Do you let work take over family sometimes?

[beanbag]

I had an interesting disagreement with my girlfriend recently. I've been asked by my work to travel and in the current climate with a lot of job losses going on in my industry and the fortunate position I'm in by retaining my job and even improving it, I've agreed to go.

Unfortunately it messes up some family plans and my girlfriend got very upset by it all.

It's certainly not deliberate and if I could have chosen another date, I would.

Her choice was family should come over work and I should have said no to the travel, but should family really take precedence over work?

Sometimes there is no choice and resolutions have to be found. I'm not going to bang on about how much I earn, but I get good money for what I do and there are plenty of takers out there that would kill to have my package and job. So surely my job in this instance has to come first?

Currently very frustrated and I've lost all support from my girlfriend on this.

[vescaegg]

beanbag said:

I had an interesting disagreement with my girlfriend recently. I've been asked by my work to travel and in the current climate with a lot of job losses going on in my industry and the fortunate position I'm in by retaining my job and even improving it, I've agreed to go.

Unfortunately it messes up some family plans and my girlfriend got very upset by it all.

It's certainly not deliberate and if I could have chosen another date, I would.

Her choice was family should come over work and I should have said no to the travel, but should family really take precedence over work?

Sometimes there is no choice and resolutions have to be found. I'm not going to bang on about how much I earn, but I get good money for what I do and there are plenty of takers out there that would kill to have my package and job. So surely my job in this instance has to come first?

Currently very frustrated and I've lost all support from my girlfriend on this.

Shes right in principle but as a one off is probably being a bit unreasonable unless you have put off your wedding day or something

Overall though, work is just to get money to do things with family in my book.

See this thread for many many incredible reasons why your girlfriend is right;

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

If you are good at your job, you will find another one. Being told you are 'lucky to have kept your job in this climate' is a way for a lot of companies to get people to do more than they should for fear of being made redundant.

[zedstar]

Don't be frustrated. Work can't and shouldn't own a person but if you enjoy what you do and want to do a good job then sometimes you just have to bend over backwards for work. You might not lose your job over it but who knows if they pass over you for the next promotion because someone else 'more committed' went on the travel instead?

Simple q for girlfriend, if you lose your job/get made redundant/etc then is she willing to put the extra hours in to make up for your wage until you get another similar job? If the answers no then shes got no right to get upset that you want to put more time in for your job. As long as you're not missing something really important like your childs birth then just tell her to compromise...

[Nezquick]

As someone once said:

"Work to live, don't live to work!"

[RDMcG]

Depends on how ambitious you are. If you really want to make it ,then work has to be a priority. I have had negotiations going on where we worked in lawyers' offices through the night,only catnapping. Sometimes, that is what it takes.
However, it is a purely personal call bow much you want to really advance, and each of if rebalances to our own needs.

[steveatesh]

beanbag said:

I had an interesting disagreement with my girlfriend recently. I've been asked by my work to travel and in the current climate with a lot of job losses going on in my industry and the fortunate position I'm in by retaining my job and even improving it, I've agreed to go.

Unfortunately it messes up some family plans and my girlfriend got very upset by it all.

It's certainly not deliberate and if I could have chosen another date, I would.

Her choice was family should come over work and I should have said no to the travel, but should family really take precedence over work?

Sometimes there is no choice and resolutions have to be found. I'm not going to bang on about how much I earn, but I get good money for what I do and there are plenty of takers out there that would kill to have my package and job. So surely my job in this instance has to come first?

Currently very frustrated and I've lost all support from my girlfriend on this.

I would say sometimes work comes first and sometimes family does. They are both so intertwined that it's difficult to separate them, primarily because work funds everything, and family is so important.

So each should be considered in a case by case basis entireY subjective to you.

My own rationale would have revolved around gain and loss of going or not going on the journey work wanted from you. And that's gain and loss from the work and family perspective.

I may well have done what you did, it would depend entirely on the arrangements that were been given up. For example a trip out for lunch versus a final swim with the dolphins for a loved one who had a terminal illness,

Maybe she hasn't worked out what you will lose if you didn't do it?

[mjb1]

Sounds like you don't have kids? Family priorities naturally tend to be become more significant if/when kids are involved. If it's just you and the gf then it isn't quite so critical IMO, unless you're missing her sibling's wedding or something?

I find it hard to strike a balance - I work from home most of the time, on call 24/7/365 (own business), but also have 3 young kids, live out of town and the missus doesn't drive. So whilst I always try to answer the phone to clients at weekends or out with the kids, I also plan my work appointments around doing the school runs, hospital appointments, weekly shopping etc. I probably only end up working part time hours during the day, but make up for it in the evening/night!

Years ago I missed my grandad's 90th birthday due to work - it was only induction/training for a temp job, but I was a poor student at the time. These days I can usually manage work/family commitments around each other.

[Bungleaio]

It's a work/life balance, as long as most of the time it's balanced to life that's the main thing. Without work there wouldn't be much life so sometimes that has to take precedent.

[anonymous-user]

You should always put work and climbing the corporate ladder first. You want a better car and a bigger house right? You have to keep up with the neighbours.

You can easily get remarried and start another family later on. There's no way commuting everyday and spending all your time at work is a waste of your life.

[Vocal Minority]

I should put fiancé first, and I always try to. But I can be guilty of putting work first.

I work for a small firm, and don't like walking out middle finger raised at 5.30 if everyone else is beavering away. I started working in the property sector in the depths of the recession, so I guess its ingrained habit.

[beanbag]

el stovey said:

You should always put work and climbing the corporate ladder first. You want a better car and a bigger house right? You have to keep up with the neighbours.

You can easily get remarried and start another family later on. There's no way commuting everyday and spending all your time at work is a waste of your life.

Funnily enough I'm already divorced but for different reasons.

In my mind she is being very unreasonable. The family commitment is because she refuses to put our dogs in kennels so they need taking care of while she's away on a trip back home to England to see her friends and her father needs to be looked after as her mother is away visiting friends the day after she gets back and cannot be left on his own.

The last point is probably the more important one but her father is not an invalid but he just needs some care and wants me there for support which I'm always willing to give.

This particular trip would happen mostly while she's in the UK enjoying herself and I would have been back on Friday to help with her father. She would have been alone with him for about 12 hours.

The trip for me is also important as it's establishing a very important relationship with new colleagues and also about deciding on the direction of my current job and ownership of several products. That and it's in Manhattan and I've never been there before.

I also think another part of the problem is she's the only child, works for the family business so gets a lot of leeway in her work. Time off when she wants and also takes for granted a lot of the time the fact that she only has to work four days per week. Basically she has it on a plate and it's isn't a career, whereas for me I've earnt it and it is my career and I'm not going to give up almost eight years of hard work so I can sit and resent somebody for it.

[NormalWisdom]

I've worked in Munich for the last 13 months, usually back for a 5-day "weekend" every fortnight. Currently on a 4-week stint away as Project is going 'Live', had even had to forego a couple of evening Skypes - Did 130 hours last week and on for another 130 this week - Can't wait for the flight home next Friday though.

Work pays the bills and gives me the opportunity to live the lifestyle me & Mrs NW do, she fully understands that and is totally supportive - Without it I would have a lot of free time and no money to do anything! Aside from which, I enjoy what I do....

[miniman]

So it's not really work taking priority over family, rather work taking priority over where Fido gets to sleep?

[Puggit]

I work for a start up and when I joined I was alone in EMEA. I've since managed to hire 2 more to my team. Lots of travel and evening calls to the US - but the upside is a shed load of shares and the prospect of building a team under me.

Worth it in the short term...

[KrazyIvan]

Nobody ever lay on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at work.

[Joey Ramone]

Work takes priority when it has to. Got a few days notice that I would be spending last August abroad. Had stuff organised with my wife (a weekend away and a wedding). Told her that the mini break would have to be shifted and that I wouldn't be at the wedding. She was absolutely fine with it and very supportive. She knows my work is important to me, and that I enjoy it.

It also means that I value her for recognising that sometimes work will take over, and at every available opportunity I simply seek to spend time with her. It's great.

[ali_kat]

beanbag said:

In my mind she is being very unreasonable. The family commitment is because she refuses to put our dogs in kennels so they need taking care of while she's away on a trip back home to England to see her friends and her father needs to be looked after as her mother is away visiting friends the day after she gets back and cannot be left on his own.

Not just your mind

From my (female) POV

Work sometimes has to come first. It pays for our lifestyle, we dont work, we don't have the life we want.

There are ways and means reound this, she is just being spoiled. The dogs could have a dog sitter (your local Vet may well have student nurses willing to do this). Her trip is social and can be moved; yours cannot be. It only takes 1 person to look after her Father

[Steamer]

KrazyIvan said:

Nobody ever lay on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at work.

I think thats cobblers (no pun)

Depends on how much you love doing your job.

[TLandCruiser]

Steamer said:

I think thats cobblers (no pun)

Depends on how much you love doing your job.

yeah Hugh Hefner or Ron Jeremy might disagree with that.

[JulianHJ]

Work frequently interferes with home life. If The Job tell me to do something, I have to do it, or risk kissing my career goodbye. All part and parcel of working for a disciplined organisation, and I knew what I was getting in to when I signed up, so generally take it on the chin.