Maintaining friendships.

[TheAngryDog]

I seem to be st at it. Since moving South some 4 years ago I have made a few friends, but not ones I ever meet up with, go for a drink with etc. We don't really keep in contact either. It has been the same throughout most of my life if I am being honest. I'm pretty sure it is something to do with me but I'm not sure what. I would say I'm a nice guy etc, the people I have made friendships with would agree, but unless I contact them, I never hear from them.
I get married next Friday and I found it a bit of a struggle to think of people to invite. Now while I am quite happy to spend time on my own or with my soon to be wife, it would be nice to have some other friends to spend time with.

Does anyone else feel like they're in a similar situation?

[TheAngryDog]

rayyan171 said:

Go home. There is always friends where home is.

I prefer the South. Plus not sure my Mrs would be impressed with me upping sticks and going back to Hull lol

[TheAngryDog]

TR4man said:

TheAngryDog said:

rayyan171 said:

Go home. There is always friends where home is.

I prefer the South. Plus not sure my Mrs would be impressed with me upping sticks and going back to Hull lol

Nobody would want to go back to Hull, would they?

Only to visit my Mum pretty much.

[TheAngryDog]

bucksmanuk said:

I'll see you Friday!

Next Friday, this Friday you will end up gatecrashing someone elses wedding lol

[TheAngryDog]

Saleen836 said:

TR4man said:

TheAngryDog said:

rayyan171 said:

Go home. There is always friends where home is.

I prefer the South. Plus not sure my Mrs would be impressed with me upping sticks and going back to Hull lol

Nobody would want to go back to Hull, would they?

Only reason (maybe) would be The Tower nightclub on a Saturday night! (is it still there?)

I believe it is. I never visited there though.

[TheAngryDog]

rayyan171 said:

Hmm. No school mates, or social groups?

School friends are up North. I'm not aware of any social groups in Aylesbury.

[TheAngryDog]

Paddy_N_Murphy said:

Good mates you don't need to work at.

But they are always 'there'
(Anywhere / any county, country, continent)

I also believe you get out of a friendship / relationship what you put in, or willing to put in when the situ arises

I agree, but I am the one who puts the work and effort in, except for one mate, who is also my best man at my wedding (I was his).

bucksmanuk said:

we'll speak a week on Friday, hopefully i'll have the front suspension rebuilt on the M5, and a new MOT on it....

Out for summer?

Yipper said:

Friends peak around 16 (young humans ready to procreate gang together for biological surety) and then diminish until they hit zero at around 110 (all gone).

In other words, for ~95% of people, your number of true friends will only ever get smaller as times marches on.

I think as people get older they has less time for new friendships, and as you say, most meaningful friendships are made by the age of 16.

AdamIndy said:

Yep, I'm in the same boat. I have very few proper friends but I know a lot of people. I spend most of my free time either with my girlfriend or my best mate. I'm fine with that.

Though I sympathise with you, we are trying to arrange a couple of things to do for my mates birthday in a couple of weeks. We are struggling to get 8 people together to go paintballing!

I got tired of trying to keep in touch with people and decided, fk it, if they want to speak to me then they can call/visit me. Not heard from the majority of them since.

I am very happy spending time with my Mrs (might change after next Friday ). I think the Social Media / Computer games being more online etc etc so people do not go out as much may also contribute to it?

For me its harder for people to visit as I live nearly 200 miles away from people I know.

Du1point8 said:

TheAngryDog said:

TR4man said:

TheAngryDog said:

rayyan171 said:

Go home. There is always friends where home is.

I prefer the South. Plus not sure my Mrs would be impressed with me upping sticks and going back to Hull lol

Nobody would want to go back to Hull, would they?

Only to visit my Mum pretty much.

Same as me, my folks are in Hull, I never go back to visit friends as I have moved on and they all decided to stay in hull and refuse to move with jobs, etc.

Yes, they will have better friendships than me, as some of my school friends are still really good friends to this day (30+ years) however I couldn't get past the only jobs being a shop manager or timber merchant person so left.

I have a much smaller group of friends now... Though my OH keeps telling me to be nice to this lot as these are the actual people I like.

Which part of Hell are you from? I know a few people who moved on from Hull, but most have stayed. Leaving was one of the best things I could do for my career, I doubt I would have had the opportunities or the earning power I have now back in Hull. I had to travel to York / Sheffield to ear more than £26k a year!

Haha, perhaps you should listen to the OH, sometimes they can be right

nadger said:

Saleen836 said:

TR4man said:

TheAngryDog said:

rayyan171 said:

Go home. There is always friends where home is.

I prefer the South. Plus not sure my Mrs would be impressed with me upping sticks and going back to Hull lol

Nobody would want to go back to Hull, would they?

Only reason (maybe) would be The Tower nightclub on a Saturday night! (is it still there?)

It was a Wednesday night for me (I was a stoowdent!). 20p a pint or 50p a shot. Magic!

Tower for an hour is the old saying. It did close a while back, but it opened again. It may not be called Tower anymore. They tried to take the building down but it's listed so they had to put it back to how it was.

PositronicRay said:

I don't think it's unusual.

I spent yrs moving about with jobs, time poor and skint! Easy to lose touch, we're a global economy after all. New friends I made were often transient, friendships are like marriages, effort needs to put in.

Now I've more time on my hands, and financially comfortable it's easier. So I'm catching up with people, some I'm staying in touch with, some you realise were just "of the time" .

I've never been the most sociable "everybody's mate" "life and soul" kind of person so really quite comfortable with it. If my marriage wasn't so strong I'm sure I'd be making more effort and not passing up any opportunities.

It is definitely easier to move around these days than it used to be. 30 years ago people used to stay in or around their own areas. My dad moved to Leeds for a while and moved back, but meeting my mum had something to do with that as well.

It would be nice to have some opportunities lol. If you're content then all the power to you.

Monkeylegend said:

Get yourself a dog, it will be your friend for life and will only want food and walkies

I'm out all day so it wouldn't be fair to the dog, plus I aren't sure how the dark overlord (our cat) would take it I'd love another greyhound, but I would feel guilty leaving it home all day and also my current one lives with my mum as he gets more company during the day.

StuTheGrouch said:

Making friends and related posts are very common on this site. Is PH really full of a bunch of unsociable loners?

I never said I was a loner, nor do I feel lonely. Living up to your PH name eh?

S10GTA said:

Monkeylegend said:

Get yourself a dog, it will be your friend for life and will only want food and walkies

This is true.

The real answer is join a club. You'll meet like-minded people.

Not aware of any clubs by me that would hold much interest.

Mr Roper said:

TheAngryDog said:

I get married next Friday and I found it a bit of a struggle to think of people to invite.

Free bar and buffet?

It is not even free for me

[TheAngryDog]

The Mad Monk said:

Monkeylegend said:

You need to be creative. Take a plastic bag which protects your hand when you pick it up, tie the bag and at the next dog poopie bin you have 3 throws each in turn to see who can lob it in the bin from 10 yards.

I thought the bag had to be tied on to a tree or a bush?

No?

Why do so many people round here do that, then?

They just push it through holes in wire fences outside a house I walk past on my way to work. Most was 8.

[TheAngryDog]

98elise said:

Are you naturally introvert (I don't mean shy)

I don't have many proper friends, but I also don't enjoy socialising in large groups. The friends I do have are long term fiends and meet them maybe once every 1-2 months for beers and food. I can count my proper friends on the fingers of one hand. At one stage I thought I should have more friends, but always found it a chore to make small talk.

I realised that being happy with my own company, or just family is perfectly normal. Given the choice of watching a good film at home with my wife, or going to a party on a Saturday night, I would choose the former every time.

Probably. At first I do not feel comfortable around a group of people, but once I am then I am fine. Though this only affects me outside of work. When I was visiting clients etc I would happily talk to anyone.

I've never been into partying etc, but would often go out and play pool / snooker and have a few beers with mates quite regularly. It doesn't help now that 4 of them have kids now, 2 have passed away and 1 became a bit of a recluse. This happened long before I moved away.

fido said:

TheAngryDog said:

I get married next Friday and I found it a bit of a struggle to think of people to invite.

Isn't this the one of the reasons to be on Facebook?

I know that's why I have so many female friends - because it's definitely not for looks, charm or charisma!

Find out who is interested and then filter down by 1. propensity to cause trouble 2. propensity to eat/drink too much 3. kudos points for being interesting (or bore guests to leave the party earlier) or have a cool garage.

I have FB but try not to use it much, I find most post's on it annoying Most of them live no where near me as well.

PurpleAki said:

As you get older you become more selective as to who you spend your time with...

That's also true, and I am sure that I can be one of those people who you wouldn't want to spend time with

[TheAngryDog]

Monkeylegend said:

S10GTA said:

Monkeylegend said:

Get yourself a dog, it will be your friend for life and will only want food and walkies

This is true.

The real answer is join a club. You'll meet like-minded people.

That's true also, carpet bowls for me

If our local bowling alley had a league then I would join that, but unfortunately they do not, which is a shame.

[TheAngryDog]

Dagnir said:

If you're fun to be around, people will want to be around you.

Sounds overly simple but it's true - basic conditioning

Only others can decide that though. I guess the people have decided

[TheAngryDog]

bigandclever said:

TheAngryDog said:

If our local bowling alley had a league then I would join that, but unfortunately they do not, which is a shame.

Start one then.

I'll have to make an approach and see what they say.

[TheAngryDog]

Du1point8 said:

Couldnt be arsed to do a multi reply...

I was originally from Sutton (less than a year old) and then grew up on the East coast... Im from one of the small villages going out to Hedon/Roos/Burstwick area on the way out to Withernsea (my old high school).

The only time I used to go into Hull was a) Escaping as its the only way out b) Going out to LAs (fking long time ago now) and c) I went to Wilberforce College on Salthouse road.

Yourself?

Not too far from me then. I grew up around Ings Road (the non estate side). It has been a while since I've been to good old With, more often go to Scarborough when I am back in wamer months. Lol, I think I went to LA's once or twice. I did a short course at Wilberforce but got bored of it

xjay1337 said:

I'm the same

I don't really mind it. I can count the close friends I have on 1 hand, I see my other friends maybe a couple of times throughout the year.

Works fine for me.

I guess it is all relative. If you're content then that is fine. I am pretty content, though it would be nice to have more things to do.

[TheAngryDog]

PositronicRay said:

Sheepshanks said:

TheAngryDog said:

I get married next Friday and I found it a bit of a struggle to think of people to invite.

I'm quite concerned about who will come to my funeral!

Usually the care home nurse will make an appearance.

Unless they can't be bothered either

[TheAngryDog]

I have one or two like that. It would be nice to have a few more drinking friends etc like.

I do not believe that there are any snooker or pool halls local, all of them are out of town.

[TheAngryDog]

hman said:

If you fancy a pint one evening I'm in Aylesbury.

Sounds like a plan to me.

[TheAngryDog]

bobtail4x4 said:

bring lube?

Only if you're coming.

[TheAngryDog]

skinnyman said:

Wait until you have kids, see what happens to your circle of friends then. With the wife, a 3yr old, a 2mth old, and a 3 shift pattern at work I don't get to see anyone. If it wasn't for the home footy match every 2 weeks I think I'd probably go months without seeing anyone. I got married Feb 2016, I've seen my best man 5 times since.

We don't plan to have kids, plus I am too selfish lol

[TheAngryDog]

stuttgartmetal said:

Good luck with that one.

You don't decide the kids question.
Her hormones do that.

She has a career that that she doesn't want to give up. I have also told her that I do not want kids. We compromised on cats. She can have several cats. Cats I can handle. Maybe train them up to do my bidding

[TheAngryDog]

bucksmanuk said:

TheAngryDog said:

hman said:

If you fancy a pint one evening I'm in Aylesbury.

Sounds like a plan to me.

Blimey - me too - its almost a party!

Its been a few years since we last shared a drop!