Idiotic Neighbour!
Discussion
Welcome to the land of Chandlers Keep on the outskirts of Walsall. It's a nice enough area and has never had any trouble to speak of.
Chandlers Keep is a cul de sac that looks out over a canal. Sounds idyllic? It isn't, you've forgotten that it is on the outskirts of Walsall, but that's besides the point.
We bought our first house here 6 years ago and have marvelled at what a quiet, trouble free road it is, we get on with all the neighbours on the street... except one...
Very much the 'Boo Radley' of the street. Except without the undiscovered niceness.
To put this in context he contacts the police every time one of the 8 kids on the street plays in the road outside the houses. Playing in the road sounds more dangerous than it is. It's not ideal of course but there are only ever about 6 cars that will go up and down it. Everytime he phones the police he tries to get an Anti Social Behaviour Order strapped on them, which in turns means that everytime he calls the police the rest of us get a visit asking about the levels of Anti Social behaviour on the street. This must have happened at least 10 times in the last 5 years, no exaggeration. It has happened so many times now that an ASBO survey has had to be taken out, the results have just been posted. Surprise surprise 89% of residents consider there to be no Anti social behaviour... So that's him..
Plus, I'm not one for rumour or gossip but those that do claim that he films everything that goes on in the street. I have never seen this behaviour so cannot comment. But until 3 days ago I'd never seen him. Ever.
Last Saturday we had snow. Mountains of the stuff.
See...
In that picture you'll spot a house in the background... that is Boo Radley's House. My wife took the picture from our doorstep just so you can work out the layout of the road... Normally I park in the off road parking spaces we have available opposite our house (To the left of the picture) but because the snow was coming down pretty thick the night before I decided to park on the road.
A good idea but I still couldn't get the car down the road so in the end I gave up and parked opposite Boo Radley's house, against the kerb opposite his front door (So the car would be facing towards me and on the right of frame in the picture)
The car stayed there until Monday.
On Monday there was sufficiently less snow so I moved it.
On Tuesday morning I was awoken early.
By a Policeman.
Boo Radley had called the police on Saturday night because the car was 'Blocking his Drive' and Tuesday morning the Police came round to advise me that he had done so. They confirmed the car was parked beautifully as was befitting a PH'er and also that I should be considerate of where I was parking in future. Only to then backtrack and say that actually there was nothing wrong with where I'd parked and that he was being sent round unnecessarily just to keep the peace.
It's fair to say I've now had my fill of this idiot.
So I wrote him a letter.
Here it is...
"Dear Sir/Madam,
I'm writing so as to cause least inconvenience to you but am perfectly happy to have this conversation face to face.
I live at number xx Chandlers Keep.
I work peculiar hours, often late into the evening and during most weekends. This morning I was awoken by a policeman knocking on my door informing me that they had received a complaint that they had to follow up, regardless of fault.
The complaint was based around my Ford Focus (Reg: OU07 xxx) being parked 'across' your drive limiting access to your premises.
Firstly, Chandlers Keep was built to be wide enough to allow 2 cars to pass each other when coming from opposite directions and has, in fact, proven to be fit for purpose on many occasions during the last 6 years of me living here.
Secondly, let's mention the snow. Saturday daytime I spent nearly three hours digging out trackways in the snow to allow the residents of Chandlers Keep to be able to access the main road. I , with the help of 5 Children (also residents), pushed out 2 cars which otherwise would have had to be abandoned. I do not want a medal for this, nor do I want praise or thanks. But it is worth noting that the inclement weather made it difficult for residents to leave the road. My car, unfortunately could not leave the road, which caused me to park it opposite your drive.
Apparently, despite being parked against the curb, as was verified by the policeman who saw me this morning, you saw fit to telephone the police. What you were hoping to gain by this course of action I have no idea. Did you expect it to be towed away? A fine perhaps, for being parked legally and not causing an obstruction?
I cannot count the number of Policemen & Community Support Officers who have turned up at my door over the last 6 years who have been sent round 'unnecessarily' (their words, not mine) by an unnamed local resident who has complained about something trivial occurring on the road.
Normally I turn a blind eye to this behaviour of yours, as besides having my work day interrupted by pointless conversations about the so-called 'Anti-Social' behaviour of playing children, it doesn't actually bother me. If you've got nothing better to do than phone the police every time a child laughs too close to your house and the police are forbidden to just tell you to stop whining then I have no issue. Though I do look forward to their response when you complain about me sending you this letter...
However, this particular factually vapid, un-supportable claim was aimed at me and I am writing to tell you, in no uncertain terms, that if I open my door to another dejected Policeman sent over at your request to discover the untold truths of the hidden Preteen Gang Culture living on Chandlers Keep or to deal with any other fabricated misunderstanding of reality then I shall make a formal complaint about you. You are the only menace on this street as far as I am concerned and I am now sick of it. Kindly stop wasting police time and mine.
If you have issues with this letter or indeed with its contents then please do come over and explain them to me. I am perfectly rational and have no intentions of causing a dispute nor to engage in any threatening language or behaviour.
I'm just a resident who wants a quiet life without constant and needless interruptions.
Kind Regards
Ben"
Yes it's waffley and a bit pretentious but what the hell, this d*ckhead has been annoying me for years with his ridiculous behaviour...
So imagine my surprise when he turned up on my doorstep looking like something from the docks of Liverpool circa 1985.
He got quite irate at why I felt it necessary to write him a letter, presumably because he'd had to learn how to read, or employ an interpreter to do it for him. His whinging didn't really didn't bring anything new to my attention, other than he refused to shake my hand and that he no longer has to telephone the police because they've given him their 'Special Email Address' - how I didn't laugh when he told me that I don't know...
Anyway he left and I got on with my life.
Though part of me now wants payback for all the time of mine he's wasted... And I can't help feeling that actually it wouldn't take too long. Especially as this is how he parks his car every day...
I don't care that someone else is doing the same thing 100 yards up the road... but i'd love the police to knock on his door everyday for the next month with a different, yet valid complaint!
I doubt this will be the last post about Boo Radley as a friend of mine is a traffic cop and currently writing him a letter.
Childish... but fun!
Chandlers Keep is a cul de sac that looks out over a canal. Sounds idyllic? It isn't, you've forgotten that it is on the outskirts of Walsall, but that's besides the point.
We bought our first house here 6 years ago and have marvelled at what a quiet, trouble free road it is, we get on with all the neighbours on the street... except one...
Very much the 'Boo Radley' of the street. Except without the undiscovered niceness.
To put this in context he contacts the police every time one of the 8 kids on the street plays in the road outside the houses. Playing in the road sounds more dangerous than it is. It's not ideal of course but there are only ever about 6 cars that will go up and down it. Everytime he phones the police he tries to get an Anti Social Behaviour Order strapped on them, which in turns means that everytime he calls the police the rest of us get a visit asking about the levels of Anti Social behaviour on the street. This must have happened at least 10 times in the last 5 years, no exaggeration. It has happened so many times now that an ASBO survey has had to be taken out, the results have just been posted. Surprise surprise 89% of residents consider there to be no Anti social behaviour... So that's him..
Plus, I'm not one for rumour or gossip but those that do claim that he films everything that goes on in the street. I have never seen this behaviour so cannot comment. But until 3 days ago I'd never seen him. Ever.
Last Saturday we had snow. Mountains of the stuff.
See...
In that picture you'll spot a house in the background... that is Boo Radley's House. My wife took the picture from our doorstep just so you can work out the layout of the road... Normally I park in the off road parking spaces we have available opposite our house (To the left of the picture) but because the snow was coming down pretty thick the night before I decided to park on the road.
A good idea but I still couldn't get the car down the road so in the end I gave up and parked opposite Boo Radley's house, against the kerb opposite his front door (So the car would be facing towards me and on the right of frame in the picture)
The car stayed there until Monday.
On Monday there was sufficiently less snow so I moved it.
On Tuesday morning I was awoken early.
By a Policeman.
Boo Radley had called the police on Saturday night because the car was 'Blocking his Drive' and Tuesday morning the Police came round to advise me that he had done so. They confirmed the car was parked beautifully as was befitting a PH'er and also that I should be considerate of where I was parking in future. Only to then backtrack and say that actually there was nothing wrong with where I'd parked and that he was being sent round unnecessarily just to keep the peace.
It's fair to say I've now had my fill of this idiot.
So I wrote him a letter.
Here it is...
"Dear Sir/Madam,
I'm writing so as to cause least inconvenience to you but am perfectly happy to have this conversation face to face.
I live at number xx Chandlers Keep.
I work peculiar hours, often late into the evening and during most weekends. This morning I was awoken by a policeman knocking on my door informing me that they had received a complaint that they had to follow up, regardless of fault.
The complaint was based around my Ford Focus (Reg: OU07 xxx) being parked 'across' your drive limiting access to your premises.
Firstly, Chandlers Keep was built to be wide enough to allow 2 cars to pass each other when coming from opposite directions and has, in fact, proven to be fit for purpose on many occasions during the last 6 years of me living here.
Secondly, let's mention the snow. Saturday daytime I spent nearly three hours digging out trackways in the snow to allow the residents of Chandlers Keep to be able to access the main road. I , with the help of 5 Children (also residents), pushed out 2 cars which otherwise would have had to be abandoned. I do not want a medal for this, nor do I want praise or thanks. But it is worth noting that the inclement weather made it difficult for residents to leave the road. My car, unfortunately could not leave the road, which caused me to park it opposite your drive.
Apparently, despite being parked against the curb, as was verified by the policeman who saw me this morning, you saw fit to telephone the police. What you were hoping to gain by this course of action I have no idea. Did you expect it to be towed away? A fine perhaps, for being parked legally and not causing an obstruction?
I cannot count the number of Policemen & Community Support Officers who have turned up at my door over the last 6 years who have been sent round 'unnecessarily' (their words, not mine) by an unnamed local resident who has complained about something trivial occurring on the road.
Normally I turn a blind eye to this behaviour of yours, as besides having my work day interrupted by pointless conversations about the so-called 'Anti-Social' behaviour of playing children, it doesn't actually bother me. If you've got nothing better to do than phone the police every time a child laughs too close to your house and the police are forbidden to just tell you to stop whining then I have no issue. Though I do look forward to their response when you complain about me sending you this letter...
However, this particular factually vapid, un-supportable claim was aimed at me and I am writing to tell you, in no uncertain terms, that if I open my door to another dejected Policeman sent over at your request to discover the untold truths of the hidden Preteen Gang Culture living on Chandlers Keep or to deal with any other fabricated misunderstanding of reality then I shall make a formal complaint about you. You are the only menace on this street as far as I am concerned and I am now sick of it. Kindly stop wasting police time and mine.
If you have issues with this letter or indeed with its contents then please do come over and explain them to me. I am perfectly rational and have no intentions of causing a dispute nor to engage in any threatening language or behaviour.
I'm just a resident who wants a quiet life without constant and needless interruptions.
Kind Regards
Ben"
Yes it's waffley and a bit pretentious but what the hell, this d*ckhead has been annoying me for years with his ridiculous behaviour...
So imagine my surprise when he turned up on my doorstep looking like something from the docks of Liverpool circa 1985.
He got quite irate at why I felt it necessary to write him a letter, presumably because he'd had to learn how to read, or employ an interpreter to do it for him. His whinging didn't really didn't bring anything new to my attention, other than he refused to shake my hand and that he no longer has to telephone the police because they've given him their 'Special Email Address' - how I didn't laugh when he told me that I don't know...
Anyway he left and I got on with my life.
Though part of me now wants payback for all the time of mine he's wasted... And I can't help feeling that actually it wouldn't take too long. Especially as this is how he parks his car every day...
I don't care that someone else is doing the same thing 100 yards up the road... but i'd love the police to knock on his door everyday for the next month with a different, yet valid complaint!
I doubt this will be the last post about Boo Radley as a friend of mine is a traffic cop and currently writing him a letter.
Childish... but fun!
Edited by H18 ENF on Monday 1st April 17:25
OP Here
He called the police out again tonight, I don't quite know what for exactly but I do know that earlier there was a child cycling in the road for about 20mins outside his house, so I'm guessing it's that. I shall await the arrival of a Community Support officer tomorrow morning to discuss the latest Faction of Hells Angels that have descended upon the street.
He called the police out again tonight, I don't quite know what for exactly but I do know that earlier there was a child cycling in the road for about 20mins outside his house, so I'm guessing it's that. I shall await the arrival of a Community Support officer tomorrow morning to discuss the latest Faction of Hells Angels that have descended upon the street.
Morning all from a glorious sunbed in Tenerife, this is the O.P calling...
Boo Radley has been very quiet of late, hes even ceased parking on pavements after a letter from PC Matey Plod had a quiet morning and sent him a letter...
I would like to thank whoever signed Boo Radley up to every holiday brochure in the Western Hemisphere. I only wish ypud signed them up to his house... And not mine. Still, it makes me chuckle when one arrives...
I like the t-shirt idea!
Boo Radley has been very quiet of late, hes even ceased parking on pavements after a letter from PC Matey Plod had a quiet morning and sent him a letter...
I would like to thank whoever signed Boo Radley up to every holiday brochure in the Western Hemisphere. I only wish ypud signed them up to his house... And not mine. Still, it makes me chuckle when one arrives...
I like the t-shirt idea!
OP here
I wish I could tell you tales of sausages being stuck to post it notes buried in the ground to be posted through his letterbox and set fire to but unfortunately, before I had chance to do any of this his wife found him cheating on her with a 21 year old... Which considering he's a mental and in his 40's I don't quite know how to feel about...
The upshot being he is no longer my neighbour... His wife, incidentally, had a freak accident in her car apparently after all the brake lines had been cut... She was on her way to the tip with many many 'subscription only' magazines which she claims she'd never heard of...
Probably coincidental...
I wish I could tell you tales of sausages being stuck to post it notes buried in the ground to be posted through his letterbox and set fire to but unfortunately, before I had chance to do any of this his wife found him cheating on her with a 21 year old... Which considering he's a mental and in his 40's I don't quite know how to feel about...
The upshot being he is no longer my neighbour... His wife, incidentally, had a freak accident in her car apparently after all the brake lines had been cut... She was on her way to the tip with many many 'subscription only' magazines which she claims she'd never heard of...
Probably coincidental...
A round up then
Boo Radley was caught by Mrs Boo Radley with his trousers round his ankles enjoying a younger lady.
Mrs Boo Radley requested that Boo Radley left the family home, largely by depositing him on the street with a bag or two.
Mrs Boo Radley has since been round the houses in the area apologising to all those who her husband annoyed. On the whole she seems quite 'normal', whatever that is.
Completely detached from all of this I am moving house and so will never have to see whether Boo Radley returns...
Boo Radley was caught by Mrs Boo Radley with his trousers round his ankles enjoying a younger lady.
Mrs Boo Radley requested that Boo Radley left the family home, largely by depositing him on the street with a bag or two.
Mrs Boo Radley has since been round the houses in the area apologising to all those who her husband annoyed. On the whole she seems quite 'normal', whatever that is.
Completely detached from all of this I am moving house and so will never have to see whether Boo Radley returns...
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