I left the TR out overnight. Not what I'd normally do, but it was late and the bottle of Malbec was too inviting.
The next day was a Sunday and as the evening grew sunnier I made the classic man gesture of treating my lady wife to a takeaway, knowing full well I just wanted an excuse to take the TR for a decent blast.
And it had all been going so nicely too
It had rained heavily the night before. This didn't worry me because the car had got very wet on the French adventure last month and had performed faultlessly.
It started first time, but the idle was immediately a bit rough and a quick prod of throttle confirmed we didn't have the full 12 in attendance. At this point I thought, well, I'll just trundle it up the road, it'll clear itself pretty quickly and the Himalayan Mutton will still taste superb.
Not so. I managed to drive a mile and the recalcitrant cylinders did not wake up. There was ample oil pressure, so I continued. Nothing improved and, as the light faded I thought to myself, I'm going to abandon this very soon because it should have cleared by now and a new TR motor must be, what, 40-grand. And just as I debated the cost of a new engine in my head, I saw the sparks. Bunches of them coursing from the back of the car and bouncing off the road. I shut it down, coasted into a lay-by and made one of those comedy exits you tend to action when you consider the proximity of the 100-litre fuel tank to the source of the flames.
No, it's not a bomb, but Chris feared it might be
There was no fire, but there was intense heat coming from the back of the motor. I popped the rear deck lid and peered inside: an exhaust box was glowing red hot. It looked like a catalyst, in that it had a sensor attached to it, but the TR doesn't have cats - and so the confusion began.
I dragged the car back to my house, texted Dick Lovett Ferrari and asked them what the fork I should do. By now I was thinking dark thoughts: flames from the exhausts, a motor that sounded like a Moulinex spanner blender and about as much warranty cover as a, well, 20-year-old Ferrari showing 57,000 miles should carry. I get many things right with cars, I sometimes call them slightly wrong, but I haven't had a disaster in yonks.
First things first, Ferrari came to my rescue. Not in a 'journalist in trouble' way either. Lovetts told me to sign up to 'Ferrari with you' roadside assistance, which is free for 12 months so long as you still own the car each year. The trick being that the car will only be recovered free of charge to an official Ferrari dealer. Trouble was, I was already wondering whether my leggy 512 needed to go somewhere less salubrious.
Charred innards of pre-muffler tell a story
But service manager Alan Clark and DP Matthew Beard were insistent they could investigate this without ruining me, so I gave it a go. This made me nervous. An hour after the car landed at Swindon I had a text saying they thought it wasn't as bad as I'd feared, and that I should await further instruction. I still felt sick.
Three of the plugs were absolutely clogged, so a new set was ordered (£120), but the 512 TR for some reason uses a different plug to all other V12 Ferraris, so they took a few days to arrive. In meantime the technicians investigated these mysterious 'cats' - which turned out to be something called a pre-muffler. I can only assume they were dummy units to allow the ECU to take a heat reading and keep the systems running in the absence of real catalytic converters.
So, this is what happened. Heavy rain poured through the rear deck louvres and soaked most of the electrical connections and, crucially, the crank sensor. This knackered the timing and cut several cylinders which were still having 98-octane pumped into them with no spark to burn it. This fuel was dumped into the pre-muffler, which could no longer cool itself, began to glow red-hot and then disintegrated from the inside out, causing a small fireworks display.
Ferrari hopefully back to doing this soon
I genuinely thought I had a broken engine. I've ended up buying a £174 box, which given how I felt this would end as I leapt from what I thought was a soon-to-combust 512 TR, for me is about the best present I've ever received.
The total bill was £406.79, which included a contribution from Lovetts because this happened within three months of me buying the car.
The 512 is now back, will not be left out in the lashing rain again and, to keep it looking pretty, a new splitter has been fitted. What's more, I still like it just as much as before!
As they say in Thailand: you want happy ending?
FACT SHEET
Car: Ferrari 512 TR
Run by: Chris Harris
Bought: June 2013
Mileage: 56,000
Purchase price: Next question...
Last month at a glance: And it was all going so well
