Marriage - or not?

[davek_964]

Although I like the idea of living happily ever after - I am also aware that by signing a bit of paper, I'm giving 50% of my assets to somebody I've known a couple of years. And whilst not rich - I'm happier with all my assets than half of them. Obviously that's only a concern if you don't live happily ever after.

I know that you're supposed to be so in love that all you can see is visions of skipping through meadows hand in hand, but...... I'm curious about opinions. Am I just a selfish git?

Also, I'm curious about timescales. Apparently, at my age (~50) there is a deadline for how long you're allowed to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" rather than fiance?

[davek_964]

randlemarcus said:

...if it makes her happy...

That does seem to be the crux

[davek_964]

Jasandjules said:

Do you want to be with this person? Have kids?

Kids aren't an issue - she has two adult (early 20s) ones, I don't have any and don't want any. Although they are a bit of an issue, since one of them moved home since we started dating.

Yes, I want to be with her - but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to get married. However, it seems my decision time is up.

[davek_964]

Cotty said:

davek_964 said:

Yes, I want to be with her - but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to get married. However, it seems my decision time is up.

You think she will leave you if you don't get married, doesn't sound very committed to you in that case.

I think that's subjective. Her view is exactly the opposite actually - if I was committed to her, we would be engaged.

[davek_964]

Yes, she has a job.

She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.

Yes, it's the lady who persuaded me to change cars. However, she's actually very supportive of the amount of time and money I spend on cars.

[davek_964]

magooagain said:

Muzzer79 said:

davek_964 said:

She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.

So if you have equal assets, whether the pre-nup is enforceable or not, you're not going to lose 50% of what you have if you break up?

Take some legal advice on the pre-nup, rather than internet advice, if indeed it's the financial side that's bothering you?

Equal assets at the moment!

If you marry and you sell your house then where will your money go? Into a joint account? To get spent over the next few years by you both?

Or the other way round for her.

If you question the idea of marriage then don't do it.

I've been married and divorced and I'm now in a happy civil partnership but with a lot less assets. But I'm content.

As I said, currently her main asset isn't in her name. That would have to change, although I suspect it would cause some issues.

The expectation is that I would sell my house and buy partly into hers so it was partially joint. Her house is worth significantly more than mine - but that's partly because I am not interested in property and have never wanted a big house. I wouldn't want to suddenly sink all of my assets into a house I never wanted.

[davek_964]

bristolracer said:

^This

Your soul mate, your lover,your confidant, the person who makes you happy,her warmth and her comfort,the woman you would take a bullet for, the woman you would nurse to the end

or

Your money?

Maybe you should see how keen she is when you show her this thread?

She wouldn't learn anything new. She is aware of my concerns

[davek_964]

Dixy said:

Why is it so important to her.

Because it means commitment. Because it means that she is not just another in a string of ex's that went nowhere. Because it means that I am declaring that she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that she is "off limits".