Shed of the Week: Citroen AX 106 GTI
It may look like a monster, but could there be more to this AX than meets the eye?
Anyone thinking about building an automotive equivalent of Frankenstein's monster would probably be able to make a better fist of it than Mary Shelley's misguided madman did exactly 200 years ago. Not just the fist either. Most of us would surely be able to come up with a better overall design than a shambling dolt with a square head, lead boots, some of the worst stitching ever seen and a dirty great bolt through the neck. A bolt. What's that supposed to achieve? Maybe he was on a liquid-only diet. That would explain why he was always in such a terrible mood.
Anyway, welcome to this week's Shed, a properly Frankensteinian creation blending supermini sportiness and Peterbilt exhaust technology with less obvious items like, well, wooden sticks and school blackboards.
From the side, and from a distance - ideally, a considerable one - it looks like a Citroen AX. That should be enough to pique the interest of the average PHer who knows his classic sporty superminis.
You approach, with caution. The nearer you get, the worse it looks. You start to notice features like the 'fully useable blackboard' bonnet, the smashed-in passenger door complete with moss, and the novelty paint job.
Then you go round the back and eyeball the jaunty four-foot tailpipe complete with Peterbilt-style rattle-flap. For those who don't know, this is the bosozoku style that, in the early part of this century at least, was very much a la mode among fans of Japanese gangster subculture. Naturally, PHers have been all over this boso thing. Clue yourself up here. It could even be that the OP of that thread, Hungry Freak, is the owner of this. He does talk about an AX. That was eight years ago too, so if it is his, kudos to him for keeping it so long.
At this point, looking at this AX, you're starting to laugh. The more practical among you will be wondering how you might be able to protect yourself against civil suits from dozy pedestrians leaning against the hot pipe. Presumably it's not an issue in reality, as most of the engine's heat will have long gone by the time it gets out there. So quite a clever design feature really.
Your next thought might be to ask why whoever was responsible for this machine decided that the matt look of the AX bumper was a good one, one that needed to be replicated across the rest of the car by sanding most of the body paint away to a dull finish. In fairness, it probably seemed alright on the back of the fag packet when it was dreamt up, and maybe not too bad when it was done. Now, it looks a bit like a mistake.
But does it matter? Move a little closer. That's when you notice the 'Scotchland' legend on the side, pointing to the car's use on a cheapo comedy rally of some kind. This is important. The sort of chaps who put vehicles together for this sort of thing generally have two big advantages over the common herd: one, a sense of humour; and two, an ability to throw stuff together in a way that somehow, and against all the odds, works.
Here's where you start to pick up on a few more beard-stroking elements, like the Peugeot 106 GTI running gear (118hp 1.6-litre engine, trans, driveshafts and suspension), Peugeot 306 S16 brakes, Seicento tyres to keep the right rolling circumference for the steelies, and, looking inside (a pleasure we're denied by the pics) the welcome vision of 106 GTI instrumentation. Plus, if you're lucky, of Sammy the Spider who has taken up a long-term tenancy under one of the seats.
Your man has coyly obscured the rear numberplate, but luckily he forgot to do the same at the front. That turns out to be brilliant, because it allows the casual investigator to discover that it passed its MOT in early June with no advisories - which for many of our more cynical readers will rank in terms of surprises somewhere up there with Germany's early departure from the World Cup.
We'll vouchsafe that this little Citpug will be a total hoot to drive. As long as you keep any crashing down to the glancing blow level, you're hardly going to make it look any worse. Running a car that owes you nothing and that has been pre-minged up for your motoring convenience is actually very liberating. In fact, if you can contain any crash damage to the driver's side, you'll be levelling it up nicely with the dinged nearside, and can perhaps pretend it was deliberately done.
Six hundred quid or less for a mad, fully-MOT'd bundle of guilt-free amusement? The hot weather may be getting to Shed, but yes. Oh yes.
Here's the ad.
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