Funerals - who goes to them, and why?

[Shakermaker]

sgtBerbatov said:

Question I have is do British people, or Church of England types, invite you to funerals? I've only ever been to Irish/Catholic funerals and there was no invite and everyone attended.

I've seen a few where there is a pretty open invite "the funeral will be held at (location) on (date and time) and all are welcome" - sometimes with "no flowers, donations to (hospice/charity)

But equally I've seen others which are "family only, with a memorial service/wake/celebration of life at (location) afterwards"

[PH5121]

With my dads funeral the undertaker as part of their service placed an announcement in the local regional paper (Yorkshire Post - not Happy Shopper) advising when and where the funeral service would be held and that all were welcome to attend.

[The Mad Monk]

sgtBerbatov said:

Question I have is do British people, or Church of England types, invite you to funerals? I've only ever been to Irish/Catholic funerals and there was no invite and everyone attended.

I believe, that funerals like weddings, are public affairs and the public have a right to attend, if they wish.

[anonymous-user]

We (well the FD) posted a notice concerning my mum in our local free paper as apparently that's what all the oldies read to see who they've beaten.

We're having a funeral because my sisters and my mum's friends would be aghast at my solution.

I'm not religious or spiritual, once you're dead then the person you loved is gone and all that's left is the shell, which I don't care about. Others disagree.

[Taylor James]

Lucas CAV said:

Taylor James said:

red_slr said:

I am going to stipulate nudity for mine. Will hire some security for the door to enforce the rule.
Should mean I will get an hour of piece and quiet at least.
That or if I make it past 80 I think I will shuffle myself off to Tibet for a Sky Burial, don't envy the blokes who will have to carry me up the mountain.

There are specific instructions in my will (which will be enforced by a couple of mates) about who will and won't be attending my funeral. There are a couple of relatives who I despise who might want to come along to talk to other family members. Network away but it won't be at my funeral or wake. I have quite a few other stipulations/clauses as well. I think it all started when I saw a film when I was a child. It was about some trials a beneficiary had to complete before they got the hands on the money. I know my beneficiaries will get my sense of humour from beyond the grave. Too bad if they don't. It's my party as the song says.

To the OP - do what feels right, no more or less. If you can't decide, stop worrying about it and toss a coin. I always go to funerals of people I liked. I like to tell their relatives nice stories about the deceased and these are often things they didn't know about. Sometimes I have old photos I can give them. I have always found they appreciate these things and I like to think it helps a bit I won't attend funerals of people I did not like. I am not a hypocrite and I'm not going to inflict more pain on the deceased's family by telling them any home truths. The dead person wouldn't want me there anyway.

Brewster's millions ?

Much older than that. I think it may have been black and white and was a comedy. I will try and find it.

[Buster73]

A few of us from work went to a colleagues funeral , including one who had been having a well known long-standing affair with the bloke who died.

Quite strange watching his wife being comforted by the woman who’d been shagging her husband for a good few years.

[The Mad Monk]

Taylor James said:

There are specific instructions in my will (which will be enforced by a couple of mates) about who will and won't be attending my funeral.

I understand a funeral is a public affair which members of the public have the right to attend whether you or your mates like it or not.

[Sporky]

I think that's true of a church service or ar a crematorium (as I think they're all effectively state owned) , but if it was on private property then the owners can refuse admission without giving a reason, no?

So if you do want to exclude people, have a direct cremation and a private party. I think.

[HairyMaclary]

The Mad Monk said:

Taylor James said:

There are specific instructions in my will (which will be enforced by a couple of mates) about who will and won't be attending my funeral.

I understand a funeral is a public affair which members of the public have the right to attend whether you or your mates like it or not.

Ah.. Not if you have the burn up done separately. Google direct cremation. They wheel you off. Burn you. Job jobbed.

I want mine to be like this. IMO a celebration of life shouldn't be sat in a creepy sterile building with big curtains and a incinerator in the back room. A place to say goodbye to a box maybe.

I would rather my family went to a place where I liked to spend time and have a proper celebration. IMO they don't need my remains to be present to do this. Will only drag down the mood

The best funeral I went to was more like a wedding reception. Bands and plenty of food and drink. The old boy was disposed of earlier in the morning without the family present.

Meh. What do I care anyway I wont be there!

[undred orse]

Burial at sea for me. Maximum hassle. Maximum expense. Minimum people. Great. Just like me in life.

[Taylor James]

The Mad Monk said:

Taylor James said:

There are specific instructions in my will (which will be enforced by a couple of mates) about who will and won't be attending my funeral.

I understand a funeral is a public affair which members of the public have the right to attend whether you or your mates like it or not.

Your understanding is wrong. It's a private affair and you will not be admitted if you're not on the list. There may be some funerals maybe held in a public place where you might attend but a private ceremony is just that.

[XCP]

I attend about 12 funerals a week on average, as I am one of the 'hairy nosed old men' who carry the coffin in. I also drive the hearse or limousine more often than not. It's a good part time job.

Any questions about funerals I will be happy to answer.

I have done most religions and obviously non religious ( which are just as common). I have done funerals with a horsedrawn hearse plus 20 limos to funerals where no-one has attended.

We also do funerals for people when the university anatomists have finished with them (good way to get a free funeral), and local authority funerals paid for by the council.

[davhill]

My ex music teacher Mum made it to 84yo and passed peacefully, leaving my brother and I and Candy, her pet Pomeranian.
It fell to me to sort out the music to be played during the service in the crematorium .

I chose these three...

Over the rainbow from The Wizard of Oz
Feed the Birds from Mary Poppins

and this rather special one.

Mum as I do, appreciated the talents of Rick Wakeman. On The Six WIves of Henry the Eigth,
he ended the track Anne Boleyn with a short rendition of the hymn The Day Thou Gavest Lord Hath Ended.
It starts at 5;31 on this vid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iKi33tg2wE

A couple of days before Mum died, I took her a soft toy version of Candy the dog. Sadly, Mum was no
longer compus mentis then so I've no way of knowing whether she saw the the toy or ever realised
its significance.

In the end, Candy was happily rehomed with a lovely couple and the toy went in the coffin with Mum.
My brother and i scattere her ashes where my Dad's ashes had been put 29 years earlier, on the shore
of WIndermere.

[NewChurch]

XCP said:

I attend about 12 funerals a week on average, as I am one of the 'hairy nosed old men' who carry the coffin in. I also drive the hearse or limousine more often than not. It's a good part time job.

I assume you're partially retired?, if not, what other job/s do you do?.

12 a week must be 30+hrs?

Edited by NewChurch on Wednesday 21st August 02:05

[Eric Mc]

sgtBerbatov said:

Question I have is do British people, or Church of England types, invite you to funerals? I've only ever been to Irish/Catholic funerals and there was no invite and everyone attended.

No official invites normally. Obviously, there are certain people you will contact directly to let them know of the funeral arrangements bit others will find out through the grapevine and come of their own accord. When my wife died six months ago, I estimated that 100 would turn up for the funeral and the reception afterwards. I had to make some sort of an estimate for catering purposes.

In the end, the number was more like 200 - so some of us didn't get to eat much.

[XCP]

NewChurch said:

I assume you're partially retired?, if not, what other job/s do you do?.

12 a week must be 30+hrs?

Edited by NewChurch on Wednesday 21st August 02:05

I generally work 3 days a week, I am a retired cop. I have a zero hours contract so I work when I feel like it.

[The Mad Monk]

XCP said:

I generally work 3 days a week, I am a retired cop. I have a zero hours contract so I work when I feel like it.

I had a little go at this a year or so back.

The company who did the training, think the biggest in the country, had six of us walking round and round their huge garage with a coffin filled with breeze blocks on our shoulders. I found that it hurt my shoulder too much (not long before had surgery on there) so decided not to carry on.

Good, easy money, though.

[XCP]

The Mad Monk said:

I had a little go at this a year or so back.

The company who did the training, think the biggest in the country, had six of us walking round and round their huge garage with a coffin filled with breeze blocks on our shoulders. I found that it hurt my shoulder too much (not long before had surgery on there) so decided not to carry on.

Good, easy money, though.

I enjoy it, wouldn't do it otherwise. A lot of the guys I work with are ex something so the stories and banter keep coming. If the coffin is too heavy we just wheel it. No need to risk injury.

[Taylor James]

XCP said:

The Mad Monk said:

I had a little go at this a year or so back.

The company who did the training, think the biggest in the country, had six of us walking round and round their huge garage with a coffin filled with breeze blocks on our shoulders. I found that it hurt my shoulder too much (not long before had surgery on there) so decided not to carry on.

Good, easy money, though.

I enjoy it, wouldn't do it otherwise. A lot of the guys I work with are ex something so the stories and banter keep coming. If the coffin is too heavy we just wheel it. No need to risk injury.

Interesting. I've never seen a coffin wheeled in to a church or crem. Do you push or pull?

[XCP]

Taylor James said:

Interesting. I've never seen a coffin wheeled in to a church or crem. Do you push or pull?

Walking alongside using the handles. It happens quite often, some coffins are extremely heavy if the deceased was obese. Also some graves are a very long way from the nearest vehicle access over unsafe ground. Nothing worse than a bearer going down!