Good Quotes

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I couldn't find a thread on here for quotes, the possibilities are endless.
Here's my starter, not seen it before:

Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods

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“Quotation, n:
The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

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"All accountants are comedians, but not all comedians are accountants"

(George Carman at Ken Dodd's trial)

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Don't believe a word you hear, and only half of what you see.

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A cynic is an optimist with experience

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Death is not the end.
There remains the litigation over the estate

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"the covers of this book are too far apart"

Dorothy Parker

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No one ever got rich by overestimating the intelligence of their customers

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Common sense is not so common

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When a man with money meets a woman with experience, it’s the man that gets the experience and it’s the woman who gets the money.

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Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated

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This book is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

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It's the early bird that gets the worm, but the second mouse that gets the cheese

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When the tide goes out, you'll find out who's swimming without cloths on.

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Politics is show business for ugly people

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There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing

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Behind every junkie there used to be a human being

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"Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated"

George Bernard Shaw

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Selling toilet rolls is all about bums on seats

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andy_s said:

“If the news is fake, imagine history”

TRUTH, An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.