Discussion
Wife is carrying a bit of weight after our second. She wants to lose weight but she's clueless about weight loss. I'm an ex bodybuilder, turned thin bloke, so despite my experience, she won't listen. I don't like fat birds, I just don't.
I've told her in all manner of ways, but I'm not sure it's sinking in.
We want a third (2 girls so far) but I'm really put off by her weight, sex life has dwindled.
I still love her, I like her company, everything about her, but I don't like sleeping with a fat bird. It's like I'm sleeping with someone else.
Can't go for a third until she loses a few lbs, but time is ticking.
Any sound advice?
Thinking about celebacy, garage extension and a V8.
I've told her in all manner of ways, but I'm not sure it's sinking in.
We want a third (2 girls so far) but I'm really put off by her weight, sex life has dwindled.
I still love her, I like her company, everything about her, but I don't like sleeping with a fat bird. It's like I'm sleeping with someone else.
Can't go for a third until she loses a few lbs, but time is ticking.
Any sound advice?
Thinking about celebacy, garage extension and a V8.
Edited by jimPH on Saturday 14th April 08:53
I work away. For maybe 6-8 weeks at a time. It's been like this before we married so nothing new. She said she likes me thinner, I'm thinner. People at work have commented, so I know I've lost a but, this hasn't motivated her.
Sometimes I get her out here with me; with the first, but not since the second, but once she's old enough she'll come and see me with both.
I'm experienced enough to know (and see), how her lifestyle is increasing her weight and the things she's doing are not reversing the trend. I'm not demanding her to do anything, I just see where it's heading but I can't do anything to stop it. I don't think people understand their metabolism changes, you can't live your whole life in your 20's.
I've talked and talked and talked, hinted, advised and helped. Women (in my xp) don't seem to like sweating when working out, or even working out for that matter..
She's very pretty btw, but I'm not sure she understands the getting older bit. She's a great mum, a lovely person, but I don't like sleeping with overweight women. I just don't.
Sometimes I get her out here with me; with the first, but not since the second, but once she's old enough she'll come and see me with both.
I'm experienced enough to know (and see), how her lifestyle is increasing her weight and the things she's doing are not reversing the trend. I'm not demanding her to do anything, I just see where it's heading but I can't do anything to stop it. I don't think people understand their metabolism changes, you can't live your whole life in your 20's.
I've talked and talked and talked, hinted, advised and helped. Women (in my xp) don't seem to like sweating when working out, or even working out for that matter..
She's very pretty btw, but I'm not sure she understands the getting older bit. She's a great mum, a lovely person, but I don't like sleeping with overweight women. I just don't.
SCEtoAUX said:
It's not about losing weight, it's about losing body fat. Any doctor will tell you that.
Secondly, forget the idea of going to the gym to lose that body fat. Doing so can shift a bit, but the body is a very efficient and complex machine.
There's only one sure-fire way to lose body fat, and to keep it off, and that is a change of eating habits for good.
Forget the biscuits, the pies, the pastries, the sweets. No more cakes, no more cappuccinos with three sugars and kick alcohol into touch.
Do that for a couple of months and the pounds will drop off. Keep doing it and they'll stay off.
I'm not saying don't exercise, you/she most certainly should do so, but that ain't what's going to lose the lard.
I know how to diet, I know exercise too. I've gone from 17.4 to 12st, I've still got 8 abs at 41. I could beast her through drop sets and negative fails, but you can't make someone do it. I don't eat after 6pm, but I can't padlock the fridge...Secondly, forget the idea of going to the gym to lose that body fat. Doing so can shift a bit, but the body is a very efficient and complex machine.
There's only one sure-fire way to lose body fat, and to keep it off, and that is a change of eating habits for good.
Forget the biscuits, the pies, the pastries, the sweets. No more cakes, no more cappuccinos with three sugars and kick alcohol into touch.
Do that for a couple of months and the pounds will drop off. Keep doing it and they'll stay off.
I'm not saying don't exercise, you/she most certainly should do so, but that ain't what's going to lose the lard.
Welshbeef said:
jimPH said:
I work away. For maybe 6-8 weeks at a time. It's been like this before we married so nothing new. She said she likes me thinner, I'm thinner. People at work have commented, so I know I've lost a but, this hasn't motivated her.
Sometimes I get her out here with me; with the first, but not since the second, but once she's old enough she'll come and see me with both.
I'm experienced enough to know (and see), how her lifestyle is increasing her weight and the things she's doing are not reversing the trend. I'm not demanding her to do anything, I just see where it's heading but I can't do anything to stop it. I don't think people understand their metabolism changes, you can't live your whole life in your 20's.
I've talked and talked and talked, hinted, advised and helped. Women (in my xp) don't seem to like sweating when working out, or even working out for that matter..
She's very pretty btw, but I'm not sure she understands the getting older bit. She's a great mum, a lovely person, but I don't like sleeping with overweight women. I just don't.
Being away for 6-8 weeks frequently is a very long time and god know how you do it with young kids too. She’s probably utterly shattered having no help for (sorry as you are not present) 2 months at a time. Sometimes I get her out here with me; with the first, but not since the second, but once she's old enough she'll come and see me with both.
I'm experienced enough to know (and see), how her lifestyle is increasing her weight and the things she's doing are not reversing the trend. I'm not demanding her to do anything, I just see where it's heading but I can't do anything to stop it. I don't think people understand their metabolism changes, you can't live your whole life in your 20's.
I've talked and talked and talked, hinted, advised and helped. Women (in my xp) don't seem to like sweating when working out, or even working out for that matter..
She's very pretty btw, but I'm not sure she understands the getting older bit. She's a great mum, a lovely person, but I don't like sleeping with overweight women. I just don't.
Perhaps you should reconsider your lifestyle and be a more present parent than you are currently. Sorry compiling online and posting about your wife being fat then announcing your away from your kids for months at a time - take a hard look at yourself change jobs so that you can be a more hands on parent.
alfie2244 said:
poo at Paul's said:
If you're lucky she will start getting banged bandy some random chaps whilst your away for weeks on end and that will burn a bit off. May even help with kid #3 if you get my drift. If it is not quite the right colour, just tell people it is albeno / healthy tanned as appropriate.
HTH
HTH
My sentiments remain but I apologize for the way I worded my initial post, I did think about editing, but it's out there.
The weight gain may will be attributed to the pregnancy, I accept that. So going for a third won't really help the matter, which presents a dilemma for me. That aside, it was really after the pregnancy when she put it on.
It's hard to stay physically attracted to someone, when they lose what attracted you in the first place. Its happened fairly quickly too.
The biggest problem is, I don't see how it can get better because the attitude to exercise and eating or the lifestyle changes required are not there. Even with my own lifestyle changes, it hasn't rubbed off.
There is nothing else I dislike about my wife, she's a great person, a good mum, caring and undemanding. I'm not commanding her to lose weight or giving ultimatums, I'm not thinking of leaving her. I've just lost a bit of passion and i'm not the type who can fake it, thus, it hasn't gone unnoticed and I don't feel good about it.
Welsh beef, I've had quite a bit more contact with my children than you seem to think, I work away for long periods, but my wife comes with me for a large part of it, with our first daughter, we all slept in one bed lived in one room in a house with a shared kitchen for a good few months, as I extended my time away with them in tow. They weren't supposed to be there with me, but a blind eye was turned. I also work every day when I'm away. I could invoke "company rules" as I have to live with stress of disapproval from work colleagues, if anyone complains they have to leave.
They'll all come out again soon, for a month. Maybe you should try living out of a suitcase and working everyday with your family that's not supposed to be there.
The money is good, that's why I do it. Families need money and I want to give them the best future I can. I would also like to retire early.
I've hugely reduced my gym time because I preferred to spend my evenings with my family, I encouraged walks on an evening instead and pool at the weekend. In fact I regularly pushed the buggy for miles at night on my own, it was good exercise. The biggest issue in my view is the consumption of food. Eaten at the wrong time, without portion control. I've pointed this out and offered advice, but it's dismissed.
I'm not sure what to do. I can accept it, get on with it and just watch my wife get bigger, who knows, maybe she'll turn it around. I can give her everything else she wants, but one of the most important aspects outside of my control is the passion she might expect; won't be there, because I can't give something I don't have.
I did explain this in no uncertain terms before we got married. Infact I begged her to look after her self and her weight, it's important to me and always has been.
The weight gain may will be attributed to the pregnancy, I accept that. So going for a third won't really help the matter, which presents a dilemma for me. That aside, it was really after the pregnancy when she put it on.
It's hard to stay physically attracted to someone, when they lose what attracted you in the first place. Its happened fairly quickly too.
The biggest problem is, I don't see how it can get better because the attitude to exercise and eating or the lifestyle changes required are not there. Even with my own lifestyle changes, it hasn't rubbed off.
There is nothing else I dislike about my wife, she's a great person, a good mum, caring and undemanding. I'm not commanding her to lose weight or giving ultimatums, I'm not thinking of leaving her. I've just lost a bit of passion and i'm not the type who can fake it, thus, it hasn't gone unnoticed and I don't feel good about it.
Welsh beef, I've had quite a bit more contact with my children than you seem to think, I work away for long periods, but my wife comes with me for a large part of it, with our first daughter, we all slept in one bed lived in one room in a house with a shared kitchen for a good few months, as I extended my time away with them in tow. They weren't supposed to be there with me, but a blind eye was turned. I also work every day when I'm away. I could invoke "company rules" as I have to live with stress of disapproval from work colleagues, if anyone complains they have to leave.
They'll all come out again soon, for a month. Maybe you should try living out of a suitcase and working everyday with your family that's not supposed to be there.
The money is good, that's why I do it. Families need money and I want to give them the best future I can. I would also like to retire early.
I've hugely reduced my gym time because I preferred to spend my evenings with my family, I encouraged walks on an evening instead and pool at the weekend. In fact I regularly pushed the buggy for miles at night on my own, it was good exercise. The biggest issue in my view is the consumption of food. Eaten at the wrong time, without portion control. I've pointed this out and offered advice, but it's dismissed.
I'm not sure what to do. I can accept it, get on with it and just watch my wife get bigger, who knows, maybe she'll turn it around. I can give her everything else she wants, but one of the most important aspects outside of my control is the passion she might expect; won't be there, because I can't give something I don't have.
I did explain this in no uncertain terms before we got married. Infact I begged her to look after her self and her weight, it's important to me and always has been.
OldGermanHeaps said:
Jefferson Steelflex said:
OP despite some of the faux outrage on here what you are experiencing I would imagine is very common, and totally understandable. You fall in love with a person and an image, physical attraction is hugely important.
I was there myself maybe 7-8 years ago. I just tried to be tactful, and made it into a couples thing where we did the Couch to 5k and went to the gym together. No point telling her she’s fat, you need to have a plan to make it look like you’re part of it to.
Thats all fine and well, but the op is a bit hypocritical, he says he used to be a bodybuilder and now he's thin. What if what really floats his mrs boat is a bit of muscle? When you are married and have kids and settle down and get older things can change, thats when you discover if your relationship is based on the connection you have or superficial appearances.I was there myself maybe 7-8 years ago. I just tried to be tactful, and made it into a couples thing where we did the Couch to 5k and went to the gym together. No point telling her she’s fat, you need to have a plan to make it look like you’re part of it to.
She never liked me big, she always wanted my thinner. She even bought me skinny jeans a few years back!
TameRacingDriver said:
J4CKO said:
I go to the gym, I drink beer.
My gran is 93 sat in a nursing home barely able to move, in constant pain from her crumbling bones and various other ailments, my dad said he read something that said if you drink a pint a day it takes three years off your life, to be honest I will take my chances as what she is going through now is a fate worse than death. She never drinks other than a sherry at Christmas, eats moderately and has never smoked.
My father in law caned it, ate what he wanted, smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish and he had a major heart attack and stroke aged 79, then died a couple of days later having been mobile and active.
I know which approach I prefer
Here here My gran is 93 sat in a nursing home barely able to move, in constant pain from her crumbling bones and various other ailments, my dad said he read something that said if you drink a pint a day it takes three years off your life, to be honest I will take my chances as what she is going through now is a fate worse than death. She never drinks other than a sherry at Christmas, eats moderately and has never smoked.
My father in law caned it, ate what he wanted, smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish and he had a major heart attack and stroke aged 79, then died a couple of days later having been mobile and active.
I know which approach I prefer
I am much the same as yourself.Not pointing the finger at anyone here, but there are FAR too many self-righteous people around nowadays. Live and let live, I say. I really don't know why it upsets other people so much what others choose to do with their lives. Oh I forgot, its because "their" money pays for peoples treatment in hospital, which in their eyes could have been avoidable. I don't see how its different from me objecting to "my" money being spent treating someone whos been scraped off the pavement in a motorcycle accident, or other similar avoidable issue, but do I complain? No I do not.
jimPH said:
There's a bit of self denial going on around here, or just basic internet body top trumps.. Under scrutiny most of you would be either fat, skinny or lacking any muscular development.
Again so what? You are perfect, I take it? 
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