How do you relax?

[AB]

My mind doesn't seem to shut off, I don't seem to be able to just sit and relax, I see time in bed as time wasted when I could be doing something else, even if it's just reading threads on here or watching TV which I do too much of.

When I do go to bed, my mind wanders to what has to be done tomorrow, what I haven't done today, even strange things like a tune I heard on the radio going round and round in my head.

Then I'm shattered the next day which makes me less productive, irritable etc the whole cycle continues.

I've tried;

- CBD oil, no effect;
- Prescription sleeping pills having been to the docs about it, 10mg Zopicline before bed makes me drowsy so I go to bed, only to not be able to sleep;
- Hypnosis 'sleep' apps which actually seem to get me to sleep by occupying my mind but I'm awake no long after it's ended;
- Alcohol, well I sleep, but it's not proper sleep and it certainly doesn't help the next day;
- Reading, end up reading paragraphs twice or three times and then mind wanders to other things;
- Gaming, borrowed a PS4, I end up wanting to carry on playing, similar to watching TV, doesn't help.

What I won't get away with due to wife;

- Proper drugs.

Interested to know what everyone else does when you get home from work or at the weekend when you have some free time.

Wife is 18 weeks pregnant and it's got to the point where I really need to start catching up on sleep and being more productive as I run my own business and she isn't going back to work.

Ideas appreciated.

[AB]

Mojooo said:

Search mindfullness.

I think tis basdically about focussing on the moments

Its surprising how basic it is but it seems to work well the few times I tried it.

I've tried that as well as 'headspace' which was actually recommended by my GP.

I find decent success actually drifting off by asking Siri to play 'sleep hypnosis on Spotify' - but then staying asleep is the issue.

LHRFlightman said:

Have you tried exercise? Hard physical work might trigger the brain to shut down?

Good luck.

I play racket sports 3 sometimes 4 times a week, I come home both wired and later than I normally would.

I can quite often do that then go to bed and find myself not actually falling asleep until about 5/6am when I need to be up 7am latest.

ApOrbital said:

One joint in the garden or taking the dog out late at night does me,then a good book.

Wouldn't get the joint idea past the wife, totally anti-drugs, as much as it appeals to me!

I do walk the dog in the evening and quite often at 3am if I'm struggling to drop off.

Nickbrapp said:

A cup of camomile tea
A bath
A wk

In that order


Also no phones after 8pm, watch a relaxing program before bed if you fancy, currently I’m watching Joanna lumleys Silk Road adventure

Write down things you want to get done the day after

Other things I do now and then are listen to relaxing music like they play in the spa, have some scented candles near by, or do headspace

I slip into deep sleep almost imediatly

I'm actually off for a Radox bath now with a camomile tea...

[AB]

red_slr said:

My mrs is very similar.

Does not sleep more than 2 hours a night. She might drift off for an hour around 1am then something wakes her up and she is restless then till 4-5am then might get another hour. She has been like that 20 years.

She also has to have the room pitch black, not a single of light can come into the room.

She has tried everything and I am pretty sure its a chemical imbalance. She is like that in the day too, brain constantly going over things and she has OCD too, has to do things in a very specific order.

Couldn't have told my own story better myself!

[AB]

Hoofy said:

olly22n said:

Hoofy said:

You definitely 100% need mindfulness. I say this because you state that your mind wanders and you can't seem to be able to control it in any way.

With mindfulness, you practice focusing on a specific task whether that is breathing or walking or focusing on a ticking clock as you calm your mind down in bed, and you learn to notice yourself having a thought and then choose to stop having that thought and bring yourself back to the present moment.

Also, learn to embrace boredom and know that sometimes doing nothing productive is good for your brain.

I run mindfulness workshops in businesses, teaching people how to quieten the internal chatter and improve their focus and concentration (and thus productivity).

If you want to chat in private, am happy to talk more and give some guidance.

Erm can we have a chat? My mind is like an unruly toddler with a hammer. I gave up on mindfulness apps, my ‘mind’ just wanted to break out. I tend to let it do it’s thing and operate in the background while it’s distracted, iyswim?

Yeah, happy to talk. Send me a PM.

The apps are great but aren't for everyone. As well as workshops I also coach people one-to-one because sometimes it's nicer to have someone to "hold your hand" as you develop your own mindfulness practice. Different people will experience things in different ways and may encounter different barriers to getting the best out of this tool.

I'll drop you a PM shortly, thanks Hoofy. Same as with Olly, my mind wanders away from the mindfulness stuff, it's amazingly stubborn and I can't imagine where it gets that from!

I used a sleep hypnosis app again last night, I had to keep trying to focus on it. Went to bed around 10, can't remember what time I drifted off but was awake from 2 until now and I've given up.

I'll go into the office with a coffee but guaranteed I'll be yawning my head off by 3pm.

[AB]

The_Doc said:

AB said:

Wife is 18 weeks pregnant .

Assuming it's your first

All your problems will go away in about.....22 weeks,

seriously, you'll be sleeping anywhere, any time, bed/couch/train/warming milk/

It's our first. I get that, which is why I think it's time I tried to do something about it sooner rather than later. Need to be pulling my weight and not a zombie come mid-afternoon.

[AB]

I'll take a look but what on earth would I do between 10pm and 1am? I would need Eamon and Ruth prodding me with a stick and TV cameras stuck in my face to stop the urge to get up and do something.

I've tried going for quiet drives in the middle of the night, say for an hour at 1am, but I just end arriving home even more awake.

I've been in the office for an hour and I know 7am until 10am will be my most productive hours, then I'll be starting to get tired around the time people start asking things of me. All so frustrating.