Viz - A retrospective
Discussion
Thanks for that...great fun...First, there was "Nude Motorcycle Girl", then there was:
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b337/Sciroccolog...
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b337/Sciroccolog...
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b337/Sciroccolog...
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b337/Sciroccolog...
Dear Viz,
The other day I was relaxing in my bath and let off a nice fart, the sound it made as it rose to the surface sounded like 'Pol Pot', later that day I heard he had died. Today I farted on the bath again, it's not looking good for Edward Woodward.
That was my all time fave letter, Drunken Bakers is fantastic.
What was the deal with Hapag Loyd ?
Does anyone else read every word of the copyright / subscription details in the small print in case they miss something ?
Has anyone been the that curry house run by the Lord something something ?
The other day I was relaxing in my bath and let off a nice fart, the sound it made as it rose to the surface sounded like 'Pol Pot', later that day I heard he had died. Today I farted on the bath again, it's not looking good for Edward Woodward.
That was my all time fave letter, Drunken Bakers is fantastic.
What was the deal with Hapag Loyd ?
Does anyone else read every word of the copyright / subscription details in the small print in case they miss something ?
Has anyone been the that curry house run by the Lord something something ?
DrTre said:
I did like The Vibrating Bum Faced Goats
"The plot, such as it is, revolves around a farm where the livestock consists of vibrating goats "and every one had a face just like an arse!"."
I think that one is my favourite just for being so random!"The plot, such as it is, revolves around a farm where the livestock consists of vibrating goats "and every one had a face just like an arse!"."
I wonder what the author was on when he thought of it.
I used to love 'Black bag, the faithful border bin liner' as well.
Viz letters said:
I work in a call centre in Norwich and we've just been told our jobs are moving to India. I'm so excited! I've always wanted to visit India and with the salary they pay me I'll be able to live like a Maharaja over there. Well done Aviva, keep up the good work.
What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.
I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I'm not a coward, I just realise that it would be largely pointless.
Why is it always people who say 'bring back hanging' who also say 'hanging's too good for them'? Make your right wing minds up.
Doctors say that you should eat 5 pieces of fruit or veg a day to remain healthy. Last week I ate 5 mouldy plums and that night I shat the bed. What's healthy about that?
Am I the only person who hasn't banged Kate Moss? Everyday the papers are full of stories from blokes claiming to have banged her. It's something I'm quite keen on doing and I was just wondering if there is some sort of queuing system in place.
To the zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're older" when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another one's arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation.
I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
According to the BBC website, Heather Mills has blamed the breakdown of her marriage to Sir Paul McCartney on 'constant intrusion' into the couple's private life. It seems a shame that Heather objects so much to the public taking an interest in her personal business. If only she had mentioned it in one of her two published autobiographies, A Single Step and Out On A Limb, or the 'About Heather' section of her website www.heathermillsmccartney .com, or perhaps when she sold her life story to the News of the World in 1993. Perhaps then the public would have got the message and left her to live her life out of the constant glare of publicity.
Professional footballers have hit the headlines recently for indulging in gamesmanship - diving and playacting and so on. Well at least they are now limiting their disgraceful behaviour to the pitch these days. It wasn't so long ago that they were out beating up pakistanis, dogging in car parks and gang raping women in hotel rooms. Let's give credit where credit is due.
The thing that strikes me about the appointment of a paedophile to a teaching post is, how s
t must the other people at the interview have been?
Why don’t NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
They say that slow and steady wins the race. bks! I am an athletics coach specialising in the 100 metre sprint, and I find the best tactic by far is to go as quickly as possible.
I could never understand why Brian McFadden dumped his huge-breasted wife Kerry Katona. But those Iceland adverts really opened my eyes. Wise move.
How is it that Snoop Dogg can have a million selling album containing 300 references to the word "n1gger" and be showered with MOBO awards, and yet I use the word just ONCE at my son's Sunday league match last Saturday and am immediately ordered to leave the park. This smacks of discrimination of the worst kind.
In a recently Christmas TV advert, fat tongued mockey Jamie Oliver advised us to sprinkle cinnamon on our mince pies. I think his adverts should come with some kind of health warning, as I followed his advice and am now blind.
I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he's going to come out of this alive.
My so-called "permanent" marker has just run out. What a rip-off.
Whilst on a cruise this summer, on the back of the door was a notice reading "Please think of the environment. Recycle where possible and switch off all appliances when not in use." All this on a ship travelling at 17 inches to the gallon.
'Whilst learning to drive recently, my aged and wise father informed me "Remember son, the most dangerous part on a car is the nut behind the wheel". Heeding his advice, I removed the said component and placed it safely on a shelf in my garage. You can imagine my surprise when, whilst negotiating a busy roundabout, the steering wheel came away in my hand and my car ploughed into a bus queue. Still, we all soon saw the funny side.'
Well done to the OP, I forgot I had this What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.
I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I'm not a coward, I just realise that it would be largely pointless.
Why is it always people who say 'bring back hanging' who also say 'hanging's too good for them'? Make your right wing minds up.
Doctors say that you should eat 5 pieces of fruit or veg a day to remain healthy. Last week I ate 5 mouldy plums and that night I shat the bed. What's healthy about that?
Am I the only person who hasn't banged Kate Moss? Everyday the papers are full of stories from blokes claiming to have banged her. It's something I'm quite keen on doing and I was just wondering if there is some sort of queuing system in place.
To the zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're older" when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another one's arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation.
I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
According to the BBC website, Heather Mills has blamed the breakdown of her marriage to Sir Paul McCartney on 'constant intrusion' into the couple's private life. It seems a shame that Heather objects so much to the public taking an interest in her personal business. If only she had mentioned it in one of her two published autobiographies, A Single Step and Out On A Limb, or the 'About Heather' section of her website www.heathermillsmccartney .com, or perhaps when she sold her life story to the News of the World in 1993. Perhaps then the public would have got the message and left her to live her life out of the constant glare of publicity.
Professional footballers have hit the headlines recently for indulging in gamesmanship - diving and playacting and so on. Well at least they are now limiting their disgraceful behaviour to the pitch these days. It wasn't so long ago that they were out beating up pakistanis, dogging in car parks and gang raping women in hotel rooms. Let's give credit where credit is due.
The thing that strikes me about the appointment of a paedophile to a teaching post is, how s
t must the other people at the interview have been?Why don’t NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
They say that slow and steady wins the race. b
ks! I am an athletics coach specialising in the 100 metre sprint, and I find the best tactic by far is to go as quickly as possible.I could never understand why Brian McFadden dumped his huge-breasted wife Kerry Katona. But those Iceland adverts really opened my eyes. Wise move.
How is it that Snoop Dogg can have a million selling album containing 300 references to the word "n1gger" and be showered with MOBO awards, and yet I use the word just ONCE at my son's Sunday league match last Saturday and am immediately ordered to leave the park. This smacks of discrimination of the worst kind.
In a recently Christmas TV advert, fat tongued mockey Jamie Oliver advised us to sprinkle cinnamon on our mince pies. I think his adverts should come with some kind of health warning, as I followed his advice and am now blind.
I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he's going to come out of this alive.
My so-called "permanent" marker has just run out. What a rip-off.
Whilst on a cruise this summer, on the back of the door was a notice reading "Please think of the environment. Recycle where possible and switch off all appliances when not in use." All this on a ship travelling at 17 inches to the gallon.
'Whilst learning to drive recently, my aged and wise father informed me "Remember son, the most dangerous part on a car is the nut behind the wheel". Heeding his advice, I removed the said component and placed it safely on a shelf in my garage. You can imagine my surprise when, whilst negotiating a busy roundabout, the steering wheel came away in my hand and my car ploughed into a bus queue. Still, we all soon saw the funny side.'
sneijder said:
Has anyone been the that curry house run by the Lord something something ?
Yes, many times. Lord (of) Harpole died a couple of years ago - but if you ask them nicely they'll let you wear his hat while doing irreparable damage to your innards with Curry Hell.ETA I've just read that Viz called him "a curry mentalist"
Edited by bigandclever on Friday 15th January 19:39
A Roy Walker moment: - A satisfying but morally dubious sexual encounter e.g. a friends wife, a lady old enough to be your mother, a friends mother. From the TV personality's catchphrase, 'it's good, but it's not right'.
Edited for spelling like a spazmo
Edited for spelling like a spazmo
Edited by paulmurr on Friday 15th January 19:42
at this whole thread, I am going to buy a copy of the Viz tomorrow. I always remember reading something about that Curry place, they were serving a "Magmaloo" (or similar) and there was something about someone farting afterwards and they had to get the fire brigade round to hose-down his steaming guts while a doctor tried to poke them back in with a stick. Obviously made-up, but the image it put in my head of a guy lying out in the street with his steaming guts hanging out the back of him while the fire brigade hosed them down was hilarious.
StevieBee said:
Top Tip:
Put upon husbands! Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. You'll love the bit where you kiss your wife, walk down the isle, get in the car and f***k off.
Crying with laughter at this one.....SWMBO is giving me sPut upon husbands! Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. You'll love the bit where you kiss your wife, walk down the isle, get in the car and f***k off.
tty looks, but I don't care!!!Went to Lord Harpoles place(Rupali) loads when I was younger, and we always used to have a go at eating the hottest curry he made. Christ it was fking hot.
I alwayed used to love reading about Biffa Bacon and Brown Bottle.
Biffa was excellent when him and his "Fatha" thought it would be a good idea to knock through a wall in their house to make it bigger, but knocked into next door instead.
king hot.I alwayed used to love reading about Biffa Bacon and Brown Bottle.
Biffa was excellent when him and his "Fatha" thought it would be a good idea to knock through a wall in their house to make it bigger, but knocked into next door instead.
What a mag! My fav was the brief run of Victorian Dad. He lived in the modern day with wife and kids but dressed and behaved victorian. He'd bark off at young kids, complain bitterly about morals dropping then go home and knock one out behind a curtain while looking at some bird on a postcard . Tug, tug, tug. And he rode around a penny farthing.
And of course Morris Day, sexual pervert. Was married to an absolute stunner who always wanted sex but he'd refuse and ask her to piss in a bucket instead then sneak upstairs and pour it over himself.
And of course Morris Day, sexual pervert. Was married to an absolute stunner who always wanted sex but he'd refuse and ask her to piss in a bucket instead then sneak upstairs and pour it over himself.
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