Sean Connery Joke (Vol 6)
Discussion
Pixelpeep said:
Excuse me but i couldn't help overhear the conversation you were having and i would like to add that i guess the gentleman was referring to her buying new clothes, inferring that she ONLY buys clothes from the cheap and now bankrupt sports clothing outlet.
Hence from this point on, because she can't buy clothes from her usual outlet, she will not have any new clothes to wear and will not revert back to previously purchased goods she will now be naked.
Yeah, thats what i meant lolHence from this point on, because she can't buy clothes from her usual outlet, she will not have any new clothes to wear and will not revert back to previously purchased goods she will now be naked.
Bunnie Joke.
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, " Can I have a pint
of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and
cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.The
following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer,
and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit
and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the
rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese
Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie,
and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese
Toastie, please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are
right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his
throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion
Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like
it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent..
The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let
down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the
rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The
pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the
toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who
has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form,
floating above the bar..
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and
Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The
rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The barman said, 'I remember, on your last
night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and
Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said...
'Mixin-me-toasties.'
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, " Can I have a pint
of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and
cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.The
following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer,
and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit
and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the
rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese
Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie,
and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese
Toastie, please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are
right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his
throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion
Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like
it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent..
The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let
down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the
rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The
pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the
toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who
has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form,
floating above the bar..
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and
Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The
rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The barman said, 'I remember, on your last
night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and
Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said...
'Mixin-me-toasties.'
From my son:
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have £0.00 today
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tescos,
drank all the beer,then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
And then a recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have £0.00 today
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tescos,
drank all the beer,then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
And then a recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.
TorqueVR said:
From my son:
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have £0.00 today
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tescos,
drank all the beer,then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
And then a recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.
Not sure the first one is a joke, but either way Lehmans wasn't around a year ago so it's also pretty old If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have £0.00 today
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tescos,
drank all the beer,then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
And then a recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.
An extra strong mint swaggers into a bar, clips a polo mint round the ear and shoves a murray mint out of the way. "Barman, pint now!" An After eight looks up to see what the commotion is and the extra strong mint growls at him so the after eight mint just looks at the floor.
"What's up with you?" asked the barman "Nothing" says the mint "I just don't take any s
t cos I'm the baddest mint in here." "Oh OK" says the barman.
Just then the door opens and a small green mint walks in and immediately the barman notices that Extra strong has started sweating, his eyes darting. "Now what's up?" asks the barman. "I've got to get out of here. Is there a back door or something?" "What are you afraid of, I thought you were hard?"
"I am" says the extra stong "but that mint over there, he's menthol."
A motorway walks into a pub, shoving an a road and a dual carriageway aside to get to the bar. "Pint now, and don't start cos I'm the toughest road around, alright?" "No problem here" says the barman.
Just then a skinny red road walks in and the motorways starts to panic "Please mate can you sneak me out of here before that road sees me?" says the frightened motorway. "OK but what's the problem?" Asks the barman.
"You're joking right? That road who just walked in, he only a bloody cycle path!"
"What's up with you?" asked the barman "Nothing" says the mint "I just don't take any s
t cos I'm the baddest mint in here." "Oh OK" says the barman.Just then the door opens and a small green mint walks in and immediately the barman notices that Extra strong has started sweating, his eyes darting. "Now what's up?" asks the barman. "I've got to get out of here. Is there a back door or something?" "What are you afraid of, I thought you were hard?"
"I am" says the extra stong "but that mint over there, he's menthol."
A motorway walks into a pub, shoving an a road and a dual carriageway aside to get to the bar. "Pint now, and don't start cos I'm the toughest road around, alright?" "No problem here" says the barman.
Just then a skinny red road walks in and the motorways starts to panic "Please mate can you sneak me out of here before that road sees me?" says the frightened motorway. "OK but what's the problem?" Asks the barman.
"You're joking right? That road who just walked in, he only a bloody cycle path!"
Edited by Jaroon on Friday 5th October 10:13
Jaroon said:
An extra strong mint swaggers into a bar, clips a polo mint round the ear and shoves a murray mint out of the way. "Barman, pint now!" An After eight looks up to see what the commotion is and the extra strong mint growls at him so the after eight mint just looks at the floor.
"What's up with you?" asked the barman "Nothing" says the mint "I just don't take any st cos I'm the baddest mint in here." "Oh OK" says the barman.
Just then the door opens and a small green mint walks in and immediately the barman notices that Extra strong has started sweating, his eyes darting. "Now what's up?" asks the barman. "I've got to get out of here. Is there a back door or something?" "What are you afraid of, I thought you were hard?"
"I am" says the extra stong "but that mint over there, he's menthol."
A motorway walks into a pub, shoving an a road and a dual carriageway aside to get to the bar. "Pint now, and don't start cos I'm the toughest road around, alright?" "No problem here" says the barman.
Just then a skinny red road walks in and the motorways starts to panic "Please mate can you sneak me out of here before that road sees me?" says the frightened motorway. "OK but what's the problem?" Asks the barman.
"You're joking right? That road who just walked in, he only a bloody cycle path!"
Les Dawson just called, he wants his jokes back "What's up with you?" asked the barman "Nothing" says the mint "I just don't take any s
t cos I'm the baddest mint in here." "Oh OK" says the barman.Just then the door opens and a small green mint walks in and immediately the barman notices that Extra strong has started sweating, his eyes darting. "Now what's up?" asks the barman. "I've got to get out of here. Is there a back door or something?" "What are you afraid of, I thought you were hard?"
"I am" says the extra stong "but that mint over there, he's menthol."
A motorway walks into a pub, shoving an a road and a dual carriageway aside to get to the bar. "Pint now, and don't start cos I'm the toughest road around, alright?" "No problem here" says the barman.
Just then a skinny red road walks in and the motorways starts to panic "Please mate can you sneak me out of here before that road sees me?" says the frightened motorway. "OK but what's the problem?" Asks the barman.
"You're joking right? That road who just walked in, he only a bloody cycle path!"
Edited by Jaroon on Friday 5th October 10:13
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