Travelling vs long term relationship
Discussion
I'm not really sure what to do, I have always planned on going traveling and I have always planned on going on my own. The plan was always to finish my apprenticeship, do a year of working after so I had experience that would hopefully allow me to walk into a job when I returned. I completed my apprenticeship in 2016, I have done a year of work and over that year I set myself a goal of saving £10K and leaving around Jan 2018.
It is now a year later, I have £10K and 2 cars to sell, so there is no money issue, I can afford to go travelling long term. I'm not really enjoying my job anymore and pretty much all of my friends have moved back to uni in other cities, so it seems like I'm at the perfect point to up and leave.
My girlfriend of almost 5 years split up with me last month over the whole travelling thing, which is fair enough. I wouldn't have gone whilst I was still with her but she always knew that I planned to go on my own. Since she was the only thing that was really holding me back, it seems like now is even more the perfect time for me to go, but...
Splitting up has really rocked me, and now I'm actually at a point where I'm ready to go, the whole thing seems very daunting. Landing in a different country on my own sounded great while I was planning it all but now I'm not sure if I have the balls.
At the moment I feel really down. I work nights all week so my life has always revolved around the weekends, which was fine when my mates were about and I had a girlfriend to visit but now I dread them. I have nobody to talk to, nothing to do and I spend most of my time alone. I'm fed up.
I have a few options:
1. Up and leave on my own ASAP. I have a 3 month notice period, so I need to start the ball rolling if I do this. I know I would enjoy it, it's just the initial plunge that terrifies me.
2. Wait for my girlfriend to come with me. She has said she will be ready to come in 2 years. At the minute she is at uni with 1 year left and then another year to become fully qualified and save up. I'm ready to go now and if I was staying I would need to switch jobs. I feel like the whole travelling thing would be better as a couple than alone, but I have only begun to think this since we split up.
3. Call the whole thing off and get back together. Maybe we would go travelling together, maybe not but it would be instant relief to me feeling so s
t. There is a danger I would end up settling down with her and starting an "adult" life (work, bills, get a house etc.) when avoiding this is half the reason I wanted to go.I would just like to hear some people's thoughts on the whole thing. Also if anybody has any experience travelling alone long term, specifically in Australia that would be nice to hear too.
TL;DR
Go travelling on my own in Australia or stay with my girlfriend of 5 years.
Thanks for all of the replies so far, its pretty much what I expected, I have a lot of people egging me on IRL.
I think I knew the answer already, like somebody said, I just need it slapping into me.
I think the reason the split was so hard is because it was amicable, there was nothing wrong with the relationship and we don't hate each other. I feel ruthless leaving her to be a selfish prick and I could have it all back tomorrow if I said I would wait for her, I think that's what I'm struggling with most.
Some of the OP makes me sound like a loner when this isn't really the case. I have a good social life, its just that the gap in it now my friends have moved back is more noticeable without a girlfriend to spend time with. I'm not leaving to escape anything, this has been on my mind for years.
Re destination; I understand that Oz is one of the most expensive places to travel, believe me I've spent hours looking into all of this and I've also been there. The reason Oz is the plan is because it seems like the easiest place to get started, if I'm not sure I have the balls to get off a plane on my own in Melbourne I definitely don't think I have the balls to jet off to SE Asia. I wouldn't plan on staying in Oz, but it feels like less of a jump into the unknown to start off with.
I think I knew the answer already, like somebody said, I just need it slapping into me.
I think the reason the split was so hard is because it was amicable, there was nothing wrong with the relationship and we don't hate each other. I feel ruthless leaving her to be a selfish prick and I could have it all back tomorrow if I said I would wait for her, I think that's what I'm struggling with most.
Some of the OP makes me sound like a loner when this isn't really the case. I have a good social life, its just that the gap in it now my friends have moved back is more noticeable without a girlfriend to spend time with. I'm not leaving to escape anything, this has been on my mind for years.
Re destination; I understand that Oz is one of the most expensive places to travel, believe me I've spent hours looking into all of this and I've also been there. The reason Oz is the plan is because it seems like the easiest place to get started, if I'm not sure I have the balls to get off a plane on my own in Melbourne I definitely don't think I have the balls to jet off to SE Asia. I wouldn't plan on staying in Oz, but it feels like less of a jump into the unknown to start off with.
Apologies for the absence, I haven't gone yet and I have been lurking on the thread. The replies haven't really surprised me, I know I need to just go, I'm a bit surprised at how few people have said to wait but I knew the majority would say go.
Me and the ex spoke a few days ago and I feel a lot better for it, I feel like I have a bit more closure but I think it has made her feel a lot worse. It seems to come in waves for both of us but never at the same time if that makes sense. I feel like I have given the wrong impression of her and she is being sort of blamed in this thread. In my opinion none of it is her fault and nothing she could have done would have changed my goal of leaving, that's why I feel so bad. If it was switched the other way around and she was ready to go 2 years ago I wouldn't have been ready. I would have been half way through a 4 year apprenticeship with no real savings, so I don't expect her to drop everything and leave, especially if it's not something she's 100% sure she wants to do. We have both known for the last few months that this was coming, me asking her to come with me was more of a last ditch attempt to keep her but it's clear now that unless I stay that can't happen.
In other news I'm handing my notice in ASAP, I'm writing my letter of resignation tonight. I will need to call my boss in early to give it to him which I'm not looking forward to. As soon as that is done I will be booking flights and sorting visas, the departure date at the minute is the 4th of Feb. I've been reading up on a lot of the things I need to do before I get there and even went backpack shopping last week
Point taken about how expensive Oz is, I have been there and already know how much money I could save by going to somewhere else. One of the other major reasons I plan to go there over somewhere else is because I want to buy a car when I get there. Oz just seems like the perfect place to road trip around, nothing fancy I just want a battered estate car so I can sleep in the back. Maybe I will move onto Asia after, who knows?
When the time comes I will start threads on the questions I will inevitably have and I will either come back to this thread or start a new one as a sort of blog, thanks for all the replies so far
Me and the ex spoke a few days ago and I feel a lot better for it, I feel like I have a bit more closure but I think it has made her feel a lot worse. It seems to come in waves for both of us but never at the same time if that makes sense. I feel like I have given the wrong impression of her and she is being sort of blamed in this thread. In my opinion none of it is her fault and nothing she could have done would have changed my goal of leaving, that's why I feel so bad. If it was switched the other way around and she was ready to go 2 years ago I wouldn't have been ready. I would have been half way through a 4 year apprenticeship with no real savings, so I don't expect her to drop everything and leave, especially if it's not something she's 100% sure she wants to do. We have both known for the last few months that this was coming, me asking her to come with me was more of a last ditch attempt to keep her but it's clear now that unless I stay that can't happen.
In other news I'm handing my notice in ASAP, I'm writing my letter of resignation tonight. I will need to call my boss in early to give it to him which I'm not looking forward to. As soon as that is done I will be booking flights and sorting visas, the departure date at the minute is the 4th of Feb. I've been reading up on a lot of the things I need to do before I get there and even went backpack shopping last week
Point taken about how expensive Oz is, I have been there and already know how much money I could save by going to somewhere else. One of the other major reasons I plan to go there over somewhere else is because I want to buy a car when I get there. Oz just seems like the perfect place to road trip around, nothing fancy I just want a battered estate car so I can sleep in the back. Maybe I will move onto Asia after, who knows?
When the time comes I will start threads on the questions I will inevitably have and I will either come back to this thread or start a new one as a sort of blog, thanks for all the replies so far
I thought it was about time to update this thread
I did eventually leave for Australia, I left my job on the 2nd of February and arrived in Melbourne on the 14th of February. Being alone and staying in hostels took some getting used to but I was soon enjoying myself and had made a few very good friends, after a few days I could notice a difference in myself and I felt more confident than I ever have before
I stayed in Melbourne for about 3 weeks, did a lot of drinking and partying, bought a car and saw the sights.
Since Melbourne I have been road tripping my way up the coast aiming for Cairns and eventually Darwin to work. I’ve made some really good friends on the road and travelled with a lot of other people and have been having a blast, I stayed in Sydney for a few weeks with a friend and made it up to Brisbane. I’m currently in Bali relaxing with a friend from home after spending a week with my family. I’m flying back to Brisbane to continue my road trip next week and I can’t wait to get back to my car
The car is a Mitsubishi Challenger (Pajero Sport in the UK). I’ve got a huge V6 and a proper low range gearbox so I’ve been having great fun getting it muddy :biggrin: I’ve also got a double bed in the back and everything needed to go “off grid” for weeks at a time, I’ve stayed in some amazing places and all of them have been free
It’s not all great though, I’m burning through money at an alarming rate and had a few lonely/st nights and plenty of setbacks, but the pros easily outweigh the cons and I would recommend this to anybody, it’s like a permanent weekend
Cheers for all of the comments on this thread, I feel like I would have eventually made it but the replies to the op gave me the final push I needed. Also big thanks to loquito hermoso, I read your entire blog and finished it the day before I flew, it looks like it was an amazing trip and definitely inspired me and showed me that there is so much more to see
If anyone is interested I have documented most of my travels on instagram, just send me an email
I did eventually leave for Australia, I left my job on the 2nd of February and arrived in Melbourne on the 14th of February. Being alone and staying in hostels took some getting used to but I was soon enjoying myself and had made a few very good friends, after a few days I could notice a difference in myself and I felt more confident than I ever have before
I stayed in Melbourne for about 3 weeks, did a lot of drinking and partying, bought a car and saw the sights.Since Melbourne I have been road tripping my way up the coast aiming for Cairns and eventually Darwin to work. I’ve made some really good friends on the road and travelled with a lot of other people and have been having a blast, I stayed in Sydney for a few weeks with a friend and made it up to Brisbane. I’m currently in Bali relaxing with a friend from home after spending a week with my family. I’m flying back to Brisbane to continue my road trip next week and I can’t wait to get back to my car
The car is a Mitsubishi Challenger (Pajero Sport in the UK). I’ve got a huge V6 and a proper low range gearbox so I’ve been having great fun getting it muddy :biggrin: I’ve also got a double bed in the back and everything needed to go “off grid” for weeks at a time, I’ve stayed in some amazing places and all of them have been free
It’s not all great though, I’m burning through money at an alarming rate and had a few lonely/s
t nights and plenty of setbacks, but the pros easily outweigh the cons and I would recommend this to anybody, it’s like a permanent weekend Cheers for all of the comments on this thread, I feel like I would have eventually made it but the replies to the op gave me the final push I needed. Also big thanks to loquito hermoso, I read your entire blog and finished it the day before I flew, it looks like it was an amazing trip and definitely inspired me and showed me that there is so much more to see
If anyone is interested I have documented most of my travels on instagram, just send me an email
N-TY4C said:
OP, travel will enrich your life but please sort out your mental health before you go. Search for free online Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions. The sessions will give you the tools to resolve your anxieties and an emotional anchor to be confident and comfortable in your own company during your travels
Good luck.
Too late mate, I’m already out here Good luck.
durbster said:
Well done OP, really pleased for you. 
And wet season storms are truly epic.
Darwin's a very transient population (for the reasons above) so you should be able to find work because people are moving on all the time. I worked for Britz there, and also on a farm on the border of Kakadu for a few months which was a proper outback adventure.
I heading for Darwin for a few reasons, the Wild West nature of the place appeals to me and I’ve heard some good things about it. It’s also the next logical step from Cairns and because most backpackers stay on the east coast I’ve heard there are more jobs, better pay and in NT there are a lot of jobs that will get you a 2nd working holiday visa. I’ve also heard it’s “real Australia” rather than a warmer Britain fttm said:
Good news on your trip but why Darwin ? Have family there and it's unbearably humid during the summer months , plus all the typhoons and crap during the rainy season .
Nah, Darwin's awesome because it's so insane there. Every day up that way can be an adventure And wet season storms are truly epic.
Darwin's a very transient population (for the reasons above) so you should be able to find work because people are moving on all the time. I worked for Britz there, and also on a farm on the border of Kakadu for a few months which was a proper outback adventure.
Dinlowgoon said:
I spent six months backpacking/4wd'ing from Cairns -> Cape York -> Darwin -> Gibb River road -> Kalumburu -> Broome -> Perth.
Best part of the trip was Cape range/Ningaloo park. Reef is 100m from the shore unlike on the East coast,spotting reef sharks,big fish and turtles never gets old. Could have whiled away months,if you can do it as a side trip or on your way back home I'd recommend it.
How ruthless is the gibb river road? I would really like to do it but I keep hearing different things from people and I’m not sure who is exaggerating/playing it down. I have 4WD low and high range and all terrain tyres; but no lift kit, no snorkel and no winch. I would be doing it in the dry season but I’m just not sure if my car could handle it. Best part of the trip was Cape range/Ningaloo park. Reef is 100m from the shore unlike on the East coast,spotting reef sharks,big fish and turtles never gets old. Could have whiled away months,if you can do it as a side trip or on your way back home I'd recommend it.
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