Monkey crashes Porsche

[Equus]

[Equus]

Cold said:

Unfortunately, no comedic answer. Clipped the pick-up that was doing a three point turn. No one hurt, thankfully.

Did a bit more than clip it, judging by the state of the Porsche, and reports on the BBC;

"An eyewitness, said the pick-up truck was manoeuvring in an apparent three-point-turn before the collision and the Porsche was embedded in the side of the truck between the front and back wheels. "

[Equus]

lyonspride said:

...there was no warning, just a small white flash in my headlights less than 2 ft in front of the car and then my car going airborn for a split second.

They're tricky buggers, them hypersonic badgers.

Fortunately, even after years living in Gloucestershire (where before the cull you could walk from one side of the county to the other across the backs of the little furry bds at night) I've only ever encountered the standard variety, which do well to shamble along at human jogging pace, and which are easily avoided by anyone who isn't actually clinically comatose.

[Equus]

lyonspride said:

You do know that they can "shamble" at 20mph.......... Right?

Like hell they can.

I've 'chased' them up narrow country lanes in the Cotswolds on several occasions, where Mr Brock has got himself stuck down on the road surface between banks and hedges on either side, and I've had to follow him until he reaches a farm gate to escape through, so I can tell you with some certainty that their panicked sprint, with a fking great Range Rover bearing down on them, is no better than half that speed.

If the Monkey is used to driving around the Tintern Abbey area, he should have been anticipating horses, by day, and wild boar, by night.

Hitting a wild boar makes headbutting a pick-up truck look like the easy option.

[Equus]

fakenews said:

You can guarantee those on this thread who believe they can avoid any accident will one day hit a herd of deer who suddenly career over a bank and into their path.

As they struggle for breath under the bloodied scrotum of a mortally wounded 300lb stag they may realise how wrong they were.

Well, there was a thread a few months back where someone had hit a deer, on a straight, open road.

All I can say is that despite living in areas that are absolutely teeming with deer, badgers, foxes, wild boar, and the rest, I've yet to hit one, or even so much as a hedgehog or rabbit, in 30-odd years of driving. Maybe I'm incredibly lucky. Maybe I just drive with the care appropriate to the environment I'm driving in (you develop a '6th sense' for deer in particular). Take your pick.

Bizarrely, I think I did once hit a bat (or he hit me, not sure which - it was the roof, rather than the windscreen).

[Equus]

Seesure said:

Wrong side of the water for boar... at the moment

More likely deer of various sizes...

I thought they'd got across the Wye? I thought it was the Severn that they hadn't managed to bypass yet?


edited to add: Google agrees with me: link

Edited by Equus on Tuesday 13th November 14:26

[Equus]

Seesure said:

I believe there are some in Monmouthshire which have crossed the river up at Symonds Yat - but getting around Monmouth would be their challenge to get to the Tintern, Brockweir and Chepstow stretch although theoretically they could swim.

Well, the link I gave immediately above seems to confirm that they have reached Tintern. Perhaps they have managed to cross the river further South than Monmouth?

Edited by Equus on Tuesday 13th November 14:52

[Equus]

lyonspride said:

And how many times have to had to taken evasive action to successfully avoid one of the above?

I hit a badger, but I have never had to take action to avoid one, nor have I ever even seen a live badger on a main A road.

I've seen plenty of rabbits and squirrels, but who in their right mind tries to avoid those? When the most likely outcome is the vermin get hit anyway and you end up in a ditch.....

If by 'evasive action' you mean slow down a bit more and wait for it to get out of the way, then plenty. I don't go in for the full-on Elk Test - I've never had to, driving at appropriate speed. I've certainly had to steer around wild boar in the Forest of Dean, where they've decided that they own the road and aren't about to move for anyone, but only after having slowed to an almost complete standstill.

You're in the wrong part of the country, or going out at the wrong time of day, if you've never seen a live badger on a main A-road... try the A38 or A46 in South Gloucestershire (just the other side of the Severn from Monkey's crash, in fact), in the early hours of the morning.

[Equus]

xjay1337 said:

Equus is being a bit thick here.

I've hit 2 deers.

On the other hand, I'm not the one who thinks that the plural of deer is deers.