Single forever
Discussion
Not the cheeriest of thread titles, but who here has accepted the fact that they'll probably be single forever and by extension never have kids?
I'm not talking about success with women (whatever your definition may be), I'm talking about the likelihood of meeting someone who you like enough to keep around for more than a few weeks, and who simultaneously feels the same way about you. The chances are incredibly slim, I'm amazed it happens so often for other people.
I don't want this thread to go off on a tangent about leagues, standards and settling because that's missing my point completely, what I am trying to get from this is how best to plan and live a life knowing you’ll probably never have another committed relationship or any dependants.
In my case, I’m almost 31 and I’ve been conscious for the past couple of years that I’ll probably never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, or have children with, regretfully.
To compensate for this, I’ve become far more of a socialite, more of an extrovert, more of a risk taker, always pushing my boundaries, always looking for the next opportunity and adventure.
I’ve learnt the importance of forging meaningful long-lasting friendships and I’m now closer to my extended family more than ever. What I don’t know though is how to maintain this as the years roll by, family will pass away and even the best of friends come and go. I guess it’s at this point that I start investing in cats.
I'm not talking about success with women (whatever your definition may be), I'm talking about the likelihood of meeting someone who you like enough to keep around for more than a few weeks, and who simultaneously feels the same way about you. The chances are incredibly slim, I'm amazed it happens so often for other people.
I don't want this thread to go off on a tangent about leagues, standards and settling because that's missing my point completely, what I am trying to get from this is how best to plan and live a life knowing you’ll probably never have another committed relationship or any dependants.
In my case, I’m almost 31 and I’ve been conscious for the past couple of years that I’ll probably never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, or have children with, regretfully.
To compensate for this, I’ve become far more of a socialite, more of an extrovert, more of a risk taker, always pushing my boundaries, always looking for the next opportunity and adventure.
I’ve learnt the importance of forging meaningful long-lasting friendships and I’m now closer to my extended family more than ever. What I don’t know though is how to maintain this as the years roll by, family will pass away and even the best of friends come and go. I guess it’s at this point that I start investing in cats.
Edited by SkinnyPete on Thursday 11th April 19:07
Well thank you for all the sincere comments however I must have articulated myself poorly because the discussion has not been what I was expecting, so apologies for that.
This isn’t about the notion of being single forever and self-pity, it’s about taking advantage of being single forever and living your life in an intelligent and creative way, and that is why I was asking for suggestions.
There are very few girls I've met who I'd want to be in a long-term relationship with, and of course they have to feel the same way about you.
It doesn't help that new people are so easy to meet thanks to online dating, as this also means they are easy to replace.
Are you comfortable with both yourself and your life with regard to socialising more, taking more risks and generally being more extroverted?
If so a progression of personality can and does help with meeting new people, gaining knowledge and experience which in turns helps to foster a wider net of life skills that can be used in gaining and maintaining a romantic relationship amongst other things. Plus it's really the other way around - you doing these new things and indulging in a different way of living lead to your personal progress.
However if you feel overly anxious/uncomfortable/strained/stressed/overthinking/what am I doing/who is this then this side of you is a persona. Worst thing that could happen in relation to meeting a nice lady is that you meet one who is attracted to the person they think you are, before realising that you're not that type of man. You'll be artificially compatible until the inevitable failure.It's quite ironic really as typically extroverts annoy me; arrogant, loud, brash, attention seeking etc. However, our culture is dominated by this extrovert ideal persona which people must adopt to be successful and I agree it does get you places, I tend to flip between the two depending on who's company I'm in.
This isn’t about the notion of being single forever and self-pity, it’s about taking advantage of being single forever and living your life in an intelligent and creative way, and that is why I was asking for suggestions.
g3org3y said:
SkinnyPete said:
I'm not talking about success with women (whatever your definition may be), I'm talking about the likelihood of meeting someone who you like enough to keep around for more than a few weeks, and who simultaneously feels the same way about you. The chances are incredibly slim, I'm amazed it happens so often for other people.
Why do you say this?It doesn't help that new people are so easy to meet thanks to online dating, as this also means they are easy to replace.
NoVetec said:
SkinnyPete said:
To compensate for this, I’ve become far more of a socialite, more of an extrovert, more of a risk taker, always pushing my boundaries, always looking for the next opportunity and adventure.
I'm not discounting the rest of your OP, it's just this stuck out as the most important thing to respond to for me, and something that my hungover brain could deal with right now...Are you comfortable with both yourself and your life with regard to socialising more, taking more risks and generally being more extroverted?
If so a progression of personality can and does help with meeting new people, gaining knowledge and experience which in turns helps to foster a wider net of life skills that can be used in gaining and maintaining a romantic relationship amongst other things. Plus it's really the other way around - you doing these new things and indulging in a different way of living lead to your personal progress.
However if you feel overly anxious/uncomfortable/strained/stressed/overthinking/what am I doing/who is this then this side of you is a persona. Worst thing that could happen in relation to meeting a nice lady is that you meet one who is attracted to the person they think you are, before realising that you're not that type of man. You'll be artificially compatible until the inevitable failure.
Welshbeef said:
You could be gay and simply not seeing what’s in front of you.
Possibly you don’t think you are but maybe you are - I’ve a couple of gay mates one always was the other was a big surprise he had a strong a ladies (hot ladies at that) got engaged a couple of times but then he found what he really was looking for and never looked back since.
I’ve been to many a gay bar and when said mates have birthday parties they want to go to gay clubs which means I’ve been to plenty in my lifetime - I’m not gay but it’s a really good fun night out none of the usual crap you get in straight clubs.
Don’t just say your not gay you may we’ll be and simply discounting what might be a great life and partnership.
It's not gay if you don't push back?Possibly you don’t think you are but maybe you are - I’ve a couple of gay mates one always was the other was a big surprise he had a strong a ladies (hot ladies at that) got engaged a couple of times but then he found what he really was looking for and never looked back since.
I’ve been to many a gay bar and when said mates have birthday parties they want to go to gay clubs which means I’ve been to plenty in my lifetime - I’m not gay but it’s a really good fun night out none of the usual crap you get in straight clubs.
Don’t just say your not gay you may we’ll be and simply discounting what might be a great life and partnership.
So 8 pages in and all we've learnt is that my original post was poorly articulated, and Welshbeef is gay (no negative connotations, just to be clear).
On a side note, I was on the couch last night with the girl I've been seeing for 6 weeks or so, when I fired Chrome up on my phone and it took me straight to this thread. Fortunately I managed to close it quickly before she starting asking what I was reading
On a side note, I was on the couch last night with the girl I've been seeing for 6 weeks or so, when I fired Chrome up on my phone and it took me straight to this thread. Fortunately I managed to close it quickly before she starting asking what I was reading
Edited by SkinnyPete on Sunday 14th April 17:41
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