Cheating wife - what to do?
Discussion
justayellowbadge said:
hora said:
If I was caught cheating theres no way I'd let my partner think it was in part their fault.
I think I'll leave it at that. Speaks volumes.
You mean you'd insist she accepted total responsibility? I think I'll leave it at that. Speaks volumes.
Harsh, but it could work, I suppose..
Things like this can be worked out if there is a genuine desire from both sides. Bringing the other villain to your house would be too much for most to get over however. Quite amazed you are not featuring in a "Man levels house over cheating spouse" headline. Good on you!
stuttgartmetal said:
Listen.
An affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Wikipedia it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
Two years later, you're still living the same life.An affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Wikipedia it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
Heaped on even more grief, it sort of reminds me of when Arnie Rimmer turns up on the beach, the afternoon he's playing better than life, with six kids in a morris traveller estate..
Your a glutton for it fella.
Life's not meant to be like this....
Wish said:
Any update?
Did you manage to patch things up and move on ?
Wow - thread resurrection! Did you manage to patch things up and move on ?
To put a final and closing update on this one - we are still together, and have 3 beautiful children, all of which are 100% mine. It had its moments along the way, including me moving out and living with friends for 3 months. We have grown nothing but closer and life is fantastic (apart from the child-related sleep deprivation!). Sometimes (rarely) I look back and wonder what if I had walked away, then I look at what I have and how different it could have been, and know I made the right call.
Cheating is not illegal. Does anyone want to consider why it isn't illegal?
I think if a few of you considered this you wouldn't keep posting such rubbish about stockholm sydrome, or where the fault lies.
Truth is that the least useful thing that can happen in a relationship is to apportion blame. Both parties are capable of walking at any time, and the only thing that keeps a relationship together is that both want to stay together. Each person has to make that decision for themselves. The op has come to understand this.
By apportioning blame it turns into a parent child relationship, and it is that which tends to lead to the cyclical behaviour because anyone being treated like a child for long enough will finally start acting like one.
I really don't understand why anyone posts on here for relationship advice. The quality of advice is at the level of the local schoolyard.
I think if a few of you considered this you wouldn't keep posting such rubbish about stockholm sydrome, or where the fault lies.
Truth is that the least useful thing that can happen in a relationship is to apportion blame. Both parties are capable of walking at any time, and the only thing that keeps a relationship together is that both want to stay together. Each person has to make that decision for themselves. The op has come to understand this.
By apportioning blame it turns into a parent child relationship, and it is that which tends to lead to the cyclical behaviour because anyone being treated like a child for long enough will finally start acting like one.
I really don't understand why anyone posts on here for relationship advice. The quality of advice is at the level of the local schoolyard.
julian64 said:
Cheating is not illegal. Does anyone want to consider why it isn't illegal?
I think if a few of you considered this you wouldn't keep posting such rubbish about stockholm sydrome, or where the fault lies.
Truth is that the least useful thing that can happen in a relationship is to apportion blame. Both parties are capable of walking at any time, and the only thing that keeps a relationship together is that both want to stay together. Each person has to make that decision for themselves. The op has come to understand this.
By apportioning blame it turns into a parent child relationship, and it is that which tends to lead to the cyclical behaviour because anyone being treated like a child for long enough will finally start acting like one.
I really don't understand why anyone posts on here for relationship advice. The quality of advice is at the level of the local schoolyard.
Especially the 'organise your money - now' lot (special mention to hornetrider here), and those pathologically incapable of apportioning any blame whatsoever to anybody with a willy.I think if a few of you considered this you wouldn't keep posting such rubbish about stockholm sydrome, or where the fault lies.
Truth is that the least useful thing that can happen in a relationship is to apportion blame. Both parties are capable of walking at any time, and the only thing that keeps a relationship together is that both want to stay together. Each person has to make that decision for themselves. The op has come to understand this.
By apportioning blame it turns into a parent child relationship, and it is that which tends to lead to the cyclical behaviour because anyone being treated like a child for long enough will finally start acting like one.
I really don't understand why anyone posts on here for relationship advice. The quality of advice is at the level of the local schoolyard.
It's sad.
iphonedyou said:
Especially the 'organise your money - now' lot (special mention to hornetrider here), and those pathologically incapable of apportioning any blame whatsoever to anybody with a willy.
It's sad.
I don't wish to jump on the bandwagon here, but if his wife cheats on him, it's the wife's fault, right?It's sad.
Otherwise you could turn it around, "honey I didn't want to cheat on you but this woman just seduced me, honestly?"
If you have problems in your relationship, talk about them. If you have feelings for someone else, it's time to hit the brakes -HARD-.
Cheating, imho, is a big no-no.
That said, people make mistakes and I won't yell "GET OUT" that fast either. But if his wife cheats on him, I don't think you should move the blame to anyone with a willy.
As a poster said in one of these threads here "You f
k'em, you keep them."
Sounds fair to me.
If you are in a happy relationship that is not an open one then you keep it in your pants.
If you are in an unhappy relationship then if it falls out and into something else then you have to man up, admit your failure and then accept your fate.
Too many people seem to think that putting a leg out of bed is acceptable. It is not unless you are both playing by those rules.
k'em, you keep them." Sounds fair to me.
If you are in a happy relationship that is not an open one then you keep it in your pants.
If you are in an unhappy relationship then if it falls out and into something else then you have to man up, admit your failure and then accept your fate.
Too many people seem to think that putting a leg out of bed is acceptable. It is not unless you are both playing by those rules.
Rude-boy said:
As a poster said in one of these threads here "You fk'em, you keep them."
Sounds fair to me.
If you are in a happy relationship that is not an open one then you keep it in your pants.
If you are in an unhappy relationship then if it falls out and into something else then you have to man up, admit your failure and then accept your fate.
Too many people seem to think that putting a leg out of bed is acceptable. It is not unless you are both playing by those rules.
agree.k'em, you keep them." Sounds fair to me.
If you are in a happy relationship that is not an open one then you keep it in your pants.
If you are in an unhappy relationship then if it falls out and into something else then you have to man up, admit your failure and then accept your fate.
Too many people seem to think that putting a leg out of bed is acceptable. It is not unless you are both playing by those rules.
julian64 said:
Cheating is not illegal. Does anyone want to consider why it isn't illegal?
I think if a few of you considered this you wouldn't keep posting such rubbish about stockholm sydrome, or where the fault lies.
Truth is that the least useful thing that can happen in a relationship is to apportion blame. Both parties are capable of walking at any time, and the only thing that keeps a relationship together is that both want to stay together. Each person has to make that decision for themselves. The op has come to understand this.
By apportioning blame it turns into a parent child relationship, and it is that which tends to lead to the cyclical behaviour because anyone being treated like a child for long enough will finally start acting like one.
I really don't understand why anyone posts on here for relationship advice. The quality of advice is at the level of the local schoolyard.
Reject the car. HTH.I think if a few of you considered this you wouldn't keep posting such rubbish about stockholm sydrome, or where the fault lies.
Truth is that the least useful thing that can happen in a relationship is to apportion blame. Both parties are capable of walking at any time, and the only thing that keeps a relationship together is that both want to stay together. Each person has to make that decision for themselves. The op has come to understand this.
By apportioning blame it turns into a parent child relationship, and it is that which tends to lead to the cyclical behaviour because anyone being treated like a child for long enough will finally start acting like one.
I really don't understand why anyone posts on here for relationship advice. The quality of advice is at the level of the local schoolyard.
ShyTallKnight said:
Glad it's worked out for you OP and wishing you all the best for the future.
Seconded. It's interesting to see one of these threads head in this direction and I'm very glad the OP is happy now.STK - hope you're well and that things are progressing for you. I don't know if you're like me but I find myself drawn to these threads to see where other choices may have led me. Absolutely no regrets on my part though.
A bit down said:
Seconded. It's interesting to see one of these threads head in this direction and I'm very glad the OP is happy now.
STK - hope you're well and that things are progressing for you. I don't know if you're like me but I find myself drawn to these threads to see where other choices may have led me. Absolutely no regrets on my part though.
Nice to hear from you ABD and I agree it is interesting to read how others have faired depending on their chosen path... I agree wholeheartedly absolutely no regrets at my end either and I'm doing ok just getting on with my life really like has been said many times on similar threads 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..' and all that.STK - hope you're well and that things are progressing for you. I don't know if you're like me but I find myself drawn to these threads to see where other choices may have led me. Absolutely no regrets on my part though.
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