Geek Jokes Volume 0b10

[ShredderXLE]

Zumbruk said:

vaud said:

Star Wars just annoys me.

So you can build a Death Star, achieve light speed, and yet no-one has developed automated tracking systems for lasers and requires humans (not even the more capable robots) to physically man the damn things and aim.

That's (one of the many reasons) it's stty SF.

I used to rationalise this in my head that the fighters carried sensor jamming technology that had advanced to the extent that the gun technology had to regress back to historic aiming techniques. A bit like the bladed weapons in the Dune story having made a come back because of the personal shields / energy weapons.

[TGCOTF-dewey]

MickC said:

DoctorX said:

IT dozen even matter.

Yes I know, but only because I know what the next line is....

[pedant mode] its 'a dozen' and the evens are plural, so really its:
'IT a dozen evens states of matter'

It's a joke... It doesn't really matter.

[captain_cynic]

ShredderXLE said:

Zumbruk said:

vaud said:

Star Wars just annoys me.

So you can build a Death Star, achieve light speed, and yet no-one has developed automated tracking systems for lasers and requires humans (not even the more capable robots) to physically man the damn things and aim.

That's (one of the many reasons) it's stty SF.

I used to rationalise this in my head that the fighters carried sensor jamming technology that had advanced to the extent that the gun technology had to regress back to historic aiming techniques. A bit like the bladed weapons in the Dune story having made a come back because of the personal shields / energy weapons.

There is a magical force that allows grants you telekinesis and the power of suggestion and it's the fact they target by hand that ruins the realism for you.

It could just be that imperial gunnery crews just had a really good union.

[Desiderata]

TGCOTF-dewey said:

It's a joke... It doesn't really matter.

Didn't it used too?

[Frimley111R]

Zumbruk said:

vaud said:

Star Wars just annoys me.

So you can build a Death Star, achieve light speed, and yet no-one has developed automated tracking systems for lasers and requires humans (not even the more capable robots) to physically man the damn things and aim.

That's (one of the many reasons) it's stty SF.

TBH you can point out similar issues with almost any movie

[MickC]

Desiderata said:

TGCOTF-dewey said:

It's a joke... It doesn't really matter.

Didn't it used too?

Its a geek joke! Pedantry matters, even if THAT joke doesn't really matter.

Anyway dont mind me, I'm just getting my post count up to 1000 so I can post in a forum I've been able to post in for more than 10 years again.... Now THAT is a joke!

[Zumbruk]

Frimley111R said:

Zumbruk said:

vaud said:

Star Wars just annoys me.

So you can build a Death Star, achieve light speed, and yet no-one has developed automated tracking systems for lasers and requires humans (not even the more capable robots) to physically man the damn things and aim.

That's (one of the many reasons) it's stty SF.

TBH you can point out similar issues with almost any movie

Star Wars (and Star Trek, for that matter) is a particularly egregious example, particularly in the weapons and computing arenas. We have better technology now. And these films, being SF, should at least make an attempt at futurism. SW is Biggles In Space.

[havoc]

Zumbruk said:

(and Star Trek, for that matter)

TOS you can forgive as it was created so long ago...and it didn't make such egregious errors as SW.

TNG and the sister series did OK - touch-screens, replicators, translators and true exotic tech (teleporters, FTL drive...)

[KaraK]

Zumbruk said:

vaud said:

Star Wars just annoys me.

So you can build a Death Star, achieve light speed, and yet no-one has developed automated tracking systems for lasers and requires humans (not even the more capable robots) to physically man the damn things and aim.

That's (one of the many reasons) it's stty SF.

That used to bother me until I realised that Star Wars isn't Sci-Fi - it's swords & sorcery fantasy - In SPACE! Seriously, the sheltered farm boy who turns out to be the son of a great knight, said farm boy is given his father's "magic" sword by an old "wizard" in a robe and sets off on a quest to rescue a kidnapped Princess. Said princess is being kept in the fortress of a dark wizard (who literally wears a black cloak), the farm boy's party is a rag-tag bunch of adventurers that incorporates a rouge with a heart of gold the old mentor sacrifices himself forcing the farm boy to grow into being a hero etc. It's even got honest-to-goodness ghosts.

Once I saw it as a fun (albeit cliched) swords and sorcery romp I could enjoy it for what it is rather than what it isn't.

[Zumbruk]

KaraK said:

Zumbruk said:

vaud said:

Star Wars just annoys me.

So you can build a Death Star, achieve light speed, and yet no-one has developed automated tracking systems for lasers and requires humans (not even the more capable robots) to physically man the damn things and aim.

That's (one of the many reasons) it's stty SF.

That used to bother me until I realised that Star Wars isn't Sci-Fi - it's swords & sorcery fantasy - In SPACE! Seriously, the sheltered farm boy who turns out to be the son of a great knight, said farm boy is given his father's "magic" sword by an old "wizard" in a robe and sets off on a quest to rescue a kidnapped Princess. Said princess is being kept in the fortress of a dark wizard (who literally wears a black cloak), the farm boy's party is a rag-tag bunch of adventurers that incorporates a rouge with a heart of gold the old mentor sacrifices himself forcing the farm boy to grow into being a hero etc. It's even got honest-to-goodness ghosts.

Once I saw it as a fun (albeit cliched) swords and sorcery romp I could enjoy it for what it is rather than what it isn't.

Absolutely. With dashes of Biggles and Robin Hood.

TBH it annoys me beyond reason(!), so other than the original three and bits of the others, I don't/can't watch them.

[Halmyre]

havoc said:

Zumbruk said:

(and Star Trek, for that matter)

TOS you can forgive as it was created so long ago...and it didn't make such egregious errors as SW.

TNG and the sister series did OK - touch-screens, replicators, translators and true exotic tech (teleporters, FTL drive...)

All Star Trek iterations:

Random crewman "Captain, we're under attack!"
Captain "Raise shields!"

We've got technology *today* that can automatically detect and apply countermeasures before the Captain can even think about adjusting his tunic.

[ajprice]

havoc said:

Zumbruk said:

(and Star Trek, for that matter)

TOS you can forgive as it was created so long ago...and it didn't make such egregious errors as SW.

TNG and the sister series did OK - touch-screens, replicators, translators and true exotic tech (teleporters, FTL drive...)

TOS. Flip phones.



TNG. iPads/Kindles

[vaud]

KaraK said:

That used to bother me until I realised that Star Wars isn't Sci-Fi - it's swords & sorcery fantasy - In SPACE! Seriously, the sheltered farm boy who turns out to be the son of a great knight, said farm boy is given his father's "magic" sword by an old "wizard" in a robe and sets off on a quest to rescue a kidnapped Princess. Said princess is being kept in the fortress of a dark wizard (who literally wears a black cloak), the farm boy's party is a rag-tag bunch of adventurers that incorporates a rouge with a heart of gold the old mentor sacrifices himself forcing the farm boy to grow into being a hero etc. It's even got honest-to-goodness ghosts.

Once I saw it as a fun (albeit cliched) swords and sorcery romp I could enjoy it for what it is rather than what it isn't.

True - some harmless escapism. I just like to rant

[Zumbruk]

Halmyre said:

All Star Trek iterations:

Random crewman "Captain, we're under attack!"
Captain "Raise shields!"

We've got technology *today* that can automatically detect and apply countermeasures before the Captain can even think about adjusting his tunic.

Too true.

I like the description of a space battle in Iain M Banks' "Excession", which takes about 4 pages to describe and ends with a sentence along the lines of "The entire engagement took 350ms".

[Dr Jekyll]

KaraK said:

That used to bother me until I realised that Star Wars isn't Sci-Fi - it's swords & sorcery fantasy - In SPACE! Seriously, the sheltered farm boy who turns out to be the son of a great knight, said farm boy is given his father's "magic" sword by an old "wizard" in a robe and sets off on a quest to rescue a kidnapped Princess. Said princess is being kept in the fortress of a dark wizard (who literally wears a black cloak), the farm boy's party is a rag-tag bunch of adventurers that incorporates a rouge with a heart of gold the old mentor sacrifices himself forcing the farm boy to grow into being a hero etc. It's even got honest-to-goodness ghosts.

Once I saw it as a fun (albeit cliched) swords and sorcery romp I could enjoy it for what it is rather than what it isn't.

I prefer Malcolm Tucker's synopsis.

'It's about a hairdresser in space, his best mates a pedal bin and his Dad's a robot.' IIRC

[vaud]

Dr Jekyll said:

I prefer Malcolm Tucker's synopsis.

'It's about a hairdresser in space, his best mates a pedal bin and his Dad's a robot.' IIRC

Malcolm Tucker : It's time for you to step up Ollie. What's that film that you love?
Oliver Reeder : What film?
Malcolm Tucker : The one about the fking hairdresser, the space hairdresser and the cowboy. The guy, he's got a tin foil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fking fked his sister. Lego! They're all made of fking Lego.
Oliver Reeder : Star Wars?
Malcolm Tucker : That's the one, right. It's like that, okay? Where you fking kill all the bad guys, and you'll be able to blow up the big...
Oliver Reeder : Death Star.
Malcolm Tucker : The Death Star thing. Then you can go and live happily ever after on the planet of the teddy bears.
Oliver Reeder : They're Ewoks, they're Ewoks. It's a fantastic analogy, well done.


My wife used to work for a female version of Malcolm Tucker. When her laptop broke (frequently) she would call the helpdesk and say"My laptop is fked. Unfk my laptop!"

[ajprice]

vaud said:

Dr Jekyll said:

I prefer Malcolm Tucker's synopsis.

'It's about a hairdresser in space, his best mates a pedal bin and his Dad's a robot.' IIRC

Malcolm Tucker : It's time for you to step up Ollie. What's that film that you love?
Oliver Reeder : What film?
Malcolm Tucker : The one about the fking hairdresser, the space hairdresser and the cowboy. The guy, he's got a tin foil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fking fked his sister. Lego! They're all made of fking Lego.
Oliver Reeder : Star Wars?
Malcolm Tucker : That's the one, right. It's like that, okay? Where you fking kill all the bad guys, and you'll be able to blow up the big...
Oliver Reeder : Death Star.
Malcolm Tucker : The Death Star thing. Then you can go and live happily ever after on the planet of the teddy bears.
Oliver Reeder : They're Ewoks, they're Ewoks. It's a fantastic analogy, well done.

[Zumbruk]

And, back on topic ...

[e-honda]

Even if they couldn't automatically raise shields I feel like there should be someone whose job it is to know when to raise the shields, ideally the same person who tells the captain about the impending threat, but maybe there is and they just humour captains who tell them to raise the shields because they are too polite to say yeah I already did that, what do you think I am a fking idiot?

[e-honda]

Password handling in star trek seems to be pretty poor.
I mean I'm sure they rotate them after they blurt it out in front of the whole bridge crew to avoid an impending self destruct, but they seem quite short.