A note to my beloved Ruby.
Discussion
I thought I would just pop some words down here, just as a way of trying to cope as I'm utterly and totally broken at the moment. Me and the wife had to have our 5 year old Bulldog, Ruby put to sleep yesterday, after she was diagnosed with a late stage, aggressive brain tumour.
It just has completely taken us by surprise, as this time last week she appeared to be a happy, healthy dog. On Thursday night, she started having small seizures; salivating and shaking her head. We took her to the vet on Friday morning, who weren't overly concerned as the seizures had been minor and less than 30 seconds long. They gave us some diazepam and discharged her. Friday night about 9pm, she then started having full blown grand mal seizures, legs flailing, foaming at the mouth, eyes darting all about the place. She had one of these every 2.5 hours throughout the night, lasting about 45 seconds each time so we took her back to the vets at 8am on the Saturday. They sedated her and gave her some anti-epilepsy medications to make her comfortable, and then in the afternoon they discharged her and we took her to a neuro specialist vet a short while away.
She had no seizures for the remainder of Saturday and all of Sunday, whilst under the care of the neuro specialist, and they booked her in for an MRI on Monday morning. About 11am on Monday, my whole world came shattering down as I could just tell as soon as I picked up the phone it wasn't going to be good news. Massive tumour on the left hand side of her brain, likely a Glioma. I discussed treatment options with them and pretty much everything was going to be palliative, to just make her comfortable for what time she had left, or maybe give her an extra week/month.
After the distress we saw her in with the seizures, we didn't want her to potentially go through that ordeal again, so we made the incredibly tough decision to have her put to sleep yesterday evening at 6pm. I'm so thankful that the vets who performed it allowed the 2 of us to be in the room with her, although Ruby was a bit confused as we had to adorn full PPE because of COVID restrictions. I know a lot of vets aren't allowing people in the practice at all, so I'm thankful for that compromise. We held her paws and stroked her head, and told her we loved her, as she was first rendered unconscious, and then the lethal dose was administered.
I told myself yesterday that it would be the hardest day, and that each day would be better but I've done nothing but look at pictures of her today and cry. Everything around the house reminds me of her. I found her toy Fox in our bedroom earlier and just broke down in tears. The feelings at the moment range from guilt to sadness. Why didn't we pick up on any other signs, were there any other signs? What could we have possibly done to have gotten a different outcome? Our little 5 year old dog, who had never growled at anybody and just wanted love and attention all the time has been cruelly ripped away from us. She just didn't deserve it.
Even though my little dog couldn't speak a word of English, I knew EXACTLY what she wanted at all times. At around 5pm she'd jump on the bay window and wait for my wife to arrive home from work. She'd then demand her daily logbone treat as soon as my wife was through the door. If she wanted to come up on the bed, she'd put her front paws on the side and wait to be lifted up (she couldn't jump up on her own). I'm going to miss my winter morning lay ins, where she would come under the duvet and snuggle in between me and my wife. I'm just generally going to miss my best mate, who has helped keep me sane whilst I have been working from home since March. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes and it feels weird getting this cut up over what some people would say is 'just a dog'. She wasn't just a dog, she was a member of my family.
I can take a little bit of solace in that, I believe we did the right thing for her, in not wanting her to be in any more pain or discomfort. She had a feast of mashed potatoes and toast (2 of her favourite treats) before making the transition last night and I believe she knew how incredibly loved she was. I just feel totally empty without her and my wife is exactly the same.
Forgive my ramblings, I just needed to get it out of my head. Forever alive inside my heart, Ruby.
It just has completely taken us by surprise, as this time last week she appeared to be a happy, healthy dog. On Thursday night, she started having small seizures; salivating and shaking her head. We took her to the vet on Friday morning, who weren't overly concerned as the seizures had been minor and less than 30 seconds long. They gave us some diazepam and discharged her. Friday night about 9pm, she then started having full blown grand mal seizures, legs flailing, foaming at the mouth, eyes darting all about the place. She had one of these every 2.5 hours throughout the night, lasting about 45 seconds each time so we took her back to the vets at 8am on the Saturday. They sedated her and gave her some anti-epilepsy medications to make her comfortable, and then in the afternoon they discharged her and we took her to a neuro specialist vet a short while away.
She had no seizures for the remainder of Saturday and all of Sunday, whilst under the care of the neuro specialist, and they booked her in for an MRI on Monday morning. About 11am on Monday, my whole world came shattering down as I could just tell as soon as I picked up the phone it wasn't going to be good news. Massive tumour on the left hand side of her brain, likely a Glioma. I discussed treatment options with them and pretty much everything was going to be palliative, to just make her comfortable for what time she had left, or maybe give her an extra week/month.
After the distress we saw her in with the seizures, we didn't want her to potentially go through that ordeal again, so we made the incredibly tough decision to have her put to sleep yesterday evening at 6pm. I'm so thankful that the vets who performed it allowed the 2 of us to be in the room with her, although Ruby was a bit confused as we had to adorn full PPE because of COVID restrictions. I know a lot of vets aren't allowing people in the practice at all, so I'm thankful for that compromise. We held her paws and stroked her head, and told her we loved her, as she was first rendered unconscious, and then the lethal dose was administered.
I told myself yesterday that it would be the hardest day, and that each day would be better but I've done nothing but look at pictures of her today and cry. Everything around the house reminds me of her. I found her toy Fox in our bedroom earlier and just broke down in tears. The feelings at the moment range from guilt to sadness. Why didn't we pick up on any other signs, were there any other signs? What could we have possibly done to have gotten a different outcome? Our little 5 year old dog, who had never growled at anybody and just wanted love and attention all the time has been cruelly ripped away from us. She just didn't deserve it.
Even though my little dog couldn't speak a word of English, I knew EXACTLY what she wanted at all times. At around 5pm she'd jump on the bay window and wait for my wife to arrive home from work. She'd then demand her daily logbone treat as soon as my wife was through the door. If she wanted to come up on the bed, she'd put her front paws on the side and wait to be lifted up (she couldn't jump up on her own). I'm going to miss my winter morning lay ins, where she would come under the duvet and snuggle in between me and my wife. I'm just generally going to miss my best mate, who has helped keep me sane whilst I have been working from home since March. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes and it feels weird getting this cut up over what some people would say is 'just a dog'. She wasn't just a dog, she was a member of my family.
I can take a little bit of solace in that, I believe we did the right thing for her, in not wanting her to be in any more pain or discomfort. She had a feast of mashed potatoes and toast (2 of her favourite treats) before making the transition last night and I believe she knew how incredibly loved she was. I just feel totally empty without her and my wife is exactly the same.
Forgive my ramblings, I just needed to get it out of my head. Forever alive inside my heart, Ruby.
Thank you so much everyone for your replies, reading them all through has made me cry, but smile too.
Both mine and Katie's families have had dogs whilst growing up. Ruby isn't the first one we've each said goodbye to, but she was OUR first dog, and the fact that she has had her life cut short by such a great deal is something I'm struggling with. Our other dogs made it to 12/13 years old, and at that age you sort of know you are on borrowed time even though saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do.
It's all just happened so suddenly and that is why I think its hit me as hard as it has. I know we gave her the best life we possibly could have, and that she had nothing but love and affection for the 5 and a bit years she was with us, and we have so many happy memories together. In time I'll be able to look back and remember her for the absolute sweetheart she was.
My house just feels so empty without her, even with 2 lunatic cats chasing each other around! Needless to say, I think for mine and my wife's mental wellbeing, when the time is right we will look to get another dog and probably a rescue one at that (we've already discussed it), but not until we are happy that we have grieved enough for our Ruby. Like our family dogs beforehand, nothing can ever replace them, each one is their own personality.
Thankyou again for all of your replies, it means a lot to me during this time. Ant.
My precious Ruby with her beloved Foxxy.
Both mine and Katie's families have had dogs whilst growing up. Ruby isn't the first one we've each said goodbye to, but she was OUR first dog, and the fact that she has had her life cut short by such a great deal is something I'm struggling with. Our other dogs made it to 12/13 years old, and at that age you sort of know you are on borrowed time even though saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do.
It's all just happened so suddenly and that is why I think its hit me as hard as it has. I know we gave her the best life we possibly could have, and that she had nothing but love and affection for the 5 and a bit years she was with us, and we have so many happy memories together. In time I'll be able to look back and remember her for the absolute sweetheart she was.
My house just feels so empty without her, even with 2 lunatic cats chasing each other around! Needless to say, I think for mine and my wife's mental wellbeing, when the time is right we will look to get another dog and probably a rescue one at that (we've already discussed it), but not until we are happy that we have grieved enough for our Ruby. Like our family dogs beforehand, nothing can ever replace them, each one is their own personality.
Thankyou again for all of your replies, it means a lot to me during this time. Ant.
My precious Ruby with her beloved Foxxy.
Just wanted to say thankyou everyone on here for your incredibly heart-warming replies. It's going to take a long time to get through this, but I've been able to think about Ruby in a much more positive light today and remember her for her sweet and endearing character rather than the agonising few days she went through at the end of her little life. Thanks again.
Kind regards, Ant.
Kind regards, Ant.
I just wanted to extend my gratitude to everybody on this thread, it truly has helped reading through your messages and experiences. Even if a few of them (and that imgur cartoon) have made me cry my eyes out.
PH can be a strange place sometimes with a lot of disagreements and bickering, but everyone here has been an absolute legend. Hats off to you all.
Ant
PH can be a strange place sometimes with a lot of disagreements and bickering, but everyone here has been an absolute legend. Hats off to you all.
Ant
I can't believe over a year has passed since I posted this thread. Just reading back through I wanted to just extend a huge thanks to everyone's kind and thoughtful words in what was an absolutely horrible period for me.
I'm sure those of you who've lost pets before will know that time is a healer to a degree but I still have moments where I stop and think about Ruby and maybe have a little tear. I'm sure that will continue for the rest of my life.
On a much happier note, me and my wife have decided to open our home and our hearts to a new four legged friend. This is Winnie, she is 7 months old and a rescue dog from Romania. It was an absolute ordeal to get her here to the UK but its over now and she can begin her life as a much loved family member.
She has been with us just over 2 weeks now and is settling in like an absolute champ.
Thankyou again all
I'm sure those of you who've lost pets before will know that time is a healer to a degree but I still have moments where I stop and think about Ruby and maybe have a little tear. I'm sure that will continue for the rest of my life.
On a much happier note, me and my wife have decided to open our home and our hearts to a new four legged friend. This is Winnie, she is 7 months old and a rescue dog from Romania. It was an absolute ordeal to get her here to the UK but its over now and she can begin her life as a much loved family member.
She has been with us just over 2 weeks now and is settling in like an absolute champ.
Thankyou again all
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