Suicidal child
Discussion
I'm at my wits end and getting no help
My eldest has been through all the antidepressants available to a under 18 and they either don't help or help but then her body adjusts to them and they stop working
Most recently she's been on an SSRI but they interfere with her sleep and she has been getting just an hour or two a night at best. She's failed her ALevels end of year 12 exams and the school wanted to make her retake that year but doing different subjects, all of which she has no interest in. They've now agreed she can do the subjects she wants but she has to do year 12 again. I'm not unhappy at this as it gives her a year to take some pressure off her
What is my worry is she is now unmedicated and despite an urgent CAMHS referral over a month ago nothing is being done. She continually falls through the systems net. I know the NHS is struggling but this is getting really serious. Calls to camhs don't get responded too and to be honest I can't see what they can do anyway. If she's had everything licenced for under18's we're kind of stuck
Comment yesterday was she's working out if life is even worth bothering with. If I take her to a&e they just say she's not suicidal but she knows how to give them the answers they need to hear to send her home. She's giving up as she knows there's nothing else they can do. I don't know what else I can do either other than to keep pills and sharps out of her way 😢
My eldest has been through all the antidepressants available to a under 18 and they either don't help or help but then her body adjusts to them and they stop working
Most recently she's been on an SSRI but they interfere with her sleep and she has been getting just an hour or two a night at best. She's failed her ALevels end of year 12 exams and the school wanted to make her retake that year but doing different subjects, all of which she has no interest in. They've now agreed she can do the subjects she wants but she has to do year 12 again. I'm not unhappy at this as it gives her a year to take some pressure off her
What is my worry is she is now unmedicated and despite an urgent CAMHS referral over a month ago nothing is being done. She continually falls through the systems net. I know the NHS is struggling but this is getting really serious. Calls to camhs don't get responded too and to be honest I can't see what they can do anyway. If she's had everything licenced for under18's we're kind of stuck
Comment yesterday was she's working out if life is even worth bothering with. If I take her to a&e they just say she's not suicidal but she knows how to give them the answers they need to hear to send her home. She's giving up as she knows there's nothing else they can do. I don't know what else I can do either other than to keep pills and sharps out of her way 😢
In reply to why she feels this the short version is emotional abuse from my now ex husband in so far as not seeing his child(ren) with me and mainly therefore stopping her from seeing her half siblings he now has with his new woman. There's nothing legally I can do to gain access to the siblings because I am not related and my children cannot either until they attain the adult age of 18. Hence the limbo she is in.
She's tried CBT but talking through the whole saga in therapy just draws her further down. We were doing family therapy where it was picked up my youngest has his own issues but they are ASD related but without any warning it was suddenly stopped. Even though she felt it was helping her so she was very upset at that. We'd identified that my now deceased FIL was probably autistic and that other mental health issues have run in my in laws side of the family so it wasn't just her and that she probably had a predisposition to mental illness. It's having a drastic effect on my youngest and to me to be honest.
She's tried CBT but talking through the whole saga in therapy just draws her further down. We were doing family therapy where it was picked up my youngest has his own issues but they are ASD related but without any warning it was suddenly stopped. Even though she felt it was helping her so she was very upset at that. We'd identified that my now deceased FIL was probably autistic and that other mental health issues have run in my in laws side of the family so it wasn't just her and that she probably had a predisposition to mental illness. It's having a drastic effect on my youngest and to me to be honest.
Up until A levels she's been a high achiever. Failing Year 12 has been a massive blow but that has been down to her lack of sleep and therefore ability to keep focused and retain information.
Having to repeat it is not what she wants, she wants to go to uni and be successful but it is what it is now and is adding now to her pressure for next school year but not for the present time
Her total issue in a nutshell is not seeing her brother and sister. I just can't work out why her dad could be so evil in not allowing contact. The breakup of the marriage was his choice to cheat but I couldn't care about him now as I've seen him for the evil manipulating person he is so it's not like I've stopped him seeing his two kids with me. I've encouraged contact from day one, he just stopped being interested in our kids when he had two more. He's actually said that he doesn't see his first two children as his anymore that really left me reeling.
Having to repeat it is not what she wants, she wants to go to uni and be successful but it is what it is now and is adding now to her pressure for next school year but not for the present time
Her total issue in a nutshell is not seeing her brother and sister. I just can't work out why her dad could be so evil in not allowing contact. The breakup of the marriage was his choice to cheat but I couldn't care about him now as I've seen him for the evil manipulating person he is so it's not like I've stopped him seeing his two kids with me. I've encouraged contact from day one, he just stopped being interested in our kids when he had two more. He's actually said that he doesn't see his first two children as his anymore that really left me reeling.
SantaBarbara said:
Tell he that she can have a year out
She ca go to a college and not be dictated too by the school
She can choose her preferred subjects
Then her GP may be able to prescribe something, her GP can seek advice from other alternate specialists surely?
Unfortunately not an option as at college you cannot do 3 subjects. She needs 3 A levels to gain the necessary UCAS points to get into Uni.She ca go to a college and not be dictated too by the school
She can choose her preferred subjects
Then her GP may be able to prescribe something, her GP can seek advice from other alternate specialists surely?
Edited by solo2 on Thursday 10th August 13:34
Trophy Husband said:
Sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a dreadful time. Bless her.
I cannot help but I will show this to my wife who is a specialty grade CAMHS nurse manager working specifically in acute adolescent mental health. She specialises in CBT and DBT with oodles of family therapy experience also. I'm sure that she can advise you on next steps and what you should be asking for/demanding. Her forte is cutting through the red tape that multi agency involvement tends to create and generally never taking no for an answer!
Did you get chance to show this to your wife, I'd be very grateful of her input.I cannot help but I will show this to my wife who is a specialty grade CAMHS nurse manager working specifically in acute adolescent mental health. She specialises in CBT and DBT with oodles of family therapy experience also. I'm sure that she can advise you on next steps and what you should be asking for/demanding. Her forte is cutting through the red tape that multi agency involvement tends to create and generally never taking no for an answer!
AMLK said:
Make sure you have someone to support you too, I know that's where I struggle.
I am struggling I go between wanting all the help she needs to thinking I just can't do this anymore. Sadly any help I have been offered has centered around so called professionals thinking I need therapy to come to terms with my marriage. I don't, I'm soo much happier out of it but this is the negative effect it has had on my daughter with the marriage ending which my ex just couldn't care about. He was so precious of his first born, now he really couldn't care if she killed herself. 
SteellFJ said:
Sorry to hear this OP, not much I can add to help but she clearly has a great parent in you.
Good luck and as said above, let her make choices on her future to release the pressure from education as it may help, take her away for a few weeks of sunshine and relaxation and reassess.
Thank you. But alas a bit of sunshine is beyond me financially as the ex doesn't even provide financially for his children with me beyond a few quid, literally a few quid. Good luck and as said above, let her make choices on her future to release the pressure from education as it may help, take her away for a few weeks of sunshine and relaxation and reassess.
selym said:
You probably have already done, but keep the pressure on CAMHS because you are in crisis NOW.
Best of luck.
Another visit to the GP this week to try to push the emergency appointment through. GP just said it's about normal that we've had nothing and wasn't in the least surprised. Best of luck.
ozzuk said:
You mention she tried CBT - how many sessions? The first couple will focus on issues for sure which will be difficult but the whole point of CBT is looking forward and finding coping mechanisms. Usually a minimum of 6 weekly sessions is required, obviously needs vary.
It's also worth noting the quality of counselors varies a lot so if she didn't connect with the one she tried, try another.
BTW, I'm not a CBT counselor so I'm just reproducing what I've heard - my partner is though.
She did the minimum 8 week course, coming out each time in pieces. What didn't help was the so called counselor informing her that if she mixed two prescribed drugs she had been given she could overdose. Que panic from me to frantically make sure I did have all drugs locked away and this counselors managers didn't seem in the least bit fazed that she'd done anything wrong but telling a suicidal child this. It's also worth noting the quality of counselors varies a lot so if she didn't connect with the one she tried, try another.
BTW, I'm not a CBT counselor so I'm just reproducing what I've heard - my partner is though.
There have been so many incorrectly handled things over the last two years I just cannot remember them all now but one thing sticks in my mind is having to have her admitted to hospital in the middle of the night after she'd attacked me and I couldn't guarantee her safety. Walking out that hospital leaving her nearly killed me
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