Advice/Help! I am going Grey in lockdown... Need Hair dye?

[PiesAreGreat]

I am now in my 40s and since lockdown my hair is going noticeably greyer .

I might be able to get away with doing something now, without it being too obvious when I return to the office (yeah, right... but I can live in hope...) as working from home is bound to end sooner or later. Also, as I am single and haven't been on a date since the lockdown started, I can't afford to lose any confidence, as I don't have much to lose after 16 months on my own, so going grey is not going to help.

If it makes any difference, I have short, (mostly) light to medium brown really thick hair, bit wavy apparently, but it grows quite quickly, with very pale skin so if any leave massive patches of dye on the hairline (when we were together, my ex-girlfriend demanded I help her remove them when she dyed her hair), so if that happens with blokes hair dye I need to know as it will be obvious on my skin!

Before I get all the "brave the grey/silver fox" crap, I have almost zero charm, confidence, sophistication or charisma, so will fail miserably at the silver fox, Clooney esq stuff.

So what is the best hair dye, had a look in the supermarket the other day.. now even more confused!

There were several dyes? which ones are best/easiest? easy is important for me, as my hair care routine is an occasional wash and cut it short/ keep it tidy.

There was one that sounded sensible was a grey Control GX grey reducing shampoo, any one tried it? it sounded OK (if it works?), I have had a few grey hairs for years but there are a lot more, I just want less (quite a few less) grey. I don't want to have jet back hair that is obviously dyed!

Any help?

I would normally just ask my mates, but they are all married, some have already lost most of their hair so will be of no use, others are all quite happy to get fat and grey (their wives aren't so happy with their plans...), so I will not be getting anything useful from them other than piss takes and "mate, you gotta brave the grey" but I imagine is different when you have been married for 15 years and have a few kids!!! and I don't have either...

[PiesAreGreat]

Don1 said:

Honestly? Own it. It's a badge of honour, you have earned them.

Honest question, how would I "own" going grey? that is like telling me to embrace arthritis... No, I will not fall without a fight!!

I don't think doing an overly stressful job for too many years is a badge of honour.

Yeah, I don't want to go grey! apparently, I look young for my age (although I think that has more to do with the fact I am relatively slim), so after spending most of my life looking old for my age, I don't want to look any older.

Every woman I have been with in the last 20 years dyed her hair as she was going grey and/or wanted to have fairer hair, why shouldn't us blokes?

Edited by PiesAreGreat on Saturday 31st July 23:14

[PiesAreGreat]

OzzyR1 said:

Don't know you from a bloke on the street but from reading you post it sounds like you are getting a bit more concerned about this than perhaps you should.

You are in your 40's, so is it safe to assume you are looking for a partner similar in age? If so, they aren't going to be concerned about any grey hairs any more than you will be worried about any parts of their body that have naturally succumbed to the aging process.

That said, you might be looking to pull a 22-year old with a body worthy of a bikini calendar. If so, what you need in that circumstance is a huge wallet. Nothing else matters - hair, body, personality all irrelevant.

Bit like this:



Assuming that's Flavio and not you, I appreciate that you don't want to go full "silver-fox", but seems pointless hiding behind hair dye.

Let's say you meet a woman & get into a relationship - at what stage do you plan on letting her know that you dye your hair? Will you let her find the Just for Men in the bathroom cupboard or will you try and keep it going in secret for another 20 years and claim you haven't got a grey hair in your early 60's?

My point above stands, forget the odd bits of grey - it's allowed, we're all getting older and no potential partner worth her salt will judge you for that.

Rather than dye, you are better off getting it decently styled and working with what you have.


Note you are asking for recommendations on the best dye available to buy.

Even if you decide to ignore the above, do not ignore this!!!

Don't do a DIY dye job, go to a barber or hairdresser - even if its not your regular one and get them to do it for you, properly.

If you have a water leak in your house, you call a plumber, if your pet is ill, you take it to the vet. They are good at what they do - same as hair stylists, don't crack on yourself or it will end in disappointment.

Yup, looking for someone around my age (within +/- a few years, no vanity for me here) so 35 to 45 (ish) I suppose, but that is secondary to me not looking so old in the mirror.

My hair always looked untidy three days after leaving the barbers, so I don't think their skill level will help, hence why I keep it very short. Also sadly not a millionaire (yet).

I think any bright woman will guess that any bloke in his 40s with minimal grey will be dying his hair, just like I assumed every woman I have been with since my mid 20s dyed her hair (and 100% correct so far), I would question them.

Life did not give me the best hand in life, so I am fighting a losing battle here... I have to work with what I have.

[PiesAreGreat]

BobsPigeon said:

Jesus, just go fking grey man. There's nothing more desperately sad than a middle aged man dying his hair...

In my opinion... No offence to anyone who does like... Obviously.

I agree with you, and I thought the same when I was in my 20s, it was even a running joke in our Uni house as one of the housemates Dad, had (obviously dyed) jet black hair in his 50s! However, now I am in the position of going grey (except no kids), I can understand why he did it... although jet black was a bit of an error...

[PiesAreGreat]

Road2Ruin said:

Just for men. It works. Start modest and see how you feel.

Thanks for the recommendation.
It is not that grey yet; I am being overly self-critical. The vast majority still is brown, but it is getting worse, especially over the last year, I suppose for almost the last 20 years I have been running around work, trying to solve every problem and doing long hours, lockdown and mostly WFH made me pause and notice.

I need to do something soon, one of the dye manufacturers showed images and they call it a "dusting of grey", it shows more when it gets longer. I also imagine, my brain instantly latches onto the grey when I see myself.

[PiesAreGreat]

OzzyR1 said:

Sounds like a few of your friends have got hitched and have families of their own. I know that can be hard & if you want to message me via PH, happy to exchange numbers and have a chat.
Take care.

Yes, all friends (male and female) are married with kids, I did long hours for "quite a few" years which annoyed my girlfriends more than I realised.

Thanks for the offer, I will think about it .

[PiesAreGreat]

First, sorry it took so long to reply, but had a bit of a long week(s) in work, so trying to catch up with things...
Thanks to all lots of good advice here, I haven't decided if I will just live with the grey or not yet... but don't expect me to post a pic

As I have had a few grey hairs for years, I don't want to go back to full colour as will be too obvious to everyone (including me, and I have to live with me, and me doesn't like me much at the best of times), so might try one of the wash in shampoo things if I decide to dye...

Might give it a go while I am still WFH and if it goes disastrously wrong, no-one will know, and it will give me a laugh!

glenrobbo said:

OP, I dare you to dye it ginger.

Ha ha, funnily enough, as others here said it is noticeable if I dye it, I just thought, "well lets see how much fun I can get out of this..." also might work as a chat up line... everyone goes grey when they get old... but oh no, I have to go ginger!!! (no offence intended to anyone ginger).

[PiesAreGreat]

Bill said:

Being slim and having hair puts you at a massive advantage on the looking old stakes. That alone should give you some confidence.

When I say slim, well... I am an odd shape! I am 6 foot, so not particularly tall, but my waist is less than 32" (and shrinking due to more time to exercise due to WFH) but my chest of 44"/46" and getting bigger, I am actually powerfully built, so basically I look like a friendly neighbourhood psycho; I just look a bit malformed, think of those Orcs in Lord of the rings (except with greying hair, and I tend to wear a shirt as apparently armour isn't suitable office attire...), looking like that has only been a positive to women who are a bit timid and looking for some kind of protector, which is a bit weird in my book.

Blib said:

PiesAreGreat said:

Before I get all the "brave the grey/silver fox" crap, I have almost zero charm, confidence, sophistication or charisma, so will fail miserably at the silver fox, Clooney esq stuff.

I doubt that you would describe any of your best friends in such a disparaging way. In my opinion it is unfair for you portray yourself in such harsh terms.

Few individuals are bereft of any charm, confidence, sophistication or charisma.

Save money on spurious hair dye 'solutions' and deal with your underlying self esteem issues. See a therapist.

Oh course I would not speak about my friends in that way, and no-one else should either

I am happy to see a therapist, my preference is Female, 35 to 45, about 5,8 (taller is good ), I had a bit of thing for blondes a while ago (dyed blonde is fine too , I can't afford to be picky; I am going grey!)

[PiesAreGreat]

Mastodon2 said:

If your colleagues, family and friends like you enough, they won't joke about it in your presence.

Oh course my friends, colleagues and family don't like me! I don't even like me, that is one of the reasons I am considering dying my hair, sadly I am trapped in this incarnation, so I am trying to look slightly different when I look in the mirror. My friends and family know they can trust me, count on me, but none of them actually like me! they are not crazy! More importantly, they know single men die younger than average and I don't have kids, and with my family history it probably won't be too much longer... So the family are just waiting to inherit, sounds like a plan to me.

[PiesAreGreat]

Vasco said:

You could always build up a reputation for colourful hair (like some girls do) - so you could be ginger one month, blonde the next, brown then black, mauve, pink (!) etc.
Make a feature of it.

Now that is the sort of thinking I needed. The only problem with that suggestion, is that most of the women who do that are in their early 20s, not their very early 40s (like me).

Still, thanks for the suggestion I will consider.

Vasco said:

You could always build up a reputation for colourful hair (like some girls do) - so you could be ginger one month, blonde the next, brown then black, mauve, pink (!) etc.
Make a feature of it.

This is new, what happens?
my skin still makes me look pasty and a bit ill, it has always been like that, so what will change?

Edited by PiesAreGreat on Sunday 15th August 18:51

[PiesAreGreat]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

I was impressed, not once did anyone suggest an colouring it MX5 grey or hammering frozen sausages in the lawn!