Cracking retorts...

[ProPlus]

Finally got to use one of my favourites yesterday....

A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.

I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!

They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....

Anyone else got any good ones??

[ProPlus]

had a good one a week ago, was walking home eating nuts and puting the sheels in my free hand when the following coversation kicked off:

Bird : I hope your not going to throw them on the floor

I turn round to see 2 yummy mummies pushing the off spring from hell.

Me : Eh
Bird : I hope your not going to throw them on the fall
Me : No Im just about to put them in the bin over there
Bird : Good, well its just as well I reminded you...
Me : Thanks

I walk over to her offspring. Bend down and say

Me : is this yours??
Bird : Yep
Me : hes cute.

At this point a take aout a nut and say

Me : Monkey wanna nut!!!

The other bird starts pissing herself, I stand up and walk off.

Owned!!!!!

[ProPlus]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

No witnesses.... but have told most of my mates about it and they all agreed it was fantastic... Don't usual have the guts to do things like that but had had a bad day at work and the oppotunity just rose.... Shouldn't be difficult to re-create Clapham common is crawling with Yummy mummies/Nannies pushing the little bastards round!!

It brightened my day even if you lot don't believe....