I don't know what to say to my son

[blueg33]

Not sure if this is the right forum but its mental health related.

We have a good family friend who is my sons best friend, they have been close since the started senior school 12 years ago.

The friend suffers a bit from depression, he has been pretty low for a few weeks and my son has been trying to support him. Yesterday, my son got a text from his friend saying something along the lines of "this is the last you will hear from me"

My son tried to get back to his friend, but his friend had jumped from a high suspension bridge.

Amazingly the 300 foot plus fall didn't kill him, but he is in a very bad way.

My son is coming home in half an hour and I just don't know what to say to him. I go over it in my head time and again, but it just sounds like platitudes, I just feel helpless, and my son is devastated.

Sorry this is part unloading and part "help, how do I help my son deal with this". I worry about his mental health, he had another close friend who he had know since teh age of 3 die of leukemia a couple of years ago, and that hit him hard too.

[blueg33]

Grahamdub said:

Make sure he talks to someone, rather than bottle everything up inside. If not you or one of his friends, then the Samaritans. He will have an awful lot going on in his head at the moment.

Thanks, thats a good idea, I will suggest that.

[blueg33]

oddman said:

Assuming he survives his injuries (a big assumption) and when he's fit to leave the general hospital, the friend will almost certainly be admitted to a mental health unit. Under the Mental Health Act if necessary.

Assuming he has depression (rather than personality disorder) then there's every chance he could do well from a mental health point of view. It sounds counter intuitive but severe depression respond better than less severe as it's more responsive to the more potent treatments.

Sounds like your son has been a good friend. I'd read the suicide note/text as an acknowledgment of this. He shouldn't knock himself and try to carry on being the friend he has been up to now.

Thanks. Amazingly the friend has eaten some breakfast today and is asking for a book to read. I am taking my son to see him shortly.

In the last 200 years only 2 people have survived a fall from that bridge.

[blueg33]

ClaphamGT3 said:

If I calculate correctly, your son and his fried are c.23 years old.

To be honest, I would avoid the self-indulgent wallowing that some are suggesting. I’d tell him honestly but sympathetically about his friend and then get him in a positive mindset by asking how the two of you can help the friend and his family

Yes 23. At the hospital now. He is seeing his friend on his own. We have already offered help to the family.

I have private healthcare for our family so will investigate counselling for my son.

[blueg33]

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments.

Yesterday was quite a tough day, taking my son to the hospital to see his friend, and talking to the friends parents. I think we were the first people they have seen where they felt they didn’t have to keep stuff bottled up.

We then drove my son around all day as he wanted to tell their closest friends personally.

[blueg33]

Tyre Smoke said:

Slightly related, but how bad are the friend's injuries?

Apart from mentally, are the physical injuries likely to be life changing?

Amazingly, the injuries are probably not life changing. He has broken pelvis, broken collarbone, collapsed lung, bleed on the liver, but should be out of IC in a few days.

As far as we can ascertain, he is only the 3rd person in 200 years to survive.

They have already started mental health treatments.

[blueg33]

Thanks again people. Supportive comments really help in this situation.

[blueg33]

The Moose said:

How’s your kid doing? And the other kid?

Thanks for asking

My lad is Ok I think, I helped him move digs etc yesterday, he was pretty stressed out by the combination of it all, but was also able to have a laugh sometimes. I have arranged for him to have counselling ASAP as I think that its best if he talks about it sooner rather than later. Thank heavens for company healthcare cover.

The family of the lad that jumped have nothing but praise for my son, it seems he has been massively supportive of them too. I am proud of him and can forgive him his head tattoo (see the other thread).

The lad that jumped, is out of IC and importantly has said that he wants to live, the fact that he has a second chance is about as close to a miracle as I have ever seen.

Edited by blueg33 on Tuesday 27th August 16:33

[blueg33]

Lost ranger said:

blueg33 said:

Thanks for asking

My lad is Ok I think, I helped him move digs etc yesterday, he was pretty stressed out by the combination of it all, but was also able to have a laugh sometimes. I have arranged for him to have counselling ASAP as I think that its best if he talks about it sooner rather than later. Thank heavens for company healthcare cover.

I'm a bit wary about this, why not let him talk in his own time?

He asked. Its up to him to call them to initiate it. He has the number.

[blueg33]

This has made me feel pretty emotional today.

The lad that jumped has found a piano in the hospital and is already playing it.

It’s good news but for some reason I feel more upset than I have so far. Probably down to tiredness. Struggling to focus on work. Think I’ll gind a strong coffee and snap out of it.

[blueg33]

Derek Smith said:

I live in an area where people come in order to kill themselves by jumping. A surprising number survive, many with serious and life-changing injuries, but the all but universal reaction to surviving has been gratitude they have a second chance, even from a quadriplegic. I would assume, therefore, that your son's friend will be significantly changed in attitude. It might be useful for you lad to be aware of this. Guilt is often missing.

What the guy needs is a friend like your son. You must feel proud of him.

And rightly so.

Thanks, we are proud of him, he has handled all of this brilliantly. His friends family can't speak highly enough of him. He visited his friend in hospital on saturday and spent 4 hours with him, before collecting his friends sister from the station and driving her back to their family home an hour away.

The lad that jumped is lucky, he does not have permanent or life changing injuries. His attitude has always been fantastic TBH (not sure if you really meant attitude), but severe depression is properly hard to understand if you don't suffer from it. He has said he wants to live, but is scared that the "illness" will take him on a different path. IMO its probably more important that he has the illness treated than the physical damage.