Three in a bed - should I go there?
Discussion
Mrs Trackside said:
Can all you fellas who are saying do it, seriously say that you could watch a woman you love shagging some other bird? Bearing in mind that the other woman will probably bring her more pleasure than you could.
Even if you leave the relationship immediately afterwards, that's an image that will always be in your head. Some of you may like that image, but I don't see how it's any different from your woman shagging another man (apart from biology of course!!)
Even if you leave the relationship immediately afterwards, that's an image that will always be in your head. Some of you may like that image, but I don't see how it's any different from your woman shagging another man (apart from biology of course!!)
No. I could have done it with total strangers but never with someone I cared about.
Mrs Trackside is right (of course). If you go for it, you've got to consider that there is another human being in the equation who (for whatever reason) wants to get in the middle of someone else's relationship, even if only for a night. Personally, I can't imagine sleeping with a random complete stranger - even if they're the most beautiful person in the world, they might smell funny, make weird noises in bed or just be an outright psycho.
That said, if you are both young and have no children I can't agree with the posters who've said it's an imoral act. If all three of you consent and go into it having talked it over and discussed the consequences, why not experiment? Your partner is being unfair to emotionally blackmail you, but hiding from it certainly isn't going to strengthen your relationship. You could look on it as a way to build what you have - if you help her try out her fantasy, you have an opportunity to know and understand each other far deeper than many couples do. Most blokes keep quiet about their secret magazine stash in the garden shed and most women keep quiet about the fantasies they have while making love. Going beyond that can really make a realtionship precious, and make you feel very smug when you're chatting with your mates in the pub.
So talk about it properly, share your worries and ask about what she's hoping will happen. Discuss all the what-ifs and if you happen to meet a truly nice woman through the internet, (ha! ha!), go for it. Once it's done, it's done and if your relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It's far worse regretting things you didn't do, than those you did.
That said, if you are both young and have no children I can't agree with the posters who've said it's an imoral act. If all three of you consent and go into it having talked it over and discussed the consequences, why not experiment? Your partner is being unfair to emotionally blackmail you, but hiding from it certainly isn't going to strengthen your relationship. You could look on it as a way to build what you have - if you help her try out her fantasy, you have an opportunity to know and understand each other far deeper than many couples do. Most blokes keep quiet about their secret magazine stash in the garden shed and most women keep quiet about the fantasies they have while making love. Going beyond that can really make a realtionship precious, and make you feel very smug when you're chatting with your mates in the pub.
So talk about it properly, share your worries and ask about what she's hoping will happen. Discuss all the what-ifs and if you happen to meet a truly nice woman through the internet, (ha! ha!), go for it. Once it's done, it's done and if your relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It's far worse regretting things you didn't do, than those you did.
Moralistic outpourings all over.
There is nothing stopping them from doing it, enjoying it and still having a decent, loving relationship afterwards.
Love is a many spendoured thing and should be capable of taking on many forms. Just because its not acceptable to some, doesn't mean this, ah-hem, activity couldn't be worked into their relationship and for it still to survive. Morals are simply a way of keeping a socirty under control, where "damage" to others is minimised through restricting thoughtless/selfish acts. In this case, they've thought about it and now can either do it or not. There is no moral right or wrong about it.
S'pose what I'm trying to say is just get on with it man, and take the consequences, whatever they may be.
There is nothing stopping them from doing it, enjoying it and still having a decent, loving relationship afterwards.
Love is a many spendoured thing and should be capable of taking on many forms. Just because its not acceptable to some, doesn't mean this, ah-hem, activity couldn't be worked into their relationship and for it still to survive. Morals are simply a way of keeping a socirty under control, where "damage" to others is minimised through restricting thoughtless/selfish acts. In this case, they've thought about it and now can either do it or not. There is no moral right or wrong about it.
S'pose what I'm trying to say is just get on with it man, and take the consequences, whatever they may be.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Stupid statement! Some people like boys and girls to differing degrees. Doesn't matter how great he is as a bloke/lover, if she's got the urge to try something new he's not going to be able to help personally on this one. If I like Pizza and Ice Cream, I'm not going to be happy going through life only eating Pizza.
But if she is feeling the need to look elsewhere... I might have a fantasy about being whisked away for a weekend of romance and hot sex by some actor or another, or even having a threesome with two blokes, but it is just that, a fantasy, something to dream about. I would never do it because I am in a monogamous relationship with my husband, it is in effect cheating, as has been said, whether all parties are aware or not.
Mrs Trackside said:
Can all you fellas who are saying do it, seriously say that you could watch a woman you love shagging some other bird? Bearing in mind that the other woman will probably bring her more pleasure than you could.
Even if you leave the relationship immediately afterwards, that's an image that will always be in your head. Some of you may like that image, but I don't see how it's any different from your woman shagging another man (apart from biology of course!!)
And that's why you'll always be a woman Even if you leave the relationship immediately afterwards, that's an image that will always be in your head. Some of you may like that image, but I don't see how it's any different from your woman shagging another man (apart from biology of course!!)
Blokes don't know why it 'works', it just does.
mondeoman said:
Moralistic outpourings all over.
There is nothing stopping them from doing it, enjoying it and still having a decent, loving relationship afterwards.
Love is a many spendoured thing and should be capable of taking on many forms. Just because its not acceptable to some, doesn't mean this, ah-hem, activity couldn't be worked into their relationship and for it still to survive. Morals are simply a way of keeping a socirty under control, where "damage" to others is minimised through restricting thoughtless/selfish acts. In this case, they've thought about it and now can either do it or not. There is no moral right or wrong about it.
S'pose what I'm trying to say is just get on with it man, and take the consequences, whatever they may be.
There is nothing stopping them from doing it, enjoying it and still having a decent, loving relationship afterwards.
Love is a many spendoured thing and should be capable of taking on many forms. Just because its not acceptable to some, doesn't mean this, ah-hem, activity couldn't be worked into their relationship and for it still to survive. Morals are simply a way of keeping a socirty under control, where "damage" to others is minimised through restricting thoughtless/selfish acts. In this case, they've thought about it and now can either do it or not. There is no moral right or wrong about it.
S'pose what I'm trying to say is just get on with it man, and take the consequences, whatever they may be.
It's nothing to do with morals. It's do with how you would feel watching for instance some bloke
ing the woman you love.What a dilemma.
If you did it, how will you know it wont just be a one off, if you carry on with the relationship and do the deed it will be emotionally tiring for you both, how will you react seeing her with someone else and vice versa, there WILL be jealousy there somewhere.
Either way, do you think you could trust her not to go get some female on female action without you.
If she has the desire then she will go and do it anyway.
You could do it another way and do it with someone who is not local, then maybe she wont be as tempted to go back to the same person, one encounter should be enough for her desire...
The other thing is, will the other person want to have a man involved, is she looking for a similar experience as your girlfriend...
If you did it, how will you know it wont just be a one off, if you carry on with the relationship and do the deed it will be emotionally tiring for you both, how will you react seeing her with someone else and vice versa, there WILL be jealousy there somewhere.
Either way, do you think you could trust her not to go get some female on female action without you.
If she has the desire then she will go and do it anyway.
You could do it another way and do it with someone who is not local, then maybe she wont be as tempted to go back to the same person, one encounter should be enough for her desire...
The other thing is, will the other person want to have a man involved, is she looking for a similar experience as your girlfriend...
Mrs Trackside said:
Can all you fellas who are saying do it, seriously say that you could watch a woman you love shagging some other bird? Bearing in mind that the other woman will probably bring her more pleasure than you could.
Your assumption may be wrong
Besides, first time for her with another woman is probably going to be more nervous fumbling (he gets everywhere, doesn't he?) rather than olympic medal winning sex. If the other woman does bring her more pleasure, perhaps the enlightened male should be making notes. Or a video. Mrs Trackside said:
Even if you leave the relationship immediately afterwards, that's an image that will always be in your head. Some of you may like that image, but I don't see how it's any different from your woman shagging another man (apart from biology of course!!)
Ah, you don't understand the male ego. Women are unthreatening, men aren't - which is why blokes can love the idea of lesbians but get fantastically aggressive around gay men. Men also assume that sex is always about them - so lesbians might sleep with them (good) and gay blokes might sleep with them (bad).
Sorry if this has already been done, but dont have the chance to read through 6 pages of posts....
I remember reading a funny article in a blokes magazine a few years ago. Basically it was about a bloke (the author) wanting to try the three in a bed thing. He did it and felt utterly deflated at the end of it. It was not that he wasnt able to "perform" or that it was crap. It was all down to the feelings of separation and if the two women involved preferred each other over him.... in the end he decided to never do it again and fell out with both women. Oh, and he ended it with getting the clap too...
A good friend of mine also ended up with a three-some once and at first it seemed a good idea. However, the emotional fall-out was huge. It was a slightly different scenario as it was two blokes and one woman. All got a bit drunk and carried away - again, seemed a good idea at the time. The couple involved were boyfriend / girlfriend and he was unattached. Basically the relationship between the other couple broke down after several years and then in turn the friendship with my mate broke apart too. So, for one night of fun they ended never speaking again..... Not quite the idea of fun for me I am afraid. Thankfully my mate is now in a stable relationship and has sworn to never do anything like this again - its just not worth it.
I am sure it works for some and its fine. But for me its a no no. Fantasy yes - but its a fantasy and thats it. No need to live it out since that would ruin everything. Somethings you just dont have to do.....
I remember reading a funny article in a blokes magazine a few years ago. Basically it was about a bloke (the author) wanting to try the three in a bed thing. He did it and felt utterly deflated at the end of it. It was not that he wasnt able to "perform" or that it was crap. It was all down to the feelings of separation and if the two women involved preferred each other over him.... in the end he decided to never do it again and fell out with both women. Oh, and he ended it with getting the clap too...
A good friend of mine also ended up with a three-some once and at first it seemed a good idea. However, the emotional fall-out was huge. It was a slightly different scenario as it was two blokes and one woman. All got a bit drunk and carried away - again, seemed a good idea at the time. The couple involved were boyfriend / girlfriend and he was unattached. Basically the relationship between the other couple broke down after several years and then in turn the friendship with my mate broke apart too. So, for one night of fun they ended never speaking again..... Not quite the idea of fun for me I am afraid. Thankfully my mate is now in a stable relationship and has sworn to never do anything like this again - its just not worth it.
I am sure it works for some and its fine. But for me its a no no. Fantasy yes - but its a fantasy and thats it. No need to live it out since that would ruin everything. Somethings you just dont have to do.....
Yugguy said:
mondeoman said:
Moralistic outpourings all over.
There is nothing stopping them from doing it, enjoying it and still having a decent, loving relationship afterwards.
Love is a many spendoured thing and should be capable of taking on many forms. Just because its not acceptable to some, doesn't mean this, ah-hem, activity couldn't be worked into their relationship and for it still to survive. Morals are simply a way of keeping a socirty under control, where "damage" to others is minimised through restricting thoughtless/selfish acts. In this case, they've thought about it and now can either do it or not. There is no moral right or wrong about it.
S'pose what I'm trying to say is just get on with it man, and take the consequences, whatever they may be.
There is nothing stopping them from doing it, enjoying it and still having a decent, loving relationship afterwards.
Love is a many spendoured thing and should be capable of taking on many forms. Just because its not acceptable to some, doesn't mean this, ah-hem, activity couldn't be worked into their relationship and for it still to survive. Morals are simply a way of keeping a socirty under control, where "damage" to others is minimised through restricting thoughtless/selfish acts. In this case, they've thought about it and now can either do it or not. There is no moral right or wrong about it.
S'pose what I'm trying to say is just get on with it man, and take the consequences, whatever they may be.
Absolutely fine as it happens
It's nothing to do with morals. It's do with how you would feel watching for instance some bloke
ing the woman you love.littlegreenfairy said:
If you truly love each other then there should be no need for a third party in the relationship.
I bet you've got a battery powered baby's arm
I always find them a bit bad taste, being the stiff lipped Englishman that I am. My last ladyfriend looked at me like a dog waiting to be thrown a stick, holding this thing which would frighten a horse, expecting me to "feed" it to her. That was the only time I have felt inadequate. Ladies, keep those things to yourself. 
The conclusion has been reached, you have to have to put these dollies through their paces and then tell us if it was worth it. If it breaks you, the PH posse will make it better
Unfortunately, this is a woman I love & have done so for a very long time, we have children to consider also. My other half has always been a bit insecure, She may be testing me or our relationship, but frankly I do not want to play these games - there is too much at risk.
If our relationship needs help or reinforcement, then I would rather do that by talking or going to Relate. I don't think the answer lise at adultfriendfinder.com
Anyway, there is much more talking to be done between us.
Thanks for the help, all of you. I have a few things clearer in my mind now.
To be continued.....
If our relationship needs help or reinforcement, then I would rather do that by talking or going to Relate. I don't think the answer lise at adultfriendfinder.com
Anyway, there is much more talking to be done between us.
Thanks for the help, all of you. I have a few things clearer in my mind now.
To be continued.....
littlegreenfairy said:
If you truly love each other then there should be no need for a third party in the relationship.
You could also argue if you truly love each other you would listen to your partners needs?,some people have an insatiable desire to do certain stuff for satisfaction ,ordinarily its best depending on the person(s) involved not to cross the line between fantasy and reality as it can harm a relationship and the two should never meet however if both parties talk about it and are aware of certain rules that should never be crossed and both parties are secure in themselves then a little "taster" cant go amiss now and again
,perhaps try it anonymously first off away from where you live to see if it is really what you want. Also all parties need to be able to all have a certain amount of control over the situation as its possible it could spiral out of control.
love machine said:
littlegreenfairy said:
If you truly love each other then there should be no need for a third party in the relationship.
I bet you've got a battery powered baby's arm
I always find them a bit bad taste, being the stiff lipped Englishman that I am. My last ladyfriend looked at me like a dog waiting to be thrown a stick, holding this thing which would frighten a horse, expecting me to "feed" it to her. That was the only time I have felt inadequate. Ladies, keep those things to yourself. The conclusion has been reached, you have to have to put these dollies through their paces and then tell us if it was worth it. If it breaks you, the PH posse will make it better
Toys are just that, toys. Get in there and join in the fun.BliarsGoing said:
love machine said:
littlegreenfairy said:
If you truly love each other then there should be no need for a third party in the relationship.
I bet you've got a battery powered baby's arm
I always find them a bit bad taste, being the stiff lipped Englishman that I am. My last ladyfriend looked at me like a dog waiting to be thrown a stick, holding this thing which would frighten a horse, expecting me to "feed" it to her. That was the only time I have felt inadequate. Ladies, keep those things to yourself. The conclusion has been reached, you have to have to put these dollies through their paces and then tell us if it was worth it. If it breaks you, the PH posse will make it better
Toys are just that, toys. Get in there and join in the fun.This was more of a Rhino. Seriously, I needed both hands to pick it up and was more complex than a sequential gearbox
ZR1cliff said:
You could also argue if you truly love each other you would listen to your partners needs?,some people have an insatiable desire to do certain stuff for satisfaction ,ordinarily its best depending on the person(s) involved not to cross the line between fantasy and reality as it can harm a relationship and the two should never meet however if both parties talk about it and are aware of certain rules that should never be crossed and both parties are secure in themselves then a little "taster" cant go amiss now and again ,perhaps try it anonymously first off away from where you live to see if it is really what you want.
Also all parties need to be able to all have a certain amount of control over the situation as its possible it could spiral out of control.
,perhaps try it anonymously first off away from where you live to see if it is really what you want. Also all parties need to be able to all have a certain amount of control over the situation as its possible it could spiral out of control.
But there should never be a need for a third person in a relationship!!
Crossing the line between fantasy and reality can destroy relationships. Trust me
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