Being the poor relation, how do you cope?
Discussion
How do you cope?
I know the simplistic answer is to not compete, be happy with what you have as many have it worse, but accepting that mentally is extremely difficult.
I don't have the mental capacity or indeed the confidence and social skills required to pull off a top level job, so I don't see a great deal of scope in increasing my financial capabilities further than where it sits at the moment. If anything I fear losing my current job and ending up earning less which would bring about a whole new world of problems.
I think a lot of where I am now is down to depression. I sleep poorly and suffer with anxiety in a job I've been doing for 7 years now, which I should know inside out. I work for a global company that's very much into engagement and even at low levels we're all supposed to keep on top of a relentless barrage of new policies, processes and methodologies. There are boards on hundreds of feet of walls adorned with charts, figures, graphs and lists of management buzz words and acronyms which have very little to do with our daily roles, yet we're expected to learn them all. Better still, every other month a Global Leader will arrive in the department with an entourage and you'll be escorted to the walls to test your knowledge. I touched on depression before because part of my anxiety means my mind goes black (not blank, but it literally goes black) when put under pressure. I find it so difficult to study and memorise details now that when I try and learn these things I very rarely retain enough of it to be of use. The depression and anxiety is a terrible cycle, but I'm that mentally weak that I can't even take myself to get help as I know I'll break down into a ball of tears and snot.
Which brings me back to the original point. My close group of friends, of which there are only 4, (the fruits of my rather unremarkable social skills mentioned earlier), all earn significant salaries. I think its become more noticeable now because they're at the age where mortgages are ending and they're also in managerial positions where they're earning more than ever before. They're great people, extremely outgoing and confident, but I seem to be going in the opposite direction, becoming more withdrawn and socially awkward. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious of them, but I'm still 100% happy for them, I just wish I could be more like that. Its got to the stage now where over the last 12 months I've started turning down nights out and stopped following the football etc with them. I don't want to get to the stage where jealousy ruins things, but I know that it will at some stage, hence I've been making moves to prevent the split being nasty. I've managed to drop off the map a little and not been invited to a couple of birthdays and football matches etc, but there's an element of regret and sadness that its come to this. I'm 43 years old and already feel a large part of my life is over.
I know the simplistic answer is to not compete, be happy with what you have as many have it worse, but accepting that mentally is extremely difficult.
I don't have the mental capacity or indeed the confidence and social skills required to pull off a top level job, so I don't see a great deal of scope in increasing my financial capabilities further than where it sits at the moment. If anything I fear losing my current job and ending up earning less which would bring about a whole new world of problems.
I think a lot of where I am now is down to depression. I sleep poorly and suffer with anxiety in a job I've been doing for 7 years now, which I should know inside out. I work for a global company that's very much into engagement and even at low levels we're all supposed to keep on top of a relentless barrage of new policies, processes and methodologies. There are boards on hundreds of feet of walls adorned with charts, figures, graphs and lists of management buzz words and acronyms which have very little to do with our daily roles, yet we're expected to learn them all. Better still, every other month a Global Leader will arrive in the department with an entourage and you'll be escorted to the walls to test your knowledge. I touched on depression before because part of my anxiety means my mind goes black (not blank, but it literally goes black) when put under pressure. I find it so difficult to study and memorise details now that when I try and learn these things I very rarely retain enough of it to be of use. The depression and anxiety is a terrible cycle, but I'm that mentally weak that I can't even take myself to get help as I know I'll break down into a ball of tears and snot.
Which brings me back to the original point. My close group of friends, of which there are only 4, (the fruits of my rather unremarkable social skills mentioned earlier), all earn significant salaries. I think its become more noticeable now because they're at the age where mortgages are ending and they're also in managerial positions where they're earning more than ever before. They're great people, extremely outgoing and confident, but I seem to be going in the opposite direction, becoming more withdrawn and socially awkward. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious of them, but I'm still 100% happy for them, I just wish I could be more like that. Its got to the stage now where over the last 12 months I've started turning down nights out and stopped following the football etc with them. I don't want to get to the stage where jealousy ruins things, but I know that it will at some stage, hence I've been making moves to prevent the split being nasty. I've managed to drop off the map a little and not been invited to a couple of birthdays and football matches etc, but there's an element of regret and sadness that its come to this. I'm 43 years old and already feel a large part of my life is over.
Apologies for not getting back sooner, but the rather abrupt end to the post was due to me heading out for a 12 hour night shift.
Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
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