Rant: The fatso next to me
Discussion
I'm posting this because it's a Friday afternoon and I need to vent (feel free to exit).
At work we have no fixed places - it's a case of turn up and sit at any available desk. My usual spot was taken today; "No worries, it's not the end of the world" I think to myself and so I sit in another spot a few rows away. Happily working away as you do this huge fat guy sits at the desk next to me.
Now I couldn't care less if you're tall, short, fat or thin but what f
g does bother me is when you eat with your by mouth open gobbling away whilst slapping your chops for hours on end with half eaten food in your mouth on full show to the world.
At 10:30am I contemplated whether to say something, however being British I tolerate it trying to ignore the constant mush noises swirling around Jabba the Huts pie hole whilst fatso is gorging on yet another M&S yum yum. 20 minutes pass and he finally stops eating and does some work on the computer. A sigh of relief. Finally I can concentrate and with blood pressure returning to normal I proceed to do 10 minutes of work.
As we enter the eleventh hour of the day, Sir fg Munchalot decides to return to his full to the brim carrier bag and pluck another item out to eat. The same noises return making me want to punch this chap square on the nose, vomit or both - the know the type; we all know the type - unfortunately this type does not know the by type.
This chap is mega size; we're talking the revolting fat from the Monty Python sketch fat. Belly hanging several times over his trousers yet as every single minute passes more food is entering this things face. He is utterly revolting and is making me feel ill; constantly slurping, chomping, slapping, squelching.
I feel like standing up and shouting "STOP FING EATING YOU FAT BD. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF YOU - YOU'RE A TUB OF LARD THAT GETS OUT OF BREATH LEAVING YOUR OWN CHAIR". But I don't. Of course I don't because that would make me in the eyes of my colleagues a complete wr for some reason.
And so, I continue to sit here next to this disgusting fing blub of a 'colleague' mid afternoon with no where else to sit whilst he is cramming a huge salad down his throat, half of it hanging out of it's mouth whilst holding a half eaten bagel in the other hand as if his life depended on it. The noise alone makes me gag; as if someone is eating in my ear and spitting food out along the way.
At present we are now half way through the by selection of food - dear mother of God I have 3 hours to go!.
I've always wondered how we could solve world hunger and now I know - just get rid of this fat fr and problem solved. How anyone can be so obese and disgusting is beyond me. What's even more challenging is how anyone can eat virtually non stop from 10:30am ("sorry, just started lunch" was muttered at 11am in between swallowing something and grabbing yet another item). Lunch! Lunch! It's 11am you ct - you've already had two sandwiches and it's at least an hour before everyone else deems it lunch - STOP EATING!
Make sure you choose wisely where you sit peeps - don't make the mistake I unknowingly did.
Rant over
At work we have no fixed places - it's a case of turn up and sit at any available desk. My usual spot was taken today; "No worries, it's not the end of the world" I think to myself and so I sit in another spot a few rows away. Happily working away as you do this huge fat guy sits at the desk next to me.
Now I couldn't care less if you're tall, short, fat or thin but what f
g does bother me is when you eat with your by mouth open gobbling away whilst slapping your chops for hours on end with half eaten food in your mouth on full show to the world.At 10:30am I contemplated whether to say something, however being British I tolerate it trying to ignore the constant mush noises swirling around Jabba the Huts pie hole whilst fatso is gorging on yet another M&S yum yum. 20 minutes pass and he finally stops eating and does some work on the computer. A sigh of relief. Finally I can concentrate and with blood pressure returning to normal I proceed to do 10 minutes of work.
As we enter the eleventh hour of the day, Sir f
g Munchalot decides to return to his full to the brim carrier bag and pluck another item out to eat. The same noises return making me want to punch this chap square on the nose, vomit or both - the know the type; we all know the type - unfortunately this type does not know the by type.This chap is mega size; we're talking the revolting fat
from the Monty Python sketch fat. Belly hanging several times over his trousers yet as every single minute passes more food is entering this things face. He is utterly revolting and is making me feel ill; constantly slurping, chomping, slapping, squelching.I feel like standing up and shouting "STOP F
ING EATING YOU FAT BD. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF YOU - YOU'RE A TUB OF LARD THAT GETS OUT OF BREATH LEAVING YOUR OWN CHAIR". But I don't. Of course I don't because that would make me in the eyes of my colleagues a complete wr for some reason.And so, I continue to sit here next to this disgusting f
ing blub of a 'colleague' mid afternoon with no where else to sit whilst he is cramming a huge salad down his throat, half of it hanging out of it's mouth whilst holding a half eaten bagel in the other hand as if his life depended on it. The noise alone makes me gag; as if someone is eating in my ear and spitting food out along the way.At present we are now half way through the b
y selection of food - dear mother of God I have 3 hours to go!. I've always wondered how we could solve world hunger and now I know - just get rid of this fat f
r and problem solved. How anyone can be so obese and disgusting is beyond me. What's even more challenging is how anyone can eat virtually non stop from 10:30am ("sorry, just started lunch" was muttered at 11am in between swallowing something and grabbing yet another item). Lunch! Lunch! It's 11am you ct - you've already had two sandwiches and it's at least an hour before everyone else deems it lunch - STOP EATING!Make sure you choose wisely where you sit peeps - don't make the mistake I unknowingly did.
Rant over
you're not a fatso, you'll just be eating like one. Enjoy your sandwich. 
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