If PistonHeads was a hotel...

[Shakermaker]

What would all the forums be called?

I have a feeling that General Gassing would be the Garage

Reader's Rides would be the Valet Parking

NP&E would become either the Margaret Thatcher Suite

The Lounge, would probably be the Kidz Club.

[Shakermaker]

At what point will a member come along and proclaim to have found a long-lost room with no key to it somewhere in the building which they want to open up?

They will then spend several months telling people they are going to open the room and asking for advice, everyone will give advice, including "calling a professional locksmith" and "drilling a small hole and poking a camera in" - none of which will be done.

They will then check out without paying their bill, saying goodbye or ever opening the room, but every so often someone new will find the room and ask if the original guest ever got it opened, causing a flurry of people go get excited and then quickly angry at nothing actually having been done.

[Shakermaker]

AW111 said:

Guests who are evicted for brawling and pissing on the carpet come back wearing a different hat and claiming to be someone else.

Yes, and they are allowed to stay until someone works out who they were from before by over-analysing every single detail of their speech pattern and every move they make, and accusing them of being a new person until they eventually flounce off again

[Shakermaker]

FiF said:

The overflow car park in a farmer's field would definitely not be managed by a 4x4 response group, though there would be one trying to muscle in whilst shouting "comms check" into walkie talkie radios from Poundland.

The Fire Warden would be from the local 4x4 Group, and they would refuse to listen to anyone with actual fire or medical experience on the grounds that they had the hi-vis and therefore they were in charge.

[Shakermaker]

Every so often a woman would try and check in...

[Shakermaker]

Halmyre said:

If you were looking for something elsewhere in the hotel you'd get lots of confusing suggestions but never the one you were looking for.

Hotel rooms are named after cars. Trouble brews when it is claimed that the deluxe version of the BMW room (the M suite) is exactly the same but for the fittings being painted with red and blue stripes.

No no, there are 3 tiers of BMW Room. SE, M-Sport Diesel and ///M

The "Vast Majority" of people would look at the SE room, won't be able to see the difference between it and the other two rooms, and believe it to be overpriced and under-supplied when you compared it to the Kia room just down the hall. Even if it handles better, this "vast majority" of people will look at anyone staying in any of the BMW rooms as being a bit of a dick, unless they have a company policy which means they can get out of the Kia rooms and into a BMW SE room, at which point they will look down on anyone who isn't in the BMW room.

The next clientele will all be in the M-Sport Diesel rooms. Now to the "vast majority" of people they won't understand this, but to the casual passer by, these rooms will look like the far more expensive ///M rooms. In fact, they will tell anyone who cares to look, that they are staying in the ///M room because after all, they look the same to the "casual passer by" so why tell anyone? However, the casual passer by will notice that it definitely does not smell as good as the ///M room, and the sound coming from everything in there is rather clattery and almost sounds like the rooms of the hipster-tts in the "Farmyard" section of the hotel". The M-Sport Diesel rooms cost a lot more than the SE rooms, the "vast majority" of people will think they are the same and the "casual passer by" who is interested in hotel rooms will think it is the ///M rooms. Some have even bought special door plaques and fake headboards to make it look like the ///M rooms, almost at the same cost as just checking into the ///M room to start with, but can't afford how much extra it costs to order room service to the ///M rooms over the M-Sport Diesel rooms, when they will tell anyone who listens that you get a bigger portion in the M-Sport Diesel room for the same cost, even if you are eating a huge dirty beefburger from a questionable source with a big greasy plate of chips that all ends up leaving a nasty sticky residue on your hands after you eat it, and gives some horrible emissions out of the back end that stink and make everyone who gets too close choke.

Now the ///M rooms are where the magic happens. Many people will lament the fact that since a refit about 6 years ago, everything in the ///M rooms is now just a bit too artificial, the ambience is piped in, whereas if you had stayed in these rooms in the late 80s-early 00s you would have had a far more exciting time in the room and been properly thrilled at getting into the ///M rooms. Now, however, they have lost a bit of the raw magic, but are still a cut above everything else at a similar price point. Yes, it costs a lot more to stay in this room and whilst you have to pay less for room service per order, you have to order twice as often. You do only get the choice of fine cuisine though, and most of your emissions out of the back are pretty clean.

Some regulars at the ///M rooms have asked hotel management to remove the plaques from the doors to the room so that to the casual passer by, they look maybe like an M-Sport Diesel room, the "vast majority" will still think you are a show-off though. But the M-Sport Diesel types will think you are one of them until they see the actual tell-tale signs that you are a proper ///M room, at which point they will privately concede you are superior to them, but still tell anyone else that they are better given they had nearly the same room at half the cost but only had to put up with crap food, sticky hands and stinky emissions.

None of these people will be able to get out of the corridor to their room at rush hour though

Edited by Shakermaker on Thursday 26th October 11:03

[Shakermaker]

Silverbullet767 said:

Shakermaker said:

BMW room post

Bravo, you win the internet today.

FiF said:

Please have a , excellent.

You're welcome chaps, glad you enjoyed

[Shakermaker]

mike80 said:

Anybody that books a standard, normally furnished room, and is generally quiet and unobtrusive is immediately classed as a dangerous lunatic that knows nothing about hotel rooms, and definitely shouldn't be allowed to stay in them.

Cue a thread on "Why didn't I get a clean towel this morning?" being followed up replies of "Anyone who checks into a hotel should know beforehand that putting a towel on the floor or in the bath is the only way to make sure others know you want a clean one" and "If you check into a hotel without knowing where to put the towels should immediately have their room revoked, how the hell did these people get through hotel training without knowing this most basic of functions?"

Meanwhile the OP did indeed leave his towel in the bath but it is too late, loads of people have weighed in discussing how these days it seems to be too easy to get into a hotel without knowing the basics about things like where to put dirty towels, how to request extra tea and coffee for the in-room kettle, and how to make pornography appear on the television, and that hotel maids no longer offer a cheeky wink and a short skirt as they dust your room. All the while they are steadfastly refusing to acknowledge that different types of room have now started appearing where there is limitless coffee and tea available on demand via a simple smartphone app and the hot, fresh coffee comes to you, you can get a fresh towel whenever you want at a per-use cost, rather than having to pay to rent the room outright because you only pay for it when you are using it.