) then I'd be happy with the proportional split - even if it meant I was paying 75%...It would just feel fair and I feel like I'm a fair person.

However, paying almost all the bills for over a year whilst having my own debt (She doesn't have any, bar student debt which yes is valid - but very very different.) I felt was reasonable grounds to go for 50/50.

[EB89]

The Mad Monk said:

EB89 said:

Girlfriend and I have been living together for around a 14 months. During which our rent & bills have been around £1000pm, also spending approx £100 PM on the dog, say £200 PM on food also.

Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.

This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...

So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...

What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.

So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...

Get rid of the dog.

If you both work, it's madness having a dog.

Think of the expense. And then there's the vets bills.

Get rid of the dog. That will save quite a bit of money.

Ha, we couldn't do that! The pooch makes us very happy. He has high quality, expensive food but doesn't cost much with the vet.
We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs. Our life is better with him and he was rescued from Spain where he was never walked and was either chained up outside or left alone in a dark garage...So he has a better life too. Trust me, he ain't the problem!

[EB89]

The Mad Monk said:

EB89 said:

He has high quality, expensive food but doesn't cost much with the vet.
We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs.... he was rescued from Spain

So you have a dog walker come round to walk your dog. You don't think that possibly you have the wrong life style to be keeping a dog?

Imported from Spain, you say? Why, haven't we go enough dogs in Britain for you?

It's not optimal, but it works very well. He mostly sleeps during the day any way. I have a few colleagues that just leave the their dog home alone all day and a couple where a neighbor / grandparents pops in but doesn't walk them so I feel quite good about the arrangement we have.

We got him from Spain as we looked after him whilst living over there for a few months. This was whilst his original owners where travelling, so we built a bond with him when looking after him full time. Like I said, original owners did not walk him, play with him etc. Whilst I doubt they ever hit him or intentionally harmed him he didn't have the best life. When the owners returned, we still went to see him every day to take him for a walk and give him some love and attention. When we took him back home he showed absolutely no sign of affection or excitement towards the owners and he cried when we left...

So when the owners finaly realised they didn't want him, we picked him up and he has a much better life now... We always wanted a dog any way, and all the hard work of finding a rescue dog, making sure there's a bond etc was already done through looking after him for three months.

I hope this puts your mind at ease

[EB89]

Well a resolution has been sought

We've broken up! We had other issues too.

It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!

Cheers for all the advice

[EB89]

Maxf said:

Pothole said:

EB89 said:

Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.

A lot of which can be attributed to you being an arse about money.

She doesn't really have any. You have some.

You're in a relationship. Giving makes one feel fabulous, provided one is wired correctly.

Your debt is your responsibility and presumably exists from before you two were together. It's irrelevant to her.

Sounds to me like you both need to tighten your belts and change your lifestyle to one you can afford. Or split up.

I think you've missed the boat on this advice

And some other key facts, along with throwing in assumptions...To say I have been an arse. You haven't heard the full account by any stretch!

[EB89]

Pothole said:

johnwilliams77 said:

Pothole said:

You're single. What have you won?

Freedom
He can just pay for it once now

Every cloud...

Exactly, I'm a lot happier now and feeling free. I did have a date setup for tonight that fell through. But on reflection I'm releived!

Also worked out a revised plan on the finances and I can get debt free (7 months) and build enough equity to buy just seven months later.

So feeling great, just helping the ex move out today!