Notes from the road - Audi A5
Discussion
Audi A5 today...
White. S-Line. Big wheels. Diesel. Auto. 190.
The full Brent.
I have to say, seldom have I hated a car as much as I hated this one. I loathed it. It was shockingly awful in every regard. It gave me a feeling of existential nausea so intense I fear even several pints of Landlord may not banish it.
Why? Well it's just so utterly ghastly. Let's consider first principles. The bloke I picked it up from also hated it. He'd had it for a week and could not figure out the relationship between the two screens - the one a virtual cockpit that replaces the standard dials, the other an ugly tablet thing stuck in the middle of the dash like a some cold-sore of late capitalist insanity. You see, they both show the same thing. The same information on two screens. He had become mildly obsessed with why Audi have done this - thinking that there must be a whole subset of menus to make it necessary. But there isn't and, when I told him this, he sighed, with the melancholy of a distant Caspian gull. Ah! The ennui! It flowed from him like water. Not only that but you could, if you were an absolute moron, also spec this car with a head up display. Then you could have exactly the same data in three places. That is just indicative of what a muddled, poorly thought through piece of design this car is.
The TT (which, with a petrol motor and small wheels plus DSG is a very good car indeed) proves this point. It has just the virtual cockpit. And it's fine.
So you start the thing with it's silly button. Of course they all have silly buttons. You've got the silly steering wheel - flat bottomed for no good reason on Earth. The seats are not too bad and they go pretty low but the are afflicted with the lamest massage function in the world - the operation of which eluded me even after twenty minutes of buggering about. Strong heaters though. Audi do that very well.
And then, alas, you must drive it. Audi cars are incredibly spec specific in the way they drive. Please bare that in mind if you are interested in one. Basic rule of thumb - petrol/small wheels good, anything else, bad. Lord alone knows why the S-Line suspension is so mind numbingly poor. Avoid it at all costs. If you drive a standard XF, as I did this morning, you marvel at how JLR can be so, so far ahead. Much better body control and and infinitely superior ride. It is night and day.
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse. Impossible to modulate. No denying the power, but not far off a Citroen SM in their binary nature.
The ride. Well, very, very far off a Citroen SM.
Steering? Sweet Jesus! Appalling. Just plain outright bad. Once you have selected your driving mode, whichever you choose, you will find the steering absolutely s
te. That's all there is to it. It may go round the corner in a way vaguely related to your intention, or it may not.
The thing is, this car is entirely configured around showroom appeal. Audi have realised that showroom appeal sells many, many more cars than the quality of said cars. At least in the short term, and beyond the next quarter they dare not look!
Everything inside and out is designed, not to make the driver comfortable or to entertain them but, rather, and this is key, to make them feel important. In charge. The way the seat belts tighten once underway, the shiny, shiny dials, the drive modes, the beeps bells and whistles - the way the steering, brakes and ride are configured to seem instantly impressive (rather than actually work in any way) - all this is a massive appeal to vanity. Not utility and certainly not real quality.
It's endemic of where we are. Instant showroom appeal and looking moody on the drive are all. ALL.
The car feels cheap if I'm honest. Certainly the list price of 41k is a bit mad. That price is, obviously, wildly inflated to make the lease deals seem cheap. Which they are but, then, that surely means this car - certainly the way most people will 'buy' it - that means this car IS cheap. And it bloody well feels it.
The A5 is, in short, a confidence trick. Don't fall for it.
Apologies for any spelling/grammar ssues. I knocked this up on an I-phone in a break at work. Waiting for an XC90 to have the driver's electric window motor replaced.
Ah, the slings and arrows!
White. S-Line. Big wheels. Diesel. Auto. 190.
The full Brent.
I have to say, seldom have I hated a car as much as I hated this one. I loathed it. It was shockingly awful in every regard. It gave me a feeling of existential nausea so intense I fear even several pints of Landlord may not banish it.
Why? Well it's just so utterly ghastly. Let's consider first principles. The bloke I picked it up from also hated it. He'd had it for a week and could not figure out the relationship between the two screens - the one a virtual cockpit that replaces the standard dials, the other an ugly tablet thing stuck in the middle of the dash like a some cold-sore of late capitalist insanity. You see, they both show the same thing. The same information on two screens. He had become mildly obsessed with why Audi have done this - thinking that there must be a whole subset of menus to make it necessary. But there isn't and, when I told him this, he sighed, with the melancholy of a distant Caspian gull. Ah! The ennui! It flowed from him like water. Not only that but you could, if you were an absolute moron, also spec this car with a head up display. Then you could have exactly the same data in three places. That is just indicative of what a muddled, poorly thought through piece of design this car is.
The TT (which, with a petrol motor and small wheels plus DSG is a very good car indeed) proves this point. It has just the virtual cockpit. And it's fine.
So you start the thing with it's silly button. Of course they all have silly buttons. You've got the silly steering wheel - flat bottomed for no good reason on Earth. The seats are not too bad and they go pretty low but the are afflicted with the lamest massage function in the world - the operation of which eluded me even after twenty minutes of buggering about. Strong heaters though. Audi do that very well.
And then, alas, you must drive it. Audi cars are incredibly spec specific in the way they drive. Please bare that in mind if you are interested in one. Basic rule of thumb - petrol/small wheels good, anything else, bad. Lord alone knows why the S-Line suspension is so mind numbingly poor. Avoid it at all costs. If you drive a standard XF, as I did this morning, you marvel at how JLR can be so, so far ahead. Much better body control and and infinitely superior ride. It is night and day.
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse. Impossible to modulate. No denying the power, but not far off a Citroen SM in their binary nature.
The ride. Well, very, very far off a Citroen SM.
Steering? Sweet Jesus! Appalling. Just plain outright bad. Once you have selected your driving mode, whichever you choose, you will find the steering absolutely s
te. That's all there is to it. It may go round the corner in a way vaguely related to your intention, or it may not. The thing is, this car is entirely configured around showroom appeal. Audi have realised that showroom appeal sells many, many more cars than the quality of said cars. At least in the short term, and beyond the next quarter they dare not look!
Everything inside and out is designed, not to make the driver comfortable or to entertain them but, rather, and this is key, to make them feel important. In charge. The way the seat belts tighten once underway, the shiny, shiny dials, the drive modes, the beeps bells and whistles - the way the steering, brakes and ride are configured to seem instantly impressive (rather than actually work in any way) - all this is a massive appeal to vanity. Not utility and certainly not real quality.
It's endemic of where we are. Instant showroom appeal and looking moody on the drive are all. ALL.
The car feels cheap if I'm honest. Certainly the list price of 41k is a bit mad. That price is, obviously, wildly inflated to make the lease deals seem cheap. Which they are but, then, that surely means this car - certainly the way most people will 'buy' it - that means this car IS cheap. And it bloody well feels it.
The A5 is, in short, a confidence trick. Don't fall for it.
Apologies for any spelling/grammar ssues. I knocked this up on an I-phone in a break at work. Waiting for an XC90 to have the driver's electric window motor replaced.
Ah, the slings and arrows!
I deliver cars when I'm not making music. For what it's worth I'll post some of ramblings here. I get to drive pretty much everything. And on similar journeys to the dull, glamour free rides most people take. I have no axe to grind and no 'issues' over journalistic integrity - that said so was a motoring journalist once.
Don't expect anybody to care though!
Don't expect anybody to care though!
MrBarry123 said:
Re: the interior...
They're really quite lovely cars inside so I'm not sure what was wrong with yours*.
*Probably nothing but it is bhy-bhface PH where anything Audi is st and wk and crap.
Audi make some excellent cars. They also churn out a load of sThey're really quite lovely cars inside so I'm not sure what was wrong with yours*.
*Probably nothing but it is b
hy-bhface PH where anything Audi is st and wk and crap.te as well. This is in the latter category. Bennet said:
You billed this as a series of straightforward, honest, unbiased car reviews, but there are some very strong claims about Audi's modus operandi here that seem to have strayed over the boundary between fact and opinion.
Entirely fair. I just got a bit carried away there. Thing is, so need to write these on the hoof - mainly because when I get Home I'm just too tired. I quite like the idea of doing them in real time.
Willy Nilly said:
Is the way Audi spec cars different in different countries or are they all a bit blingy? Or should I say, do Audi (and possibly others) bling the cars up for the UK?
Based on no data or evidence whatsoever and relying on pure, senseless prejudice, I'd say yes. I bet they laugh at us too when coming up with extra Brent to flog over here.
Or something.
ensignia said:
Mr Tidy said:
ensignia said:
What a blatant attempt at trying to ingratiate yourself with the members on here.
Might your post have anything to do with your A5 Ownership perhaps? 
AudiSport said:
W124 said:
Audi A5 today...
White. S-Line. Big wheels. Diesel. Auto. 190.
The full Brent.
I have to say, seldom have I hated a car as much as I hated this one. I loathed it. It was shockingly awful in every regard. It gave me a feeling of existential nausea so intense I fear even several pints of Landlord may not banish it.
Why? Well it's just so utterly ghastly. Let's consider first principles. The bloke I picked it up from also hated it. He'd had it for a week and could not figure out the relationship between the two screens - the one a virtual cockpit that replaces the standard dials, the other an ugly tablet thing stuck in the middle of the dash like a some cold-sore of late capitalist insanity. You see, they both show the same thing. The same information on two screens. He had become mildly obsessed with why Audi have done this - thinking that there must be a whole subset of menus to make it necessary. But there isn't and, when I told him this, he sighed, with the melancholy of a distant Caspian gull. Ah! The ennui! It flowed from him like water. Not only that but you could, if you were an absolute moron, also spec this car with a head up display. Then you could have exactly the same data in three places. That is just indicative of what a muddled, poorly thought through piece of design this car is.
The TT (which, with a petrol motor and small wheels plus DSG is a very good car indeed) proves this point. It has just the virtual cockpit. And it's fine.
So you start the thing with it's silly button. Of course they all have silly buttons. You've got the silly steering wheel - flat bottomed for no good reason on Earth. The seats are not too bad and they go pretty low but the are afflicted with the lamest massage function in the world - the operation of which eluded me even after twenty minutes of buggering about. Strong heaters though. Audi do that very well.
And then, alas, you must drive it. Audi cars are incredibly spec specific in the way they drive. Please bare that in mind if you are interested in one. Basic rule of thumb - petrol/small wheels good, anything else, bad. Lord alone knows why the S-Line suspension is so mind numbingly poor. Avoid it at all costs. If you drive a standard XF, as I did this morning, you marvel at how JLR can be so, so far ahead. Much better body control and and infinitely superior ride. It is night and day.
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse. Impossible to modulate. No denying the power, but not far off a Citroen SM in their binary nature.
The ride. Well, very, very far off a Citroen SM.
Steering? Sweet Jesus! Appalling. Just plain outright bad. Once you have selected your driving mode, whichever you choose, you will find the steering absolutely ste. That's all there is to it. It may go round the corner in a way vaguely related to your intention, or it may not.
The thing is, this car is entirely configured around showroom appeal. Audi have realised that showroom appeal sells many, many more cars than the quality of said cars. At least in the short term, and beyond the next quarter they dare not look!
Everything inside and out is designed, not to make the driver comfortable or to entertain them but, rather, and this is key, to make them feel important. In charge. The way the seat belts tighten once underway, the shiny, shiny dials, the drive modes, the beeps bells and whistles - the way the steering, brakes and ride are configured to seem instantly impressive (rather than actually work in any way) - all this is a massive appeal to vanity. Not utility and certainly not real quality.
It's endemic of where we are. Instant showroom appeal and looking moody on the drive are all. ALL.
The car feels cheap if I'm honest. Certainly the list price of 41k is a bit mad. That price is, obviously, wildly inflated to make the lease deals seem cheap. Which they are but, then, that surely means this car - certainly the way most people will 'buy' it - that means this car IS cheap. And it bloody well feels it.
The A5 is, in short, a confidence trick. Don't fall for it.
Apologies for any spelling/grammar ssues. I knocked this up on an I-phone in a break at work. Waiting for an XC90 to have the driver's electric window motor replaced.
Ah, the slings and arrows!
Interesting read, although rather self indulgent and 'look at me' which is ironic compared to the assumptions made about the car and the driver ; )White. S-Line. Big wheels. Diesel. Auto. 190.
The full Brent.
I have to say, seldom have I hated a car as much as I hated this one. I loathed it. It was shockingly awful in every regard. It gave me a feeling of existential nausea so intense I fear even several pints of Landlord may not banish it.
Why? Well it's just so utterly ghastly. Let's consider first principles. The bloke I picked it up from also hated it. He'd had it for a week and could not figure out the relationship between the two screens - the one a virtual cockpit that replaces the standard dials, the other an ugly tablet thing stuck in the middle of the dash like a some cold-sore of late capitalist insanity. You see, they both show the same thing. The same information on two screens. He had become mildly obsessed with why Audi have done this - thinking that there must be a whole subset of menus to make it necessary. But there isn't and, when I told him this, he sighed, with the melancholy of a distant Caspian gull. Ah! The ennui! It flowed from him like water. Not only that but you could, if you were an absolute moron, also spec this car with a head up display. Then you could have exactly the same data in three places. That is just indicative of what a muddled, poorly thought through piece of design this car is.
The TT (which, with a petrol motor and small wheels plus DSG is a very good car indeed) proves this point. It has just the virtual cockpit. And it's fine.
So you start the thing with it's silly button. Of course they all have silly buttons. You've got the silly steering wheel - flat bottomed for no good reason on Earth. The seats are not too bad and they go pretty low but the are afflicted with the lamest massage function in the world - the operation of which eluded me even after twenty minutes of buggering about. Strong heaters though. Audi do that very well.
And then, alas, you must drive it. Audi cars are incredibly spec specific in the way they drive. Please bare that in mind if you are interested in one. Basic rule of thumb - petrol/small wheels good, anything else, bad. Lord alone knows why the S-Line suspension is so mind numbingly poor. Avoid it at all costs. If you drive a standard XF, as I did this morning, you marvel at how JLR can be so, so far ahead. Much better body control and and infinitely superior ride. It is night and day.
The brakes? Grabbier than Pete Doherty in a crackhouse. Impossible to modulate. No denying the power, but not far off a Citroen SM in their binary nature.
The ride. Well, very, very far off a Citroen SM.
Steering? Sweet Jesus! Appalling. Just plain outright bad. Once you have selected your driving mode, whichever you choose, you will find the steering absolutely s
te. That's all there is to it. It may go round the corner in a way vaguely related to your intention, or it may not. The thing is, this car is entirely configured around showroom appeal. Audi have realised that showroom appeal sells many, many more cars than the quality of said cars. At least in the short term, and beyond the next quarter they dare not look!
Everything inside and out is designed, not to make the driver comfortable or to entertain them but, rather, and this is key, to make them feel important. In charge. The way the seat belts tighten once underway, the shiny, shiny dials, the drive modes, the beeps bells and whistles - the way the steering, brakes and ride are configured to seem instantly impressive (rather than actually work in any way) - all this is a massive appeal to vanity. Not utility and certainly not real quality.
It's endemic of where we are. Instant showroom appeal and looking moody on the drive are all. ALL.
The car feels cheap if I'm honest. Certainly the list price of 41k is a bit mad. That price is, obviously, wildly inflated to make the lease deals seem cheap. Which they are but, then, that surely means this car - certainly the way most people will 'buy' it - that means this car IS cheap. And it bloody well feels it.
The A5 is, in short, a confidence trick. Don't fall for it.
Apologies for any spelling/grammar ssues. I knocked this up on an I-phone in a break at work. Waiting for an XC90 to have the driver's electric window motor replaced.
Ah, the slings and arrows!
It's all just gone utterly corporate. Nobody really wants to rock any boats. Clarkson, for all his innumerable faults, is an interesting case. He is not frightened of them. They are frightened of him. I'm not sure you could make it as a car journo now if you took his attitude. In fact I'm sure you couldn't.
I did try. But perhaps my failure is more to do with my dreadful writing style and my self-aggrandising and unpleasantness as a person. Who can say?
I did try. But perhaps my failure is more to do with my dreadful writing style and my self-aggrandising and unpleasantness as a person. Who can say?
legless said:
greenarrow said:
Great review - honest and on the mark. I owned an Audi A3 from new in 2002 and build quality aside the drive was very disappointing. I never forget trying one of the early Skoda Octavia VRS' a year after buying my Audi and thinking it did almost everything better than my car, aside from MPG as the TDI A3 was very frugal.
In fact, I can hardly think of a single current Audi I would take over the equivalent VW or Skoda/Seat.
In fact it calls into question the integrity of car magazines these days, where every Audi is an automatic 4 star car. Where has the edge gone from the likes of CAR, who used to have their pity "Good Bad and Ugly" section.
It's an interesting one. I have access to virtually any of Volkswagen Group's cars on my car scheme, and the one I currently drive out of choice is a Skoda Superb L&K estate. In fact, I can hardly think of a single current Audi I would take over the equivalent VW or Skoda/Seat.
In fact it calls into question the integrity of car magazines these days, where every Audi is an automatic 4 star car. Where has the edge gone from the likes of CAR, who used to have their pity "Good Bad and Ugly" section.
This is despite having access to supposedly 'better' machinery including Audi S/RS models. The Superb doesn't pretend to be anything it's not, and it's an utterly brilliant family car, where much more thought has obviously gone into the design from the perspective of someone who lives with a car day-to-day rather than someone who's trying to impress others.
It helps too that it's a pretty anonymous car and doesn't seem to get any negative reaction from other road users, which is not something I can say about some of the Audis I've had, despite being driven in exactly the same manner.
FiF said:
A question to the OP if I may.
If you do another review, are you going to tag it onto this thread or start another one? If the latter please pop in here and link to the new thread. Thanks in advance.
Will do. I'm off next week but might have the energy at some point soon to review the XF I drove yesterday. The exact opposite of the A5 in many ways. I don't want to overdo it though. It'll get even more dull than it already is. I alternately quite like/hate the sound of my own voice. Mainly due to colossal character flaws I can't control. If you do another review, are you going to tag it onto this thread or start another one? If the latter please pop in here and link to the new thread. Thanks in advance.
The A6 is a good car. Old school Audi - not long for this world in the current shape. You don't need the black edition. Just the basic car is fine. Has to be auto. Small wheels.
Could you not lease a current shape XF for roughly the same money? As you say - excellent cars. The ingenium diesel is a bit rough, granted.
I drive one the other day that was absolutely standard except for full dark brown leather and a pano roof. It was a really, really nice car. I'm not sure but I think you can extend the leather to the dash etc. The standard tech is a bit dated but it works well enough to use when you need it.
I always think that mark of a decent car is how much of a pleasure it is to drive slowly. Pottering round the M25 was bearable in that car.
That's about the highest recommendation I can think of.
But, as to the A6 - not like the A5 at all. Sober suited, rational, usable.
Could you not lease a current shape XF for roughly the same money? As you say - excellent cars. The ingenium diesel is a bit rough, granted.
I drive one the other day that was absolutely standard except for full dark brown leather and a pano roof. It was a really, really nice car. I'm not sure but I think you can extend the leather to the dash etc. The standard tech is a bit dated but it works well enough to use when you need it.
I always think that mark of a decent car is how much of a pleasure it is to drive slowly. Pottering round the M25 was bearable in that car.
That's about the highest recommendation I can think of.
But, as to the A6 - not like the A5 at all. Sober suited, rational, usable.
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