Discussion
Evening guys. I'm looking to see if any of PHs numerous Dads have had a similar experience to mine, and what did they do.
A bit of background first. I have three kids with my ex-wife. Two daughters and a son. My son is the middle child with an older and younger sister. I'm on good terms with my ex, and she now has another baby with her new fella.
My son was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder when he was 3. He's now 7, nearly 8. He was moved from mainstream education into a special needs school about 2 years ago.
Today, my ex phoned me to let me know that Michael (my son) had had a bad week so far at school. On Monday he had verbally abused his teacher, saying he was going to rape her (he doesn't know what rape is, and learnt the word from a modified Spongebob video some cretin had put on YouTube). Tuesday, he punched 4 of his classmates on the way out of school. Today, after a tantrum involving him not being allowed to draw pictures of Transformers he was put in the library to calm down. Whilst in there he destroyed a school project that was on the wall, damaging other kids work.
He knows right from wrong, and immediately felt guilty after doing these things (he left the library to find a teacher and apologise for the damage today). When questioned by the staff, his only explanation is that "his brain told him to do it". The only thing I can get from that is that he doesn't know why he flys into these uncontrollable rages, and loses self-control when they happen.
The school want us to approach his GP about increasing his Ritalin dosage, but I want a son not a drugged up zombie. We have tried every approach to calm these outbursts, and although his temper frays at home he removes himself from a situation before it becomes unmanageable. At school he does not, instead lashing out. He's had every possible punishment for his violence, he's had rewards, sticker charts, long talks, structures and routines. All to no avail.
I'm f
king petrified that my little boy will never develop into a man. I'm st scared that when he's 15, these outbursts are going to land him in jail. I feel useless, and like I've let him down. What sort of a father would I be, when my son, my boy, cannot have a job, a car, a wife, kids, or any of the things we take for granted in life. My little boy is a handsome, loving, affectionate little computer genius. Unfortunately, he has as much understanding about emotion and empathy as I have about quantum physics. Is he always going to be like that?
Now, I know that accusations are going to start flying about bad parents, made-up disorders, and excuses for poor behaviour; so let me put this into context. My eldest daughter is part of her schools Gifted and Talented program for Science, Math, Literacy, Geography, Music and RE. Prior to the kids moving, she sang in the local church choir, and was an orange belt in karate. My youngest daughter is ahead of the rest of the class in Reading and Writing. She has just started dancing lessons, and hopes to follow her Dad into the ambulance service when she grows up.
I hope to god someone has some advice, because I'm stuck listening to well meaning, but naive advice from friends who have no idea. Anyway, thanks in advance
Jim
A bit of background first. I have three kids with my ex-wife. Two daughters and a son. My son is the middle child with an older and younger sister. I'm on good terms with my ex, and she now has another baby with her new fella.
My son was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder when he was 3. He's now 7, nearly 8. He was moved from mainstream education into a special needs school about 2 years ago.
Today, my ex phoned me to let me know that Michael (my son) had had a bad week so far at school. On Monday he had verbally abused his teacher, saying he was going to rape her (he doesn't know what rape is, and learnt the word from a modified Spongebob video some cretin had put on YouTube). Tuesday, he punched 4 of his classmates on the way out of school. Today, after a tantrum involving him not being allowed to draw pictures of Transformers he was put in the library to calm down. Whilst in there he destroyed a school project that was on the wall, damaging other kids work.
He knows right from wrong, and immediately felt guilty after doing these things (he left the library to find a teacher and apologise for the damage today). When questioned by the staff, his only explanation is that "his brain told him to do it". The only thing I can get from that is that he doesn't know why he flys into these uncontrollable rages, and loses self-control when they happen.
The school want us to approach his GP about increasing his Ritalin dosage, but I want a son not a drugged up zombie. We have tried every approach to calm these outbursts, and although his temper frays at home he removes himself from a situation before it becomes unmanageable. At school he does not, instead lashing out. He's had every possible punishment for his violence, he's had rewards, sticker charts, long talks, structures and routines. All to no avail.
I'm f
king petrified that my little boy will never develop into a man. I'm st scared that when he's 15, these outbursts are going to land him in jail. I feel useless, and like I've let him down. What sort of a father would I be, when my son, my boy, cannot have a job, a car, a wife, kids, or any of the things we take for granted in life. My little boy is a handsome, loving, affectionate little computer genius. Unfortunately, he has as much understanding about emotion and empathy as I have about quantum physics. Is he always going to be like that?Now, I know that accusations are going to start flying about bad parents, made-up disorders, and excuses for poor behaviour; so let me put this into context. My eldest daughter is part of her schools Gifted and Talented program for Science, Math, Literacy, Geography, Music and RE. Prior to the kids moving, she sang in the local church choir, and was an orange belt in karate. My youngest daughter is ahead of the rest of the class in Reading and Writing. She has just started dancing lessons, and hopes to follow her Dad into the ambulance service when she grows up.
I hope to god someone has some advice, because I'm stuck listening to well meaning, but naive advice from friends who have no idea. Anyway, thanks in advance
Jim
Edited by jimnicebutdim on Thursday 26th April 09:17
ShawCrossShark said:
Nothing I can add but best wishes I'm afraid.
Out of interest, people have mentioned outside circumstances. How old is the new baby that your ex has? Just wondering if attention at home could be a factor
I fully understand your misgivings about drugs and, as a parent, empathise and hope that things improve
The new baby is now 8mths old, so I don't think she is much of an influence. However, he has fallen out with his best (and only) friend. They used to be close, but the other lad has taken to picking on him. The thing is, these rages have always happened, just never to the extent or severity of these recent outbursts. It was his original rages that prompted his mainstream school to recommend his removal to a special needs school.Out of interest, people have mentioned outside circumstances. How old is the new baby that your ex has? Just wondering if attention at home could be a factor
I fully understand your misgivings about drugs and, as a parent, empathise and hope that things improve
Thanks very much Wolf.
I understood why he flared up to such extremes, and when he's at home we can deal with it easily by either restoring the routine or removing him from the source. At school it's a whole different matter though. I'm at a complete loss at how to educate the school about him.
It's good to hear that I'm not the only one on here who has experienced this. Thanks very much mate
I understood why he flared up to such extremes, and when he's at home we can deal with it easily by either restoring the routine or removing him from the source. At school it's a whole different matter though. I'm at a complete loss at how to educate the school about him.
It's good to hear that I'm not the only one on here who has experienced this. Thanks very much mate
Migsy said:
I'm a PH Mum with an 11 year old with Autism (High Functioning).
Alot does depend on the school and class teacher - some of the things we did (and had to push hard) to get them onboard and to understand him as an individual:
- regular meetings with plans of how to manage or avoid the known areas that would cause issues/outbursts
- buying books, reading, highlighting key parts and then giving them to his class teacher (there are some fantastic Aspie books about now)
- teaching him other outcomes to situations, so he had options rather than the one route his brain was telling him - this has had a very positive impact. We had help from a Family Support Adviser who would visit fortnightly with story boards, games and all sorts to help our son, school and the family work together.
His classmate at the time (6-9 yrs old) had ADHD and was given a brightly coloured carpet mat/spot which seemed to help him alot in the classroom.
None of the above maybe helpful to you as I appreciate every child on these spectrums can be wildly different, but please know you're not alone in the challenges they bring and how special they are.
What sort of books? Could you give me some titles?Alot does depend on the school and class teacher - some of the things we did (and had to push hard) to get them onboard and to understand him as an individual:
- regular meetings with plans of how to manage or avoid the known areas that would cause issues/outbursts
- buying books, reading, highlighting key parts and then giving them to his class teacher (there are some fantastic Aspie books about now)
- teaching him other outcomes to situations, so he had options rather than the one route his brain was telling him - this has had a very positive impact. We had help from a Family Support Adviser who would visit fortnightly with story boards, games and all sorts to help our son, school and the family work together.
His classmate at the time (6-9 yrs old) had ADHD and was given a brightly coloured carpet mat/spot which seemed to help him alot in the classroom.
None of the above maybe helpful to you as I appreciate every child on these spectrums can be wildly different, but please know you're not alone in the challenges they bring and how special they are.
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